ALLAH IS MY HAPPINESS

Moved

2008-04-22T18:03:00.002+04:00

I have had a blog on wordpres for a while now. I think I am just going to stop posting here and use those.

http://livinglifeandlovinit.wordpress.com/

http://ummisweightloss.wordpress.com/

JUST FINE

2008-04-11T11:58:00.005+04:00

This song My Miss Mary J has been my thing for a min now. I swear it keeps me goign. I have it playing in the hard part of my workouts and when I need a pick me up when I am feeling a bit out of it.

It somethign about it I think it is the combonation of the beat and the lyrics that make me feel like my life is and can go in the direction I want it to go.

I am a huge Music lover, yeah I know many of you will say it is haram and I need to stop listening to it. well you know what we all have battles to fight and right now this is not one of them I am fighting.

I just love Miss Mary J. She has a song for every mood I am in. When I was made at my ex I would listen to No more drama or no gona cry and they helped me keep focused on what I needed to do. When I want to just move and feel it I can listen to Just fine , family Affair, I can love you, be without you or many others. when I am feeling good I can listen to Rainy Days, steal away, seven days, I'm goin down, and countless other song. But Rainy days makes me feel;I dont know what it is about that song but it always makes me feel good after listening to it. this part right here
Sometimes the Rule don't mind the rainIt kinda feels like I'm drownin in the Lords painUntil the sun comes out and shines again Smile, give me reason to keep belivin That everything ain't misleadinAnd I, kiss the clouds on a rainy days And, smile for you when ya skies are grayBabe, cuz imma tear drop away from cryinAnd few shots away from dyin Dear Lord, would you shower my painLet it rain, let it rain on meWhile I cherish the air I breatheI'm an angel, that can't soar, can't flyAnd I, mastered Lord knows why

when I walk I listen to it and it makes me feel. I usually think about my life when I walk I look at the ocean and just take it all in and usually when I just about done I will listen to this song and It makes me feel like I know why I am here.

She is one of my favorite women artists. I didnt really like her when she first came out but I have come to LOVE her. I think as she has grown and so did her Music. I still listen to Alycia, Patty, phylis Hymen, Natilie cloe, Sade, Toni, Missy, and my ole school salt n peppa but right now I am just feeling Mary

so here are the word to the song and these are the feeling that are making me be all I can be these days.

Let it go……Can’t let this thing called love get away from you Feel free right now, going do what you want to doCan’t let nobody take it away, from you, from me, from weNo time for moping around, are you kidding?And no time for negative vibes, cause I’m winningIt’s been a long week, I put in my hardestGonna live my life, feels so good to get it rightSo I like what I see when I’m looking at meWhen I’m walking past the mirrorNo stress through the night, at a time in my lifeAin’t worried about if you feel itGot my head on straight, I got my mind rightI aint gonna let you kill itYou see I wouldn’t change my life, my life’s just…..

Feels so good, when you’re doing all the things that you want to doGet the best out of life, treat yourself to something newKeep your head up highIn yourself, believe in you, believe in meHaving a really good time, I’m not complainingAnd I’m a still wear a smile if it rainingI got to enjoy myself regardlessI appreciate life, I’m so glad I got mineSo I like what I see when I’m looking at meWhen I’m walking past the mirrorAint worried about you and what you gonna doI’m a lady so I must stay classyGot to keep it hot, keep it togetherIf I want to get betterYou see I wouldn’t change my life, my life’s just

I aint gon’ let nothing get in my way(I ain't gone let nobody bring me down, no, no, no)No matter what nobody has to say(No way, no way, no way)I ain’t gon’ let nothing get in my wayNo matter what nobody has to say

New Direction

2008-04-11T11:17:00.002+04:00

My life is going in a new direction. Inshaallah it will be a positive one. I will tell more later. This weekend I am spending it with my girls, my 2 daughters and my wish daughter. My son is over my dream mans house for the weekend. We do this every month our kids are best friends and have a bond that is special. I love looking at them and spending time with them. This weekend since I have no 'Y' chromosomes in my home we are doing girly things. We are baking, and doing nails, makeup, and high heels. LOL....... we went to the beach after Fajar and I just enjoyed chillin with them. My kids and I usually go 3-4x a week so I can do my 3 mile walk, yuck but today I chilled with them after I finished. I think I am going to do that more often.

Ok then we get back and miss mama looks in my phone and sees some photos of her dad .......Oh aunt J why do you have these and wait when did you all take this one I dont remember that. Where were we.........OH can you say OUCH. I am like oh honey that was last yr sometime I dont even remember when. How about she said well the date is on the pic..........ok she is 10........The kids do not know anything about what happened or is happening or anything. No one wants to confuse them and if things didnt work out it could have been yucky for them. Later she was tellign me her dad and I am very simular. we do alot of the same things and we both love music. (sigh) I know this we are alike in many ways. SHe goes on to tell me how she thinks I am pretty, she loves my hair and my legs.go figure......both are a mess; and she enjoys comming here and I am so much fun and her dad is so mean.......lol.....this girl is very outgoing and smart as a whip.

I think because it is spring I feel the need to do some spring cleaning in my life. I have made a plan to get the things I want in my life and remove the things I dont. Inshaallah I can stick to it and work on achieving them. My biggest thing is being healthy. I have been working really hard on my weight and eating habits. My biggest thing is sugar. I am addicted and it is so hard to give it up. I did it for a while but as soon as I started back I could not stop. So I just have to get it out my home. My work outs have been going well. I am doing 2-4 hours a day. The weekend I do 4 all other days I do 2-3. I ride my stationary bike 1 hour, with hills, and walk 1 hour and I will do a tape I try 3x a week. Now you would think with all of that I would be skinny. The thing is I am eating sugar like crazy; So it is moving slow. 30 day with out sugar is my first small goal.

my personal life........BIG HUGE changes. Inshaallah. I am taking baby steps with those but when you add those steps up they will be huge. I feel happy about them. Life is too short to wait for things and put things off. If you never go for them they may never happen. So I am putting plans in motions to get the things I want with a goal of having them by my birthday in November. I know that seems like a long time however, I am doing this in baby steps.

It is almost 12noon and the kids are just going to sleep after beign up all night I am going to chill for a bit. We are going to have a full day when they get up inshaallah and tomorrow we will take all the kids dirt bike riding....so this will be a full weekend. I need to get all the rest I can.

Ive been tagged

2008-03-27T14:55:00.009+04:00

The Rules
1. Write your own six word memoir
2. Post it on your blog and include a visual illustration if you’d like
3. Link to the person that tagged you in your post and to this original post if possible so we can track it as it travels across the blogosphere
4 Tag five more blogs with links
5. And don’t forget to leave a comment on the tagged blogs with an invitation to play!

Most people I know have already been tagged so I'm sorry if I get you again.

I was shot down by Mumina

Here is mine

Living life, living it, and myself !!!! :)

lets talk about sex baby

2008-03-23T10:59:00.003+04:00

I had a conversation with a person this weekend that really made me rethink a lot of things. We talked about cheating spouses and having other wives. Then the conversation changed to if it all boils down to sex, If people are run by their desires; not just sexual but all of them. I think for many people it is yes.
This made me look recent events in the media. I am sure we all know about the governor in New York. This man had a powerful job, a family, a good reputation and he lost it all for some tail. Then the man that replaced him revealed that he had an affair well not just one but several. One of them being with a co worker; they had sex several times during the work day or while on overnight trips they took together for work. This man may not have lost anything but he risked his job and marriage for a fling. He risked being caught and having his business out in the street for the thrill of some extra booty. What about the man in Philly he killed his wife in the bath tub because he wanted and fell in lust with a stripper. He had spent thousands of dollars on this woman and didn't want it stop. He figured he would get the insurance money and keep giving her money..he killed his wife, lost his job, his daughter and went to jail for life all for a lap dance.........
This made me think about men throughout history. It made me think that maybe most men are weak period. For as long as there has been a man they have been weak. Now depending on what faith you are you may believe that Adam sinned because of Eve. This woman enticed Adam with an offer he could not refuse, an apple. Again if you look in the bible you will see other men not just fall because of a woman but for sex. Sampson died because he loved and desired a woman. Lot, a man that was God fearing and pious slept with his daughters because they came to him naked. He was too weak to refuse them even thou he knew it was wrong. David, Solomon, and other all had their issues with lust. This made me think about people and if it is limited to just men.
Nope it’s not. Remember that woman that in South Carolina that killed her kids because she wanted a man and her didn’t want her kids. She drove her kids into a lake and blamed a black man. What drove her to kill her own children?…..sex.! How about the woman in I think Michigan. Her boyfriend killed her daughter and she stayed with him. She stayed with a man that killed her child ...she did it for love.....how about the long Island girl that tried to kill the boyfriends wife .why would she shoot this woman in the face......because she was having sex with this woman's husband.......while writing this piece I googled women killing and I came up with several articles about women doing crazy things in the name of lust.

So this makes me think maybe this is how we are made. Maybe not ALL of us but alot of us. Maybe this is why a man will risk losing a sure thing for a maybe. I mean they risk losing the love of a good wife for something they don't know.

I think we all have some form of this in us but maybe it is not displayed in sex maybe it is food, or work, or gambling, or drugs. I think we all know someone that has put those things first in their lives. If your thinking no not me I will give you some examples and maybe you will see what I mean.

What about the person that works hard. I don't mean a few extra hours a month I mean the person that works late all the time. the person that can never make it to their kids games because they have to work. I mean the person that never makes it home for dinner . I mean the person that has a spouse and they lead separate lives. No matter how much they complain the person that works still does what they do. Their job is more important than their family. Now I know many of you will say I would rather have a husband that works too much that a man that is chasing every skirt he see. However in the big picture it is all the same. The spouse is unhappy and the marriage is not fulfilling and painful.

How about the person that drinks or does drugs; they will do ANYTHING to get that next drink or hit. We have all heard stories or seen in a movie about some one that has robbed their family blind to get what they want. They say they want to stop and just do it again and again. They may love their family but will steal anything not nailed down to do what they need to do. They will lie cheat and sell their own kids for some money.

I don't know what is worst here a co wife or a man addicted to drugs. Again, it all boils down to a unhappy home.

I look at me and i think of how many diets I have been on, how many times I have wanted to lose weight. I know what I have to do and not do but I would not do it. Until I put it in my head that there was no other choice for me I didn't lose the weight. I would overeat and then cry because I knew better but for some reason I could not stop myself. that urge to eat was stronger than my will power not to eat. I desire to sit and look at TV was stronger than my desire to get off my A$$.

Ok, now I will bring it home, how many times did I suffer for my ex. all the tears and pain for what??? LOVE, Lust, SEX???!!! Many times I wanted to get out of the marriage but I stayed. I put him before everything when I look back on things. I say that because I was not happy I was not living life to the fullest so everything else suffered. My kids didn't have a happy mom. they didn't have a mom that gave them their all. I was giving too much to him. I didn't put in my best at work because my mind was consumed with him and drama. No matter how many times I wanted to leave I was not strong enough to either leave or make him change.

Just like with my weight I had to fight my self. I knew things had to change and I had to put forth an effort to make changes. Change is not easy ........Its very hard and even now I still have to fight myself.

This is why I think we are made this way. Allah made some of us weak when it comes to sex, love, emotions and things we love. They will always be tested with these things. This is their fight. They cant just give into desires. That's is the problem. people just give in. The problem is not wanting sex with a different woman the problem is acting on it. There is no problem with wanting to see a stripper..the problem is when the person stripping for you is not your wife. ...and you become obsessed. We need to know what we can handle. Yes, maybe Allah said men can have 4 wives however, not all men should try it. It is not for everyone. They think with their little heads and then things get out of control. They need to learn to fight their desires. they need to know it is a test and want to try and pass it. We may get bored in our marriage but the thing is we don't HAVE to go out and get a new wife or have an affair. We don't have to give into every feeling we have. If I did I would have killed my husband several times. I would have had a fantastic night of passionate love making with my dream man. We all get thoughts and we all have desires , we all get tired of our lives and want more, we all meet people and become attracted to them but we all don't act on those feelings.
This is why we need to trust in Allah, swt. We need to stay prayerful. we need to know ourselves and stay away from things that temp us. Life is not suppose to be easy all the time. We are told we will be tempted. we all know we will have problems at times. We just need to want to pass our tests.

lonely

2008-03-16T15:03:00.005+04:00

So today I feel crappy!!!! I do not know if it is becuase it is spring or what but I am just feeling ......lonely and missing (AS)the man I wanted to have. I had his kids over for a sleep over. 2 weeks in a row his family was at my house. Man that was so much fun but hard
I wished we were a family. I wish he was my husband. I know it is a sin for me to even think this way and i know I will stop but I miss his smile, his laugh, his smell, our talks, our ........... I just miss him

I am really thinking about going back to the states. I am sick of being here. I like it but there are times when i just want to be around people that look, think and act more like me. We will see.......... Anyway thats all for now.......

ok I am offically not a P supporter

2008-03-09T20:18:00.003+04:00

I have always wanted to see the good in the BIG P. Today I woke up and just had enough. I am sick of these sorry a** brothers using Islam to make their lust halal. I am sick of the lies and the hurt and the pain this causes. I am sick of reading how these men are tearing up families for a new piece of tail. I am sick of how this disease is running threw our ummah like cancer. I am sick of how we women lie down and take it. I am sick of how the Imams allow this to happen over, and over and over again. I am sick of how a man can get out of jail today already have a wife or two and marry another woman the next day and its ok. I am sick of none of the imams checking these men out. I am sick of everything being the woman's fault. I am just sick.
I am sick of reading about how heartless these men seem to be and its ok int he Muslim world. I am sick of reading over and over again how we women have to put up with it. I am so sick of us hurting. I am so sick of us wanting or needing a man that we forget ourselves. I am so sick of life being so hard for a woman that she feels that she HAS to settle because no one will want her. WHere are the real brothers??? where are the men that should be looking out for us? Islam is suppose to protect the woman but instead it has been twisted and now we need more protecting than ever before. WHERE IS OUR PROTECTION!!! Why are they throwing us to the wolves???? Why is it that we have so many wolves and no one cares?
Why is it a perfect faith we can have so many people not striving to be close to perfect? How can we have fallen so far. How is it that out lust is more important that our souls? How is it that an orgasm is more powerful that ALLAH???????

Whats wrong with being Muslim

2008-03-09T20:02:00.002+04:00

I LOVE OBAMA. I really do. I love the way he talks, the way he carries his self, I love just love the ora around him. BUT there is one thing I do not like. I do not like how the word Muslim seems to be a dirty word to him.
Yes, I know being a Muslim is not a popular thing and if he was Muslim he we would not even be having this conversation. I know and fully understand why he has to tell everyone he is Christian. BUT I DO NOT understand why he does not say. No, I am not Muslim but there is nothing wrong with the majority of Muslims. Why does he not say my fathers family is Muslim but I CHOOSE to be Muslim. Why doesn't he say there are good people that are Muslim and I feel sad that I have to deny 1/2 of who I am because of the climate of the country. I was born into a family that was similar. My moms side is Muslim and my dads side is Christian. I NEVER denied one or the other. I did have my moments where I didn't want to practice Islam, I didn't want to cover , but I never just ignored 1/2 of who I was. Now I know I am not a public figure but the point is we should not be ashamed of who we are.
Why doesn't one person in the media ask him how he feels about Muslims in general. I want to know what he thinks about Islam. Every day I make dua for him to win, but today I didn't. Today I thought ........whats wrong with being Muslim.

Why do we have to choose??????

2008-02-22T16:52:00.002+04:00

I was reading a brothers blog and it made me think. Why do American Muslim lose their Identity when they become Muslim. I think Americans need their own identity that represent them and stop trying to be Arab. Trust me as a person that left America to live among the Arabs.......THEY AIN'T ALL THAT.
This is not to talk bad per say about Arabs but in my opinion when we forget who we are and try to act like others we are in essence saying we are inferior than they are. We are saying we as a people are not strong, people with morals and values. We are saying we need Arabs to teach us how to dress, live, act, talk, etc. When in fact after living overseas for a while I think we need to come teach them.
Yes, when we become Muslim we will need to dress differently. BUT do we have to dress like an Arab. There are Muslim from all over the world that dress in a way that is Islamically acceptable and look nothing like Arabs. The men in Africa look like they are from Africa. They have a different look. The men From Pak, India, and other Asian countries stand out here because they do NOT look or dress like an Arab. In fact when I look at photos of Muslim from all over the world I admire their beauty. I love the many colors I see; not only in their skin tones but in their clothes.
Here all I see all day is Black and white. Black abayas and white thobes. If the purpose of hijab is to show modesty, not attract attention, and cover the body. I think the Arabs I live, work and socialise with on a daily basis forgot that....but that is a post for another day.
We seem to think that the actions of an Arab is better than the actions of an American. I am sorry but this is not the case. People are people before we are Muslim. Meaning you are born a person. You CHOOSE to practice Islam. even if you are born into Islam when we become adults we choose what we will and will not do. We choose to be a thief, a liar, a fornicator,or a religious person, we choose to be humble, modest, prayerful. These skill ,we are not born with. We acquire them. Do we somehow think Arabs have a monopoly on the good traits.
If you do let me tell you they don't. I come in contact with many people that only pray during Ramadan, only cover because it is cultural not for Islamic reasons, smoke like chimneys, curse like a sailor, treat their neighbor unkind, think Islamic behaviours are ok because they are culturally acceptable. I get followed to work by men that want to pay me for sex. I have gotten followed home in a taxi from a souk by a man.It took me over 30 mins for me to shake him. I have men try to talk to me while I am driving, while shopping, or just doing any normal daily activity. These things NEVER happened to me in the states. Men would see me in my hijab and have respect. This is something I don't find here. For me to live in a society that is suppose to know to lower their gaze. Why do I find men staring me right in the eyes? This is something that happens even if I am wearing Niqab. I see women that do not raise their children. They leave it to the maids. I see children that have no manners. I see people that are not color blind. No here I see a class system here that is just as bad as anything I have seen in the States or worse. I see men that rape their maids and use the excuse that they own them so they have a right to the women. I see boys that get raped and the actions gets handled by the families because it is something that is not talked about. I see other unislamic behaviors; but these are the people we want to to emulate. Are these actions better than any actions we have in our own country? NO!!!
Can someone PLEASE tell when where is says anywhere that when a person accepts Islam they HAVE to lose who they are. They have to become a whole different culture. In the beginning of Islam when countries, tribes, Villages started to embrace Islam they did not become Arab Nations. No they kept their identity and embrace Islam with their whole heart. I do not remember ever reading, and someone please correct me if I am wrong, The prophet, SWA, never told a country to become Arab and stop being who they were. HE told them to accept Islam. Not accept Arabslam. He may have told them to stop practicing shirk, or doing things that were against Islam.
We need to love who we are and build on that. Take Islam and follow live it. Stop wanting to be or wanting to have who we are not. I do not know how many men get bitten by the Arab bug. They have a loving American wife but feel if they get an Arab wife that that wife will in some way be better than the one they have. They think because these women speak some form of Arabic, and let me remind you MOST of these people to don't speak Quranic Arabic. They have their own language separate from the Arabic written in the Quran. But because they speak this their children will in some way become better people, this wife will in some way worship Allah better, serve the husband better, love them deeper, respect them more. This is MY OPINION is the worse trait that Muslims aquire. These men say their mother, sisters, wives, daughters, aunts are not good women. We are not good enough to marry bear your children or raise them. You tell us we are inferior. We the women that were your backbone. The women that walked by you , in front of you and protected you, stood behind you and had your back thought your entire life are now not good enough. Even though we are Muslim. Even though we act Muslim, are modest, are chase, have Strong eman, worship Allah, have raised children that have manners, know how to act in a Mosque, we because of our native language are no longer acceptable to you. This hurts our people to the core.
No other people try to act Arab or embrace the Arabs like us Americans. There are Muslims all over the world but for whatever reason we are the only ones that lose our identity because of Islam. There are beautiful African, Asian, and other Muslim that take pride in who they are and still follow Islam. However we act like to be American and Muslim is a sin. We can only be one or the other.....why is that.

life is funny

2008-02-15T17:10:00.002+04:00

I have not been posting recently. I needed a break. I found that reading blogs and posting took so much out of me. I needed to get a check on my real life.

Updates:

Work sucks...I love my job but this program is more than this country is ready for. I THINK they should have done more planning and then started it. Inshaallah it will continue and they will get all the kinks out soon.

My kids: great...nuff said :)

Love life:
well I will just say I am happy right now.

I will post more very soon. just wanted to pop in

friends

2008-01-06T02:39:00.000+04:00

I just feel Happy today. Sad that I have to go to work in the morning..ewwww but I had a good experience. My ex came while I was on break. He came to try to get back with me but it ended up being the most loving goodbye in history.....
I do love that man........and he gave me more than I could have ever asked for while he was here. He was kind, lovong, wonderful with the kids, and most of all he looked me in the eyes and told me how he felt and how sorry he was and is.......
HE asked me to do something..just dont overthink why he is doing it and if he means it. and YOu know what i didnt question anywhing..........well after about 5 days..but after that I just accepted everything...took it all in and just loved being with him.
I was truely bless, we got to part as friends and still have a love for each other that we can only have.
I knew deep down I HAD to mean something to him. I knew all my hurt and pain didnt go on deafs ear.....I knew he HAD to see it.......and he did.
YES, somethings did go WAY over his head. some of my pain he didnt see....Some of his actions he didnt know hurt me like they did.....We talked abotu EVERYTHInG. and now he know and more important to me......I KNOW what he was thinking and why he did somethings........and I know he did and still does love me.....so for that I am happy...
InahAALLAH I will be able to move on with my life no matter where it takes me.

