As salaamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu, This is my life…this is my world the way “I” see it. It may not be nice and most times it is not pretty. However, it is what it is. This is what I am looking for…to live my life…..and love it……..accept it…..the good the bad……and all the ugly. You heard of love the skin you in…..Well I wanna LOVE the Life Im in…..

Tuesday, April 22, 2008


I have had a blog on wordpres for a while now. I think I am just going to stop posting here and use those.

Friday, April 11, 2008


This song My Miss Mary J has been my thing for a min now. I swear it keeps me goign. I have it playing in the hard part of my workouts and when I need a pick me up when I am feeling a bit out of it.

It somethign about it I think it is the combonation of the beat and the lyrics that make me feel like my life is and can go in the direction I want it to go.

I am a huge Music lover, yeah I know many of you will say it is haram and I need to stop listening to it. well you know what we all have battles to fight and right now this is not one of them I am fighting.

I just love Miss Mary J. She has a song for every mood I am in. When I was made at my ex I would listen to No more drama or no gona cry and they helped me keep focused on what I needed to do. When I want to just move and feel it I can listen to Just fine , family Affair, I can love you, be without you or many others. when I am feeling good I can listen to Rainy Days, steal away, seven days, I'm goin down, and countless other song. But Rainy days makes me feel;I dont know what it is about that song but it always makes me feel good after listening to it. this part right here
Sometimes the Rule don't mind the rainIt kinda feels like I'm drownin in the Lords painUntil the sun comes out and shines again Smile, give me reason to keep belivin That everything ain't misleadinAnd I, kiss the clouds on a rainy days And, smile for you when ya skies are grayBabe, cuz imma tear drop away from cryinAnd few shots away from dyin Dear Lord, would you shower my painLet it rain, let it rain on meWhile I cherish the air I breatheI'm an angel, that can't soar, can't flyAnd I, mastered Lord knows why

when I walk I listen to it and it makes me feel. I usually think about my life when I walk I look at the ocean and just take it all in and usually when I just about done I will listen to this song and It makes me feel like I know why I am here.

She is one of my favorite women artists. I didnt really like her when she first came out but I have come to LOVE her. I think as she has grown and so did her Music. I still listen to Alycia, Patty, phylis Hymen, Natilie cloe, Sade, Toni, Missy, and my ole school salt n peppa but right now I am just feeling Mary

so here are the word to the song and these are the feeling that are making me be all I can be these days.

Let it go……Can’t let this thing called love get away from you Feel free right now, going do what you want to doCan’t let nobody take it away, from you, from me, from weNo time for moping around, are you kidding?And no time for negative vibes, cause I’m winningIt’s been a long week, I put in my hardestGonna live my life, feels so good to get it rightSo I like what I see when I’m looking at meWhen I’m walking past the mirrorNo stress through the night, at a time in my lifeAin’t worried about if you feel itGot my head on straight, I got my mind rightI aint gonna let you kill itYou see I wouldn’t change my life, my life’s just…..

Feels so good, when you’re doing all the things that you want to doGet the best out of life, treat yourself to something newKeep your head up highIn yourself, believe in you, believe in meHaving a really good time, I’m not complainingAnd I’m a still wear a smile if it rainingI got to enjoy myself regardlessI appreciate life, I’m so glad I got mineSo I like what I see when I’m looking at meWhen I’m walking past the mirrorAint worried about you and what you gonna doI’m a lady so I must stay classyGot to keep it hot, keep it togetherIf I want to get betterYou see I wouldn’t change my life, my life’s just

I aint gon’ let nothing get in my way(I ain't gone let nobody bring me down, no, no, no)No matter what nobody has to say(No way, no way, no way)I ain’t gon’ let nothing get in my wayNo matter what nobody has to say

New Direction

My life is going in a new direction. Inshaallah it will be a positive one. I will tell more later. This weekend I am spending it with my girls, my 2 daughters and my wish daughter. My son is over my dream mans house for the weekend. We do this every month our kids are best friends and have a bond that is special. I love looking at them and spending time with them. This weekend since I have no 'Y' chromosomes in my home we are doing girly things. We are baking, and doing nails, makeup, and high heels. LOL....... we went to the beach after Fajar and I just enjoyed chillin with them. My kids and I usually go 3-4x a week so I can do my 3 mile walk, yuck but today I chilled with them after I finished. I think I am going to do that more often.

