ALLAH IS MY HAPPINESS

Moved

noreply@blogger.com (Livin_life_and loving_it) — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 14:03:00 +0000

I have had a blog on wordpres for a while now. I think I am just going to stop posting here and use those.

http://livinglifeandlovinit.wordpress.com/

http://ummisweightloss.wordpress.com/

JUST FINE

noreply@blogger.com (Livin_life_and loving_it) — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 07:58:00 +0000

This song My Miss Mary J has been my thing for a min now. I swear it keeps me goign. I have it playing in the hard part of my workouts and when I need a pick me up when I am feeling a bit out of it.

It somethign about it I think it is the combonation of the beat and the lyrics that make me feel like my life is and can go in the direction I want it to go.

I am a huge Music lover, yeah I know many of you will say it is haram and I need to stop listening to it. well you know what we all have battles to fight and right now this is not one of them I am fighting.

I just love Miss Mary J. She has a song for every mood I am in. When I was made at my ex I would listen to No more drama or no gona cry and they helped me keep focused on what I needed to do. When I want to just move and feel it I can listen to Just fine , family Affair, I can love you, be without you or many others. when I am feeling good I can listen to Rainy Days, steal away, seven days, I'm goin down, and countless other song. But Rainy days makes me feel;I dont know what it is about that song but it always makes me feel good after listening to it. this part right here
Sometimes the Rule don't mind the rainIt kinda feels like I'm drownin in the Lords painUntil the sun comes out and shines again Smile, give me reason to keep belivin That everything ain't misleadinAnd I, kiss the clouds on a rainy days And, smile for you when ya skies are grayBabe, cuz imma tear drop away from cryinAnd few shots away from dyin Dear Lord, would you shower my painLet it rain, let it rain on meWhile I cherish the air I breatheI'm an angel, that can't soar, can't flyAnd I, mastered Lord knows why

when I walk I listen to it and it makes me feel. I usually think about my life when I walk I look at the ocean and just take it all in and usually when I just about done I will listen to this song and It makes me feel like I know why I am here.

She is one of my favorite women artists. I didnt really like her when she first came out but I have come to LOVE her. I think as she has grown and so did her Music. I still listen to Alycia, Patty, phylis Hymen, Natilie cloe, Sade, Toni, Missy, and my ole school salt n peppa but right now I am just feeling Mary

so here are the word to the song and these are the feeling that are making me be all I can be these days.

Let it go……Can’t let this thing called love get away from you Feel free right now, going do what you want to doCan’t let nobody take it away, from you, from me, from weNo time for moping around, are you kidding?And no time for negative vibes, cause I’m winningIt’s been a long week, I put in my hardestGonna live my life, feels so good to get it rightSo I like what I see when I’m looking at meWhen I’m walking past the mirrorNo stress through the night, at a time in my lifeAin’t worried about if you feel itGot my head on straight, I got my mind rightI aint gonna let you kill itYou see I wouldn’t change my life, my life’s just…..

Feels so good, when you’re doing all the things that you want to doGet the best out of life, treat yourself to something newKeep your head up highIn yourself, believe in you, believe in meHaving a really good time, I’m not complainingAnd I’m a still wear a smile if it rainingI got to enjoy myself regardlessI appreciate life, I’m so glad I got mineSo I like what I see when I’m looking at meWhen I’m walking past the mirrorAint worried about you and what you gonna doI’m a lady so I must stay classyGot to keep it hot, keep it togetherIf I want to get betterYou see I wouldn’t change my life, my life’s just

I aint gon’ let nothing get in my way(I ain't gone let nobody bring me down, no, no, no)No matter what nobody has to say(No way, no way, no way)I ain’t gon’ let nothing get in my wayNo matter what nobody has to say

New Direction

noreply@blogger.com (Livin_life_and loving_it) — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 07:17:00 +0000

My life is going in a new direction. Inshaallah it will be a positive one. I will tell more later. This weekend I am spending it with my girls, my 2 daughters and my wish daughter. My son is over my dream mans house for the weekend. We do this every month our kids are best friends and have a bond that is special. I love looking at them and spending time with them. This weekend since I have no 'Y' chromosomes in my home we are doing girly things. We are baking, and doing nails, makeup, and high heels. LOL....... we went to the beach after Fajar and I just enjoyed chillin with them. My kids and I usually go 3-4x a week so I can do my 3 mile walk, yuck but today I chilled with them after I finished. I think I am going to do that more often.

Ok then we get back and miss mama looks in my phone and sees some photos of her dad .......Oh aunt J why do you have these and wait when did you all take this one I dont remember that. Where were we.........OH can you say OUCH. I am like oh honey that was last yr sometime I dont even remember when. How about she said well the date is on the pic..........ok she is 10........The kids do not know anything about what happened or is happening or anything. No one wants to confuse them and if things didnt work out it could have been yucky for them. Later she was tellign me her dad and I am very simular. we do alot of the same things and we both love music. (sigh) I know this we are alike in many ways. SHe goes on to tell me how she thinks I am pretty, she loves my hair and my legs.go figure......both are a mess; and she enjoys comming here and I am so much fun and her dad is so mean.......lol.....this girl is very outgoing and smart as a whip.

I think because it is spring I feel the need to do some spring cleaning in my life. I have made a plan to get the things I want in my life and remove the things I dont. Inshaallah I can stick to it and work on achieving them. My biggest thing is being healthy. I have been working really hard on my weight and eating habits. My biggest thing is sugar. I am addicted and it is so hard to give it up. I did it for a while but as soon as I started back I could not stop. So I just have to get it out my home. My work outs have been going well. I am doing 2-4 hours a day. The weekend I do 4 all other days I do 2-3. I ride my stationary bike 1 hour, with hills, and walk 1 hour and I will do a tape I try 3x a week. Now you would think with all of that I would be skinny. The thing is I am eating sugar like crazy; So it is moving slow. 30 day with out sugar is my first small goal.

my personal life........BIG HUGE changes. Inshaallah. I am taking baby steps with those but when you add those steps up they will be huge. I feel happy about them. Life is too short to wait for things and put things off. If you never go for them they may never happen. So I am putting plans in motions to get the things I want with a goal of having them by my birthday in November. I know that seems like a long time however, I am doing this in baby steps.