I got one for you!!!

2008-01-02T18:32:00.000+04:00

OK, I have one for all you that say a man only get more than 1 wife when there is something wrong with the first marriage....

I talked to a woman that got married to a man the same day he married another..THATS RIGHT HE MARRIED THE BOTH THE SAME DAY!!!

I was like NOWAY, but it is true. this man always new he wanted more than one wife....so instead of hurting a first with with adding another.....he married them the same day......
they had seperate wilimas .......and their anniversary is whatever day the woman chose to have her wailma....Not the actual day of them marriage...
HE did a nice contract , I think, he put alot of things in it to protect everyones time........like when someone is sick, has a baby, special day, ect........he spelled it all out........I was like man this man is on the ball....she said it made things easy cause no one could argue about time cause it was all spelled out.......

Oh, and no he was not dating either women he met them both about 2 months before he married them.....One was divorced the other never married; both women had children....One from a friend and the other by a Imam.

She said the both lived in the same apt complex but in seperate buildings...can you imagine the looks on the peoples face in the office when they came in to rent two apt. Now they both have small homes...they have been married 9 yrs....Go figure........

I have full details but only have a short time to write this......inshaallah I will get back to it...

Benazir Bhutto assassinated - CNN.com

2007-12-28T11:20:00.000+04:00

Benazir Bhutto assassinated - CNN.com

Why???

If I could say I love you

2007-12-25T08:09:00.000+04:00

When I was younger I grew up in a family that was split. My mothers family were all Muslim. However, My dad had mostly Christians in his family. So, I had the best of both worlds durign the holidays.
I could go over my dads moms house and have a ball.SHE SPLOIED me rotten. I was the only girl in the family, she had 5 boys, and the first grand child.
So, I got evrything. I didnt get Christmas presents…..she wanted to respect my parents faith, but we did go shoppignt he day after chritmas…;) and stocked up on important things…..Like clothes, shoes, and the very important…..TOYS!!!
yeah all the things we got were christmas gifts but inmy head they were until I got older and figured out what she was really doing.
Anyway, I remember she would cook every year. I mean COOK…..OMG she would fix at least 7 cakes and pies, several breads, turkey, chicken, ham..never got to eat that…..and sometimes a roast….then there was the side dishes….yams, mac and cheese, greens, string beans, cranberry sauce, stuffing, mashed pototoes, and more. I am gettignhungry just thinking about it.
I wish for one day I could go back. Just to see all the peopel I cant see anymore. If I had known then what I know now……maybe I would have loved them more…showed them more…….and cherrished them a whole lot more.
I miss my grandmother…she was strong and loving….that is why when i had my first daughter there was no choice in her name…it had to be after her…..I wanted her to be like her in many ways……I wanted her to be strong and wise. i wanted her to love herself and family……I wanted her to have a sprit of truth about herself…..
My uncle thomas…..Gosh it is strange but I miss him the most…..I have not seen him in years..since i was 16, dont know if he is alive or dead….he walked away from his family the day he burried his mother…….I guess he forgot he had a niece that loved him and wanted so much to be a part of his life. I would have LOVED for him to see my kids or just have a phone conversation as an adult. My other Uncles are dull, the youngest and my dad spend ttheir lives trying to out do each other. i remember one yr we went to Disney and we spent a week, well I did, listening to them see who knew more or who had the most……”oh no ill pay for this..oh no i got this one……..did you know this was made in..no i think your wrong really it was made in ..and by……becaue”…….oh i wanted to yell who the heck cares……we are in Florida and we are on vacation and this is suppose to be fun….I guess they stopped trying to out do each other and just figured out they are both full of sh**….My uncle was an alcoholic and cocaine user that ened up losing his family and ..my dad……well he has been married too many times to count and lived so high on the hog that when he when he feel he ended up on my sofa for a yr….I could have said this is what u get for all they years you cheated your kids out of child support by sendingin FAKE tax returns ……saying you made $30,000 when you made over $100,000..and then didnt even pay ……or how about when you were so busy wining a dining your women you forgot birthdays and how abotu my PHONE NUMBER!!!! but i allowed himt o stay with me and I actually enjoyed him most time……..but that is a different story
then my other uncle the male whore turned christan has to save my soul…….nuff said i think..
so Thomas was the cool one. He would just have fun…..he took literally thousands of pictures of me. when my grand mom died they went throu her things and found trash bag full of photos……..that is how my dad devliverd them to me. in trash bags…….I guess that should have showed me how important I was to him them…….but that is a different story:)
anyway he would just pick me up and take me out and hang…..I learned later when i was older he was gay and depressed…..So what i thought……He was gay…does that make him less a family member…….No I do not believe in that lifestyle. But he is my uncle and I loved him. I wish I could have told him…….I wish I had a chance to spend another holiday with him……..he has to be in his late 60s now……If he is alive……AIDS took alot of gay men……..I hope he is not one of them…..and if he is I hope he didnt die alone.
so to my uncle Thomas…..Merry Merry!!!! and I do miss and LOVE YOU

WHY did the male cow have utters

2007-12-24T18:03:00.000+04:00

OK, I know I am late seeing this but I am just slow. My kids have the DVD Barnyard. I was trying to look at it today while I was working out.

Well the stupid male cow had UTTERS.....OK i know this is not a serious topic but ..............WHY???!!!!

I thought male cows were bulls. What happened to the horns?? Why make him femine?? What are they making some statement that went WAY above my head.........
Maybe I am anal but this thing freaked me out so much that I had to google it too see if I was wrong.........NOPE Im not........

so here is my ramble for the day........you see how dull my life is ......
MAN I NEED A MAN!!!!!!!!

Women Charged With Sexually Assaulting UNC Football Players :: WRAL.com

2007-12-22T06:09:00.000+04:00

I read many rape stories on here. Most on P.M.s Blog....I usually feel sorry for the woman or boy/man and think how could a person do such a thing. But then I read this......I didnt feel so upset but i did feel ....
I wonder why? I wonder how many people will think How can a woman rape a man.....

Women Charged With Sexually Assaulting UNC Football Players :: WRAL.com

Hillsborough — Three UNC football players were the victims in a kidnapping, robbery and sexual assault incident involving two women, the university confirmed Thursday afternoon. Chapel Hill police said the assault happened about 3:30 a.m. Sunday at an apartment complex where all three victims were bound with tape and then assaulted by the suspects. At a bond hearing Thursday, Orange County Assistant District Attorney Morgan Whitney said police arrived at the scene and found two of the victims, tied up, in boxer shorts. The third victim was fully clothed with his hands tied.At least two were sexually assaulted, Whitney said. He is still waiting on the final police report to see if the third man was also. None of the victims required medical attention.
"I am relieved that the players were not injured," UNC head coach Butch Davis said in a prepared statement Thursday. "We will assist them in any way we can."
Prosecutors said the victims met the suspects – Monique Jenice Taylor, Tnikia Monta Washington and Michael Troy Lewis – during a birthday celebration at a downtown bar and that they all went back to the victims' apartment.
Initially, one of the football players welcomed sexual advances from Taylor and Washington, Whitney said.
"They brought him back and put him in the bedroom," Whitney said. "When the victim left the bedoom, there was a naked black male in the hallway who had a knife."Whitney said Taylor then pulled off the victim's pants, pushed him down on a bed, attempted to tie his hands with his belt and started to fondle him against his consent.
"The more that he wrestled, Mr. Lewis put his knife further, or closer, to the victim's neck," Whitney said. "Ms. Taylor fondled his private parts. He repeatedly said no, and as he continued to resist, Ms. Taylor and the codefendant, Ms. Washington, began to beat him in the face."
Taylor's attorney, Glenn Gerding, said the fondling was consensual.
A neighbor, Bobby Roberson, who lives across from the players, said he heard shouting and yelling coming from the apartment .
"Somebody sounded like they were getting slammed up against a wall," Roberson said. "Then, all of sudden, you heard a guy saying, yelling for help. It was like, 'Help, help, help!'"
Police arrested Taylor and Washington at the scene. Lewis fled after a confrontation with officers, Chapel Hill police said. He surrendered on Wednesday.Taylor, 28, of 209 Millbrook St. in Greenville, and Washington, 29, of 814 Belvin Avenue in Durham, are each charged with one count of first-degree sex offense, three counts of kidnapping, one count of resisting arrest and three counts of conspiracy to commit a felony.Lewis, 32, of 2118 Lexington St. in Durham, is charged with two counts of robbery, two counts of assault on a government official, two counts of possession of stolen goods, three counts of kidnapping, one count of resisting arrest and three counts of conspiracy to commit a felony.All three suspects were initially placed in jail under a $500,000 secured bond, but Judge Cathrine Stevens reduced Taylor and Washington's bond to $50,000 Thursday. All three were in the Orange County Jail Thursday afternoon.
"This is a very unusual case," Gerding said. "Almost unbelievable, at first blush."
Reporters: Julia Lewis, Ken Smith
Photographers: Pete James, Mark Simpson
Web Editors: Kelly Gardner, Anne Leake

vote

2007-12-20T14:46:00.000+04:00

While surfing the net I came across a list of Starts that support B.O… I cant even begin to spell his name. Oh NO look what his initials spell……..hummm maybe I will learn how to spell his name… I dont want to call him that.
Anyway, I wonder if these people will really help him win. I think Hillary has tons of people behind her and I wonder if STAR POWEr really counts. I wonder if it really matters. I think people will vote for him or not because of what he stands for not becuase of who stand beside him..I kind of wish he would have waited until the next election. He is so new and I think people do not know what he is all about. We know all the others a full of crap, but him I just dont know. I know this ..he just aint no Jessse Jackson. When he ran..Blk people stood in line for hours to vote for him. I dont see that with this guy. I remember that was my first yr I could vote. I came home from New York just to vote. I stood in line over a hour to make my voice heard……well I guess no one else heard it cause he lost…
Chris Albrecht, HBO chairman
Big Kenny Alphin, recording artist
Marc Andreessen, Internet pioneer
Jennifer Aniston, actress
Rosanna Arquette, actress
Tyra Banks model, talk show host
Lawrence Bender, producer
Halle Berry, actress
Valerie Bertinelli, actress
Arthur Blank, Falcons owner
Judy Blume, author
Steven Bochco, producer, writer
Andy Borowitz, satirist, writer
Zach Braff, actor
Steve Brill, Court TV founder
Christie Brinkley, model
James L Brooks, producer, director
Jackson Browne, musician
Warren Buffett, billionaire
Mark Burnett, game show producer
Ken Burns, independent filmmaker
Peter Buttenwieser, political fundraiser
Kate Capshaw, actress
Michael Chabon, author
Jay Chandrasekhar, director, writer
Peter Chernin, News Corporation president
Richard A Clarke, security expert
George Clooney, actor
Cindy Crawford, model
Drew Curtis, fark.com founder
Jamie Lee Curtis, actress
Larry David, comedian, writer
Laurie David writer, activist
Barry Diller, media mogul
Paul Dooley, actor
Michael Douglas, actor, director
Michael Eisner, Disney CEO
Kenneth Feinberg, attorney
Tom Ford, fashion designer
Jodie Foster, actress
Jamie Foxx actor, comedian
Morgan Freeman, actor
David Geffen, Dreamworks co-founder
Jami Gertz, actress
Charles Gifford, Bank of America chairman
Cuba Gooding Jr., actor
Berry Gordy, record producer, entrepreneur
Lou Gossett Jr., actor
Brian Grazer, producer
Jasmine Guy, actress
Herbie Hancock, musician
Tom Hanks, actor
Tom Hayden, activist, author
Dennis Haysbert, actor
Christie Hefner, Playboy CEO
Hugh Hefner, Playboy founder
Cheryl Hines, actress
Bruce Hornsby, recording artist
Ron Howard, director, producer
Phil Jackson, NBA coach, player
Samuel Jackson, actor
Michael Jordan, basketball star
Vernon Jordan, Washington power broker
Jeffrey Katzenberg, Dreamworks co-founder
Gayle King, editor, Oprah’s BFF
David Koepp, screenwriter
Cedric ‘the Entertainer’ Kyle, comedian
Christine Lahti, actress
Sherry Lansing, Paramount Studios CEO
Sharon Lawrence, actress
Norman Lear, television producer
Julia Louis-Dreyfus, actress
Seth MacFarlane, animator, screenwriter
Tobey Maguire, actor
Norman Mailer, author
Natalie Maines, recording artist
Barry Manilow, singer/songwriter
Stephon Marbury, pro basketball player
Branford Marsalis, musician
Greg Mathis, TV judge
Bette Midler, singer, actress
John Morgridge, Cisco chairman
Rob Morrow, actor
Alonzo Mourning, NBA star
Eddie Murphy, actor, comedian
Paul Newman, actor, philanthropist
Craig Newmark, craigslist.org founder
Leonard Nimoy, actor
Edward Norton, actor
Rosie O’Donnell, actress, comedian
Stan O’Neal, Merrill Lynch CEO
Adrian Pasdar, actor
Holly Robinson Peete, actress
Sidney Poitier, actor
Ellen Pompeo, actress
Maury Povich, talkshow host
Penny Pritzker, hotel heiress
Harold Ramis, director, actor
Phylicia Rashad, actress
Jerry Reinsdorf, Chicago White Sox owner
Paul Reiser, comedian, actor
Chris Rock, comedian, actor
Robert Rubin, US Treasury SecretaryEdward Rust, State Farm CEOSusan Sarandon, actress
Thomas Schlamme, producer, director
Howard Schultz, Starbucks CEO
Terry Semel, Yahoo CEOBen Silverman, NBC Universal chairman
James Sinegal, Costco CEO
Tom Skerritt, actor
Emmitt Smith, pro football player
Jada Pinkett Smith, actress
Will Smith, actor, recording artist
George Soros, financier
Steven Spielberg, filmmaker
Leigh Steinberg, sports agent
Fisher Stevens, actor
Ben Stiller, actor
Oliver Stone, director
Christine Taylor, actress
Richard Thalheimer, The Sharper Image CEO
Heather Thomas, actress
Garry Trudeau, cartoonist
Denzel Washington, actor
Isaiah Washington, actor
John Wells, television producer
Jann Wenner, Rolling Stone CEO
Tom Werner, Boston Red Sox co-owner
Forest Whitaker, actor, director
Paula White, megachurch “life coach”
Bradley Whitford, actor
Gene Wilder, actor
Rita Wilson, actress
Oprah Winfrey, talk show host, actress
Joanne Woodward, actress
Jeffrey Wright, actor
Robert Wright, NBC Universal head
Andrew Young, civil rights activist
Edward Zander, Motorola chairman
George Zimmer, Men’s Wearhouse CEO

Why are we so selfish

2007-12-10T13:05:00.000+04:00

I have been reading a few blogs lately. Most of them have some anti polygamy entry on them. My question to this is WHY. I know I can not be the only pro "p' person that is not a man. I see to many good things that can come out of it. I don't know maybe it is me, but I think we are being a little too selfish.
Now before you all jump down my throat. Let me say I feel men are selfish also in this equation. They, more times than not, go into this the wrong way. Many times have the wrong intentions; and what ends up happening is the whole this ends up being a disaster.
A Man that marry without telling his wife. Man this is a HUGE mistake. Mistake is not even the right word it is not even a strong enough word. But I will use it now. The thing is, one lie will lead to another lie, and then you end up with a wife that will no longer trust you. No longer look at you the same way; never feel at home in her own body. She will forever, or at least for a long time, not trust her own judgment, thougths feelings are desires. These emotions will always be erratic because of YOUR actions. She will think how did this happen without me knowing. If you loved her trusted her and respected her as a woman, wife, mother why couldn't you just tell her. Open your heart and mind to her.
The thing is NO, you do not HAVE to tell your wife. but why not. I am so sick of hearing this lame excuse. It is like your wife coming home and saying "I know we have been married 15 yrs and I never told you this but I had over a million dollars in the bank and never told you. yeah i know we have been living off your small salary and yeah I could have helped you out, when you had to work 2 jobs just to pay bills, or just did it to be helpful; but it was my money and I didn't have to cause it is my right. Oh and by the way I just spent it. yeah on this wardrobe. arnt my dresses lovely. I know these dresses will in no way help you or benefit you and i am sure it is not what you want but it is my right to spend my money."wouldn't that make you feel sick. would that make you wonder what her intention where this whole time? Why she lied to you? Why after all you have done for her, fed her clothed her, worked hard for her..how could she betray you like that? How could she be so sneaky? You would never look at her the same way. Well why do you think it will be any different for her? Why start off a marriage with a lie? Why hurt he woman you love/ Why
Marriage is about more than sex. We have to respect and love our spouses. There is no respect when you just marry and never even mention it to your wife.I am not saying she has to agree to it. NOpe not at all. It would be nice but I don't think in my opinion she has to agree. But i think if you at least told her, and not the day before. Things would be better. You would at least have her respect and she would not be so wounded.
then you have the men that get into it for all the wrong reasons. They do it just cause they can. They do not think it all out before they get into it. Then after they find out....oh this is too hard...or this really messed up my other marriage....or whatever... Men need to think with the heads on their neck and not the smaller ones below. A wife gives you more than sex, and if that is all you marry for you wont get much out of that marriage. All sex even good sex only last so long.........but a marriage ..
Marriage is inshaallah a lifetime commitment. we can not rush into these things without thought or disregard others feelings.
please think about important things like
can you afford more than one family?
can you physically handle more than one wife...you may THINK you can but the object is not to leave anyone hanging......all wives should be left feeling satisfied and fulfilled.
can you deal with all the emotions?
can you comfort and help all your wives deal with the adjustment ...
will you be there for them when they are both not liking you
will you be man enough to step up and be a man when you don't get your way?
will you stay prayed up?
will you make extra prayers?
ask yourself is it worth losing your family?
Can you give them their rights?
oh, I can go on
but as you can see it is alot to think about
and this is from a woman that likes the big "p".
so before you jump into this.........are you doing the right thing.......or are you being selfish????

women, your next

Got a text

2007-12-07T11:51:00.000+04:00

Well I guess congrads are in order

My ex texted me
his wife had their baby yesterday

Inshaallah This will make thier lives full and he will be a blessing to them

All children are a blessing from Allah!!

Man what a week

2007-12-03T08:51:00.000+04:00

Well

things have changed

My life is moving in a good direction.

It looks like I will be married VERY soon inshaallah

I will let you all know

until things happen I just want to pray and ask Allah for guidance....so keep my in your duas

postponed

2007-11-29T05:21:00.000+04:00

My wedding is off. Not forever inshaallah but for now. The heart is funny. No matter what happenes. I am glad I met a special man and that he touched my life
If I never marry him my life is richer just for knowing him..........

BOY DID HE MAKE ME LAUGH!!!!!!!!

How to plan a wedding

2007-11-23T09:23:00.000+04:00

I dont have a clue!!!!!

PLEASE HELP!!!!

My wedding will be very small but I want something I will remember forever. I want the right dress, the room to be perfect. It will just be my family and maybe less than ten friends. We are going to get married in my home. Other than these few things............Im lost!!!!!!!

SOMEBODY ANY BODY

H
E
L
P

Love from Allah, swt

2007-11-18T15:33:00.001+04:00

The best description that I personally have ever read describing the closeness of the spouses to each other is the Qur'anic verse which says: "they are your garments and you are their garments" (Surah Al Baqarah 2:187). Indeed, spouses are like garments to each other because they provide one another with the protection, the comfort, the cover, the support, and the adornment that garments provide to humans. Just imagine a journey in the winter of Alaska without garments! Our spouses provide us with the same level of comfort, protection, cover, and support in the journey of our lives on this earth as garments would do in the Alaskan journey.

The relationship between the spouses is the most amazing of all human relations: the amount of love and affection, intimacy and closeness, mercy and compassion, peace and tranquility that fills the hearts of the spouses is simply inexplicable. The only rational explanation for these most amazing of all human feelings is that: it is an act of Allah , "And Allah has made for you Mates (and Companions) of your own nature ..." (Surah Al Nahl 16:72) Only our Almighty Allah in His Infinite Power, Boundless Mercy, and Great Wisdom can create and ingrain these amazing and blessed feelings in the hearts of the spouses. In fact Allah is reminding those who search for His signs in the universe that these feelings in the hearts of the spouses are among the signs that should guide humans to His existence as He says in the Qur'an, "And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves that you may dwell in tranquility with them and He has put love and mercy between your hearts: verily in that are signs for those who reflect." (Surah Al Rum 30:21)

But Allah knows that the human heart is not a static entity, it is sometimes weak and at times dynamic. Feelings can and do change with time. Love may wither and fade away. The marital bond might weaken if not properly cared for. Happiness in marriage cannot be taken for granted; continuous happiness requires constant giving from both sides. For the tree of marital love to remain alive and keep growing, the soil has to be sustained, maintained, watered and nurtured.

How do we do these things. First we must grow stronger in Islam. If each of you have a strong foundation in Islam you will water and nurture each other with the words of Qur'an. You will feed each others souls. The most important thing any couple can do is find some time for both of you to pray together. Strengthening the bond between you and Allah is the best guarantee that your own marital bond would always remain strong. Having peace with Allah will always result in having more peace at home.