Ok then we get back and miss mama looks in my phone and sees some photos of her dad .......Oh aunt J why do you have these and wait when did you all take this one I dont remember that. Where were we.........OH can you say OUCH. I am like oh honey that was last yr sometime I dont even remember when. How about she said well the date is on the pic..........ok she is 10........The kids do not know anything about what happened or is happening or anything. No one wants to confuse them and if things didnt work out it could have been yucky for them. Later she was tellign me her dad and I am very simular. we do alot of the same things and we both love music. (sigh) I know this we are alike in many ways. SHe goes on to tell me how she thinks I am pretty, she loves my hair and my legs.go figure......both are a mess; and she enjoys comming here and I am so much fun and her dad is so girl is very outgoing and smart as a whip.

I think because it is spring I feel the need to do some spring cleaning in my life. I have made a plan to get the things I want in my life and remove the things I dont. Inshaallah I can stick to it and work on achieving them. My biggest thing is being healthy. I have been working really hard on my weight and eating habits. My biggest thing is sugar. I am addicted and it is so hard to give it up. I did it for a while but as soon as I started back I could not stop. So I just have to get it out my home. My work outs have been going well. I am doing 2-4 hours a day. The weekend I do 4 all other days I do 2-3. I ride my stationary bike 1 hour, with hills, and walk 1 hour and I will do a tape I try 3x a week. Now you would think with all of that I would be skinny. The thing is I am eating sugar like crazy; So it is moving slow. 30 day with out sugar is my first small goal.

my personal life........BIG HUGE changes. Inshaallah. I am taking baby steps with those but when you add those steps up they will be huge. I feel happy about them. Life is too short to wait for things and put things off. If you never go for them they may never happen. So I am putting plans in motions to get the things I want with a goal of having them by my birthday in November. I know that seems like a long time however, I am doing this in baby steps.

It is almost 12noon and the kids are just going to sleep after beign up all night I am going to chill for a bit. We are going to have a full day when they get up inshaallah and tomorrow we will take all the kids dirt bike this will be a full weekend. I need to get all the rest I can.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Ive been tagged

The Rules
1. Write your own six word memoir
2. Post it on your blog and include a visual illustration if you’d like
3. Link to the person that tagged you in your post and to this original post if possible so we can track it as it travels across the blogosphere
4 Tag five more blogs with links
5. And don’t forget to leave a comment on the tagged blogs with an invitation to play!

Most people I know have already been tagged so I'm sorry if I get you again.

I was shot down by Mumina

Here is mine

Living life, living it, and myself !!!! :)