It is almost 12noon and the kids are just going to sleep after beign up all night I am going to chill for a bit. We are going to have a full day when they get up inshaallah and tomorrow we will take all the kids dirt bike riding....so this will be a full weekend. I need to get all the rest I can.

Ive been tagged

noreply@blogger.com (Livin_life_and loving_it) — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 10:55:00 +0000

The Rules
1. Write your own six word memoir
2. Post it on your blog and include a visual illustration if you’d like
3. Link to the person that tagged you in your post and to this original post if possible so we can track it as it travels across the blogosphere
4 Tag five more blogs with links
5. And don’t forget to leave a comment on the tagged blogs with an invitation to play!

Most people I know have already been tagged so I'm sorry if I get you again.

I was shot down by Mumina

Here is mine

Living life, living it, and myself !!!! :)

lets talk about sex baby

noreply@blogger.com (Livin_life_and loving_it) — Sun, 23 Mar 2008 06:59:00 +0000

I had a conversation with a person this weekend that really made me rethink a lot of things. We talked about cheating spouses and having other wives. Then the conversation changed to if it all boils down to sex, If people are run by their desires; not just sexual but all of them. I think for many people it is yes.
This made me look recent events in the media. I am sure we all know about the governor in New York. This man had a powerful job, a family, a good reputation and he lost it all for some tail. Then the man that replaced him revealed that he had an affair well not just one but several. One of them being with a co worker; they had sex several times during the work day or while on overnight trips they took together for work. This man may not have lost anything but he risked his job and marriage for a fling. He risked being caught and having his business out in the street for the thrill of some extra booty. What about the man in Philly he killed his wife in the bath tub because he wanted and fell in lust with a stripper. He had spent thousands of dollars on this woman and didn't want it stop. He figured he would get the insurance money and keep giving her money..he killed his wife, lost his job, his daughter and went to jail for life all for a lap dance.........
This made me think about men throughout history. It made me think that maybe most men are weak period. For as long as there has been a man they have been weak. Now depending on what faith you are you may believe that Adam sinned because of Eve. This woman enticed Adam with an offer he could not refuse, an apple. Again if you look in the bible you will see other men not just fall because of a woman but for sex. Sampson died because he loved and desired a woman. Lot, a man that was God fearing and pious slept with his daughters because they came to him naked. He was too weak to refuse them even thou he knew it was wrong. David, Solomon, and other all had their issues with lust. This made me think about people and if it is limited to just men.
Nope it’s not. Remember that woman that in South Carolina that killed her kids because she wanted a man and her didn’t want her kids. She drove her kids into a lake and blamed a black man. What drove her to kill her own children?…..sex.! How about the woman in I think Michigan. Her boyfriend killed her daughter and she stayed with him. She stayed with a man that killed her child ...she did it for love.....how about the long Island girl that tried to kill the boyfriends wife .why would she shoot this woman in the face......because she was having sex with this woman's husband.......while writing this piece I googled women killing and I came up with several articles about women doing crazy things in the name of lust.

So this makes me think maybe this is how we are made. Maybe not ALL of us but alot of us. Maybe this is why a man will risk losing a sure thing for a maybe. I mean they risk losing the love of a good wife for something they don't know.

I think we all have some form of this in us but maybe it is not displayed in sex maybe it is food, or work, or gambling, or drugs. I think we all know someone that has put those things first in their lives. If your thinking no not me I will give you some examples and maybe you will see what I mean.

What about the person that works hard. I don't mean a few extra hours a month I mean the person that works late all the time. the person that can never make it to their kids games because they have to work. I mean the person that never makes it home for dinner . I mean the person that has a spouse and they lead separate lives. No matter how much they complain the person that works still does what they do. Their job is more important than their family. Now I know many of you will say I would rather have a husband that works too much that a man that is chasing every skirt he see. However in the big picture it is all the same. The spouse is unhappy and the marriage is not fulfilling and painful.

How about the person that drinks or does drugs; they will do ANYTHING to get that next drink or hit. We have all heard stories or seen in a movie about some one that has robbed their family blind to get what they want. They say they want to stop and just do it again and again. They may love their family but will steal anything not nailed down to do what they need to do. They will lie cheat and sell their own kids for some money.

I don't know what is worst here a co wife or a man addicted to drugs. Again, it all boils down to a unhappy home.

I look at me and i think of how many diets I have been on, how many times I have wanted to lose weight. I know what I have to do and not do but I would not do it. Until I put it in my head that there was no other choice for me I didn't lose the weight. I would overeat and then cry because I knew better but for some reason I could not stop myself. that urge to eat was stronger than my will power not to eat. I desire to sit and look at TV was stronger than my desire to get off my A$$.

Ok, now I will bring it home, how many times did I suffer for my ex. all the tears and pain for what??? LOVE, Lust, SEX???!!! Many times I wanted to get out of the marriage but I stayed. I put him before everything when I look back on things. I say that because I was not happy I was not living life to the fullest so everything else suffered. My kids didn't have a happy mom. they didn't have a mom that gave them their all. I was giving too much to him. I didn't put in my best at work because my mind was consumed with him and drama. No matter how many times I wanted to leave I was not strong enough to either leave or make him change.

Just like with my weight I had to fight my self. I knew things had to change and I had to put forth an effort to make changes. Change is not easy ........Its very hard and even now I still have to fight myself.

This is why I think we are made this way. Allah made some of us weak when it comes to sex, love, emotions and things we love. They will always be tested with these things. This is their fight. They cant just give into desires. That's is the problem. people just give in. The problem is not wanting sex with a different woman the problem is acting on it. There is no problem with wanting to see a stripper..the problem is when the person stripping for you is not your wife. ...and you become obsessed. We need to know what we can handle. Yes, maybe Allah said men can have 4 wives however, not all men should try it. It is not for everyone. They think with their little heads and then things get out of control. They need to learn to fight their desires. they need to know it is a test and want to try and pass it. We may get bored in our marriage but the thing is we don't HAVE to go out and get a new wife or have an affair. We don't have to give into every feeling we have. If I did I would have killed my husband several times. I would have had a fantastic night of passionate love making with my dream man. We all get thoughts and we all have desires , we all get tired of our lives and want more, we all meet people and become attracted to them but we all don't act on those feelings.
This is why we need to trust in Allah, swt. We need to stay prayerful. we need to know ourselves and stay away from things that temp us. Life is not suppose to be easy all the time. We are told we will be tempted. we all know we will have problems at times. We just need to want to pass our tests.