Having maintenance.... To me this means to make your spouse feel secure. to maintain her not only financially but emotionally. Always try your best to be good to your wife/ husband by words and by deeds. Talk to her/ him, smile at her/him, seek her/his advice, ask for her/his opinion, spend quality time with eachother and always remember that the Prophet,swt, said "the best of you are those who are best to their wives." Finally, it is common that spouses vow to love and honor their spouses until death do them part. I do believe that this vow is good or even great, but not enough! It is not enough that you love your spouse. You have to love what they loves as well. their family, loved ones must also become your loved ones. Also, it is not enough that you them her until death do you part. Love should never end and we do believe there is life after death where those who did righteousness in this world will be joined by their spouses (Surah Al Zukhruf 43:70) and offspring.

This is what I look forward to in a marriage. With Allah telling us what we can have in a marriage; how can we expect less? Why would we expect less? Why miss out on the love Allah wants for us......Becasue we are scared we may be hurt......I think I will take my chances.

The big rammble

2007-11-18T05:02:00.000+04:00

I was reading Safa's Blog. I loved her recent post, but one thing she wrote got me thinking.
Does the first wife ever really agree. Yes, she may say it, she may THINK she fees it; but when it happens usually her heart changes.

I can speak from my own experiences. I THOUGHT it was going to be ok. I read about it. I prayed about it. We talked about it. However when it happened my heart changed. The first time I made it all day with no problems; but the next week was hard. I kept thinking Why, why did he need this, why did he do this, why me, why, why, why. The thing is we don't know how we will react until we are in it.

So then what is the their wife to do. Yes, she had the blessing but then...........things change. She can not do something haram because of something halal meaning, She can not go to her husband and say divorce me because it is too hard on the other wife..The thing is by then he is Her husband too. ..all she wants is to be happy and love her husband.... she cant be truly happy when someone else is hurting......

So this makes me wonder does she have to agree. Yes, it would make it BETTER, but the fact is does make either of the marriages better if it is short lived. If it was never the truth, not meaning she lied but maybe didn't know........
I do not think the prophet went to all his wife and asked their permission before he married.... It is not up to the wife to change.... it is up to the husband. HE must make her KNOW he still loves her, That he still wants her, needs her, comfort her,..he must make her feel secure...Then then pain wont be as bad. yes, there will be pain......but maybe it wont hurt so much..

Being in this type of relationship is NOT easy. Marriage is not easy when it is just 2 people. When you add in the third........WOW!!!

I don't think there are any real sets of rules because we all need so many different things. We all want different things..........

Love is complicated

When I think of my ex. How that man has even affected my life now.
How last week when I knew my blessing was getting close.
My mind went to him
NOT about how much i wanted him or anything
but how I allowed him to treat me
how i handled things
I started to doubt myself
I started to feel like i was not worthy of this man
a good man
a man with good character
with family values
with a Strong foundation in Islam
with his head on straight
with our personalities so similar
with room in his heart and life for me and my family
with an objective to make me happy
not by making someone else unhappy

When i knew he wanted me I wanted to run
I wanted to block my own blessing
I wanted to revert into my old ways
Why???

Because I thought I was over him....but the fact is I will never be over the pain I endured. I will never forget......I will have a permanent scare. Yes, it had healed but the mark is there forever.

So today I sit here writing this so happy
Happy because I now know I am worthy of love and happiness
I do not think I have to suffer for Allah
Not for the whims of a man.
Not when the situation is not right

This is a Huge step for me
not just the marriage but taking the chance again with my heart
The thing is he knows my family and has been a good friend of my Uncle for years. I never met him but they have known each other for years and my Uncle says he know he is a good man and I would be lucky to have him.
you never know the plan of Allah. I went around the world to find happiness that was right in my back yard for years. The thing was I was not ready to receive it. I could not have handled it before now.
I could not have seen him before
my eyes where shut
my heart was closed

Only Allah could fix me. but I had to make the first step
once I did that.the flood gates have opened.
I am happy
I have a god job
my family is happy
healthy
I am NOT on pills for anxiety
I was blocking my blessing
NO MORE,
I'm grateful for them
I will accept all of them
with an open heart and soul
because I know
things will not always be this good
but after hardship
AFTER HARDSHIP
COMES
RELIEF

A blessing

2007-11-17T08:03:00.000+04:00

It seems like forever That I have waited for you
In a world of disappointment On thing is true
God has blessed me
And he’s blessed you too
In a world of lonely people I’ve found you.
We were once strangers
All by ourselves
But here we are And it’s so, so sweet
God must have done this
Made you for me
We were always sleeping
Under the same stars
dreaming dreams of love
Wondering where you are
How blessed I am That I’ve found you
Now that you’re here I pray to say
“I do”

Blessings from ALLAH,swt,

2007-11-16T05:30:00.000+04:00

Ash SharhSurah 94. Solace, Consolation, Relief

In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful.

1. Have We not expanded for you your breast?
2. And We removed from you your burden,
3. Which weighed down your back?
4. And We exalted for you your reputation?
5. Then, surely with hardship comes ease:
6. Surely, with hardship comes ease,
7. So when you have finished (with your immediate task), still strive hard, (then toil),
8. And to your Lord turn (all) your attention.

PM you gonna make me cry

2007-11-13T19:32:00.001+04:00

Thank you for the comment. I LOVED IT!!!

What a difference a day makes.
Yesterday I just felt sorry for myself. I just could not believe all this happened. I sat and cried and cried
I think I needed to do that to let everything go
Once i finished

It was gone

All the sadness was gone and my heart felt a Peace that it has NEVER felt.

Things are going well
I am back to my old self
I stuck it out didn't take a pill
and the sadness went away

Then something amazing happened.
it is so wonderful I am still digesting it
So once I wrap my head around it
I will post it

Just know I feel much better
It is wonderful to have friends!!!!

My heart is screaming these words

2007-11-12T05:24:00.000+04:00

Why does it hurt so bad?
Why do I feel so sad?
Thought I was over youBut I keep crying When I don't love you
So why does it hurt so bad
I thought I had let you goSo, why does it hurt me soI gotta get you outta my headIt hurts so bad
My life's been better since the day I left you boy
I must admit life's been kind to me
Haven't had much drama since the day that we split boy
My heart's never been more at ease
And when I think of all the things you put me thru
Leaving you has been the best thing for me
Why does it hurt so bad?Why do I feel so sad?

Have you ever felt..........

2007-11-08T14:07:00.000+04:00

This week I feel..............
tired
lonely
happy
sad
depressed
over joyed
overwhelmed
confused
confident
weary
and so much more
How can I feel all this in less than a week.
My emotions have been working overtime
with my job working me hard.
I love it because it keeps my mind off other things
and I also like my job so I feel so good about myself when I do these things
The thing about my job is I am the ONLY person with my title that does not have a masters. I did not have any formal training and I should be just a teacher and even many of them have higher degrees than I do. But, I just get this job. I feel it, Love it, Adore it, This job was from Allah. This job was my blessing. I honestly feel good and for the first time ever feel like this is where I belong.

Then I have my personal emotions..............man
I am thinking about getting a husband just for sex. no emotions involved. I know many people will not agree with this but the fact is I do haev needs and desires but I do not crave the drama that comes along with men. When I think of the crap I went though and many, many, of the people I know or know of; I think why do it. Why put myself in a situation that I might get hurt. I would love to find a person that understands me, will care for me, take care of me, love my kids, and will support me, not with money but emotionally, but money is nice too.....lol. However, I know that this will probably not happen. Yes, I can find a man, but can I find HIM, the one.......the one I really need to help me grow as a Muslim, a woman,a mother, a person? Does he even exist?

Happy Birthday to ME!!!!!

2007-11-01T05:54:00.001+04:00

This morning I woke up and just said ALHUMDUILLAH!!!!! You all do not know how happy it is to wake up free. For the first time in years I am free. Free in my mind, my soul, body, I am just feeling lighter. My burdens are gone and for the first time in a long time I woke up thinking of me on my birthday.

I am so greatful to Allah for this day. I am spending it with my mom. I have not done that in a few years. I pray that Allah makes this a great year for me and my family.

as I am writing this the sun is just about to pop out
I m thinking about all the posibilities this day has for me.
but then i think why just this day
what about my life
I can do anything
I feel like I can live the way I want to live.
This is MY LIFE
Im going for a ride Yall
Lets see where this baby takes me!!!!!!!!

Safa, my birthday buddy.......

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!
I hope you have a day filled with happiness and LOVE
I pray Allah gives you the desires of your heart this year
May he give you all of what you need and some of what you want
May you grow stronger, wiser and happier
Truely for you , My sister, My friend, I want the best.
whatever Allah, not you, thinks is best.
I want you to wake up feeling free, free from all the drama and pain that covers your life
I want for you to LOVE freely and honestly
no more havign to be someone you are not
no more having to settle
no more having to look over at a person you no longer know
I have a bigger prayer
that one day you wake up and see your self and KNOW HER AGAIN!!!
LOVE HER AGAIN
TAKE CARE FO HER LIKE YOU DO EVERYONE ELSE
VALUE YOU SAFA
You are the only one that knows what happened here.
You where there for me and I LOVE YOU
Thank you
Habibi, have a wonderful day!!!!
i will eat some cake and think of you

New Day

2007-10-29T14:16:00.000+04:00

I woke up this morning in such a good mood. I have not felt this good in ........Forever. I just felt good about myself my life and my choices I made. Alhumduillah, things are going well. I think for what I could be doing or how I could be feeling and I know this is truely a mercy from Allah.

I have made a decision to spend at least 6 months working on me. I want to lose my weight. I tell you I have had the energy and desire to lose it. I mean I WANT to get on this bike and all the other things that used to be a chore for me to do. I want to read more; I have always loved reading but ............ I want to spend more time studying Islam. I want to memorize some more Surahs. I also want to just enjoy being single.

I do get lonely. I miss my ex-husband at times. Our talks, laughing, just having his leg on mine at night...However, I do not miss him enough to want to have him back in my life. I know, Inshaallah, I will replace him with a better man.......IF I CHOOSE. I am human and I do have desires and needs but I will never settle. I will not just accept anything or anyone ever again.

This is such a special time in my life. I love living. I love my kids..... I am just happy. I feel like I am in love. You knw that high feeling you get when love is new. This is how I feel. The thing is there is no man making me feel this way........ this time it is all about me. I am just loving myslef. WOW!!!!!!!!

HA, You are in my prayers. I read your blog and Loved it.
PM, I wish this feeling for you, Inshaallah one day you will feel this and let the happiness in. Smetimes it is such a hard thing for us to do. Accept and recieve goodness and happiness. Just remember YOU DESERVE IT!!!

MOMMY and ME TIME

2007-10-26T08:20:00.000+04:00

MY MOMMY IS HERE!!!!!

I am so happy to see her. My kids and I will be showing her all the sites. We will inshallah have tons of heart to hearts and special moments. I want to just LOVE her while she is here. She is so proud of me. She LOVED my house. When we pulled up. she said YOU LIVE HERE!! her eyes popped out. She said no way... She came in and just hugged me. Told me she is proud of me and thanked me for everything and told me I am the best daughter she could ask for. WEll I am her only child so she cant compare......lol....... But it is so nice to feel loved....right now when the person I loved is not loving me. But I have moved on

well I have wonderful loving friends

ever since I told people about the end of my marriage. i have been gettign so much attention. Men want to met with me when my time is up. This time has flown. I am noot ready for that but it sure helps my heart.

I feel like I can live again. I do have options if I choose. Right now I choose my kids. Men will come later. I know I WILL get married again because I NEED to be married. TOOOOO many hormones jumping off.
BuT I can wait.

My birthday is next week..... Inshaallah I will talk my mom on a trip. Her birthday is the 4 and mine is the 1 of Nvember. I wish It was Ummerah, so sad to have her so close to Saudi and not be able to go. Inshaallah oneday.

My job is going well, I just went to a PD for 3 days. I tell you Every time my job sends us somewhere I gain weight. They feed us soo well and put us in the swankiest hotels, This is what my kids say when we pull up.SWANKIE I just love them. " YES, I take my kids with me. They find things to do and keep busy while I work." Now I am going to have to work this weight off. 2 lbs in 3 days.....wow.....

I am sorry if this offends anyone. I say that becasue i know many people do not listen to music.

However I LOVE IT. That is my one true vice.
anyway, I was listening too a song .......no more drama....oh HOw that hit home.

NO MORE pain
NO MORE PAIN
NO MORE DRAMA IN MY LIFE
NO MORE GAMES MESSIN WITH MY MIND
IT FEELS SO GOOD WHEN YOU LET GO OF ALL THE DRAMA IN YOUR LIFE
NOW I AM FREE FROM ALL THE GAME
FREE FROM ALL THE PAIN
FREE FROM ALL THE STRESS
SO FIND SOME HAPPINESS

I DONT KNOW ONLY GOD KNOWS WHERE THIS STORY ENDS FOR ME
BUT I KNOW WHERE THIS STORY BEGINS
ITS UP FOR US TO CHOOSE WEATHER WE WIN OR LOSE
AND I CHOOSE TO WIN
TO MORE FEARS
IM TIRED OF CRYING EVERYNIGHT
NO MORE TEARS
I REALLY DONT WANT TO FIGHT
NO DRAMA
NO MORE DRAMS IN MY LIFE NO ONES GONNA MAKE ME HURT AGAIN

Maybe I needed to do this to find myself

but I tell u I am loving her and
"PM"
YES, EXHALE
it feels so good
holding it in for so long almost killed me
Let it all go
it feels sssooooo goood

Down but not out

2007-10-22T05:02:00.000+04:00

Today i feel alone. Inshaallah this will pass but I do hate this feeling. I hate that I am alone and they have each other. I hate that I have to heal alone while he can roll over and be loved while i have nothing.

I know I am the winner in this. If there is a true winner. we are all llosers really. He is no prize so what did she get. A man that will do to her what he did to me. A man that will hurt her and only ran to her after I gave him no ooption........So no he didnt choose her.......I handed him to her on a silver plater. I knew I could not take this kind of life anymore. I did not need nor do I want to life a life where i have to wonder when the next woman will come in. I do want to be loved by my own husband. I want to trust and feel secure......... he was not willing or able to do that for me...... I lost years, tears, and part of myself. I am happy i am able to find her and love her again. So maybe I will never be loved by him again but now maybe........hopefully.........no. definatly I will love myself.

HEY HA WHERE IS MY INVITE!!!!

2007-10-22T05:00:00.000+04:00

I went to yur site and found my heart drop. I have been wanting to sit and read all the wonderful stoories and found I now need a membership.

So my question is can a girl get a hook up
:)

FOG

2007-10-17T17:03:00.000+04:00

Today I had a doctrs appointment in Dubai. I usually love to drive to Dubai because where I live now I can see some of the nicest mountains. I usually drive and think of how Allah made them and how strong they are. Well today I didnt even see them. There was so much fog i coould not see anything. At first I was scared and wanted to pull over and wait or let things get better. Then i wanted t cry because i was so frustrated I didnt want t miss my appointment and I didnt was to drive. Then I felt helpless,a dn them i just felt like go on just doo it. SO I did and i found a car to follow. They had on their blinkers and i just kept up with them.

Then i thought about this.

this is my recent life
I was in a huge fog

i wanted to see the beauty that my husband haveing 2 wives had. I waned to just admire him as my husband and see his strength.
however all i did was feel unsure
i was scared
i cried
i was frustrated
i was so many emotions.

now, alhumduillah my head is out the cloud

please make dua for me that this is not temporary

i pray that allah keeps my head out of the fog
allow me to see what is right in front of me.
so many things i missed
big signs
huge boulders
maybe it was for the best that he never let me see all the things that could haev hurt me
i think I was hurt enough
but alhumduillah he allowed me to go around the boulders and signs
he was that car that guided my way
may he always do that

as i close this chaptter in my life i look forward too many new trips as long as I am guided.

life is good

2007-10-07T16:23:00.000+04:00

Alhumduillah my internet is finally on. It took forever, but now I am here. I am happy to be able to post and express to you all my complete happiness. I moved 3 hours from where I was before. My new home is fantastic. My job is noothing less than stressful but I love it. I do less work, the work I do I love and I get paid for it. WWOOOWWW!

My son is doing ittakaf this year. I tell you this boy is amazing. he is only 10 and to have the desire to stay in the mosque foor 10 days and nights is wondeful. I had to calm my nerves because he is so young. I am happy he wanted to do it but as a mother I wanted him home. I didnt want to squash his desires so I allowed him to do it.

My life has truely been a blessing. I tell you all of this is from ALLAh. I think all the drama I went through was my test. All my pain and hurt taught me alot about myself and about how Allah will be with me as long as I stay the course. I am not saying i was perfect and did everything right, but I did trust him and found comfort in prayer. I am glad I did the things I did the way I did them because i truely believe this is my reward. I have been blessed above and beyond anything I ever dreamed of. I come home everyday and I feel happy. I am at peace. I look at my kids and they are happy. They feel settled and happy. They love their life. I can do things I could not do before. I can buy anything i need and most of what I want. I got a new mini van. I sent my mom $2000. I brought her tickets to visit me this month for 6 weeks. These are things I have wanted to do but could not. I thank ALLAh for all these blessings. I knew if I did what i knew was right and trusted him completely it would all work out for the best no matter what the best was, and alhumduillah , it did.

My life is no longer defined by my husbands wants and needs. They are all about me. I have been freed of all those needy feeling. Yes, I love him, however I found peace with myself. I see myself for what I am worth and my wants and needs are sooooooooo important. this is my life. If he comes along for the ride good for him if not my ship will still sail. I will no longer allow anyone to take from my life. other than my kids. ....kids will drain you dry............lol........

anyway i am happy to be back and I will post again soon. inshaallah

will post more soon inshaallah

2007-09-03T16:36:00.000+04:00

I am into my new home and started my new life. I will post more when I get the net in my home. Right now i am in an internet cafe and they stink...too much smoke. inshaallah I will post soon and tell you all more. Just know I am happy the kids are VERY happy and we have a lovely new home and a great new maid and life is good alhumduillah...........

MOVING

2007-08-12T11:25:00.000+04:00

well I have been moved to a new city by my job. I picked out my villa and it is very nice. HUGE more to clean yuck!!!!

The kids love it and Inshaallah I will enjoy this small little town. We are 2 blks from the beach and park. the kids have a lot of room to ride bikes and run around.

I will be back once my net is up and running

what more can I ask for

2007-08-04T08:28:00.000+04:00

As I look into his face I see

A glimps of the boy he used to be
Where is he
Gone
Now stands this tall boy in front of me
Long arms
Long leg replace the short one I used to wash
his feet are the size of a small man
His eyes are as bright as crystal
His thoughts and ideas are just as bright
His smile will light a room
Just like his dad
His smile showes his feelings
When he is really happy HE makes me happy just to see him
He uses his arms to comfort me
"Mom" he says, I will love you forever.
What more can I ask for I think to myself
I will always love you more I always say back
HE smiles and kisses me.
what more can I ask for
he uses his strong legs to walk to the mosque to pray alone
I am almost 10. I have to be a man now
Allah said at ten I have to pray all the time
these are his thoughts
what more can I ask for
He helps his sister learn her Arabic
She hates it he loves it
he tells her she has to learn it for Allah
What more can I ask for
He lets his sister fall asleep in his lap he brushes her hair with his hands
he loves her so much
what more can I ask for
I want to be a chef is his dream for this year
He makes such a mess and he fixes and mixes the food that one day
he says will make him rich
with his money he will buy me a house right next to his
that way he will always have me close
always have me near
this is the love of a child
my child
my son
true love
what more can I ask for

I love you AJ

I will love you forever
i am so sorry for any pain I caused you
As a mom it has been hard
as I look at you now
i wish I could go back and do this again
I would change so much
but never you
I would always pick you
you as my son
I love you so mch
always stay strong
keep you faith in Allah
with him as your guide you will never go wrong
Live life to the fullest keep believing in yourself
you can do ANYTHING even be a chef
you will one day be the man you wish you were now
dont rush
take you time
learn all you can
I will be here to guide you as much as I can
with my arms to prtect you and shield you from harm
and my prayes to Allah to keep us anchored in storms
my eyes are full of tears I can not write anymore
just know I am with you in my thought, my prayers, my heart

I love you today as I do everyday
what more can I ask for in a son.........
Nothing

summer is almost over for me

2007-08-02T07:55:00.000+04:00

Well I will go back to work soon. I have stayed away from this blog because I really could not deal withthe comments.

I took the kids on a few trips. They had such a nice time. We will go on one more before I go back to work and after we move. Inshaallah.
My job is moving me to some remote place. I am soooo upset then on top of that my right hand, my maid , quit. She wants to go home to her mom. I do not balme her. It has been 3 yrs since she has seen her mom. SHE is a great young woman. I know I can never replace her. Yes, get another maid but she will NEVEr be replaced. She is a daughter to me. I love her dearly.

My hubby and I are slowly getting back to normal. This eventfull summer whiped us out. We have been very distant but now, alhumduillah, things are gettign better. I know for me I was just fed up and tired. I think after she left I got to just exhale and when I did the wind blew. I let it all out things I didnt know i thought or felt. So we have been talking and thinking and we will see what comes from it. Like I said this broke our bond and we are not close. I do not feel him like i did before. I used to enjoy him just being around. Now .............. I used to love to feel his leg on me at night.........not now
I used to just like to sit and talk.............no more. So things have changed. SOme for the better. Some for the worse.