Sunday, March 23, 2008

lets talk about sex baby

I had a conversation with a person this weekend that really made me rethink a lot of things. We talked about cheating spouses and having other wives. Then the conversation changed to if it all boils down to sex, If people are run by their desires; not just sexual but all of them. I think for many people it is yes.
This made me look recent events in the media. I am sure we all know about the governor in New York. This man had a powerful job, a family, a good reputation and he lost it all for some tail. Then the man that replaced him revealed that he had an affair well not just one but several. One of them being with a co worker; they had sex several times during the work day or while on overnight trips they took together for work. This man may not have lost anything but he risked his job and marriage for a fling. He risked being caught and having his business out in the street for the thrill of some extra booty. What about the man in Philly he killed his wife in the bath tub because he wanted and fell in lust with a stripper. He had spent thousands of dollars on this woman and didn't want it stop. He figured he would get the insurance money and keep giving her money..he killed his wife, lost his job, his daughter and went to jail for life all for a lap dance.........
This made me think about men throughout history. It made me think that maybe most men are weak period. For as long as there has been a man they have been weak. Now depending on what faith you are you may believe that Adam sinned because of Eve. This woman enticed Adam with an offer he could not refuse, an apple. Again if you look in the bible you will see other men not just fall because of a woman but for sex. Sampson died because he loved and desired a woman. Lot, a man that was God fearing and pious slept with his daughters because they came to him naked. He was too weak to refuse them even thou he knew it was wrong. David, Solomon, and other all had their issues with lust. This made me think about people and if it is limited to just men.
Nope it’s not. Remember that woman that in South Carolina that killed her kids because she wanted a man and her didn’t want her kids. She drove her kids into a lake and blamed a black man. What drove her to kill her own children?…! How about the woman in I think Michigan. Her boyfriend killed her daughter and she stayed with him. She stayed with a man that killed her child ...she did it for about the long Island girl that tried to kill the boyfriends wife .why would she shoot this woman in the face......because she was having sex with this woman's husband.......while writing this piece I googled women killing and I came up with several articles about women doing crazy things in the name of lust.

So this makes me think maybe this is how we are made. Maybe not ALL of us but alot of us. Maybe this is why a man will risk losing a sure thing for a maybe. I mean they risk losing the love of a good wife for something they don't know.

I think we all have some form of this in us but maybe it is not displayed in sex maybe it is food, or work, or gambling, or drugs. I think we all know someone that has put those things first in their lives. If your thinking no not me I will give you some examples and maybe you will see what I mean.

What about the person that works hard. I don't mean a few extra hours a month I mean the person that works late all the time. the person that can never make it to their kids games because they have to work. I mean the person that never makes it home for dinner . I mean the person that has a spouse and they lead separate lives. No matter how much they complain the person that works still does what they do. Their job is more important than their family. Now I know many of you will say I would rather have a husband that works too much that a man that is chasing every skirt he see. However in the big picture it is all the same. The spouse is unhappy and the marriage is not fulfilling and painful.

How about the person that drinks or does drugs; they will do ANYTHING to get that next drink or hit. We have all heard stories or seen in a movie about some one that has robbed their family blind to get what they want. They say they want to stop and just do it again and again. They may love their family but will steal anything not nailed down to do what they need to do. They will lie cheat and sell their own kids for some money.

I don't know what is worst here a co wife or a man addicted to drugs. Again, it all boils down to a unhappy home.

I look at me and i think of how many diets I have been on, how many times I have wanted to lose weight. I know what I have to do and not do but I would not do it. Until I put it in my head that there was no other choice for me I didn't lose the weight. I would overeat and then cry because I knew better but for some reason I could not stop myself. that urge to eat was stronger than my will power not to eat. I desire to sit and look at TV was stronger than my desire to get off my A$$.

Ok, now I will bring it home, how many times did I suffer for my ex. all the tears and pain for what??? LOVE, Lust, SEX???!!! Many times I wanted to get out of the marriage but I stayed. I put him before everything when I look back on things. I say that because I was not happy I was not living life to the fullest so everything else suffered. My kids didn't have a happy mom. they didn't have a mom that gave them their all. I was giving too much to him. I didn't put in my best at work because my mind was consumed with him and drama. No matter how many times I wanted to leave I was not strong enough to either leave or make him change.

Just like with my weight I had to fight my self. I knew things had to change and I had to put forth an effort to make changes. Change is not easy ........Its very hard and even now I still have to fight myself.