lonely

noreply@blogger.com (Livin_life_and loving_it) — Sun, 16 Mar 2008 11:03:00 +0000

So today I feel crappy!!!! I do not know if it is becuase it is spring or what but I am just feeling ......lonely and missing (AS)the man I wanted to have. I had his kids over for a sleep over. 2 weeks in a row his family was at my house. Man that was so much fun but hard
I wished we were a family. I wish he was my husband. I know it is a sin for me to even think this way and i know I will stop but I miss his smile, his laugh, his smell, our talks, our ........... I just miss him

I am really thinking about going back to the states. I am sick of being here. I like it but there are times when i just want to be around people that look, think and act more like me. We will see.......... Anyway thats all for now.......

ok I am offically not a P supporter

noreply@blogger.com (Livin_life_and loving_it) — Sun, 09 Mar 2008 16:18:00 +0000

I have always wanted to see the good in the BIG P. Today I woke up and just had enough. I am sick of these sorry a** brothers using Islam to make their lust halal. I am sick of the lies and the hurt and the pain this causes. I am sick of reading how these men are tearing up families for a new piece of tail. I am sick of how this disease is running threw our ummah like cancer. I am sick of how we women lie down and take it. I am sick of how the Imams allow this to happen over, and over and over again. I am sick of how a man can get out of jail today already have a wife or two and marry another woman the next day and its ok. I am sick of none of the imams checking these men out. I am sick of everything being the woman's fault. I am just sick.
I am sick of reading about how heartless these men seem to be and its ok int he Muslim world. I am sick of reading over and over again how we women have to put up with it. I am so sick of us hurting. I am so sick of us wanting or needing a man that we forget ourselves. I am so sick of life being so hard for a woman that she feels that she HAS to settle because no one will want her. WHere are the real brothers??? where are the men that should be looking out for us? Islam is suppose to protect the woman but instead it has been twisted and now we need more protecting than ever before. WHERE IS OUR PROTECTION!!! Why are they throwing us to the wolves???? Why is it that we have so many wolves and no one cares?
Why is it a perfect faith we can have so many people not striving to be close to perfect? How can we have fallen so far. How is it that out lust is more important that our souls? How is it that an orgasm is more powerful that ALLAH???????

Whats wrong with being Muslim

noreply@blogger.com (Livin_life_and loving_it) — Sun, 09 Mar 2008 16:02:00 +0000

I LOVE OBAMA. I really do. I love the way he talks, the way he carries his self, I love just love the ora around him. BUT there is one thing I do not like. I do not like how the word Muslim seems to be a dirty word to him.
Yes, I know being a Muslim is not a popular thing and if he was Muslim he we would not even be having this conversation. I know and fully understand why he has to tell everyone he is Christian. BUT I DO NOT understand why he does not say. No, I am not Muslim but there is nothing wrong with the majority of Muslims. Why does he not say my fathers family is Muslim but I CHOOSE to be Muslim. Why doesn't he say there are good people that are Muslim and I feel sad that I have to deny 1/2 of who I am because of the climate of the country. I was born into a family that was similar. My moms side is Muslim and my dads side is Christian. I NEVER denied one or the other. I did have my moments where I didn't want to practice Islam, I didn't want to cover , but I never just ignored 1/2 of who I was. Now I know I am not a public figure but the point is we should not be ashamed of who we are.
Why doesn't one person in the media ask him how he feels about Muslims in general. I want to know what he thinks about Islam. Every day I make dua for him to win, but today I didn't. Today I thought ........whats wrong with being Muslim.

Why do we have to choose??????

noreply@blogger.com (Livin_life_and loving_it) — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 12:52:00 +0000

I was reading a brothers blog and it made me think. Why do American Muslim lose their Identity when they become Muslim. I think Americans need their own identity that represent them and stop trying to be Arab. Trust me as a person that left America to live among the Arabs.......THEY AIN'T ALL THAT.
This is not to talk bad per say about Arabs but in my opinion when we forget who we are and try to act like others we are in essence saying we are inferior than they are. We are saying we as a people are not strong, people with morals and values. We are saying we need Arabs to teach us how to dress, live, act, talk, etc. When in fact after living overseas for a while I think we need to come teach them.
Yes, when we become Muslim we will need to dress differently. BUT do we have to dress like an Arab. There are Muslim from all over the world that dress in a way that is Islamically acceptable and look nothing like Arabs. The men in Africa look like they are from Africa. They have a different look. The men From Pak, India, and other Asian countries stand out here because they do NOT look or dress like an Arab. In fact when I look at photos of Muslim from all over the world I admire their beauty. I love the many colors I see; not only in their skin tones but in their clothes.
Here all I see all day is Black and white. Black abayas and white thobes. If the purpose of hijab is to show modesty, not attract attention, and cover the body. I think the Arabs I live, work and socialise with on a daily basis forgot that....but that is a post for another day.
We seem to think that the actions of an Arab is better than the actions of an American. I am sorry but this is not the case. People are people before we are Muslim. Meaning you are born a person. You CHOOSE to practice Islam. even if you are born into Islam when we become adults we choose what we will and will not do. We choose to be a thief, a liar, a fornicator,or a religious person, we choose to be humble, modest, prayerful. These skill ,we are not born with. We acquire them. Do we somehow think Arabs have a monopoly on the good traits.
If you do let me tell you they don't. I come in contact with many people that only pray during Ramadan, only cover because it is cultural not for Islamic reasons, smoke like chimneys, curse like a sailor, treat their neighbor unkind, think Islamic behaviours are ok because they are culturally acceptable. I get followed to work by men that want to pay me for sex. I have gotten followed home in a taxi from a souk by a man.It took me over 30 mins for me to shake him. I have men try to talk to me while I am driving, while shopping, or just doing any normal daily activity. These things NEVER happened to me in the states. Men would see me in my hijab and have respect. This is something I don't find here. For me to live in a society that is suppose to know to lower their gaze. Why do I find men staring me right in the eyes? This is something that happens even if I am wearing Niqab. I see women that do not raise their children. They leave it to the maids. I see children that have no manners. I see people that are not color blind. No here I see a class system here that is just as bad as anything I have seen in the States or worse. I see men that rape their maids and use the excuse that they own them so they have a right to the women. I see boys that get raped and the actions gets handled by the families because it is something that is not talked about. I see other unislamic behaviors; but these are the people we want to to emulate. Are these actions better than any actions we have in our own country? NO!!!
Can someone PLEASE tell when where is says anywhere that when a person accepts Islam they HAVE to lose who they are. They have to become a whole different culture. In the beginning of Islam when countries, tribes, Villages started to embrace Islam they did not become Arab Nations. No they kept their identity and embrace Islam with their whole heart. I do not remember ever reading, and someone please correct me if I am wrong, The prophet, SWA, never told a country to become Arab and stop being who they were. HE told them to accept Islam. Not accept Arabslam. He may have told them to stop practicing shirk, or doing things that were against Islam.
We need to love who we are and build on that. Take Islam and follow live it. Stop wanting to be or wanting to have who we are not. I do not know how many men get bitten by the Arab bug. They have a loving American wife but feel if they get an Arab wife that that wife will in some way be better than the one they have. They think because these women speak some form of Arabic, and let me remind you MOST of these people to don't speak Quranic Arabic. They have their own language separate from the Arabic written in the Quran. But because they speak this their children will in some way become better people, this wife will in some way worship Allah better, serve the husband better, love them deeper, respect them more. This is MY OPINION is the worse trait that Muslims aquire. These men say their mother, sisters, wives, daughters, aunts are not good women. We are not good enough to marry bear your children or raise them. You tell us we are inferior. We the women that were your backbone. The women that walked by you , in front of you and protected you, stood behind you and had your back thought your entire life are now not good enough. Even though we are Muslim. Even though we act Muslim, are modest, are chase, have Strong eman, worship Allah, have raised children that have manners, know how to act in a Mosque, we because of our native language are no longer acceptable to you. This hurts our people to the core.
No other people try to act Arab or embrace the Arabs like us Americans. There are Muslims all over the world but for whatever reason we are the only ones that lose our identity because of Islam. There are beautiful African, Asian, and other Muslim that take pride in who they are and still follow Islam. However we act like to be American and Muslim is a sin. We can only be one or the other.....why is that.