I have 2 weeks before I have to start work. Until that time I will be packing, moving, and taking my kids on one more short trip. Sunday is my mans 10 birthday. I call him my man because he so wants to be all grown up. HE said he is a alpha male in training. OH boy!!!!! I do love him. If i had to pick a favorite i would say it is him. I guess it is the mother son things. Do not get me wrong. I LOVE my girls. they are special and sweet and loving. However, my son ...I think it is becuae he is so much like his dad. I mean for him to not really know him since he died before he was 2; he acts so much like him. he walks like him and sits like him . His body is shaped like his. HE is very soft spoken and his personality is like his. For whatever reason HE is my heart. I am so happy to see him reach 10. This yr has been rough on him. HE was sick so much and just was not himself. He wants to have pizza. Last yr he had his first meal from Mcdonalds that was not a kids meal. HE picked a big mac. HE was sooooo stuffed he could not walk home. this yr he is taking his friend to pizza hut. We do not go out to eat often so this is a real treat for them. I try to do something special on all my kids birthdays. I write them all a note tellign them about the yr. I tell them anything crazy they di dand how much i love them. I put them in a box i have for each of them. When they are older and have kids or when I die they will get them. I think this will be special inshaallah. they will get to remember things that i am sure they will have forgotten.

well that is it for me. Inshaallah I will post once I move. That is if my internet is hooked up by then. We will see; this place is soooooo slow.

What I have learned

2007-07-11T08:13:00.000+04:00

One thing I like doing is thinking about my experiences with different things and seeing if I have grown or learned anything from them. To me life is a huge school. We have things happen to us and we either pass or fail. All of it has to do with our relationship with Allah and other people.

This experience taught me a lot about myself.

I learned that I have more patiencethan I thought.

No way would I have thought I could do the things I did without flipping out. I surprised myself. I had patience with my husband and her. I never once told my husband to get her out of my house until she flipped out mentally. I also tried to allow him to deal with this his self. I tried to stay out of it as much as possible.

I learned I have A LOT of faith in ALLAh.

When I first started feeling differently about this situation I didn't go running to complain to my husband but I prayed and made so many Duas. I thickered and remembered a lot and tried to think of the BIG picture. I tried to think of why I was doing this and that is was not permanent. I tried to not think only about my feeling but how by doing this it made my husband happy and that was pleasing to Allah.

I learned I was not selfish

I really opened my heart and home to her. I didn't want anything less for her than I had for myself. I didn't think about the fact that these are my things and my home etc. I didn't think of her as anything but my sister.

I know can love a person that is married to my husband and not feel jealous

I wanted and I think I did truly love her. I say think because I really didn't KNOW her. the real her was not shown to me until the end of OUR relationship. I do know i didn't have any hatred in my heart or jealousies towards her. That was what I wanted to get out of this. Before she and I started talking on the computer I had so many feelings towards her. I have to say most were not good. I mean I wondered a lot about her, what she was like, why he loved her, why he picked her, Silly things and I didn't like her just because she was married to my husband. All those feelings went away once we talked and when she got her. I only felt good feelings towards her. I only wanted good from this.

I learned that I will NEVER allow a co wife to live in my home.

No, it is not because of what you all may be thinking. The reason is I saw my husband too much. I really did. I mean I love him and enjoy seeing him but just knowing he was in the house all the time was a bit much. I like him being close. When they did move out he was less that 5 kilm away. I got to see him everyday but not all the time. I had time to miss him. I had time to just chill.

Another thing is I am separate from any problems. When they were here when things went wrong I knew about it right away. I do not want to know everything that goes on in his other marriage. I take things to heart too easily. I worried about her and their relationship too much. Living in separate homes will give everyone their space,

I still would like to be friends with a co wife

If my husband chooses to remarry I still would like to be friendly with the co. I would like to do things together and have her over my home. I would like to be a part of any children they may have lives. I also would like them to get along with my kids.

It is sad that I will never get to know this child. I am sure my husband will have very little if any access to him or her.

So all was not lost in this adventure. I learned things about myself and I became more depandant on Allah. Yes, I had some bad moments but in the end I am still happy she came. No, i dont like what happened. But I am happy I got to feel peace even if it was short lived

Taking the kids on Vacation

2007-07-06T07:57:00.000+04:00

I am going fishing. I will be taking my family to the beach. I was going to go next week but hubby says I need it now. So I will be gone a few days.

Thanks for all the NICE comments I received. I know deep down I did the right thing.

Also on another good note. I received another great job offer. I will be accepting. I will have to go back to work early so this is another reason I will do this trip now. It is an Administration job with the Ministry of Education here. although I like the thought of going to Tanzania, I really didn't want to move. I want to do so much before I leave the gulf. This will give me at least three years to do them.

See you all in a few days maybe with pics. I cant promis you anything becasue for the life of me I cannot do the things safa does on her blog. I have not figured that out. maybe she will show me one day.

Fe Emanallah

last post with the words MY co wife

2007-07-04T12:45:00.000+04:00

sad sad sad!!

I will not post anything on this blog about my co anymore. All of you sorry negative woman can keep your thought to your self.

One thing is this. I did not have to say thing were going bad becuase that is my choice just like having her stay here was MY choice.

When she went into the hospital things went wrong then. I prayed things would get better but they didnt. I asked for yoyour prayer and sadi emotions were powerful....

That is because all these things stem from emotions.

the thing is it is no ones fault.

Yes she chose to do many things and Many of you would LOVE to blame it on my husband....So what!!!

I know the truth. The thing is her lies and deciet have been untangling for 3 weeks not but they just all came to a head so there was no reason to post becasue unil they were known to be true. I could not speak on them.
How could I talk about her with lies or half truths. I had to know the truth......And I called my friends and they knew everythign that was goign on fromt he day they started to happen.

Safa was there for me ont he phone so many time.....Thank you for all your support. YOU have been my friend...the one perosn that knows EVERYTHING. If you all are so silly to think I would post EVERYTHING about my life on here it just shows how you think.
but the thing is this woman wanted my husband all to herself not just from me

she broke up his friendship with his best friend

but i guess my husband told her to do that too.
I guess he told her to lie on his best friend and say he made her cook and clean his home, he made her wake in t he middle of the night to do chores for him and his family when my huabdn was no there
i guess it was my husband that told her to lie and say his son tried to see her naked or that he did not take her to the doctors or feed her. All the while telling my husband everythign was goign great she just loved his friend ...that is until he got back home and she made her move....
a smart move telling him to not say anything because you never want to burn bridges.....just keep it to hisself becasue they were leavign Egypt anyway and never had to talk to him again unless they returned to egypt to stay in the flat they rented from him.

I also guess my husband told her to tell her parents that i beat her and locked her in a bathroom for days. i didnt feed her and had her sleeping on the floor. but all the while telling me how nice i was and how much she loved me.......all that until her lies started to unravel.......
then she had to tell the truth ....that is when she told me the things she said. she owned up to her feelings.

The sad thing is this poor girl has just spent time in a mental hospital here and they said she has a few very serious problems.

but i guess my husband told her to fake it and tell the doctors the things she did

so no i didnt tell people all my business. I waited and gave my sister in islam 100 excuses for her actions.

Heck no i do not want your pitty
i do not even know any of you but safa and ashley.
I do this to write my thoughts and events that happened in my life.
and YEs i leave many of them out.
I guess i needed to tell you all i got my daughter her first traing bra, or that my husband was constipated........ how dumb........

No i do not and will not write all the things that happen when they happen. I may tell you and i may not .......

thanks.to all the peopel that had postive things to say. even those that do not agree with my like PM.

The thing is she said things with class and not ghetto

to the rest of you ............... oh well my life goes on

the fact is
I am ok

No i do not like what has been going on. But I will not allow it to depress me.
I still love this woman and feel so sorry for her.
No i do not trust her
She will never come into my home
But I love her for the sake of Allah.
I will still help he in anyway I can to make sure she gets the help she needs.
May Allah help US ALL!!!

you sorry people that do not even put your names to a post just have sorry lives and misery loves company
when i said things were nice .....2 or 4 comments......once something went wrong.......you vultures came out.
I have so many comment that i didnt post becasue they were so mean and tasteless. I hope you are not muslim.
If so I will let Allah deal with you.

Not all men say bad thing

2007-07-02T12:40:00.000+04:00

It is so sad to me that so many people seem to think that the only way this woman had any bad thought about my relationship with my husband had to come from him.

That is very sad.

To think women never have any bad ideas on thier own...
HUMMM... Wrong....
The fact is

As I said before he and I not having sex or not having a relationship did not come from my husband. SHe said to me almost word for word I thought you were over 150 kilo. You just looked so big on the computer. I, REPEAT IIIII thought he would never have sex with you BECAUSE you were so big. When she got here and saw I am not that big no where near that big She was suprised.

So the idea came from her head becaue of her thoughts.
she thought oh this woman is no threat to me. she is fat she is ugly and he definately does nto want to touch her........how could he!!!!

She said to me AGAIN almost word for word. I didnt know you were so pretty. YOu never showed your hair or clothes on the computer YOu were always covered. I thought you were fat.

So this was her first smack with reality.
mind you she said this day one. I never thought anything by it because she looked different also. However I didnt have any mean feelings in my heart to begin with.......... that is the difference.

I am just large on the top...not my fault but that is just the way I am. SO NO he didnt give her that idea. NO he didnt tell her that. Yes, I know he could have said anything..however one thing I know is that her thoughts came from her own mind.........

Its sad to think that many of you dont think a man can tell a woman yes i am married and I love my wife.

Like i said before she always said she knew my husband loved me very much.
she knew this and she would ask me how I can help her make him love her more.... i would always say he loves you. you are very special to him and your relationship with him is different than mine.....you have to find a way to make your own place in his heart......you have to be a good wife and love him.....if you do that you will make him happy.........

so please can we drop this I find it a bit sad

no he is not perfect

FAR FAR FROM IT
YEs he may have lied to her about some things because he can lie to keep peace
HE may have even lied to me. I have been married to him long enought to know he is no saint.
HOWever Her thougths Came from her OWN HEAD

WHY CHANGE THE NATURE OF A MAN

2007-07-01T16:18:00.000+04:00

I AM DOING THIS SO MAYBE PEOPLE WILL UNDERSTAND ME A BIT BETTER.

When I say my husband will no doubt try to get married again if and when he divorces this wife I am not saying this out of anything he said directly but more from my own life experiences.

For me I have seen my great grand parents

Get married because of a pregnancy and then divorce as soon as she gave birth. One week later he remarried a woman he was dating while he was married to my great grand mother.

i see my grand parents divorce because my grand father cheated on her so many times she stopped counting. This man is 80 and until recently has a girlfriend my age. He has always had not just a woman but WOMEN.
this is his nature.
now he has decide to practice Islam, Alhumduillah, and remarry my grandmother because he says he sewed all his wild oats. HE knew back then he could have married other women in Islam but he did not want that life style then. While he was Muslim he did not practice. Now he has started and wants to make a mends with his family for tearing them apart and not being there for them when they were children and to give what ever time he has left to my grandmother whom he has always loved and adored but could not change his nature for no matter how hard he tried
this is a man that every birthday he was with her all 40 yrs they have been divorced. this is a man that gave her his last each and every time she was in need. This was a man that would never move to far from her so he could in his own way protect her. He was there for us grand kids and great grand kids. But think of what could have been if they had stayed married. If for whatever reason she could have accepted being a co wife or he didn't feel like it was wrong to have 2 wives but ok to have 2,3,4 girlfriends...... the logic here is screwed up. My grand mother spent 40 yrs loving this man from afar wanting to be his wife ......if only.......if only he could just love only her....... so she spent yrs depressed, unhappy and alone...........
this is not the life i want.

then my own parents........
well my dad is a DOG with capital letters.

my mother caught him cheating the week they got married and by the time i was 2 she was so fed up she threw him out a window. He spent several years excuse my language but Whore hopping from woman to woman until he married my first step mom and then he only cheated every now and then. my second step mom was into husband sharing but not as a wife only as a one time thing. she would allow him to go out and as she said "do his business" a few times a year no questions asked. I am sorry...ewwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!

My mother spent her life alone, unhappy , depressed, and a single mom. She did not remarry until late in life. She suffered a great deal because she longed for companionship from a man but didn't get many offers. She was "used goods with a child" she did the best she could but as she got older she said to me maybe being able to accept my dad with another woman would have been better than the life she and I had. She loved him very much and even though he was only Muslim to marry my mom, if he had chosen to marry again instead of cheat things would have been better for us.

my uncles are also dogs...MUSLIM DOGS

one had a girlfriend kill herself because of his cheating.....
the other had a baby outside of his marriage...
then I have aunts.......on both sides non Muslim

man please they run threw men like underwear....most times because they cheated on them.....i cannot count the times i heard them say that no go good so and so he was with.that B****.

My aunt that is on my moms side that is Muslim her husband remarried and she divorced him. She THOUGHT she could not handle it. She never even tried. She never even gave it a chance. Her children grew up with him she was left alone. How sad is that. She later regretted her choice and they did remarry; but look at the time she lost.

My friends that are not Muslim please they have divorced because of cheating. Not all my friends but alot of them.

I know I am not the only woman in the world that knows of people that have been cheated on, lied to, and whatever else men do.

so not I am not looking for a person to agree with me and say oh poor baby....
what I want is for people to understand and say oh this is why.......

she ain't crazy
she just sees that a man if it is in his nature will have more than one woman.....i am not saying all men are like that......but for the ones that are...if you are lucky or unlucky enough to marry one of them you have to think and think hard......you have to either b e willing to accept what they are and not kid your self into thinking it is a phase....cause my grand dad is 80 like i said.....or know that you cant deal and remove yourself from it.

for me I would rather accept it because deep down i know what i have. Yes he gets on my last nerve
yes he is sick alot of times
no he does not work but he lives off money he won from the law suit for being smashed between ad bus a tow truck and his monthly disability. so like i said he makes more than some that have jobs.
yes he acts like a boy wanting to be a man at times
yes his wants are bigger than his needs
yes he should wait on Allah
Yes he should do many things

but the fact is
he LOVEs Allah
He prayes each and every day.sunnah, and everything else
he pays zakat
gives suddakah
does dawah work
he is good to me most times
he tries to guide me in Islam giving me advice
classes
information
making sure my kids learn arabic and Quran
making sure my son learn what he needs to learn as a young boy, and young man
teaches him duas
teaches him how to pray correctly
teaches him how to behave in a Mosque
teaches him how to do many thing
he shows my daughters he loves them
spoiled my baby rotten
takes them out
gives them flowers
takes them out for daddy daughter time

these are things that are important to me and i do not see why i should give them up because he has this on flaw, grant it is a big huge flaw but its a Halal one none the less.

No i did not have to allow her to live in my home, but i am still glad i did. Even with all the drama I know in my heart what i did was good for me. I believe she was just the wrong person. no matter if she was in my home or her own.
It allowed me to see how strong i really am
it allowed me to love harder than i ever have
it allowed me to depend on Allah more than i ever have
and more than that my kids didnt know anything was wrong......they didnt even know how hurt i was. So to them they still think good of the big "P".

so for me i would rather accept that this man i have si the way he is. I will not try to change him. I will accept him. love him and support him and whoever he decides to marry if he does remarry....... maybe he wont.....but i will not be the one trying to talk him out of it.
yup i scream I am done cause i am human i do have feelings and at times i feel like i just cannot do it or why should i do it.

then i think and i know why I do
this life is short
why sweat the small stuff
after having my husband die in my arms i know life is too short to waste on things you cannot change.
love hard while you can
let people know u love them
give while you can
pray while you can
cause once your gone it is too late

now i do have a few positive men

my mothers husband
Allah should have bottled him. He would NEVER think of marring anyone. she is the kindest man and puts my mother first. HE has from day one. Her needs come before his.
but not all of us are that lucky.
not all of us will ever come close.

my mothers best friend have been a co wife for over 17 yrs
my mothers friend was the 1 wife and she opened her home and heart to the other woman.
yes she said it was an adjustment but it all worked out well and they love each other and are best friends.
they live in the same home an Love it.
they have a bond and they dint let petty things get in their way
this man loves and adores them both
he treats them well
and they in return are happy

this is what i want to achieve.

YUP SAFA I AM THE MERCEDES

2007-06-28T15:28:00.000+04:00

Yes safa that is how I feel. I am the old dependable car. The one he is used to the one he can depend on. The one that will get him where he has to go and do what needs to be done.........

She is the land crusier...she has the new car smell and like you said .WOWOW!!!!! but one day the land curiser will become like the mercedes it will lose the new car smell and he wont like "DRIVING " it so much.

In my case the land crusier is about to be traded in. Allahu alim

I do not know why men marry people they do not know. Like all, well most, of my comments said lust does not make a relationship. And this proved it to her anyway...

I spent 4 hours talking to my co the other day. My husband told me he was very unhappy with some things she had done and was thinking of sending her home and divorcing her. I told him to give her time and see what happens. so that night i spent 4 hours talking to her

I mean i talked to her like i would my daughter. I pored my heart out to her.

That night i knew this was the most ungreatful unislamic woman i had ever mmet.

she lied to my face yelling walahi I told her to please do not do that . I asked her if she knew what that word ment. she said yes but still continued to lie using the word.

I asked her why she was so unhappy she told me my husband was too hard on her. I asked her how ? she had no answer. I told her i see him bending over backwards to please you. I said to her to say alhumduiallah, I said we must be greatful for the things we have. She told me yeah yeah, we are suppose to say Alhumduillah and allahu akbar and Supannahallah but sometime it just aint like that........ Why say Alhumduillah when i dont feel it why say it when i want more........

I asked her what more does she want. She said she wants her OWN husband and she doesnt want him to love me anymore and she wants me to divorce him. She said yes i know that sounds bad and i eat your food , sleep in your house and this is your bed he loves me on but now I am having a baby and he should just be with me. he does not need you anymore.

I sat there speechless for about 10 mins. And even after that I tried to explain things to her. I tried to tell her how men are not like women and I know she is hurt and I know it is hard to love someone that loves someone else. I tried my best to make her understand even offered to give her more time with him
Am I crazy or what!!!!!!
I asked her if she needed to be in her own place. She said it is not living in the same house that is not working...it is just that He loves me. She thought that he didnt love me. She thought I would be fat and ugly and she thought he never touched me. SHe thought he was married to me out of obligation. She thought that she would come here and distroy my marriage and go back to egypt the only wife. She thought that she would have sex with him so much he would be to tired to be with me. She thought she would be loud and make me jealouse. I never heard her so she wasted her time with that one. She thought he would just see she is so great in bed he would leave me for that...... talk about young and dumb.......

I have been talking to my friends about this for a few days now I didnt get into all the details but today i just felt the need to let it all out. I mean why hold back. Why spare her image why ........... She came into my home with the intent to ruin my life. I offered her love and frindship. I had nothing but good in my heart........

All i want to know is why.

the thing is my husband wont be smart enough to say ok this is it. I will never marry again......... NOPE!!!
He will do it again. But this time I will have more of a say in this. I never want to deny him his right to have another wife. If he really feels he needs this is his life..... BUT this time there will be rules.

Inshaallah he will take a break and reflect on this huge mistake. Right now I am here as a shoulder to cry on. I am here again to help mend the wounds....Yup I am the old car, dependable, trust worthy, old faithful......but alhumduillah I am still here and even though this hurts me just as much as it is hurting him. I know this is taking me one step closer to Jennah inahaallah. It may be a baby step.........but each step counts

hot vs not

2007-06-22T05:55:00.000+04:00

I think when a man has more than one wife they each have a seperate role. I do n t know if one is more important than the other but I KNOW they are different.

Living in the same home I really get to see it so clear. For my husband I am his comfort. When he is having a bad moment he will come to me. When he needs to talk about anything he comes to me. I know this is because I have been his constant He knows no matter what happens I have his back. I may make him suffer a bit but when push comes to shove I am there for him. He knows when he is wrong I am going to tell him and I know when and how to tell him.

Right now for her he is building or trying to build a bond that will allow him to talk to her but so far it is not working. I think part of it is her maturity level and another part is she talks to much. She has not learned to keep secrets. She will tell a perfect stranger all her business. So he does not trust her too much yet. I tell him trust will come in time inshaallah. One day she will learn what he wants it just takes time. Although she may not be the one he tells his thoughts to; she does have her role.

she is the hot one. she is younger, with her new pregnant boobs she is definatly the one he is desiring more. I mean in 21 days her breast trippled in size. Her body is more shaply and right now she is new..... I mean we have done it all nothing new to do. After all these years if it can be done we did it ......but with them she is still a toy he can find new things to do and and play with.

Does this bother me..........YUP..but not too much...... It is not like he is neglecting me. I have my time with him and it is still good. However there are times when I wish I had something new......something that would make us both remember when we started out..... I have to say he does his best not to show it. He does not want me to feel undesirable to him. He tells me I am looking sexier than ever, or makes sure he tells me something looks good if its new. I know they may not be what he really feels but I love that he is putting in the effort. And I am also getting more Romance; I guess that is just as important. However, sometimes I was that passion, That just walk into a room and go at it passion. Candles are nice, so are the body rubs...but sometime I would like to see that look.......YOu know the look you get when he just cant wait to get at you.

The strange thing is a part of me likes that he has her. I mean I am not dumb and I know men LOVE veriety. So I am happy he has it. I know it makes him a happier person and in turn it make him a better husband. I never feel, well let me say almost never feel jealous or sad about him loving sex with her. I did have my moment when I was like oh give it a rest!!..No i didnt hear them ...I was outside and heard her yelling for him to hurry out the shower becasue she has to shower too before salat came in. My husband is not a middle of the day shower type of guy....Anyway......