This is why I think we are made this way. Allah made some of us weak when it comes to sex, love, emotions and things we love. They will always be tested with these things. This is their fight. They cant just give into desires. That's is the problem. people just give in. The problem is not wanting sex with a different woman the problem is acting on it. There is no problem with wanting to see a stripper..the problem is when the person stripping for you is not your wife. ...and you become obsessed. We need to know what we can handle. Yes, maybe Allah said men can have 4 wives however, not all men should try it. It is not for everyone. They think with their little heads and then things get out of control. They need to learn to fight their desires. they need to know it is a test and want to try and pass it. We may get bored in our marriage but the thing is we don't HAVE to go out and get a new wife or have an affair. We don't have to give into every feeling we have. If I did I would have killed my husband several times. I would have had a fantastic night of passionate love making with my dream man. We all get thoughts and we all have desires , we all get tired of our lives and want more, we all meet people and become attracted to them but we all don't act on those feelings.
This is why we need to trust in Allah, swt. We need to stay prayerful. we need to know ourselves and stay away from things that temp us. Life is not suppose to be easy all the time. We are told we will be tempted. we all know we will have problems at times. We just need to want to pass our tests.

Sunday, March 16, 2008


So today I feel crappy!!!! I do not know if it is becuase it is spring or what but I am just feeling ......lonely and missing (AS)the man I wanted to have. I had his kids over for a sleep over. 2 weeks in a row his family was at my house. Man that was so much fun but hard
I wished we were a family. I wish he was my husband. I know it is a sin for me to even think this way and i know I will stop but I miss his smile, his laugh, his smell, our talks, our ........... I just miss him

I am really thinking about going back to the states. I am sick of being here. I like it but there are times when i just want to be around people that look, think and act more like me. We will see.......... Anyway thats all for now.......

Sunday, March 09, 2008

ok I am offically not a P supporter

I have always wanted to see the good in the BIG P. Today I woke up and just had enough. I am sick of these sorry a** brothers using Islam to make their lust halal. I am sick of the lies and the hurt and the pain this causes. I am sick of reading how these men are tearing up families for a new piece of tail. I am sick of how this disease is running threw our ummah like cancer. I am sick of how we women lie down and take it. I am sick of how the Imams allow this to happen over, and over and over again. I am sick of how a man can get out of jail today already have a wife or two and marry another woman the next day and its ok. I am sick of none of the imams checking these men out. I am sick of everything being the woman's fault. I am just sick.
I am sick of reading about how heartless these men seem to be and its ok int he Muslim world. I am sick of reading over and over again how we women have to put up with it. I am so sick of us hurting. I am so sick of us wanting or needing a man that we forget ourselves. I am so sick of life being so hard for a woman that she feels that she HAS to settle because no one will want her. WHere are the real brothers??? where are the men that should be looking out for us? Islam is suppose to protect the woman but instead it has been twisted and now we need more protecting than ever before. WHERE IS OUR PROTECTION!!! Why are they throwing us to the wolves???? Why is it that we have so many wolves and no one cares?
Why is it a perfect faith we can have so many people not striving to be close to perfect? How can we have fallen so far. How is it that out lust is more important that our souls? How is it that an orgasm is more powerful that ALLAH???????

Whats wrong with being Muslim

I LOVE OBAMA. I really do. I love the way he talks, the way he carries his self, I love just love the ora around him. BUT there is one thing I do not like. I do not like how the word Muslim seems to be a dirty word to him.
Yes, I know being a Muslim is not a popular thing and if he was Muslim he we would not even be having this conversation. I know and fully understand why he has to tell everyone he is Christian. BUT I DO NOT understand why he does not say. No, I am not Muslim but there is nothing wrong with the majority of Muslims. Why does he not say my fathers family is Muslim but I CHOOSE to be Muslim. Why doesn't he say there are good people that are Muslim and I feel sad that I have to deny 1/2 of who I am because of the climate of the country. I was born into a family that was similar. My moms side is Muslim and my dads side is Christian. I NEVER denied one or the other. I did have my moments where I didn't want to practice Islam, I didn't want to cover , but I never just ignored 1/2 of who I was. Now I know I am not a public figure but the point is we should not be ashamed of who we are.
Why doesn't one person in the media ask him how he feels about Muslims in general. I want to know what he thinks about Islam. Every day I make dua for him to win, but today I didn't. Today I thought ........whats wrong with being Muslim.