life is funny

noreply@blogger.com (Livin_life_and loving_it) — Fri, 15 Feb 2008 13:10:00 +0000

I have not been posting recently. I needed a break. I found that reading blogs and posting took so much out of me. I needed to get a check on my real life.

Updates:

Work sucks...I love my job but this program is more than this country is ready for. I THINK they should have done more planning and then started it. Inshaallah it will continue and they will get all the kinks out soon.

My kids: great...nuff said :)

Love life:
well I will just say I am happy right now.

I will post more very soon. just wanted to pop in

friends

noreply@blogger.com (Livin_life_and loving_it) — Sat, 05 Jan 2008 22:39:00 +0000

I just feel Happy today. Sad that I have to go to work in the morning..ewwww but I had a good experience. My ex came while I was on break. He came to try to get back with me but it ended up being the most loving goodbye in history.....
I do love that man........and he gave me more than I could have ever asked for while he was here. He was kind, lovong, wonderful with the kids, and most of all he looked me in the eyes and told me how he felt and how sorry he was and is.......
HE asked me to do something..just dont overthink why he is doing it and if he means it. and YOu know what i didnt question anywhing..........well after about 5 days..but after that I just accepted everything...took it all in and just loved being with him.
I was truely bless, we got to part as friends and still have a love for each other that we can only have.
I knew deep down I HAD to mean something to him. I knew all my hurt and pain didnt go on deafs ear.....I knew he HAD to see it.......and he did.
YES, somethings did go WAY over his head. some of my pain he didnt see....Some of his actions he didnt know hurt me like they did.....We talked abotu EVERYTHInG. and now he know and more important to me......I KNOW what he was thinking and why he did somethings........and I know he did and still does love me.....so for that I am happy...
InahAALLAH I will be able to move on with my life no matter where it takes me.

I got one for you!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Livin_life_and loving_it) — Wed, 02 Jan 2008 14:32:00 +0000

OK, I have one for all you that say a man only get more than 1 wife when there is something wrong with the first marriage....

I talked to a woman that got married to a man the same day he married another..THATS RIGHT HE MARRIED THE BOTH THE SAME DAY!!!

I was like NOWAY, but it is true. this man always new he wanted more than one wife....so instead of hurting a first with with adding another.....he married them the same day......
they had seperate wilimas .......and their anniversary is whatever day the woman chose to have her wailma....Not the actual day of them marriage...
HE did a nice contract , I think, he put alot of things in it to protect everyones time........like when someone is sick, has a baby, special day, ect........he spelled it all out........I was like man this man is on the ball....she said it made things easy cause no one could argue about time cause it was all spelled out.......

Oh, and no he was not dating either women he met them both about 2 months before he married them.....One was divorced the other never married; both women had children....One from a friend and the other by a Imam.

She said the both lived in the same apt complex but in seperate buildings...can you imagine the looks on the peoples face in the office when they came in to rent two apt. Now they both have small homes...they have been married 9 yrs....Go figure........

I have full details but only have a short time to write this......inshaallah I will get back to it...

Benazir Bhutto assassinated - CNN.com

noreply@blogger.com (Livin_life_and loving_it) — Fri, 28 Dec 2007 07:20:00 +0000

Benazir Bhutto assassinated - CNN.com

Why???