For me I know this is something that he enjoys and I am happy he has it. I know that may seem crazy and I know I am not explaing it very well. I know this is a part of marriage.... I know this is a big part of why he wanted another wife. I know right now because of her issues she is trying to knock his socks off because she wants to outdo me. The thing is she can and it is ok becuase we will never be equal in all things. So if he has her to drop it like its hot all day everyday......god bless him if he can keep up with it. I know one day it will get old and the newness will wear off. As long as I am happy with him It is ok for me to not be the HOT one.....

He tells me he loves me more than before. I know right now he does because although he is feeling hot for her; he is also finding parts of her personality very undesirable. We talked yesterday and we both like the idea of living together but we do not like the idea of her. THE ISSUES HE HAS WITH HER WILL BE THERE NO MATTER WHAT HOME SHE LIVES IN. so please do not think it is because of us living together. She loves to argue, she is never wrong...you have to explain everything to her and that drives him crazy, she has a very strong personilty. this is something that causes alot of problems becasue so does he......man they are like oil and water...... I guess when u do not know a person before you marry them you just do not know what u r getting. They have both said to me they wish they didnt get married. They both said if there was no baby they would divorce. I am not sure how true that is on both thier parts, people say many things when they are emotional. I know for a fact they both love each other....I am just not sure if they are right for each other. So I am the one that listens to them both seperatly and together. Man, I am the secret holder...referee.....counslor.... I get it from all sides......I need to get paid...lol....

anyway here I go getting sidetracked.......

My thought is this

Is it hard for a woman to know she is not the hot one in a marriage. If you knew your husband may love you more but not desire you alot how would you feel....

or would you rather have him think you were just the sexiest thing but not feel as in love with you.

Or do you think that if he thinks you are the sexiest and wants you all the time that that will make a woman feel he loves he more too because how could he not love her if he wants her allt he time......hummmmmm

Also what is more importan passion or romance....... maybe they go hand in hand..... I dont know..... I thought they did but now I dont know.

I guess its romance vs passion vs love...... I know we as woman want it all..... I know I wish I did at times but I do not let it bother me. I look at what I DO have and I am happy with it. There are just days i guess when I wish I had more......

Allah Protect me from myself

2007-06-18T17:52:00.000+04:00

Alhumduillah my co is out of the hospital. My feelings are so intense now I cant even write them. I feel overwhelmed by so much going on. One thing I know is the heart and emotions are powerful. Make dua for my family please if for no one else make them for my co. She need to know she is loved and she needs to learn how put her turst in Allah.

Please make dua for my cowife

2007-06-17T09:58:00.000+04:00

Please make dua for my family. We had a very hard weekend and my co is in the hospital. She needs lots of prayer and guidance right now. May Allah heal her mind, body, and soul.......

What is happiness in a marriage

2007-06-14T07:16:00.000+04:00

I read a blog this morning. This person had not had anything new posted in a while so I was very happy to see something new there. When I read her post I was feeling happy for her and proud of her accomplishments. I had read some of her old post and she had been through alot. Now it seems like she is managing things to the best of her ability.
Then I read her replies.........MAN!!!!

I think sometimes we forget most people who are in polygny are already having a hard time and then we come along and say things to make them feel worse. Why is that?? I know most times we THINK we are showing them something they do not see. Or maybe we are slapping them into reality; but are we. Do we think the person writing the post knows thier own pain more than we do as readers We are not there livign their life. We are only getting a SMALL part of what it is to be in her shoes. Knowing this, knowing we do not have the full picture, knowing that no matter how much we want to help that person in reality we hurt them more....why do we judge, critisize, or question the authors actions. Why cant we just support them and encourage them. Yes there are times when we need to say wake up. but there is a right way and a wrong way to do that.

To me her post was very positive. She talked about what she wanted for her children and her life. How she wanted to not have her children programed to think having to share a husband is horrible.she wants them to think of it as normal. She wanted them to know this is a possibility. What is wrong with that?

I for one think If I had even thought about the possibilty of having to be a co wife as a child i MAY have been better prepared for my life today. If I had seen any positive examples of co exisiting as co wives Maybe when my husband remarried it would not have hurt me so much. Yes, it still would have hurt but maybe not as much, maybe it would not have hurt for so long, maybe i would have accepted it quicker. Maybe I would have seen the good polygny can have. Not think of what I lost, not think of what they are getting, not think of all the things I should not bother myself with thinking about anyway.......Maybe if I had not seen my aunt divorce her husband as soon as she found out he wanted a wife I would not have grown up thinking the big P was such a horrible, nasty thing that distroys families.
Maybe I would have seen how it can bring a family closer together........who knows .... but I still think we should not be so hard to think we know what a person is feeling or how they are living.....

That brings me to my real point....what is happiness in a marriage anyway.....isnt it different for each person. Dont we all go into a marriage with different expectations. we can all experience the same thing and it have a different affect on us. we could be married to the same man and have a totally different relationship with him and both be happy. becasue it is so very different for each and every one of us.

Most people could not live my life and be remotly happy. I think most people would be sad every day. They would wake up feeling jealous, angry, used, neglected, whatever.......but for me I wake up happy. I wake up happy no matter where my husband is in the morning. I do this because i am at peace. No matter where he sleeps he is close by. I find comfort in that. I do not worry myself with what he might have done the night before or what they are doing. I dont bother myself with worry about the fact that Am I at work and she is home. I dont worry myslf with thinking about all the things i dont have because she is here. I instead TRY to think of all the good thing and live in the moment. And at the moment I am happy. NO, I am not jumping up and down with joy. No I am not excited to see her every day. No, I am not saying at times I dont wish I had more alone time with my husband. I am not and I do. But even before her.....even before there was a thought of her or any other woman my married life was not perfect. I was not jumping up and down with happiness then either. I was not overly excited to see my husband everyday.........I did not value my time with him. I didnt think about time at all. But was i happy....yes....I think sometimes we forget that.I think sometime we make ourselves believe our lives was perfect before the other woman came along.we forget we complained about our husbands, they got on our nerves, he was the same man before he remarried but now we see his imperfection more...that intensify because our emotions are stronger, they are raging, they are intense.....and if we are the other woman maybe we come into the marriage with rose colored glasses on and hope and make ourselves believe that you will be happier than she is or you will make him happier, give him better sex, cook better, clean better or what ever.....but is that reality.......sometime we see what we want to see, and after doing it for so long we foget what was the real reality....
for me I was happy with what I had becasue that was the life i had grown accustom to. when i look back on that now I think wow I didnt really have that much. Please dont read more into that statement then what is said........what i mean by that is there was not love making everynight, there was not candle lit dinners everyday, we didnt life like leave it to beaver and have perfect kids doing perfect things, we didnt spend our days gazing into eachothers eyes or spend tons of quality time together....so why should it bother me if I dont have that now...Yes, I didnt have to share........yes, he was with me each and every night.......NO he was not in love with another woman.......but when i really look at those three things. the three things that really deep down bother us as woman........I do not think today they matter at all. with those thing in being a part of my life or with out them I am still happy.......my happiness just changed becasue my lifestyle and goal, my perspective has changed. But am i still happy...I would say even happier because this has taught to value my husband and this has shown me how much he loves me. I do spend MORE quality time with him. I do spend more time gazing into his eyes, Now we make time to do special things like candle lit dinner or he may have a bath ready for me when i come home with candles. I think now he even wants to make love more because he dost want anyone to feel like one is getting more than the other. so in most respect things balance out.

I have come to accept that him not just loving her but being in love with her does not make him love me less...the fact that he makes love to her does not make him desire me less....... the fact that he shares a huge part of his self with her didnt take him away from me. This is what I had to come to KNOw..not just think because for years I THOUGHT this before he got married I thought things would not change but that was only in my head...cause my heart didnt KNOW it my heart had doubts....I had to live this life to see Yes, it is ok Yes, there is live after the big p...no i wont sugar coat it and say things are so sweet and wonderful.....heck no they arnt.....but there are bearable, there are livable, there are happy times.....

ok back to being happy man i tell you i get side tracked....

anyway this is my happiness...right now the thought of living without my husband would make me unhappy, depressed, and utterly alone.......many peopel would chose being alone over livng how i live..i can sit and think to myself is a woman that is alone really happy.is she happy having to come home to an empty house day after day night after night happy...is she happy not having a full time dad for her children if she has children.......is she happy hoping one day she will get a husband....is she really happy wanting a husband but not having one... is the looking for a husband better than actually having one..... some may say yes...so thier happiness is so very different than mine.becuase i HATE comeing home to a empty home. I HATE sleeping in a bed alone or with my kids night after night..I hated when my husband died and I didnt have a father for my kids.and the thought of them not having my husbad as a father figure is unexceptable to me. I could not imagine having to look for a husband again, or wait for a man to show intrest in me. I would not want to have to search the internet, if this is the way you choose to look for a husband, day after day hoping to get a reply .or the right reply........I would not want to tell family memebers I am once again single and in need of a husband....My friends would tire of me becasue I know I would become consumed with needing a man.and yes, I am not ashamed to say I would need a man...... I need companionship, I need structure, I need intamacy, I need to laugh with a man, I need the guidance that a man gives, I need a man to help me raise my kids, I need a man to sometimes tell me you know what YOu are wrong and you cant do that.... I need a man to help me with my Islam, to remind me when i am slacking, To encourage me when I feel weak....I need a man...........Yes yes, I do....... and the thought of being without one makes me unhappy.....but if a person told me i am single and i love it....I would believe them because hppiness is different to all of us. My question to all of you is how can we and why do we judge others happiness. This is something I really want to know.

that is not what u said yesterday

2007-06-12T09:55:00.000+04:00

this is my last post to you. After this I am finished.

In your comment you did not what u said in this last comment maybe if you had i would not have been so upset. You need to question your self before you make statements because your words have an affect on others. becasue of you my feelings were in a an uproar. i was an emotional wreck because you said things that to me where out of line and uncalled for to have the never to campare me a MUSLIM to a prostitue i think is a bit much....and since you have trouble with remembering exactly what you said i will remind you

.....you said and I quote

A call girl or prostitute receives payment for her time with men either in terms of housing, food, or money so that she can provide for herself. Astaghfirullah, I hate to use this example, but really, I think it is shockingly necessary. You have a grown man and his pregnant wife living in your home with you and your children while you work. Some time is extremely wrong. You're a Muslima and you have more honor than that.

so like i said you had issue with me allowing my husband and his wife, oh no you had to make th epoin that it is his pregnant wife life with me.......like i said yesterday that fact that she is pregnant has no bearing on the situation. The fact was yesterday and still is that this is OUR choice and who are you to voice such a strong opinion about things you knew little about.

then you said

I also worry about the children in such cases? Are they learning that the Muslima is the bread winner, the maintainer, AND protector? That the Muslima relinquishes the rights Allaah has bestowed upon her for the sake of the love of men and companionship?

The fact is my children know my husband is disabled.they see him on days when he cannot walk, they see him when he crys becasue he can not make sujood during salat, they know he is in so much pain at times that he cannot move. So my children do not think a woman is the bread winner of the home because they know even though they are not his kids...he ALWAYS provides for them......he buy their clothes.i buy the extras, he buys the foods..i buy the extras.the candy, the chip, the juices, the things we do not need but want.....they know this.....they do not see me as a bread winner they see my has his helper. i help him do things he can not do. i assist him in ALL things. not only things that pertain to me....No i do not have to allow him to have his wife live with me.....but sister if this is what OUR family want who are you to say it is wrong. if I allow him to live with me for extra time and campanionship then is me... and the fact is if i am happy he is happy and she is happy then where is the sin....where is the problem.......

then u had the nerve to say.......

But sister, let your husband be a man and a husband to the both of you because Allah requires it. Because even if you condone his getting over on you or not, Allah is still going to question and give him his due regarding it. Don't you want Allah to love your husband and grant you all hasanat? If so, know that marriage isn't just about love and receiving sex. It's about helping another Muslim by being there to enjoy the good and forbid the evil.

My husabnd is a man........100% for him to not only move overseas living int he condition his lives in shows me he is a man.......and like i said yes i work...I buy all the extras like the maid, the extra clothes, food, and satilight but I get them because i want them not becasue i NEEd them.so the things i need he provides for me and MY children that are not his very well... in that respect i do nto complain..he does the best he can with what he has. Yes, allah requires him to give me my rights but allah being all knowing like he is and not you knows that there are times when men, good men cannt do all they may want to do for thier families and he allows women to use what they earn if they choose to help. he also allows a woman to forgo any or all of her rights. this is quran and sunnah.this is not me..your word came from your and you lack of knoweldge of my situation...and your eagerniess to judge.......so yes allah will ask him did he provied my family with food........the answer will be yes, didshe provide housing....yes becuase he is building not just one home but 2 for me and my son. did he clothes us, yes he does.......is he kind to us........I can say since they have moved in he is become kinder, gentlier, more compassionate, taken or more qualities that i love. are we a family that is helping one another by enjoy the good and forbid the evil. then the answer to that would be another yes, we make sure each other pray. she has shown my kids different duas, I have helped her learn english, we go over quran and hadith every night. my husband goes over a story about the phrophet before we go to bed. I have taught her a few hadiths she didnt know. We pray together, remend each other to make sunnahs, get up in the middle of the night to pray.....so neither of our marriage is based on love and sex we haev a strogn dose of islam each and every day.this again is somethign we didnt get before we lived together so this is a huge improvement for all.

so please like i said yesterday, next time ask questions before you assume. And if you cant do that then do not say anything.....

we had a bump but its all good

2007-06-12T08:42:00.000+04:00

Well we had our first blow up yesterday. I went homes yesterday feeling a bit down. it is funny how things do not bother you until others brign things to your attention. well yesterday that is what happened to me. I started feeling slighted. I never once thought that our living situation was unfair until the thought was put in my head but it seems that after that my shayton started messign with me big time. I was to the poin where i started counting hours and seeing how fair and or unfair thing really are.

I went home with a huge chip on my shoulder. I told my husband what I was thinking and asked him to see if things could change because while I deep down dont feel any hard feeling I do not want to start feeling any either.

So we all sat down together and talked. One thing I have to remind myself is she is young and has not life experience so her thoughts are soooo very different than mine. However, yesterday I didnt have patience. I was havign pms so bad I hate it. I mean i get sad for a few day before my cycle it is like clock work. anyway becasue of this my patience was non exsistant. I just told her to for one time in her life to just listen and stop talking so much....... Let me give you all the back ground behind this. For every little thing she needs to ask a millions questions. I mean if you say lets go to the park she has to know where, when , for how long, who is going, what we will do , and so on... it is never just yes or no....Usually this does nt bother me but it drives my husband crazy. He is usuallay the one that leaves me to answer the questions he will say you deal with her........i dotn like all these questions. Well yesterday I beat him to it. I was done....... she felt bad and thought i was mad at her...I wasnt I was just feeling crappy and allowing thoughts of others to affect my mood.....something Inshaallah I will work on..........I guess that is why we have to always remember how powerful words are.

Any way, I felt bad later and we sat down and finished talking and workd everything out.My husband has been wonderful with everything. He is been workign hard to make sure we are all happy and that he be fair to everyone even the kids.
I think this is a postive part of the "HUGE P" if you have a good husband he will value you more once he has remarried. For us this has been the case. I know even before she got here he said he sees my pain and wishes he could take it away and that he can nver repay me for all i have done for him and how much more he loves me. And since they have been here it has been even more for both of us. She is even saying that he has been better to her since he has been here. He is more relaxed and she feels happier.
another thing is your time together means more. I mean when it is just us we take our time for granted when it gets cut down we see how much we need and want that time with them. I know for me when he was here alone after about a week of him being here thigns went back to normal. Now everyday we are both happy to see each other and love the little moments we get together. It is not routine anymore.
Having them be in my home has also taught me patience and to not be selfish. I really feel in my heart this is a good idea FOR US. because of our situation; this is really our only option. I never once, before yesterday walked into my home and didnt feel happy she was there.
My kids see pologamy as being a positive thing. to them now this is just the way life is. They will not grow up expecting a husband to themselves or my son feeling it is a bad thing if he chooses to have more than one wife. It is funny how kids are; they just adapt to thing. I really didnt know what to expect from them but they see her as just antie and yes they know she is his wife but because they have not seen me once act negativly towards her they do not even know this is somethign that is out of the ordinary. yes, they know everyone does not live like this but the two younger ones think this is just how some muslims live. My son only had one question being the very protective son that he is..he said well will he spend one day with you and one dayw ith her..when i told him yes, he said ok.i was just making sure becuase he has to be fair to both of you...he cant love one more than the other..
I have to say that all in all this times together has been positive. My kids really enjoy having her around. She and my youngest daughter play together and she is loving all the extra attention.
We try to have family time and so far that has been wonderful. The kids feel more relaxed now then they did before she arrived. I mean usually when he is here he and I spend alot of time alone because it felt like we were alway playing catch up. Now it i sooo much better. becasue they have him and I have him all the time. She said she is happied livign all together becasue she does not like being alone and if she were in her own home she would be alone at night and during the day .....this way she always has someone to talk to or sleep with becuase my daughter is alway willing to share a bed with ANYONE.......
So all in all we are still surviving....... like I said one small blow up ....and really that was just a mixture of pms and overreacting to the whispers of others.......My hope is inshaallah we will be able to handle all problems fairly and deal with the outcome without feeling slighted.

Job offer

2007-06-06T12:23:00.000+04:00

I haev a job offer to be the head of a primary school. The job is in Tanzania. I am thinking seriously about taking it. I think it may be a good change. Please make dua for me. Inshaallah I will make the right decision for my family.

building bonds

2007-06-04T15:31:00.000+04:00

I have been thinking about my last post. I know many people think it is not a good idea to have a relationship with a co wife, many believe that it is best just to keep it civil; and living in the same home is a big no no. I believe all of these situations can be true. I am not an advocate for living with a co wife. I have read many blogs and email from groups that talk about how horrible having a co wife can be. I know many women that dislike their co wife, and a few that are civil to them because they have to, and i know only a handful that get along very well and less than that that live in the same home.

I can say for ME the reason it is working is that we liked each other from our first conversation. I mean we just clicked. If we had met for any other reason we may have been friends anyway. Once we talked on the computer we both felt good about each other. So we had a good start. Things happened to mess things up. we had a person that was very jealous of what my husband had and tried to start problems for our family. He almost suceeded, however, we got pass all the lies and things got better.

When she arrived I was nervous becasue I didnt know how things would be. Most people will say when we fear the unknown it can make us very uneasy. That what it was like for me. I didnt have any answeres. I was allowing this woman to come into my home and I didnt know what to really expect. Many women think when a man marries again it is because he is not happy with the first wife and the second wife feels superior. Then you have a second wife that feels like she is inferior becuase the first wife has spent so much time with him and they already have a bond. So there was fear on both sides. I didnt know what she REALLY thought I only know what she told me.

Once we talked we both knew it was about our love for our husband. We both love him very much and even with our own insecurities we know he loves us. It was also about that fact that we both did not like spending months at a time without him. we wanted to spend time with him everyday. Yes, we could do that living next door. No we dont have to live int he same home. but the thing is it works for us. I am not saying it is a good thing for every relationship. I am not even saing it is a good thing period. What I am saying is for whatever reason we get along. We both said this is the happiest we have been in a long time or ever. She says she finally feels married and happy with him because he is more peaceful and relaxed. he is not worried and she knows I do not hate or dislike her.
Trust me we have had our monents but they have been silly things that didnt take but a few seconds to resolve. For the most part we are just developing our boundaries and building our friendship. My husband is also working very hard on being fair to both of us and showing us that he loves us both. HE sent us out together to get henna and we had a nice time. This is helping us build a friendship and have our own relationship seperate from him.

When we talked about him remarring I wanted someone I would like. I wanted to be friends with the person. I mean this woman will spend time with my kids. she will be a huge part of my life no matter what. I mean in reality she is the closes person to me. we share a husband. how much closer can you get. We share his love, his thoughts, his dreams, his body, his money or lack there of. who else in this world can i say that about. SO why not have this person and a friend. Why not have this person not be you enemy. why not have this person as be a woman you love.

If i spent the rest of my life being jealous of her, resenting her, disliking her, or always looking to find fault with her; what kind of life would I have. when I had hardness in my heart for her I was miserable. I felt like i was competing. I felt sad, depressed. and helpless. Once I got rid of those feelings I felt free. I fell relaxed. I fell happy. My life is peaceful.

I guess what I am saying is look at it like this. Polagamy can be beautiful. It requires work and it requires a person to swollow thier pride and humble themselves. It takes patience. It takes Allah.

Trust me with out much Dua this would not be happening.

HOW CAN LIFE GET BETTER

2007-06-02T04:35:00.000+04:00

How can all your fear get erased by a look. How can your heart be calmed by a hug? How can all the doubt vanish with just one word? Only with help from Allah, swt.
Truly this morning as I write this I can say AFTER HARDDSHIP comes EASE!!! I can say Allah IS great and merciful. I can say When you trust in what you know is right and do what you know is right even when it causes great pain. You will get the reward from it and the pain will go away.

I have just had one of the happiest day of my life. I spent the day with my wonderful co wife, my sister, my friend. I can say I love this woman. I feel no hardness in my heart for her, about her, because of her...... I just love her.

Now trust me when we met it was very awakward for everyone. We were both scared of the same thing and both feeling like why are we doing this. But my husband got us all in one room and the ice melted slowly. We began to open up more and more. we ate together and laughed together. It was very nice.

Later we took the kids to the park and then went to walk on the beach. You should have seen the stares from men looking at my husband walking in the middle of his two wives holding them both. You should have seen the happiness in my husbands face knowing all eyes were on him. He loved it.