Friday, February 22, 2008

Why do we have to choose??????

I was reading a brothers blog and it made me think. Why do American Muslim lose their Identity when they become Muslim. I think Americans need their own identity that represent them and stop trying to be Arab. Trust me as a person that left America to live among the Arabs.......THEY AIN'T ALL THAT.
This is not to talk bad per say about Arabs but in my opinion when we forget who we are and try to act like others we are in essence saying we are inferior than they are. We are saying we as a people are not strong, people with morals and values. We are saying we need Arabs to teach us how to dress, live, act, talk, etc. When in fact after living overseas for a while I think we need to come teach them.
Yes, when we become Muslim we will need to dress differently. BUT do we have to dress like an Arab. There are Muslim from all over the world that dress in a way that is Islamically acceptable and look nothing like Arabs. The men in Africa look like they are from Africa. They have a different look. The men From Pak, India, and other Asian countries stand out here because they do NOT look or dress like an Arab. In fact when I look at photos of Muslim from all over the world I admire their beauty. I love the many colors I see; not only in their skin tones but in their clothes.
Here all I see all day is Black and white. Black abayas and white thobes. If the purpose of hijab is to show modesty, not attract attention, and cover the body. I think the Arabs I live, work and socialise with on a daily basis forgot that....but that is a post for another day.
We seem to think that the actions of an Arab is better than the actions of an American. I am sorry but this is not the case. People are people before we are Muslim. Meaning you are born a person. You CHOOSE to practice Islam. even if you are born into Islam when we become adults we choose what we will and will not do. We choose to be a thief, a liar, a fornicator,or a religious person, we choose to be humble, modest, prayerful. These skill ,we are not born with. We acquire them. Do we somehow think Arabs have a monopoly on the good traits.
If you do let me tell you they don't. I come in contact with many people that only pray during Ramadan, only cover because it is cultural not for Islamic reasons, smoke like chimneys, curse like a sailor, treat their neighbor unkind, think Islamic behaviours are ok because they are culturally acceptable. I get followed to work by men that want to pay me for sex. I have gotten followed home in a taxi from a souk by a man.It took me over 30 mins for me to shake him. I have men try to talk to me while I am driving, while shopping, or just doing any normal daily activity. These things NEVER happened to me in the states. Men would see me in my hijab and have respect. This is something I don't find here. For me to live in a society that is suppose to know to lower their gaze. Why do I find men staring me right in the eyes? This is something that happens even if I am wearing Niqab. I see women that do not raise their children. They leave it to the maids. I see children that have no manners. I see people that are not color blind. No here I see a class system here that is just as bad as anything I have seen in the States or worse. I see men that rape their maids and use the excuse that they own them so they have a right to the women. I see boys that get raped and the actions gets handled by the families because it is something that is not talked about. I see other unislamic behaviors; but these are the people we want to to emulate. Are these actions better than any actions we have in our own country? NO!!!
Can someone PLEASE tell when where is says anywhere that when a person accepts Islam they HAVE to lose who they are. They have to become a whole different culture. In the beginning of Islam when countries, tribes, Villages started to embrace Islam they did not become Arab Nations. No they kept their identity and embrace Islam with their whole heart. I do not remember ever reading, and someone please correct me if I am wrong, The prophet, SWA, never told a country to become Arab and stop being who they were. HE told them to accept Islam. Not accept Arabslam. He may have told them to stop practicing shirk, or doing things that were against Islam.
We need to love who we are and build on that. Take Islam and follow live it. Stop wanting to be or wanting to have who we are not. I do not know how many men get bitten by the Arab bug. They have a loving American wife but feel if they get an Arab wife that that wife will in some way be better than the one they have. They think because these women speak some form of Arabic, and let me remind you MOST of these people to don't speak Quranic Arabic. They have their own language separate from the Arabic written in the Quran. But because they speak this their children will in some way become better people, this wife will in some way worship Allah better, serve the husband better, love them deeper, respect them more. This is MY OPINION is the worse trait that Muslims aquire. These men say their mother, sisters, wives, daughters, aunts are not good women. We are not good enough to marry bear your children or raise them. You tell us we are inferior. We the women that were your backbone. The women that walked by you , in front of you and protected you, stood behind you and had your back thought your entire life are now not good enough. Even though we are Muslim. Even though we act Muslim, are modest, are chase, have Strong eman, worship Allah, have raised children that have manners, know how to act in a Mosque, we because of our native language are no longer acceptable to you. This hurts our people to the core.
No other people try to act Arab or embrace the Arabs like us Americans. There are Muslims all over the world but for whatever reason we are the only ones that lose our identity because of Islam. There are beautiful African, Asian, and other Muslim that take pride in who they are and still follow Islam. However we act like to be American and Muslim is a sin. We can only be one or the other.....why is that.