If I could say I love you

noreply@blogger.com (Livin_life_and loving_it) — Tue, 25 Dec 2007 04:09:00 +0000

When I was younger I grew up in a family that was split. My mothers family were all Muslim. However, My dad had mostly Christians in his family. So, I had the best of both worlds durign the holidays.
I could go over my dads moms house and have a ball.SHE SPLOIED me rotten. I was the only girl in the family, she had 5 boys, and the first grand child.
So, I got evrything. I didnt get Christmas presents…..she wanted to respect my parents faith, but we did go shoppignt he day after chritmas…;) and stocked up on important things…..Like clothes, shoes, and the very important…..TOYS!!!
yeah all the things we got were christmas gifts but inmy head they were until I got older and figured out what she was really doing.
Anyway, I remember she would cook every year. I mean COOK…..OMG she would fix at least 7 cakes and pies, several breads, turkey, chicken, ham..never got to eat that…..and sometimes a roast….then there was the side dishes….yams, mac and cheese, greens, string beans, cranberry sauce, stuffing, mashed pototoes, and more. I am gettignhungry just thinking about it.
I wish for one day I could go back. Just to see all the peopel I cant see anymore. If I had known then what I know now……maybe I would have loved them more…showed them more…….and cherrished them a whole lot more.
I miss my grandmother…she was strong and loving….that is why when i had my first daughter there was no choice in her name…it had to be after her…..I wanted her to be like her in many ways……I wanted her to be strong and wise. i wanted her to love herself and family……I wanted her to have a sprit of truth about herself…..
My uncle thomas…..Gosh it is strange but I miss him the most…..I have not seen him in years..since i was 16, dont know if he is alive or dead….he walked away from his family the day he burried his mother…….I guess he forgot he had a niece that loved him and wanted so much to be a part of his life. I would have LOVED for him to see my kids or just have a phone conversation as an adult. My other Uncles are dull, the youngest and my dad spend ttheir lives trying to out do each other. i remember one yr we went to Disney and we spent a week, well I did, listening to them see who knew more or who had the most……”oh no ill pay for this..oh no i got this one……..did you know this was made in..no i think your wrong really it was made in ..and by……becaue”…….oh i wanted to yell who the heck cares……we are in Florida and we are on vacation and this is suppose to be fun….I guess they stopped trying to out do each other and just figured out they are both full of sh**….My uncle was an alcoholic and cocaine user that ened up losing his family and ..my dad……well he has been married too many times to count and lived so high on the hog that when he when he feel he ended up on my sofa for a yr….I could have said this is what u get for all they years you cheated your kids out of child support by sendingin FAKE tax returns ……saying you made $30,000 when you made over $100,000..and then didnt even pay ……or how about when you were so busy wining a dining your women you forgot birthdays and how abotu my PHONE NUMBER!!!! but i allowed himt o stay with me and I actually enjoyed him most time……..but that is a different story
then my other uncle the male whore turned christan has to save my soul…….nuff said i think..
so Thomas was the cool one. He would just have fun…..he took literally thousands of pictures of me. when my grand mom died they went throu her things and found trash bag full of photos……..that is how my dad devliverd them to me. in trash bags…….I guess that should have showed me how important I was to him them…….but that is a different story:)
anyway he would just pick me up and take me out and hang…..I learned later when i was older he was gay and depressed…..So what i thought……He was gay…does that make him less a family member…….No I do not believe in that lifestyle. But he is my uncle and I loved him. I wish I could have told him…….I wish I had a chance to spend another holiday with him……..he has to be in his late 60s now……If he is alive……AIDS took alot of gay men……..I hope he is not one of them…..and if he is I hope he didnt die alone.
so to my uncle Thomas…..Merry Merry!!!! and I do miss and LOVE YOU

WHY did the male cow have utters

noreply@blogger.com (Livin_life_and loving_it) — Mon, 24 Dec 2007 14:03:00 +0000

OK, I know I am late seeing this but I am just slow. My kids have the DVD Barnyard. I was trying to look at it today while I was working out.

Well the stupid male cow had UTTERS.....OK i know this is not a serious topic but ..............WHY???!!!!

I thought male cows were bulls. What happened to the horns?? Why make him femine?? What are they making some statement that went WAY above my head.........
Maybe I am anal but this thing freaked me out so much that I had to google it too see if I was wrong.........NOPE Im not........

so here is my ramble for the day........you see how dull my life is ......
MAN I NEED A MAN!!!!!!!!

Women Charged With Sexually Assaulting UNC Football Players :: WRAL.com

noreply@blogger.com (Livin_life_and loving_it) — Sat, 22 Dec 2007 02:09:00 +0000

I read many rape stories on here. Most on P.M.s Blog....I usually feel sorry for the woman or boy/man and think how could a person do such a thing. But then I read this......I didnt feel so upset but i did feel ....
I wonder why? I wonder how many people will think How can a woman rape a man.....

Women Charged With Sexually Assaulting UNC Football Players :: WRAL.com

Hillsborough — Three UNC football players were the victims in a kidnapping, robbery and sexual assault incident involving two women, the university confirmed Thursday afternoon. Chapel Hill police said the assault happened about 3:30 a.m. Sunday at an apartment complex where all three victims were bound with tape and then assaulted by the suspects. At a bond hearing Thursday, Orange County Assistant District Attorney Morgan Whitney said police arrived at the scene and found two of the victims, tied up, in boxer shorts. The third victim was fully clothed with his hands tied.At least two were sexually assaulted, Whitney said. He is still waiting on the final police report to see if the third man was also. None of the victims required medical attention.
"I am relieved that the players were not injured," UNC head coach Butch Davis said in a prepared statement Thursday. "We will assist them in any way we can."
Prosecutors said the victims met the suspects – Monique Jenice Taylor, Tnikia Monta Washington and Michael Troy Lewis – during a birthday celebration at a downtown bar and that they all went back to the victims' apartment.
Initially, one of the football players welcomed sexual advances from Taylor and Washington, Whitney said.
"They brought him back and put him in the bedroom," Whitney said. "When the victim left the bedoom, there was a naked black male in the hallway who had a knife."Whitney said Taylor then pulled off the victim's pants, pushed him down on a bed, attempted to tie his hands with his belt and started to fondle him against his consent.
"The more that he wrestled, Mr. Lewis put his knife further, or closer, to the victim's neck," Whitney said. "Ms. Taylor fondled his private parts. He repeatedly said no, and as he continued to resist, Ms. Taylor and the codefendant, Ms. Washington, began to beat him in the face."
Taylor's attorney, Glenn Gerding, said the fondling was consensual.
A neighbor, Bobby Roberson, who lives across from the players, said he heard shouting and yelling coming from the apartment .
"Somebody sounded like they were getting slammed up against a wall," Roberson said. "Then, all of sudden, you heard a guy saying, yelling for help. It was like, 'Help, help, help!'"
Police arrested Taylor and Washington at the scene. Lewis fled after a confrontation with officers, Chapel Hill police said. He surrendered on Wednesday.Taylor, 28, of 209 Millbrook St. in Greenville, and Washington, 29, of 814 Belvin Avenue in Durham, are each charged with one count of first-degree sex offense, three counts of kidnapping, one count of resisting arrest and three counts of conspiracy to commit a felony.Lewis, 32, of 2118 Lexington St. in Durham, is charged with two counts of robbery, two counts of assault on a government official, two counts of possession of stolen goods, three counts of kidnapping, one count of resisting arrest and three counts of conspiracy to commit a felony.All three suspects were initially placed in jail under a $500,000 secured bond, but Judge Cathrine Stevens reduced Taylor and Washington's bond to $50,000 Thursday. All three were in the Orange County Jail Thursday afternoon.
"This is a very unusual case," Gerding said. "Almost unbelievable, at first blush."
Reporters: Julia Lewis, Ken Smith
Photographers: Pete James, Mark Simpson
Web Editors: Kelly Gardner, Anne Leake