The thing is it is not that any thing big happened. We didnt say anything huge or do anything big to make eachother feel good or happy. It just happened. We just let down our guards and enjoyed eachother.

Subannah allah when I saw her I was so nervous. I mean my heart stopped beating. I was angry because she was holing on to my husband. The first thing i thought was why is she doign this. then i thought the woman is scared and it is her husband. She has just been on a plane for the first time in her life. she had just left her family. She is in a strange place scared, unhappy, and lord know what else. SO why an I tripping. We walked to the car, and had a long, quiet drive home.

Once we got settled in she came out her room and I swear; I just thought I am not jealouse of her. I mean it just came that quickly. It didnt last but that was the first feeling of security for me came. then as time passed i again felt I am not jealous. I looked at her I mean really looked at her. Not at her features to see how pretty or ugly she is but just looked at her. I saw this woman that was a waman just like me.
She had everything I have nothing more or less.
She was no longer a threat.
There was no more wondering.
There was no more what if
Does she
IS she
how does
will it
will they
are they

All that was gone. with one good look all my questions went away.

I cant describe the feeling. It is like i remember all the pain I felt. I know i NEVER want to feel it again but the pain is gone and it is only a small memory.
Like when we have a baby. we know it hurt, we remember the pain we were in but some how Allah allows us to forget the exact degree of the pain becasue if we held on that pain and remember the true feeling of what it is like feeling your insides being ripped up and torn and having nothing you can do to stop it. We would never do it again. We would never have another child and never experience the joy that comes after.

This was what is was like for me. I remember all the things i felt. I know i was angry, hurt, and depressed. I know i felt like my heart had been ripped into many pieces. I know i felt that my world was ending and i had no way of stopping it. I know I felt that i was in so much pain and all i wanted to do was find a way to make it stop.
But now.I can say i remeber i felt that way but i dont remember the pain. I dont remember the exact feeling i felt. I know it hurt. But i cant feel it anymore.
and now all the pain and suffereng I went through was worth is.
I know in my heart, in my head, and in my sprit that I am happy. for the first time in a long time I am at peace.
Yes, I have had happy times in the past year but never have i had peace with it. and when you have both of those together ......... there are no words to describ it.

Anyway we prayed together and then went to the park. She played with the kids and we just sat and talked. My husband was happy for the first time happy. He was nervous and wanting to make both of us happy but this is the first time I have seen him at peace. His eyes and sprit had a different feel to it. HE was no longer havign to tear hisself in two. he was with both of us lovign us together. He was able to just sit and feel love from all directions. I mean the kids were lovign him, I was lovign him and so was she. This is what the big P is all about. Feeling loved, being cared for, having security, and knowing your place. we had all of that.

We were all loved and lovign each other.
we were all caring for and about each other.
we all had security. we knew and know that neither of us are going to take him away from us.
and we know our place.
he is OUR husband
We are HIS wives
They are the kids and it felt good.

Now i understand what my husband has been tellign me all this time. HE said the big P allows himt o love more, feel better about his self, allows himto get all the love he needs. Makes him feel better about his self.
Now i see it
He does love more. With us beign together he is not just loving one of us at a time .he loves us both at the same time. he can go in anyroom and see us. there are no more 3 hour plane ride and missing one and not feeling complete. The big P allows him to feel loved. because he is getting love all the time. He can just sit and get loved. he has two wives that love him dearly. what man would not want that. he is the man i feel inlove with again. HE is the man I thought I lost and would never see again. Now i see what he meant. it is not that I was not what he wanted becuse I was and I am. he just needed more, more than i could give, more of what i give, just more..and it is ok.......... becuase I needed more too....and now i have it. I have a sister, an auntie for my kids, a friend to talk to, a helper, a person that will understand me when i am mad cause what he does to me..he does to her........I have another person in my life that loves me......

Now i know this may make some of you say well it will change, you will get mad.and yes i will she will and he will......... but who cares..right now is all that matters...

right now...
i am loved
i am in love
i am happy
i am peaceful
i am loving myself
him
her and my kids
i feel good
girls I tell you LIFE IS GOOD

the people

2007-05-19T12:38:00.000+04:00

People are people no matter where they are from or what faith the choose to follow. I have come to KNOW that you are a person first then you are your religon. Meaning you are who you are. Just because you are Muslim does not make you a nice person. I knew this before but I REALLy know it now. Alhumduillah I have met some of the nices people since being overseas. Most of them have been reverts from all over then moved like myself, but a few have been Arabs.

Before I arrived in Egypt I came accross peopel that wanted to help me before i even arrived. I had people offering me their homes while they were on vacation, people wanted to pick me up wrong the airport, Peopel offering to show me arond.I just thought wow!!! what nice peopel. Alhumduillah they were and all the peopel i met through these people were just as nice. There were a group of women in Cairo that just made me feel welcome and i truely loved them. they had classes every week and went over Arabic, fiq, and other things. I loved this about them, they also had get togethers just to hang out. I feel if more people did this it would make it so much easier. They do this in Alexandria also but they do more. I mean they seem to have classes 4 times a week. HUM maybe i should not say this since In Egypt it is illeagle to have any group come together about Islam without the governments permission. So in reality what these women are doing is against the law. How sad.............

Now when i was in Kuwait. I met the sweetes woman. She came from the states and I tell you she and I clicked. She and her husband would have given me the shirt of their backs. They were warm and funny and so nice. We are still close. She left Kuwait also. She hated it I think just as much as I did. She went back to the states and is now waiting to have another baby Inshaallah. I met one kuwaitie that was nice but that was at the end of my stay so I didnt get to know her very well. All in all I would say that kuwait is a money country. the women seem to want to look as fancy as they can. they want to look as western as they can. All the clothes in the mall are not covering much. It was just sad in my opinion.
Here in the UAE, well things are not much better than Kuwait. I mean I am not being followed home by men but I do not feel any better. Yes, I feel safer, Yes, the women here dress better, and yes, I do think it is a nicer country. However, I really wonder why I am here. I mean I have not dont the things I prayed I would do. If I have to continue to work I will never do anything othet than that,. WORK < PAY BILLS AND DIE....isnt that a mans job....................

Oh well back to the subject.

The peopel I have net here have been nice and very helpful. All of them have been American. But nice women. That is one good thing that does come from being overseas. You really bond with people because we are alone. We came for the same reason and we try to help each other.

Why it is hard

2007-05-12T18:10:00.000+04:00

For me living overseas can be overwhelming at times. Being alone most of the time I have to do many things for myself. Not having a man to do your everyday things can be frustrating. It is extreamly frustrating when you are a woman used to doing it all herself. Another thing that is hard is the paperwork. They have paperwork for everything. You do not do anything once here. And the last thing is even though YOU may be here to make hijurah most peopel are not, Yes this may be a muslim country but your boss usually is not Muslim.

When I was in Kuwait I was approached too many times by men wanting to buy sex. It happened 7 in the morning, early afternoon, on my way home from work, leaving the supermarket, or just walking to the bakala. They were like vultures. I HATED IT. To see these men dressed in a clean thobe and act that was was sickening. I know men are men but i didnt expect this is a Muslim country. Hijab is suppose to keep men away and protect the woman, but in Kuwait it was the opposite. when a woman is alone or with her children and she wears niqab she is thought to be selling herself. how sick is that. I left Kuwait for this reason. I did not want my girls being subjected to this type if behaviour.

when you are used to being an independant woman it ia very hard haveing to step back and let a man do jobs you are used to doing. This is very hard for me. I am used to calling to have things fixed and talkign to whoever answers the phone. here they all want to ask for the husband. This irratates me. I can talk for myself. I also do not like needing a man to sign your lease, or do anything leagle. I am a grown woman mother of 4 children and I need a man that is not even their father to sign papers for them........come on!!!! The apartment is mine. I work it , it is my job that pays the bills but he is needed to represent me.....????? This is beyond me.
Then the paperwork to get a visa for these countries. Let me tell you if you are looking to go to the gulf....really think hard and if you do have EVERYTHING DONE CORRECTLY. They are making it very hard to get a job here and they are requiring more nad more paperwork to be done in order to get a job and a visa. You have to get everything attested. A woman can only sponsor her husband or children unless she is a teacher or work in the medical field. So if you have a husband like mine that is not trained in anything usable you may have problems. Rent here is more than the price of ownign a home in the states. It is very clean and pretty but I have to say it is very over priced the rules are not very welcoming. What i mean by that is . They do not care that you are wanting to come here for Islam. It is do you have the skills they( the government ) think you need in order for you to stay here. THat is it.
I know each contry has a right to do what they want but to me. if this is a Muslim country they should be more welcoming and accomaditing to Muslims that want to come here for Islam........I mean they look at what country a person comes from to decide what job they can or can not have. A man from the US cant just come here and say you know what I will take any job. I just want to be around Muslims. Here the ads will say, For Indains only or What ever country..... This is sad. then to top it all off even if a brother said you know what i will clen the streets just to stay here. if he has a FAMILY forget it. If you have a labor job they usually come with low pay and shared housing. If you do nt make over i think 4000 a month you cannot sponsor your family to come with you. Also if you have a labor job like i said you will live with maybe 10 men ina 2 bedroon flat. So you are stuck without your wife all alone surrounded my men.....HUMMMMMMM How islamic is that. Men need their wives. some men spend years here without seeigntheri families. they may get to go home oncea year if their sponsor allows them. Famliy is very important in Islam but here It only seems to matter if you are from privaliged countries.
This leads ,me to that fact that more managers will not be Muslims and If they are they dont care that you are and will sometimes take advantage of that fact. They will offer you less for a job they will pay a non muslim. This is because they kno wmany americans are here for Islam and will do anythign to stay here so they underpay you. Sad but true. I know a woman that has a degree and many years experience but was payed WAY less than her non Muslim co workers.
I work in a school that Ahumduillahllah pays everyone that same for overseas contracts. But I also work with alot of non Muslims and I have to hear tons of talk about how they think some of the rules are outragous, or see them mock a woman thatr has on Niqab. I hear many conversation that are against Islam so this job has its downsides. I feellike i do not fit in. While I am american I do not relate to the Americans becasue they all go out and drink, go to the nbeack, partys, ect. I do not fit in the the Arabs becasue They tend to be to themselves and not see me as Muslim becasue I am American. Most think I am Muslim becasue of a man. OH pLease, My whole family is muslim from my grand parents on down. So that is far from the truth. But this is my reality at the moment.
What I do like is Uae is beautiful. I love all the beautiful Mosques and parks. My kids can go into a park and stay for hours. I love being close to the ocean I just like to see it. It is calming. I like that there are things to do.I am not stuck being bored like in Egypt. There was NOTHING to do with my kids. Dirty parks, not much to do for free. So I do like it here better, as for islam. I dont think it si a good as Egypt but I guess you haev to take the good with the bad and weigh everything out

The people

living overseas #1

2007-05-10T05:26:00.000+04:00

I have been thinking about all my experiences in all the countries I have lived in so far, Egypt, Kuwait, and UAE. I moved over here to live in a Muslim country. I THOUGHT I would have a better chance at learning Isalm, Arabic, and haveing my children see and be proud of being Muslim. However after being here for some times I have changed my ideas.I still think it is better here than in the US for some things. I love hearing the Athan, I love not being the only covered woman in an area, I love that my kids have more Muslim friends, I love that most food I see is Halal.

However, I do not think I can learn MORE Islam here. Yes there are more Muslims here and Yes they have classes. But mose places are geared towars men. In the states there were way more things for women to do. In the Mosque I attended women could attend all classes. There was only one class for men only. Everything was pretty much equal. Here I dont see that. Here there are alot of places that do not have women section in them. One place in Egypt had a womans section but no place to make wudu. Whats up with that! Its like saying yeah you can come but .....Now I know many of you would say oh well it is better to stay home. Yeah but you have the option not to if you do not want to. I for one do not wan tto stay home. I did not move overseas to stay home. I came here to learn. The prophets wives went to the Mosque ALOT. They taught classes, lead prayers, helped in battles, these women were not staying home. They were an active part of the Muslim society. So the notion that women should just learn from their husbands or stay home is not feasable to me. One many husband s do not know Islam enough to teach anyone. Another thing many of them say they dont have time. So what are we to do, suffer? And lastly Learning Islam is required for ALL people. Not only men.

The thing that is really hard to deal with is theat learning Islam is here I am sorry to say some people mix alot of tradions in with Islam and they think it is one and the same. This is the scary part. Because many people that come overseas are reverts. Many of them come to seek knoweledge and get here and get messed up. So, Me personally I dont think learning is a selling point for me.

My kids go to Quran class everyday. I love this. In the states it was not everday. But I have found the behavior of alot of the children here is worse that int he states.My kids never came home with the stories they come home with now. Many of the children I see are being raised by the maids and nannies. They spend more time withthem than the parents. This makes these children spoiled and not well behaved. I will leave this subject alone because i could go on and on but I think I need to use Islamic wisdom here.

Egypt, I found to be the best place I have been for learning. I have heard Yemen is great but I have not been there. Egypt had many centers that taught Arabic, Quran, and Islamic topics. I even met many people that offered to teach my family for free. I have not found that anywhere else. The people in egypt while I found them to be a bit much when I compare them to the natives of the other countries I have been I will have to say they are more down to earth and more likable. I hated Egypt when I was there but now Allah has shown me that Egypt was not the worse place on earth.....

next why it is hard to live here.

ALHUMDUILLAH SAFA HAD HER BABY!!!!

2007-05-02T05:24:00.000+04:00

I got a call 5 am. this morning. Safa said she is doing well. The baby was 9 lbs. His lungs are not fully developed but other than that he is ok. Masha allah she is going home tomorrow and I know She will tell everyone how she is going on her blog. I just wanted to share this happy news. I am so happy for her. Now she can stop being sick and go back to being a mom!!!!!

2007-04-27T05:36:00.000+04:00

Wow 10 day since i last posted. Either life has been really good or it ihas been really bad. .......lol........

The thing that has been on my mind is life and how short it is. We sometimes forget this. At any moment we can be taken away and that is the end. If I look at my like lately and think about all the time I have WAISTED thinking about how hurt I am or how my husband did or did not do something. I spend WAY too much time thinking about him and my feelign fo rhim. WHAT about my feeling for ALLAH?
I wake up sometimes with thought of my husband and this wife. I think about how thing went , may go, when , if , what if, how much, and the list goes on. I do not remember a day when i woke up thanking Allah for just being alive. I do not remember a day when i had a free time and Allah popped into my head. I do think it seems liek when I am understress and need help form him.
When I should do thins automatically. I should wake up and praise him, Not just pray and then think of my husband and our problen, his problems or their problems. I should think of how wonderfula nd great Allah is.
So thins is what I plan to do. No it will not happen overnight but it will happen inshaallah.
I have started by praying all prayers with all sunnahs. I think this is a start for me. I usually only do the sunnah prays in t he morning and maybe the ones after magrib. On fridays at jummah i do sunas but that is it. So now i will inshaallah do them all. This will make me at least think of allah more during the day. then I plan to read more. I used to love to read islamic things but I do not do it as much.
My next thing is to stop working. Then I can spend time doign the things I talked abotu doing when i moved over seas, Learing Quran, goign to classes for fiq, Learnign more hadiths..the list goes on. Alhumduillah my kids are doing these things but what abotu me. I need this for myself. My kids know more suras than I do. This is sad. They go to class everyday from asr to magrib they have in the last 2 yrwars learnd more things than I have. Masha allah I am proud of them and happy they like learning, but what kind of survant of allah am I to not do the same for myself.

As for my life it is just that MY LIFE. I have my ups and downs. But as long as Allah keeps me alive I will deal with them. Inshaallah just now maybe they wont consume me.

Why????

2007-04-15T09:51:00.000+04:00

Why is it that men make things harder than they have to be?

why cant they be honest?

why is it when they get caught in their web of lies and deciet they cant handle it but expect the person they lied and decieved to to just be ok an d act like nothing ever happened?

why is it that Allah gave so much trust, honor, responsibility to a group of people that for the most part do not deserve it and can not handle it?

I have come to understand that pologny is not a hard thing. It can be but if done right it is ok. However, these men are the ones that make it bad. Plural marrages the way it is suppose to be done is a good thing. It can give a woman w/o a husband a good man. It can give a high maitenace man someone else to bother when one woman has had enough. It can increase the ummah, and many more things. But these men , not all but MOST mess things up. They lie and say they are not married, lie an ddont tellthe first wife abou tthe second marriage, lie and say well i dont love the first wife, lie and say i am only married to the second with for sex casue we live in seperate contries, lie about their jobs, lie to make them seem so pious, lie to themselves believing they are stong enough in islam, or mentally strong enough, or physicall strong enough to handle one woman let alone more.

Why????

How do you survie a marriage started with a lie??
How do you then trust and respect that man knowing he dieceved you?

TRUE BLESSINGS

2007-04-11T07:33:00.000+04:00

I remember when My husband and I started talking about him getting a wife. I remember that pain I felt in my heart. It has so deep. I wanted to learn how to deal with this pain. I joined a yahoo group. It helped me alot. It showed me the type of polygony relationships what work the best. How to deal with issues and how to become more dependant on Allah. It also made me sad. It showed me how selfish men and can and how mean and heartless that can be. I was so depressed by reading some of the post because they made me cry for days.

Then i started reading a post from a stronger woman. She had so much strength and faith in ALLAH it surprised me. I wanted to be like her. I knew if she could do this I could. Her husband has horrible. He had given her V.D., Married all kinds of women, made her suffer and do without because he wanted to marry, and the list goes on. But with all of that she maintained that her marriage was good and he was doing what was halal. I would sometimes read her and think is she for real.No way!!! Sometimes i would read her and think why don't you just leave him others I would just cry because she was so strong. No matter what I thought her main thought was no matter what he does he will have to answer to Allah for it. So why should she worry about it.
This is what I want for myself. I am not going to allow him to walk over me.......NOT!!! but, I am not goign t o get as upset about things and just let Allah deal with him. I noticed since he has been here That i do not get so sad or upset like I used to. I may feel a tingle but I let things go Very quickly. I like this because i don't have wasted emotions. I am not all in a knot because of something he did or said. My time with him has been good for the most part. I am enjoying him and so are the kids. I just wish I didn't have to work next week.
Another thing i saw was there are two relationship that work best. One where the co - wives are on a give you salams and that is it relationship or good friends working as family. I made up in my mind I wanted a family relationship. I used to tell him from what I see they work the best. I want to be friend with her and let our love for you not over take us because we are wondering whats going on over in the other house. My husband was against it. he would say yes, but do things that let me know he didn't think it was a good idea.
When he got married last yr. i wanted to talk to the woman, but I never did. She was not keen on a relationship with me. She wanted to make fitnah and destroy her marriage and try to mess with mine also. After that I kind of didn't want to be friends with a co. I thought forget it. These women are ruthless and I will just give salams. However, my feelings now have changed.
This woman alhumduillah is like me. She really has a good heart and sweet personality. we talked and this time she talked to the kids. She was so happy just being a part of our family. I see why my husband is happy with her. He says we are so much alike. I see that in some ways but others not so much. One she will take things I wont and cant.....H E likes to feel like he is the boss, i allow him to feel that in some ways but others I have to have my say and I voice my opinion and it is strong. She on the other hand is not like that. she jumps when called and listens to him fussing. She is OK with that and it makes her happy so who am I to complain. She wants us to be a big family and spend time with each other and just act like sisters. She kept telling me she needs to have dh happy with her and she wants me to make him happy. he needs to be happy with us and we have to make him so happy. because he love us and we are lucky. Now in my twisted head I was like Yeah what ever, you are just in the honeymoon stages and you are just happy anyway. Then i thought yeah she is so happy because he saved her from a miserable like. She had it bad. Didn't eat well, barely slept, didn't have a bed of her own, was used by her family as a maid, nanny, and doormat. So any life she has she is happy for.
Then i started to think. We are lucky. Yeah he has his faults, we all do. But deep down he really wants what is good and is striving to become closer to Allah and wants to bring us on the journey with him. HE loves us both dearly. He is happy with with of us. He is someone I can laugh with. HE is someone that I can be myself with. When I allow him he helps me and protects me from myself. He knows me and put up with my mess. I am lucky. Many men are wayyyyyyyyy worse that him. I have been married before and truly loved that man. He was nice, kind and gently. But when I compare the two I have to say in many ways I lucked up because I have two very different men but two good men. However, I would have to say I prefer this one. I have more passion for him. Now i know this is not always a good thing. But he bring things out in me I didn't know I had. After my husband died. I didn't sleep well for a long time. Every time I closed my eyes I heard the sound he made when he was dying. I had to sleep with the t.v. on or some type of loud noise. The day I spoke with my husband I turned my t.v off and when to sleep . He had an immediate calming effect in my like and still has a way of making things seem better. I knew Allah sent him to me. No it has not been easy and it took a long time to do this relationship right. But alhumduillah it is getting there step by step.
So thins young girl has more wisdom that I do. She knows our husband loves us and she knows her duties as his wife. She is happy with what ever he throws at her. She is married and loves it. She sees me not a a threat but as a woman that loves her husband and is happy that we make him happy. she is just happy to be a part of real love. Wow, how blessed am I ...........I have asked and begged Allah for a woman like her, when he gave her to me. I had a heart of stone. I didn't know what I had. Now i see the beauty in her spirit and will Cherish it.
She gave me a gift, a heart, well it was 2 she said it was from their hearts to my heart. because they both love me. ......What a blessing

I shock myself

2007-04-06T07:28:00.000+04:00

Well he made it. we had a nice talk last night. Nothing special but it was nice to talk face to face and not on a computer or phone. It is so important for me to have this always. I know this is the cause of so much of our problems. I need him with me. I need to comfort that I can only get when he is with me. When he is talking to me and touches me I know no problem is too big.