Friday, February 15, 2008

life is funny

I have not been posting recently. I needed a break. I found that reading blogs and posting took so much out of me. I needed to get a check on my real life.


Work sucks...I love my job but this program is more than this country is ready for. I THINK they should have done more planning and then started it. Inshaallah it will continue and they will get all the kinks out soon.

My kids: great...nuff said :)

Love life:
well I will just say I am happy right now.

I will post more very soon. just wanted to pop in

Sunday, January 06, 2008


I just feel Happy today. Sad that I have to go to work in the morning..ewwww but I had a good experience. My ex came while I was on break. He came to try to get back with me but it ended up being the most loving goodbye in history.....
I do love that man........and he gave me more than I could have ever asked for while he was here. He was kind, lovong, wonderful with the kids, and most of all he looked me in the eyes and told me how he felt and how sorry he was and is.......
HE asked me to do something..just dont overthink why he is doing it and if he means it. and YOu know what i didnt question anywhing..........well after about 5 days..but after that I just accepted everything...took it all in and just loved being with him.
I was truely bless, we got to part as friends and still have a love for each other that we can only have.
I knew deep down I HAD to mean something to him. I knew all my hurt and pain didnt go on deafs ear.....I knew he HAD to see it.......and he did.
YES, somethings did go WAY over his head. some of my pain he didnt see....Some of his actions he didnt know hurt me like they did.....We talked abotu EVERYTHInG. and now he know and more important to me......I KNOW what he was thinking and why he did somethings........and I know he did and still does love for that I am happy...
InahAALLAH I will be able to move on with my life no matter where it takes me.

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

I got one for you!!!

OK, I have one for all you that say a man only get more than 1 wife when there is something wrong with the first marriage....

I talked to a woman that got married to a man the same day he married another..THATS RIGHT HE MARRIED THE BOTH THE SAME DAY!!!

I was like NOWAY, but it is true. this man always new he wanted more than one instead of hurting a first with with adding another.....he married them the same day......
they had seperate wilimas .......and their anniversary is whatever day the woman chose to have her wailma....Not the actual day of them marriage...
HE did a nice contract , I think, he put alot of things in it to protect everyones when someone is sick, has a baby, special day, ect........he spelled it all out........I was like man this man is on the ball....she said it made things easy cause no one could argue about time cause it was all spelled out.......

Oh, and no he was not dating either women he met them both about 2 months before he married them.....One was divorced the other never married; both women had children....One from a friend and the other by a Imam.

She said the both lived in the same apt complex but in seperate buildings...can you imagine the looks on the peoples face in the office when they came in to rent two apt. Now they both have small homes...they have been married 9 yrs....Go figure........

I have full details but only have a short time to write this......inshaallah I will get back to it...