vote

noreply@blogger.com (Livin_life_and loving_it) — Thu, 20 Dec 2007 10:46:00 +0000

While surfing the net I came across a list of Starts that support B.O… I cant even begin to spell his name. Oh NO look what his initials spell……..hummm maybe I will learn how to spell his name… I dont want to call him that.
Anyway, I wonder if these people will really help him win. I think Hillary has tons of people behind her and I wonder if STAR POWEr really counts. I wonder if it really matters. I think people will vote for him or not because of what he stands for not becuase of who stand beside him..I kind of wish he would have waited until the next election. He is so new and I think people do not know what he is all about. We know all the others a full of crap, but him I just dont know. I know this ..he just aint no Jessse Jackson. When he ran..Blk people stood in line for hours to vote for him. I dont see that with this guy. I remember that was my first yr I could vote. I came home from New York just to vote. I stood in line over a hour to make my voice heard……well I guess no one else heard it cause he lost…
Chris Albrecht, HBO chairman
Big Kenny Alphin, recording artist
Marc Andreessen, Internet pioneer
Jennifer Aniston, actress
Rosanna Arquette, actress
Tyra Banks model, talk show host
Lawrence Bender, producer
Halle Berry, actress
Valerie Bertinelli, actress
Arthur Blank, Falcons owner
Judy Blume, author
Steven Bochco, producer, writer
Andy Borowitz, satirist, writer
Zach Braff, actor
Steve Brill, Court TV founder
Christie Brinkley, model
James L Brooks, producer, director
Jackson Browne, musician
Warren Buffett, billionaire
Mark Burnett, game show producer
Ken Burns, independent filmmaker
Peter Buttenwieser, political fundraiser
Kate Capshaw, actress
Michael Chabon, author
Jay Chandrasekhar, director, writer
Peter Chernin, News Corporation president
Richard A Clarke, security expert
George Clooney, actor
Cindy Crawford, model
Drew Curtis, fark.com founder
Jamie Lee Curtis, actress
Larry David, comedian, writer
Laurie David writer, activist
Barry Diller, media mogul
Paul Dooley, actor
Michael Douglas, actor, director
Michael Eisner, Disney CEO
Kenneth Feinberg, attorney
Tom Ford, fashion designer
Jodie Foster, actress
Jamie Foxx actor, comedian
Morgan Freeman, actor
David Geffen, Dreamworks co-founder
Jami Gertz, actress
Charles Gifford, Bank of America chairman
Cuba Gooding Jr., actor
Berry Gordy, record producer, entrepreneur
Lou Gossett Jr., actor
Brian Grazer, producer
Jasmine Guy, actress
Herbie Hancock, musician
Tom Hanks, actor
Tom Hayden, activist, author
Dennis Haysbert, actor
Christie Hefner, Playboy CEO
Hugh Hefner, Playboy founder
Cheryl Hines, actress
Bruce Hornsby, recording artist
Ron Howard, director, producer
Phil Jackson, NBA coach, player
Samuel Jackson, actor
Michael Jordan, basketball star
Vernon Jordan, Washington power broker
Jeffrey Katzenberg, Dreamworks co-founder
Gayle King, editor, Oprah’s BFF
David Koepp, screenwriter
Cedric ‘the Entertainer’ Kyle, comedian
Christine Lahti, actress
Sherry Lansing, Paramount Studios CEO
Sharon Lawrence, actress
Norman Lear, television producer
Julia Louis-Dreyfus, actress
Seth MacFarlane, animator, screenwriter
Tobey Maguire, actor
Norman Mailer, author
Natalie Maines, recording artist
Barry Manilow, singer/songwriter
Stephon Marbury, pro basketball player
Branford Marsalis, musician
Greg Mathis, TV judge
Bette Midler, singer, actress
John Morgridge, Cisco chairman
Rob Morrow, actor
Alonzo Mourning, NBA star
Eddie Murphy, actor, comedian
Paul Newman, actor, philanthropist
Craig Newmark, craigslist.org founder
Leonard Nimoy, actor
Edward Norton, actor
Rosie O’Donnell, actress, comedian
Stan O’Neal, Merrill Lynch CEO
Adrian Pasdar, actor
Holly Robinson Peete, actress
Sidney Poitier, actor
Ellen Pompeo, actress
Maury Povich, talkshow host
Penny Pritzker, hotel heiress
Harold Ramis, director, actor
Phylicia Rashad, actress
Jerry Reinsdorf, Chicago White Sox owner
Paul Reiser, comedian, actor
Chris Rock, comedian, actor
Robert Rubin, US Treasury SecretaryEdward Rust, State Farm CEOSusan Sarandon, actress
Thomas Schlamme, producer, director
Howard Schultz, Starbucks CEO
Terry Semel, Yahoo CEOBen Silverman, NBC Universal chairman
James Sinegal, Costco CEO
Tom Skerritt, actor
Emmitt Smith, pro football player
Jada Pinkett Smith, actress
Will Smith, actor, recording artist
George Soros, financier
Steven Spielberg, filmmaker
Leigh Steinberg, sports agent
Fisher Stevens, actor
Ben Stiller, actor
Oliver Stone, director
Christine Taylor, actress
Richard Thalheimer, The Sharper Image CEO
Heather Thomas, actress
Garry Trudeau, cartoonist
Denzel Washington, actor
Isaiah Washington, actor
John Wells, television producer
Jann Wenner, Rolling Stone CEO
Tom Werner, Boston Red Sox co-owner
Forest Whitaker, actor, director
Paula White, megachurch “life coach”
Bradley Whitford, actor
Gene Wilder, actor
Rita Wilson, actress
Oprah Winfrey, talk show host, actress
Joanne Woodward, actress
Jeffrey Wright, actor
Robert Wright, NBC Universal head
Andrew Young, civil rights activist
Edward Zander, Motorola chairman
George Zimmer, Men’s Wearhouse CEO