I felt peace and loved and happiness last night. My nightmare turned into a commercial. It is not constant and it is much smaller. No, I am not happy she is pregnant. However, I am happy for them. I loved being pregnant . I loved everything about it. I remember when i had all of my children each one. I remember how happy i was to find out and how much i enjoyed each moment of each day having a new life grow inside of me. I know now how it feels to be a mother and the Love i have for my kids and receive from them.
Who am I to not want that for her. How selfish can I be to make me the center of this. How selfish am I to not allow them the full happiness they can have with expecting their first child. Nope I will not be sad. Nope I will not cry. Nope I will not feel like my world has ended.
My husband loves me. He wants me as his wife. He want me with him....none of that changed because she is pregnant. The only thing that has changed is the size of our family inshaallah.
From this day on she is my sister in just in Islam but inshaallah in my heart my true sister. their child will be my family. I will be auntie.
Yeah i will have my moments but I will overcome them. I will more forward and feel blessed that my husband married a wonderful woman.

ME.......

My nightmare

2007-04-03T13:39:00.001+04:00

This road is long. When i feel like I can handle it something happens that makes me feel like I cant. The thing is I have to make this work. I love this man so much. I want to be married to him. I sat and looked at him and thought to myself no this is not the life I chose but this is the man I chose. I Have to live with the choice I made. I do love him. I do need him. WHen i think about all we have been through I can not imagine just walking away from it. We have had so many bad time but we over came them. Why does this seem so unbearable? Why does this seem so hard.?How do I fix my heart? Right now it seems broken into tiny pieces. My heart aches in places I never knew could feel pain, but with all of the pain I still love. How is that?

I just feel like she is the one that I have to share my heart with and now she has taken a bigger part. I dont have a whole heart anymore she took it. SHe moved into it and added a baby . I only have a small peice I guess I have to learn to be greatful for that small piece. But why is my pices getting smaller and my love for him is still so big.

we talked

2007-04-02T06:19:00.000+04:00

last night i talked to my co. It was crazy. I was so nervous and she was very excited. We talked twice. Once it was very quick. I was in shock. so I didn't have much to say. so we made plans to talk after isha. We talked again and it was a bit better. She seemed like a nice person. She was very happy with our talk and we seems to be alike in some ways. we made the same jokes about the husband and seem to have the same views about alot of things. All and aqll it was good

The one thing I took away from our talk was peace of mind. Not total peace but for some reason the next day I felt good on the inside. I just kept remembering how happy she was and how we laughed together. She sees me as her family. I like that. My husband told me the next day that she was so Happy that i liked her. That was important to her. He said I have been all she has talked about since we talked. She cant wait to meet me and the kids and spend time with us.
I told him I was happy also something I don't know what but something made me feel peaceful. I do not feel the hardness in my heart anymore. I am not in love with the girl. But maybe i am on my way to healing. Maybe I am on my way to accepting this and knowing that she is a part of my life and she is no threat. On the other hand a part of me is sad for the same reasons. I know and accept that she IS a part of our lives and she is not going anywhere.

She is just a woman just like me. A woman that loves her husband and wants to be happy.

2007-03-29T18:06:00.000+04:00

I have been thinking today about how and why I am in the big "P". I remember being married to my husband maybe a month and looking at him and getting so sad I started to cry. He looked and me and asked what was wrong. I told him I know you will want another wife.I feel it. He hugged me and said why are you worrying about something that may never happen.

For some strange reason I knew this was going to be apart of my life. I new early on. At that time we were Islamicly married but not really married. We didn't live together. We were just getting to know each other. I Loved his personality. he was a charmer. He knew how to make me smile and we would laugh so much. He, at that time had been to Egypt and fell in love with it. During our first conversation after we decided we would get married we talked about moving there and spending the rest of our lives learning Arabic, Islam and raising the kids in a Muslim country.
I could not wait. I was so eager to spend the rest of with this man. He was soooooo different that my first husband. With my other husband he was sweet, kind, very predictable. I loved him very much I could depend on him, but I didn't not feel the way I felt for this man. From our first talk I knew I would love him. i knew we would be together.
His wife died and My husband died and we were there to support each other. No romantic stuff, no nothing. Just talks. We got married over the phone without even seeing each other. No picture no nothing; he and I both did not care what we looked like. we connected in a special way and we didn't want to let looks mess that up. so my step dad, who is a imam, married us. we did this so we could get to know each other and not worry about falling into anything not halal. we talked and talked and got to know each other.
There was a however, a part of him I didn't learn about until later. The part of him that LOVED WOMEN. I felt it from the beginning but never let my self KNOW. I Later found out that this weakness was the cause of alot of his problems. His first wife could not deal with it. He had tried the co wife thing with her but it was too hard on her. so he divorced the second wife. However, it did not stop him for seeking out women. Somehow they just seemed to "find ' him lol. Once i knew this about him I knew I would rather him be married then do things behind my back. We talked about this for a long time. I mean this is not a thing that just happened. this has been 4 years coming. we planned to get things together and move overseas then he would look for a wife there.
The thing is I read about this and really THOUGHT i was ready for it until he really started looking. It drove me crazy. I thought i was stronger. I thought it would be no big deal. I was wrong. My heart broke. My mind was cool but my heart just could not do it. The thing was it was not the sex with another woman. sex is sex, he will not do anything to her that he does not do to me. I didn't dwell on that too much. It was the falling in love. love is different for different people. I didn't want him to love her more. Not after I had been through so much to be with him. It was the things that were just for me was not for just me anymore. It was the romance we used to have. He used to make me candle light dinners, go to hotels just because and get the whirlpool tubs. He used to do alot of romantic things. I didn't want him to do those with anyone else. they were special to me.
So last yr when he married It was hard but I went to Jummah that day and all my pain left. I prayed and I swear it was ok in my heart. The thing is that marriage didn't last. I knew it wouldn't. She was a female him. Not anything what he has hope for and He was nothing what she dreamed of. she was bossy and was over 35 but acted like she was 19. This was not going t o work with him. He will not let an Egyptian woman boss him around. I know that may sound crazy but this is his logic. They are raised with the males being the dominate ones in the family. It does not matter who, uncle, father brother, they all are the boss of SOME of these women. They were not raise like people in American so he did not want a wife from Egypt with a bossy attitude. Well the thing was This woman was not raised like that. Yes her brothers and Uncles may have had say in things but Mama ran the show. Her mom bossed her dad. She thought this was the way things worked............NOT!!! so their marriage only lasted a few months. Then he married this one. She knew from day one what he was looking for. He did not make the mistake of thinking all Egyptian women wer the same. She agreed to all his demands. They married 2 weeks later. For some strange reason This marriage hurt. I don't know what it is I am still trying to find that out. But I think maybe it is because i think this will last. I know she will do all the things he asked for. She knew what she was getting. Maybe it is because the things he is looking for her to do I do not do. I will not do. So maybe i feel guilty. I don't know....
what I do know is this. I do love this man. I do want this marriage to work. Being a co wife is hard. Marriage is hard. I know I can do this if I put in the effort...... The thing is I am so tired. I am just wore out. This has been a hard year. I do not know if I have it in me.
I know now still in my head and not my heart. that Our relationship is very different. What he gets from me he does not get from her. What he gets from her he does not get from me. I know that in my HEAD. My my heart still has to catch up. Maybe one day it will.

New thought

2007-03-26T17:00:00.000+04:00

You know I had a thought today. I know most people think it is so much harder for the first wife to accept sharign her husband. But what abotut he second wife> I am sure it is very hard on them after they get a reality check. I know some come in thinking they are preferred because if the other marriage was so great why did he get her.........so when she sees the truth and sees what she really has sometimes I'm sure it is hard on her. I mean you have to feel like you are constantly catching up. They may feel like they will never have what the first wife has......TIME. the first wife had time alone..time to build a bond.time to really know him.all about him. so i wonder if it is truly harder for the second wife.
I think my co is going through this now. I think it has alot to do with the fact that hubby is suppose to be comming her soon. She is feeling sad and the reality of him not only being with her it getting to her. I hear from the wali she is having a hard time not feeling loved...well not that he does not love her but her question is why did he marry her because (she thinks) he loves me so much............why did he even need her...

what do you all think?

Is it harder for the first or second wife?

2, Is it really hard on the men having to deal with all these different emotions for different women?

3 Do men come to love the first wife more after he remarries?

4, Does insecurities ever go away or do they just change??

5, Do men really need more than one wife or is it just something they want??

livng life and loving it

2007-03-25T05:12:00.000+04:00

Not many women, That I know, are prepared for sharign a husband. Not many men, That I know are Prepared for being a husband of many owmen. So why do we do this?

I know for my husband he tries to explain it to me. He has told me many times that him getting a wife had nothing to do with me as a woman, wife, mother, or person. he has told me it is all him. His weaknesses, his desires, and his selfisheness. I accept this and admire him for going into great detail explaining it to me. I am to the point where I can say I got it I tuely understand him. However, I still and left withthe feeling of Why, why after all of this. After years of us working on being together and finally getting to to the point were it can work do he do this.
I am still asking why did he not wait and do all of this right. I am still wonering if he will live up to this challange and be fair and not be selfish again and again cause alot of pain to me.
My answers to this will take time to come. I know for myself I have a long hard battle ahead of me if we stay together. These next 3 months will determain alot for us. He will be comming here for my time and durign that time we will try to decide what we will do. Alot will depend on his actions, and his additude. I have made up my mind about alot of thing. I have changed my way of thinking and he will see this quickly. He will have to accept these things from me just as I have accepted things from him. This I think is fair. This is know is the only way we can stay married.
We as Muslims need to get our act together. I really mean this. Men need to start being men and doign their jobs. I think if they were good husbands , strongin their deen, taking full responsibility of their families, being loving, caring, and less demanding, Women would not have such a hard time with sharing. It is so hard because when We as women do not get our full 100% when wew are the ONLy wife we end up with less than 1/2 when we have to share.
Men need to wake up and be honest if they want to have wives. Stop getting married behind their wives backs and be a man about it and talk to her and prepare her. I am so sick of hearing we dont have to tell you . The phrophet didnt tell his wives. Well I think there is a HUGE difference . In his time there were not phones. He could not call and say well honey......... and also he didnt keep his marriages a secret from his wives because of fear. These men fear what will happen. They are punks........ that is the big difference. They need to be men and handle their business. They need to spend time with the kids they have and not go out and start a new family. They need to make sure their family is grounded in Islam and ready for this live and preparing for the next. They need to make enough to pay all the bills, not have to make their wives work, not get a check form the government, food stamps or anythign else. They need to be mentally and physically able to care for their wife. Love her without conditions, give her all of his heart and more give of himself. Show her he loves her. Make her feel loved and wanted, needed and desired. Make his children feel loved,proud, empowered, secure, and teach them to be giving. teach them how to be good Muslims. If they did all of this and STILL had time for a new wife by all means go for it.
We women need to stop thinking so much about our husbadns. I know it is hard cause I know I do it toooooo much!! We need to focus on our deen more. Our hubsband alone will not get us to Jennah. We have things we need and have to do ourselves. One of them being making ourself happy and the other being worshiping our lord. If we spent as muct time readign quran and we do feelign sad , angry or whatever the mood of the day is we would not care what our husbands did. we would just let Allah handle it. We forget Allah alone is the best of planner and if this was truly too much for us he would not have let it happen to us. And when we do feel it is Gettign to hard we do have options and we can get out.
If we spent more time with our children we would not have the time to think of how hurt we are. If we talked to our husband s and spent the time with them that we need to really get close to them build a real bond not an imaginary one we would have the relationship we want. It is not all on the men. Yes THEy play I feel the BIGGER part in this but we cannot blame them 100%. For whatever reason Allah made some men women lovers. They love women, cant live without them. So what are we to so. Hide from that fact. NO!! we cant. We have to accept it and make good decisions.
Marry men that do not and will not for any reason marry another woman, OR cheat on you becuase yeah they may not marry but they will fall into relationships.......... hum whats worse???
We can be strong in our deen and prepare ourselves for this event, prepare or daughters for this event.
We can not marry........................NOT!!!!
we can Just go on with our lives pretendign this part of life will never happen to us and end up the way we are.......
Well for me I have decided. I will spend more time on me, my family and mY lord. I will try my best to do all I can because I know first hand LIFE IS SHORT!!! it can be taken away at anytime. SO I will be greatful and love hard and live hard with the time I have left.
If i stay married alhumduillah, if not Allahumduillah. It is all qudar of Allah anyway. But in the end I will not be depressed. I will not be angry I will not be alone.
I will be LOVED. if by no one else my kids. I will be srtong. for my self I have to hold my own head up. I will be Happy. I have to power to make myslef happy. In the end I Will be LIVING LIFE AND LOVING IT!!!!!!

whats on the table now

2007-03-21T10:26:00.000+04:00

Well my wali and I talked a few times. First thing he did was tell my husband he is crazy if he thinks he will allow him to treat me that way and not give me my rights. He also told him he needs to make up his mind if he wants to stay married to me or not. because if he wants to stay married he has to come up with a plan that is fair and just for all. He also told him if he tells him that he wants to stay married he wants to see action. becuase lately his mouth is saying he wants to stay married but his actions are saying another thing.
He gave him 3 days to decide what he wants to do.

Then he told me on my part if I want to stay married to my husband I need to go there for a while. He said we need to work on our issues and we cannot do this living seperatly. he also said we cant fix things in spurts so we need to work on them full time to get results. He wants to work with us be our medeator and counslor. he said he has been working with my husband on a few things and I have noticed the difference in him with those things he has helped him with. so now i have to decide if I wan to go to egypt. My fear is my health. I have other fears also but that is my biggest fear. So i will pray on it and see what happens when i go home this summer. I will get a good checkup and see what the doctors say.

so what did my husband do
Well in the three days my husband got a loan to finish the apartments. Now the places will be done very soon. He is making one for me and one for my son. He is also going to make one for him to live in. So I guess he is showing action. Before he was totally against getting a loan because he did not want to owe anyone anything. MY husband told him he wants tobe married to me. He is willing to do whatever it takes to do what he needs to do, other than divorce this other wife, to make our marriage work. I do not expect himto divorce her. That is not the root of our problems. It is HIM not her. It is not her fault he married her before he was ready. Anyway, he said he will do everything my wali told himto do. One thing my wali told him is when i get there I will get all days owed to me. I will get them when I want them. no if ands or buts about it. My husband agreeded.

My wali told me to relax and take things one day at a time. He told me when he comes do not overwhel him with questions lets things flow natrually. He said if I look for things to just be perfect i will be very disapionted. he said look at the things that HAVE changed and just say alhumduillah and we will work togther on the rest.He says my husband has changed and is really workign hard on doing the things I told him were inportant to me. I gave a list of my complaints to my wali when my husband was here last time. He has been working with him on these issuse. he said he doesnt not jump down his throat with them he just throws one thing at a time in normal conversation. if a subject comes up. This he said works best with my husband. He said my husband get very defences when he feels pushed into a corner or overwhlemed, I knew thins but you know My personality is to just go straight for answers and push you until i getthe results I want. So maybe i will try his way for now to see if it works for me.

My fear is for my health.
can I really live this close to a co wife
Can I deal with Egypt.
I was not inlove with the place
What if I give up my job, home, and security to go there and he cuts up
and we divorce.
Then were will I be.
will I be happy just living in egypt next door to a man that is not my husband anymore.
So I have a lot to think about.

Make dua for me

My Wali is great!!!!

2007-03-18T16:56:00.000+04:00

As salaamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu,

This is a short post I just want to say I have a great wali. I told him about my problem and he is on my side and making great progress on my behalf. I tell you if you do not have a wali GET ONE. My dad was mine but he did not have what it took to deal with my husband. He allowed many things to happen and things got out of control. So a few months ago I got a new one. If any one is in Egypt an dneeds a good wali that is stong in his deen, has knoweldge and is very fair let me know . He is always helping others and willgo out of his way to do things for anyone.

I will let you all know about the progress when everything is done.
Please make Duah for me so I do the right thing and say the right thing and that my wali does things that we all can live with. Either seperate in peace or change this mess he made.

Stick a fork in me I AM DONE!!!!!!

2007-03-16T08:36:00.000+04:00

For some strange reason I am not feeling excited about this visit coming up. I have wanted him to come and now that the time is close Honestly I wish I could tell him to stay there. I want to see him but then again I feel overwhelmed and sick of pologny. I think I feel this way because I know when he comes here nothing will change. yeah he will be here for his 72 day but then what.......Nothing things will go back to the way they are now. he will be in Egypt and I will be left here complaining.
I am sick of this type of life. I need to figure something out. I talked to him about my feelings and he is being very understanding in words but honestly I don't think there will be much action. He said the nicest words. I always said he was a charmer. But those words don't work on me like they used to. They do not have any affect. Maybe i am becoming hard or numb. But the same words i used to love to hear mean nothing to me now. They are just words and empty promises. Yes, he believes them when he says them but he fails int he follow through. I am sick of being disappointed.
That is it!! I know this whole trip will be a huge disappointment. So why go through all the emotions to only be let down in the end. No, we wont argue. We will have fun, but nothing will change. Int he end he will go back to Egypt and go back to his wife. and I will be here again ALONE. I know yeah she will be alone while he is here. But I am sorry she chose this life.I didn't . He chose it for me. He made these decisions not matter what i said or did. Life is too short o be this unhappy.

well now here is the kicker. I just finished talking to him before i got to finish this entry and this is the latest.

Now he wants to come here and then go to america to work or a few months to save up money for this house. then after he finishes he will go to egypt and not come here for maybe 4-6 months while the house is being built.........so what am i looking at maybe 9 months without seeing him. OH YEAH RIGHT i told him t o take that idea and shove it. I am done take your idea and stay in egypt and leave me alone. I am soooooooooo finished. then he says ok he wont go to the states but he wont come here for 4-6 months so he can save the airfare...... I just turned off the computer and my phone i do not want to talk to him I am finished. he should have thought this crap out b4 he got married.

why you get a wife u cant afford. why you get a wife when you dont even have a home yet. why ......... and who ends up suffering....me >..will I get that time back........NO!!!! will i get anything out of this deal other than an apartment in an area i dont want to live in anyway.....No
so again I ask myself why and I married. I will tell u what As of today I wont be. I am done.

is this sunnah..........

2007-03-10T18:47:00.000+04:00

well today I talked to my husband . we had a good talk I told him many things One of them being I do not feel good about myself anymore. I feel like he told me yes I love you but it is not enough and that hurts. It hurts too much. I said alot to him that I have been holding in for a long time. I told him i feel like he brought home an elaphant and put it under the bed and want me to pretened like it is not there. I feel like you put this huge burden on me and expect me to do as I always did before. You want be to be the same and love the same and behave the same but carry around a ton. That is impossible. he said he was sorry but all that did was make me confused. The thing is I know He loves me. But is love enough. Can love alone make a woman happy. NO!! so what do I do. Deep down he is a good man. BUT i cannot live feeling hurt all the time.
I told him I need to be free. I told him I need happiness with or without him.
I made all my points very clear. I do not have a problem persay with polgamy. However, I think it has to be done right and ONLY some men can handle this responsiblity. I do believe each woman is entitled to getmarried. I do believe every woman that wants to be have children should have the oppertunity. I know there are many women that are older and need husbands. I have met so many women in Egypt in their late 30 , 40 and even 50's that have never been married. They want a husband ANY husband. However have never gotten the chance.
The thing is where do we draw the line where do we say we have had enough. Why are we asked to suffer to make others happy. Or is it our own selfishness that make us unhappy. Is it our own insecurities that make us miserable. Is it our own ways we handle things at the root of our problems. I think maybe it is a little of both. I think yes, we are selfish, I know I am. I think yes, I am jealous. I know want to have things my way. However I think the real root of the problem is HOW OUR HUSBANDS TREAT US. I think if they are doing what Islam called for them to do. treat us fair, give us fair and equal time, showed us love and compassion, gave us good islamic guidence, ect.. We would carry our burrdens. They would not feel like elaphants, maybe only cats or dogs. They weight around our hearts would not feel like it is choaking us and we can not breath. The life would not get drained from us. We would Live life and feel free.

I am so sick of everyone making excuses for these men. Yes, I know the have a RIGHT to have other wives. But the quran also says ONE IS BETTER. YEs, we can not they can not haev a wife but just because something is halal does not mean it is good for every person. Just because some people think it was sunnah does not mean evey man has to practice it.
I dotn even really believe it is something that is recommended for men to do.

Many people say oh we need keep a sunnah of the phropht alive we are doign a good thing.but this is my own opinion but how can somethign that distroys so many lives be a good thing and where do people get that this is sunnah. EVERYTHINg the phrophet did is not sunnah.

To be sunnah you have to get a reward for doing it. Sunnah includes any act performed by the Prophet. it also includes what he has stated or instructed. Sunnah are actions related to prayer and religious duties, and actions which relate to normal day-to-day activities of ordinary life. some are strongly recommended and their importance is emphasized in Hadith while others are not Hadith but we learn them from the Prophet's own actions. Even Sunnahs that are not mentioned in hadiths earns us a reward, if we perform it under the conditions and requirements any individual with the sincere intention of following the example of the Prophet. In his normal daily life, the Prophet may have done certain actions in a particular way. That does not mean that they constitute a Sunnah, unless he has backed these with a verbal recommendation or instruction.
Eating pumpkin seeds were one of the Phrophets favorite things to eat. I dont see many people screaming that men should eat pumpkin seeds. Is it a Sunnah to eat them? What if a person does not like their taste? Is he at fault? The answer is that it is not a Sunnah to eat pumpkins and a person who goes through life without tasting pumpkins misses no reward and will not be asked about this by Allah.