Friday, December 28, 2007

Benazir Bhutto assassinated -

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

If I could say I love you

When I was younger I grew up in a family that was split. My mothers family were all Muslim. However, My dad had mostly Christians in his family. So, I had the best of both worlds durign the holidays.
I could go over my dads moms house and have a ball.SHE SPLOIED me rotten. I was the only girl in the family, she had 5 boys, and the first grand child.
So, I got evrything. I didnt get Christmas presents…..she wanted to respect my parents faith, but we did go shoppignt he day after chritmas…;) and stocked up on important things…..Like clothes, shoes, and the very important…..TOYS!!!
yeah all the things we got were christmas gifts but inmy head they were until I got older and figured out what she was really doing.
Anyway, I remember she would cook every year. I mean COOK…..OMG she would fix at least 7 cakes and pies, several breads, turkey, chicken, ham..never got to eat that…..and sometimes a roast….then there was the side dishes….yams, mac and cheese, greens, string beans, cranberry sauce, stuffing, mashed pototoes, and more. I am gettignhungry just thinking about it.
I wish for one day I could go back. Just to see all the peopel I cant see anymore. If I had known then what I know now……maybe I would have loved them more…showed them more…….and cherrished them a whole lot more.
I miss my grandmother…she was strong and loving….that is why when i had my first daughter there was no choice in her name…it had to be after her…..I wanted her to be like her in many ways……I wanted her to be strong and wise. i wanted her to love herself and family……I wanted her to have a sprit of truth about herself…..
My uncle thomas…..Gosh it is strange but I miss him the most…..I have not seen him in years..since i was 16, dont know if he is alive or dead….he walked away from his family the day he burried his mother…….I guess he forgot he had a niece that loved him and wanted so much to be a part of his life. I would have LOVED for him to see my kids or just have a phone conversation as an adult. My other Uncles are dull, the youngest and my dad spend ttheir lives trying to out do each other. i remember one yr we went to Disney and we spent a week, well I did, listening to them see who knew more or who had the most……”oh no ill pay for this..oh no i got this one……..did you know this was made i think your wrong really it was made in ..and by……becaue”…….oh i wanted to yell who the heck cares……we are in Florida and we are on vacation and this is suppose to be fun….I guess they stopped trying to out do each other and just figured out they are both full of sh**….My uncle was an alcoholic and cocaine user that ened up losing his family and dad……well he has been married too many times to count and lived so high on the hog that when he when he feel he ended up on my sofa for a yr….I could have said this is what u get for all they years you cheated your kids out of child support by sendingin FAKE tax returns ……saying you made $30,000 when you made over $100,000..and then didnt even pay ……or how about when you were so busy wining a dining your women you forgot birthdays and how abotu my PHONE NUMBER!!!! but i allowed himt o stay with me and I actually enjoyed him most time……..but that is a different story
then my other uncle the male whore turned christan has to save my soul…….nuff said i think..
so Thomas was the cool one. He would just have fun…..he took literally thousands of pictures of me. when my grand mom died they went throu her things and found trash bag full of photos……..that is how my dad devliverd them to me. in trash bags…….I guess that should have showed me how important I was to him them…….but that is a different story:)
anyway he would just pick me up and take me out and hang…..I learned later when i was older he was gay and depressed…..So what i thought……He was gay…does that make him less a family member…….No I do not believe in that lifestyle. But he is my uncle and I loved him. I wish I could have told him…….I wish I had a chance to spend another holiday with him……..he has to be in his late 60s now……If he is alive……AIDS took alot of gay men……..I hope he is not one of them…..and if he is I hope he didnt die alone.
so to my uncle Thomas…..Merry Merry!!!! and I do miss and LOVE YOU

Monday, December 24, 2007

WHY did the male cow have utters

OK, I know I am late seeing this but I am just slow. My kids have the DVD Barnyard. I was trying to look at it today while I was working out.

Well the stupid male cow had UTTERS.....OK i know this is not a serious topic but ..............WHY???!!!!

I thought male cows were bulls. What happened to the horns?? Why make him femine?? What are they making some statement that went WAY above my head.........
Maybe I am anal but this thing freaked me out so much that I had to google it too see if I was wrong.........NOPE Im not........

so here is my ramble for the see how dull my life is ......
MAN I NEED A MAN!!!!!!!!