Why are we so selfish

noreply@blogger.com (Livin_life_and loving_it) — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 09:05:00 +0000

I have been reading a few blogs lately. Most of them have some anti polygamy entry on them. My question to this is WHY. I know I can not be the only pro "p' person that is not a man. I see to many good things that can come out of it. I don't know maybe it is me, but I think we are being a little too selfish.
Now before you all jump down my throat. Let me say I feel men are selfish also in this equation. They, more times than not, go into this the wrong way. Many times have the wrong intentions; and what ends up happening is the whole this ends up being a disaster.
A Man that marry without telling his wife. Man this is a HUGE mistake. Mistake is not even the right word it is not even a strong enough word. But I will use it now. The thing is, one lie will lead to another lie, and then you end up with a wife that will no longer trust you. No longer look at you the same way; never feel at home in her own body. She will forever, or at least for a long time, not trust her own judgment, thougths feelings are desires. These emotions will always be erratic because of YOUR actions. She will think how did this happen without me knowing. If you loved her trusted her and respected her as a woman, wife, mother why couldn't you just tell her. Open your heart and mind to her.
The thing is NO, you do not HAVE to tell your wife. but why not. I am so sick of hearing this lame excuse. It is like your wife coming home and saying "I know we have been married 15 yrs and I never told you this but I had over a million dollars in the bank and never told you. yeah i know we have been living off your small salary and yeah I could have helped you out, when you had to work 2 jobs just to pay bills, or just did it to be helpful; but it was my money and I didn't have to cause it is my right. Oh and by the way I just spent it. yeah on this wardrobe. arnt my dresses lovely. I know these dresses will in no way help you or benefit you and i am sure it is not what you want but it is my right to spend my money."wouldn't that make you feel sick. would that make you wonder what her intention where this whole time? Why she lied to you? Why after all you have done for her, fed her clothed her, worked hard for her..how could she betray you like that? How could she be so sneaky? You would never look at her the same way. Well why do you think it will be any different for her? Why start off a marriage with a lie? Why hurt he woman you love/ Why
Marriage is about more than sex. We have to respect and love our spouses. There is no respect when you just marry and never even mention it to your wife.I am not saying she has to agree to it. NOpe not at all. It would be nice but I don't think in my opinion she has to agree. But i think if you at least told her, and not the day before. Things would be better. You would at least have her respect and she would not be so wounded.
then you have the men that get into it for all the wrong reasons. They do it just cause they can. They do not think it all out before they get into it. Then after they find out....oh this is too hard...or this really messed up my other marriage....or whatever... Men need to think with the heads on their neck and not the smaller ones below. A wife gives you more than sex, and if that is all you marry for you wont get much out of that marriage. All sex even good sex only last so long.........but a marriage ..
Marriage is inshaallah a lifetime commitment. we can not rush into these things without thought or disregard others feelings.
please think about important things like
can you afford more than one family?
can you physically handle more than one wife...you may THINK you can but the object is not to leave anyone hanging......all wives should be left feeling satisfied and fulfilled.
can you deal with all the emotions?
can you comfort and help all your wives deal with the adjustment ...
will you be there for them when they are both not liking you
will you be man enough to step up and be a man when you don't get your way?
will you stay prayed up?
will you make extra prayers?
ask yourself is it worth losing your family?
Can you give them their rights?
oh, I can go on
but as you can see it is alot to think about
and this is from a woman that likes the big "p".
so before you jump into this.........are you doing the right thing.......or are you being selfish????

women, your next

Got a text

noreply@blogger.com (Livin_life_and loving_it) — Fri, 07 Dec 2007 07:51:00 +0000

Well I guess congrads are in order

My ex texted me
his wife had their baby yesterday

Inshaallah This will make thier lives full and he will be a blessing to them

All children are a blessing from Allah!!

Man what a week

noreply@blogger.com (Livin_life_and loving_it) — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 04:51:00 +0000

Well

things have changed

My life is moving in a good direction.

It looks like I will be married VERY soon inshaallah

I will let you all know

until things happen I just want to pray and ask Allah for guidance....so keep my in your duas

postponed

noreply@blogger.com (Livin_life_and loving_it) — Thu, 29 Nov 2007 01:21:00 +0000

My wedding is off. Not forever inshaallah but for now. The heart is funny. No matter what happenes. I am glad I met a special man and that he touched my life
If I never marry him my life is richer just for knowing him..........

BOY DID HE MAKE ME LAUGH!!!!!!!!

How to plan a wedding

noreply@blogger.com (Livin_life_and loving_it) — Fri, 23 Nov 2007 05:23:00 +0000

I dont have a clue!!!!!

PLEASE HELP!!!!

My wedding will be very small but I want something I will remember forever. I want the right dress, the room to be perfect. It will just be my family and maybe less than ten friends. We are going to get married in my home. Other than these few things............Im lost!!!!!!!

SOMEBODY ANY BODY

H
E
L
P

Love from Allah, swt

noreply@blogger.com (Livin_life_and loving_it) — Sun, 18 Nov 2007 11:33:00 +0000

The best description that I personally have ever read describing the closeness of the spouses to each other is the Qur'anic verse which says: "they are your garments and you are their garments" (Surah Al Baqarah 2:187). Indeed, spouses are like garments to each other because they provide one another with the protection, the comfort, the cover, the support, and the adornment that garments provide to humans. Just imagine a journey in the winter of Alaska without garments! Our spouses provide us with the same level of comfort, protection, cover, and support in the journey of our lives on this earth as garments would do in the Alaskan journey.

The relationship between the spouses is the most amazing of all human relations: the amount of love and affection, intimacy and closeness, mercy and compassion, peace and tranquility that fills the hearts of the spouses is simply inexplicable. The only rational explanation for these most amazing of all human feelings is that: it is an act of Allah , "And Allah has made for you Mates (and Companions) of your own nature ..." (Surah Al Nahl 16:72) Only our Almighty Allah in His Infinite Power, Boundless Mercy, and Great Wisdom can create and ingrain these amazing and blessed feelings in the hearts of the spouses. In fact Allah is reminding those who search for His signs in the universe that these feelings in the hearts of the spouses are among the signs that should guide humans to His existence as He says in the Qur'an, "And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves that you may dwell in tranquility with them and He has put love and mercy between your hearts: verily in that are signs for those who reflect." (Surah Al Rum 30:21)

But Allah knows that the human heart is not a static entity, it is sometimes weak and at times dynamic. Feelings can and do change with time. Love may wither and fade away. The marital bond might weaken if not properly cared for. Happiness in marriage cannot be taken for granted; continuous happiness requires constant giving from both sides. For the tree of marital love to remain alive and keep growing, the soil has to be sustained, maintained, watered and nurtured.

How do we do these things. First we must grow stronger in Islam. If each of you have a strong foundation in Islam you will water and nurture each other with the words of Qur'an. You will feed each others souls. The most important thing any couple can do is find some time for both of you to pray together. Strengthening the bond between you and Allah is the best guarantee that your own marital bond would always remain strong. Having peace with Allah will always result in having more peace at home.

Having maintenance.... To me this means to make your spouse feel secure. to maintain her not only financially but emotionally. Always try your best to be good to your wife/ husband by words and by deeds. Talk to her/ him, smile at her/him, seek her/his advice, ask for her/his opinion, spend quality time with eachother and always remember that the Prophet,swt, said "the best of you are those who are best to their wives." Finally, it is common that spouses vow to love and honor their spouses until death do them part. I do believe that this vow is good or even great, but not enough! It is not enough that you love your spouse. You have to love what they loves as well. their family, loved ones must also become your loved ones. Also, it is not enough that you them her until death do you part. Love should never end and we do believe there is life after death where those who did righteousness in this world will be joined by their spouses (Surah Al Zukhruf 43:70) and offspring.

This is what I look forward to in a marriage. With Allah telling us what we can have in a marriage; how can we expect less? Why would we expect less? Why miss out on the love Allah wants for us......Becasue we are scared we may be hurt......I think I will take my chances.

The big rammble

noreply@blogger.com (Livin_life_and loving_it) — Sun, 18 Nov 2007 01:02:00 +0000

I was reading Safa's Blog. I loved her recent post, but one thing she wrote got me thinking.
Does the first wife ever really agree. Yes, she may say it, she may THINK she fees it; but when it happens usually her heart changes.

I can speak from my own experiences. I THOUGHT it was going to be ok. I read about it. I prayed about it. We talked about it. However when it happened my heart changed. The first time I made it all day with no problems; but the next week was hard. I kept thinking Why, why did he need this, why did he do this, why me, why, why, why. The thing is we don't know how we will react until we are in it.

So then what is the their wife to do. Yes, she had the blessing but then...........things change. She can not do something haram because of something halal meaning, She can not go to her husband and say divorce me because it is too hard on the other wife..The thing is by then he is Her husband too. ..all she wants is to be happy and love her husband.... she cant be truly happy when someone else is hurting......

So this makes me wonder does she have to agree. Yes, it would make it BETTER, but the fact is does make either of the marriages better if it is short lived. If it was never the truth, not meaning she lied but maybe didn't know........
I do not think the prophet went to all his wife and asked their permission before he married.... It is not up to the wife to change.... it is up to the husband. HE must make her KNOW he still loves her, That he still wants her, needs her, comfort her,..he must make her feel secure...Then then pain wont be as bad. yes, there will be pain......but maybe it wont hurt so much..

Being in this type of relationship is NOT easy. Marriage is not easy when it is just 2 people. When you add in the third........WOW!!!

I don't think there are any real sets of rules because we all need so many different things. We all want different things..........

Love is complicated

When I think of my ex. How that man has even affected my life now.
How last week when I knew my blessing was getting close.
My mind went to him
NOT about how much i wanted him or anything
but how I allowed him to treat me
how i handled things
I started to doubt myself
I started to feel like i was not worthy of this man
a good man
a man with good character
with family values
with a Strong foundation in Islam
with his head on straight
with our personalities so similar
with room in his heart and life for me and my family
with an objective to make me happy
not by making someone else unhappy

When i knew he wanted me I wanted to run
I wanted to block my own blessing
I wanted to revert into my old ways
Why???

Because I thought I was over him....but the fact is I will never be over the pain I endured. I will never forget......I will have a permanent scare. Yes, it had healed but the mark is there forever.

So today I sit here writing this so happy
Happy because I now know I am worthy of love and happiness
I do not think I have to suffer for Allah
Not for the whims of a man.
Not when the situation is not right

This is a Huge step for me
not just the marriage but taking the chance again with my heart
The thing is he knows my family and has been a good friend of my Uncle for years. I never met him but they have known each other for years and my Uncle says he know he is a good man and I would be lucky to have him.
you never know the plan of Allah. I went around the world to find happiness that was right in my back yard for years. The thing was I was not ready to receive it. I could not have handled it before now.
I could not have seen him before
my eyes where shut
my heart was closed

Only Allah could fix me. but I had to make the first step
once I did that.the flood gates have opened.
I am happy
I have a god job
my family is happy
healthy
I am NOT on pills for anxiety
I was blocking my blessing
NO MORE,
I'm grateful for them
I will accept all of them
with an open heart and soul
because I know
things will not always be this good
but after hardship
AFTER HARDSHIP
COMES
RELIEF

A blessing

noreply@blogger.com (Livin_life_and loving_it) — Sat, 17 Nov 2007 04:03:00 +0000

It seems like forever That I have waited for you
In a world of disappointment On thing is true
God has blessed me
And he’s blessed you too
In a world of lonely people I’ve found you.
We were once strangers
All by ourselves
But here we are And it’s so, so sweet
God must have done this
Made you for me
We were always sleeping
Under the same stars
dreaming dreams of love
Wondering where you are
How blessed I am That I’ve found you
Now that you’re here I pray to say
“I do”