We have no Hadith or statement by the Prophet to suggest that marrying more than one woman is recommended. No companion of the Prophet tells us that the Prophet questioned himabout having only one wife or suggested to him that he should marry again. That always came from the man himself. Prophet did not persuade any of his companions to marry a second time. In FACT he advised against it. remember when Ali wanted to take another wife. The phrophet was against it. Do you think that because he was married to his daughter was the only reason. NO, because he did not show favortism. He would not say well All the Other women in the world can suffer great pain but not my daughter. HE told Ali when you hurt her you husr me, or somethign to that affect. Now does this mean that her pain is greater than ours. No it means he knew that this lifestyle creats deep and lasting pain for the woman. HE did not want his daughter to suffer. However there are many things in Islam that we do that can cause us pain, But we DO get rewards for it. Like fasting, staying up all night praying, Changing our faith to become muslim. Many times we lose our families oour friends, our children, But we are not suppose to let that pain stand in our way because the reward is much greater than the pain. if this was a part of Islam that gave us rewards for doing it he would not have stopped Ali. Many time the Phrophet told us we will suffer and we would have hard times. HE encouraged us to go throught hem because the reward was so much greater. Do you honestly think he would tell a person, not just any person but ALI, his cousin, not to get a reward from Allah...NO!!

we can say that this is a question left to theindividual; he may marry two or three or four women, but it is open to him to limit his marriage to one woman.

The Prophet lived with his first wife for 25 years without marrying a second woman. Ten of these 25years were after he became a Prophet. It is only in the last tenyears or so of his life that he was married to more than one wife.Which one of the two situations is a Sunnah? they cant both be sunnah. An dif they are then Why must we suppot polgamy. Meaning if a mongmous marriage will get a person just as many rewards.
WHY DO IT!!!!

JUST SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT!!

I want to fall in love

2007-03-07T13:01:00.000+04:00

Do you remember the feeling you had when you first got married. How you were so happy and everything your husband did was cute. How you both went out of your way to make each other happy. I remember my husband used to watch me sleep. He used to hold me all night or rub my arms. we would talk late at night adn laugh about everything.

I want that feeling again. I want to feel like I am special. I want to have something new and exciting. I want to want flowers just because. I want to hear the words I love you and feel butterflies. I want my husband to look at me lik ehe used to. I want to look at him like I used to.
I want to feel the newness. I want to be touched and have it feel like it used to . Not know each and every touch, kiss and move.
I want something new.

Why does he get this again and not us. Dont we get bored.
dont they get old too. dont we have desires. I know I do. I know every woman is not the same a dsome may not feel the same way I do but for those of us that do. When do we get to feel the way we used to feel.
When do we get to fall in love again.

SHE IS NOT COMMING

2007-03-04T07:27:00.000+04:00

Alhumduillah,

we talked yesterday and we decided that is would be better if she did not come here to live, at least for now. We decided that after he comes hee in April and stays his 72 days he will go back to Egypt And we will have our visits ever 30 days. That way it will be a bit more barable. I am happy for this. Although Idid want my husband here with me I REALLY did not want to live with a co-wife.
I am so looking forward to his visit now. My mind feels
free from much anxiety now. I was worring myself to death about all of this. Now i can think of some other things.
I will be going to an Arabic class starting Friday. This will make me feel alot better. I moved here hoping to learn Arabic but it is veryhard to do it. There are not may classes for women. Honestly, there are not many classes for anything. I had more oppertunities to learn Islam in the states.
I have to really say My talk with my husband went well. He said he finally sees that everything is not about him and his needs and what he does affects other people. He apoligises to me and my kids for everything he has done and the bad choices he made that hurt all of us.
They were so happy. They talked about things they can do to fix problem they are having and way they can become closer. This I feel is a good start if he can follow up on all of this when he gets here.
He really feels bad now for not thinking all this through. HE said he should have talked to me more and we should have planned this new marriage and not just him jummping into it like he did.
The fact is it is done. However, I kind of feel like she may get tired of the arrangement soon. I do not think she thought about what she was getting herself into marrying a man that was already married.
I do not think she thought she was going to have to share him
This is what happened last time and that is why the marriage did not work. For some reason they just think I will go away.........lol.......
The first one was happy until it was my time. She had a fit and moved out of the house while he was with me. Then asked him why did he marry her if he was goign to stay with me. He asked her why she married him knowing he had another wife. I was like what did she think i was just a wife in name only i did not matter to him. i was like he got married to you because of one simple fact.......HELLO BECAUSE HE WANTED 2 WIVES!! they do not see that. I think they just see that they are getting a husband. Not that they have to share a husband. After the oh i am married wears off they see that he is not just married to another woman but he loves them and they are not going anywhere.
My husband get 3 hours on the net a day. Somethims we do not get that because of things we have to do. When he comes here he will get 10 hours to talk to her however he wants. during the week he cannot talk to her while I am home. On the weekend he can talk to her anytime he wants but it has to be the way I do it. In less it is important I do not talk to him after Ishaa. That is her time. I know it is after mahgrib but their mahgrib is my Ishaa so it is really Mahgrib for him. I hope she will do the same. Last time she was calling in the middle of the night and early in the morning. It drove me crazy. He said he will talk to her and make set times for them to talk.
I am thinking about spending some time in egypt this summer. My job gives us air fare back home for summer break. I do not want to go home so I may go there. I am also thinking of maye using the money to take a trip somewhere. I dont know any one have any ideas.........

New MONTH

2007-03-01T07:33:00.000+04:00

I am starting a new way of looking at things. I dont know how long it will last but I will try this out for a while.

I will not bother with things that do not concern me.
meaning I will not allow my husband to talk about his wife wiht me. No talkign about bringing her here, no talks about what he ate for dinner, no talks about going anywhere nothing about his life there.

When he is here I will focus on only us. I will not allow him to talk to her while i am at home. I work 10 hrs a day that is enought time for him to talk to her ont he phone, computer or whatever they want to do. My time is for me.

I will not compare what he does with her vs what he does with me. We have seperate lives and very different lives.
Deep down i love my life. I do not want to trade anything except my co wife.........lol..... i will be greatful for what i have
i will be happy with what i have and do ot have.
I will think good thoughts
not things that will hurt me

like i said this may only last a day but who knows it may just work. if it doesnot at least i tried.

A new day the same stuff

2007-02-28T06:17:00.000+04:00

I decided I am not allowing her to move here. That will not work. I didnt make this mess. Yes, I could be in Egypt but I think My problems I have with my heart and my anxiety are too much for egypt righ tnow. Liek I said the medical care I recieved there was horrible. I think if I went there the stressw ould be more and I would just have a heartattack or something. I do not want to put my health in jeapardy to be with a man. Nope I am just not going to do it. As much as I love him and Need him I have to love me more.

I posted this message on another site and I tell you some people just do not read well. They skip all over the part where I said I HAVE HEALTH ISSUES and go straight for other things.
I guess i will never post there for help again.

So i am going to stay here. I am going to let him fix this. If he can not Then he has to live with the choice he made. HE knew this before he married. HE knew I was here
He knew i needed him
HE knew I did not want to live seperate
HE knew alot of things but the only thing important to him was finding a wife
and getting married

So I am sure my post will be more emotional because I know in my heart This will end my marriage. I have issues that will not go away. Being seperate does nothing but make them worse.

Why should I have a husband and not feel married?
One thing I have to say to just make me feel better is becuae I cannever say it to himw ith out causeing a huge fight
How could he just do this to me and to us. How could he after all I have done for him hurt me so badly? How .........

when he was sick I was right by hisside
when he has problems I walk him throught it.
I am his shoulder to cry on.
I am his lover when I dont want to be
I am his support when he cannot do it alone
Why is it so hard to get that in return

2007-02-26T15:48:00.000+04:00

This is a serious question. I am realy at a loss.

I am struggling with this co wife issue. Not having one. I have dealth with that. I guess. No I dont like having one. However, I dont want to be unmarried. I am a person that NEEDS to be married. I have too many strong urges not to be married. That is one of my big problems now I am seperated from my husband and do not get my needs met when I need them to be met. Not just sexuall but emotional as well.

I know I have mentiond this before but I need to put everything into focus.

we are all thinking about my husband briging his wife here to live with me in my home. One reason is UAE is every expensive. My husband cannot afford to live here. My husband can only afford to live where he lives. The only reason I can afford to live here is because my job gives me a living allowance. The rents here are unbeliebable. Anyway, I cannot move to Egypt becaue right now i am having some medical issues and do not trust the doctors there. I was sick there before and almost died in the hospital. I do not want to go thought that again. Here I have good insurance. If I get very sick I can go home to america and still be covered. I will have nothing in Egypt.
another reason is our house is not ready. Yes i could rent but that would take away from the money we are saving to build the house. When I go to Egypt I will not work and if I do it is all my money to do as I like.
We have an agreement right now that I will work until the place is built. Once the place is built I will have my own place in my name. I think this is a fair trade. I get a home of my own for 2 yrs of working.
oh just for information, No my husband does not work he does have money thoug. it is just not alot, but alhumduillah it is enough for Egypt. He was in an accident at his job, he got squished between a bus and a tow truck, and we live off the settlement.
Also to be honest I am not ready to move to egypt. I like it here and so do my kids. I am not too crazy about Egypt but I am willing to move there for my husband AFTER I get my medical issues under contol and AFTER the house is built.

Ok the thing is if they move here they will live with me. I am not sure if it is worth all of the pain. I know there are many women that live together and like it but there are many more that dont.

I do need my husband to be here with me. It is not just that i would like him here. I NEED him here. I have been having anxiety attackes and when he is here he helps me alot. When here is there I can call him he will get on line and talk me through them the other night he stayed on the net all night with me while I was sick until the meds kicked in. I mean as much as i complain about him he is a good man deep down we just have to work out the kinks and I have to fogive the big mistakes he made in the past.
Another thing is when I get sick I need him here. I was sick in December and he came here 3 days after I was in the hospital. that is along time when yur alone and scared. I do not want to die here alone. I do not want to die and my kids be here ina strange county alone.

ok back to the problem. i also need him here for support it is hard being here alone without a husband. I went through2 weeks of the kids beign sick and it took a toll on me. once everything went back to normal the anxiety attack kicked in. I cannot handle pressure anymore. So ineed him.
and agin me seeing him every 2 to 2 1/2 months is not good for me or his other wife. So being together will solve things.

the thing is what do i expect if she does come here.
Can i really deal with this? can she deal with this. She is young and is just happy to be married but I dont even think she knows what she is getting into. So i am thinking for both of us.

are there things I can do before they come like put rules into place so there are no issues before hand.if so what rules.
I need as much advice as I can get.
can any one please give me advice.

ITS NOT ABOUT ME ANYMORE

2007-02-22T10:29:00.000+04:00

I had to really check myself. I am going over my feelings and I know some things I have a right to be upset about but somethings I have to learn to let go of and get it through my head that some things are not my business. I think, for me, being a first wife and always being a part of everything it is hard to let go of that role. I have worked hard at becomming my husbands friend. This is something that took years. Now our friendship has lessened becuase there are things he can not share with me. the thing is sometimes he forgets I am not only his friend but I am his wife. I love hearing about his day and the things he does. He is so used to telling me he forgets that when he does something special with his wife I dont want to hear it nor do I need to hear it. I get so hurt and upset and then he will get angry and say well i wont tell you anything. Men are such babies.....lol.........Anyway, I guess this is something alot of women have to deal with. I know for me this is a big thing. I have to learn to be greatfull and be happy for what I have with him and HE has to learn not to tell me EVERYTHING.

MY BLESSINGS

2007-02-20T18:02:00.000+04:00

Today I was at work and had two children get sick. I had to call the parent to come get her child. the mother did not want to pick her up. The child had a fever and was very sick. When she FINALLY did show up 2 hours later she coplained about her being sick and wanted me to giveher extra work to do at home so she didnt have to be bothered withher the next day.Then it hit me.

I am sooo happy to be a mom. I love my kids so much. I am happy to be their mom when they are sick, when they are well, when they are bad, or good. I am just happy that Allah gave them to me.
I am blessed.
Then I started to think if my life.
I have a good job. The pay suckes but tell me one teacher that is rich. I have a nice home. It is better than anything I lived in when I live in the states. I have 4 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms. a huge kitchen. Nice furniture that I didnt have to pay for, Alot of it was given to me by a great friend. That was a blessing.
I am blessed.
I have a GREAT maid. She loves my kids. She takes good care of us. She cleans the house never complains. She wants to do more. When i hired her I told her she didnt have to cook, just clean and babysit. SHe took it upon herself to cook all the meals and fix me a lunch to take to work. she does my daughters hair. she plays with them. She is a blessing.
I am blessed.
i have a good life. I am fairly healthy so are my kids. I am MUSLIM. I have a great mom. I have a good father. I have a wonderful step dad. My husband is ok. No he may not be the husband I want. HE may not be the husband I keep, but he loves me in his own way. SO for that
I Am blessed.

All these things are blessing from Allah. All these things may not make me happy every miniut of every day but they do make me husband. So just like my blog says............ALLAH IS MY HAPPINESS.............ALLAHU AKABAR!!!!!!!!

Speak to me

2007-02-19T20:24:00.000+04:00

I have been reading a blog that just moved me. It moved me so much I started another blog that will have a short story I am writting. Here is a preview of the first post. It is not the whole thing.....YOU WILL HAVE TO VISIT THE SITE TO SEE THE REST.......

I woke up that morning to the sounds of the ocean. I sat on the veranda, looking at the ocean. I thought about the beauty of the ocean. Jamaica’s waters always looked good, light blue and clean. It was nothing like the oceans in America. The waves were strong that morning, stronger than the day before. Then I wondered who controlled the ocean. I always thought God did and left it at that. Not this day, though; this day was full of questions.
“Are you okay?” he asked. “What do you think?” I answered with an attitude. He told me he was sorry and never thought this would ever happen. I told him to leave me alone since he was good at leaving anyway. I knew that hurt but at that point I really didn’t care. I was mad. “I yelled, “Why!” He didn’t answer. All I heard was silence.
“I love you, you know that, don’t you?”
“Yes,” I said. “But it doesn’t make this any easier.” I felt a warm breeze cover my body. I took the feeling and embraced it and embraced myself. “Thanks for the hug,” I said with a smile on my face.
“I like your hair. I never saw you look so good.”
I laughed and said, “Well enjoy it. Hopefully I will never have to look this good again.” He told me it was time for him to go and time for me to get ready. “I’ll see you shortly. Soon this will be all over,” he told me. Before I could answer, he was gone.I went in and dressed. I wore a white shirt and a long black skirt. The white represented the pureness of the day. The black stood for the evil of the day. I made sure my shoes were comfortable. I knew this was going to be a long day. The last thing I wanted was to have my feet hurt. I looked in the mirror and smiled. At least he likes how I look, I thought.

http://my-walk-what-a-death-will-do-to-you.blogspot.com/

take a deep breath

2007-02-19T16:03:00.000+04:00

I have been sooooo busy lately. I go from my daughter being sick to my son having an asthma attack!!!!! I have been freaked out all weekend. I mean to look at your child not breath is scary. This Middle East air is dangerous. I think Egypt was better. at least he was breathing..... So i have been up all weekend checking on his breathing and yesterday was the first day i could relax and take a deep breath of my own.
Now my mother and maybe my grandmother are suppose to be visiting us in a few weeks.i think 5 weeks. I will be soooooooo happy to see them. It has been almost year. We wanted to do umerah while they were here, but my job has not finished my visa yet......... So untill then I am stuck. There is alot to do but I really want and need to do some serious worship. I have been looking forward to this since November. Now I feel let down. Oh well I guess this is life.

Husband feelings.
I dont know. I sometimes feel like I dont want to be married anymore. I dont know i feel like maybe nothing he will do will make me happy. I dont have any one thing that I am upset about. I just feel like I am getting a raw deal sometimes. I know my life is good and I should not complain but the parts of my life that are good have NOTHING to do with him. MY life here is good. However he has nothing to do with that. I pay my own bills, I spend alot of time alone.......I have fun with my kids....... I do things alone. What Am I married for. We do not have a real family life. We do not have a life that is in any way shape or form a real marriage. when i struggle with anything I have to do it ALONE my support from him is over the phone or computer. When I need any affection I have to wait months for it. If I want clothes I buy them, I buy my own food, my own everything. I take care of all the bills. I am sooooooooo sick of yahoo messnger I could just scream. I dont know why I am married....Why am I putting myself through all this mental anguish. What Am i getting in return.....SEX everynow an dthen............its good but it aint all that.........someone to talk to ove the internet.......... he is the only one gettign any real benifit here......... Why is that. Why does he get to be the only one havign fun , feeling loved, getting sex when he needs it. not every 2 months like I have to wait. Why is he the only one feeling happy and complete.
well i am done with my griping.....I know deep down why I am with him. it is sad but true.........It is because I dont think I will get another husband. I guess i feel like the old saying a shadow of a husband is better than no husband........I am 40, I have kids, I live in an arab country, I speak little arabic, am overweight, I am black.........Not much chance of me getting married to a man that only wants one wife , loves kids, speaks english , has a good job, has his own kids and does not want anymore, and wants a fat woman..............maybe i sould posta help wanted sighn..........

NEW BLOG

2007-02-15T13:02:00.000+04:00

I am going to start another BLOG. This one will be for WEIGHT LOSS. Please visit http://let-help-each-other-lose-weight.blogspot.com/ to join. You can send me an email to join our group. Joining will allow you to post messages like it was your own blog. If you do not join you will only have access to the comments section.

I want this to be a Blog that give encouragement and advice to women that struggle with their weight. I know for me it is hard to look at myself and feel good. I would love to finish losing this weight. I have lost over 50 lbs but I still have more to lose. I sometimes give up and feel Like I am alone in my struggle but I know I am not!!!!

If you are sick and tired of being over weight, JOIN THIS BLOG!!! lets help each other lose weight!!!

I feel lost..my second post for the day

2007-02-14T12:05:00.000+04:00

Ok I have a break at school so I tell you what happened while I was talking to my husband on the computer yesterday. I usually have my web cam open and he gets to see me. This time he went and turn on his. He finally found one. Well Instead of me being so happy to see his face I begin to get so sad. I look at him and smiled then I looked around the room and see all the things that used to be in my home. It hit me. He has a whole other life seperate than mine. HE NOW shares things that were for US with someone else. HE has a life that I have NO part of.

I just wanted him to turn off the cam. I closed it and acted like it didnt work on my side. I could not tell him what was really bothering me. He would not understad. HE does not know how hard this is for me. Even though I UNDERSTAND this and ACCEPT this. IT HURTS SO MUCH. Dumb things hurt, little things that to me are so stupid.........but they rip me apart. I dont know why. When he tells mewhat he ate for dinner> i think wow, you never eat that with me. OR wow she must be a good cook. Our lifes are sooooooooo different. I was not raised to be a wife mother and homemaker. She was. She was raised to be a great wife and mother. She cooks cleans, and tends to his every need with out a second thought. I on the other hand am the comlete opposite. I was raise to go to school and be a normal american. Cooking was the last thing on my mothers mind. Cleaning was not even part of my day or life until i got older. If he ask sme to do somethign IF I do not feel liek it he knows. I dont hide my feelings. I will do it mos ttimes but There are times when I say No or later or can u do it yourself. I have to admit I am a HORRIBLE HOMEMAKER. I am GREAT with my kids. Mashaallah, I have such wonerdful kids.....and that is not me saying this. Everyone says they are good sweet kids. NO they are not perfect. But good kids Alhumdulliah
anyway, I just want to stop hurting over crazy stuff. I want to look at my husband and just be happy to see him. i was to hear what he ate for dinner and be so happy he has food to eat....not be jealous. Not feel bad for the things I dont have. I want to be a happy person. I want to be positive, but it seems that with every step I take forward I talk 1 1/2 back. Will I ever just move on.............HE did.

more and more and more......what to do what to do???

2007-02-14T07:45:00.000+04:00

I am wore out!!!!!!! When my youngest daughter get sick, SHR GETS SICK! she never get just a runny nose or a cough. NOOOOO not her she has to get full blown everything. I have been up withher all night. She spiked a fever and could not stop shaking. She could not keep her meds down so I had to take her to the hospital. NOW mind you i dont live in the city of Abu Dhabi. I live in a small town with the nationals. It is cleaper and I thought it would be more Islamic. HOwever, I didnt think about times like this when I need to find something at night and NO ONE SPEAKS ENGLISH!!!!!!!!!!! so needless to say I had an adventure. It too me forever to do anything. But we did finally find the doctors office. My baby greeted them nicly. The lady asked her what was wrong with her. My lovely daughter opened her mouth and everything came out!!!! I guess the nurse kind of fingure out what was wrong with her. lol....... Al humduillah she is doing better the meds are working. She is sleeping and I HAVE TO GO TO WORK. I really hate this. As much as I love having the extras I think I might stop working next year. By then our house in Egypt should be done . Well my side anyway. So I could go and just relax. I have to give this one to my husband. HE does not forceme to go to Egypt. Working and Living seperate has been my choice and and him think about comming here with her was only because I refused to go to egypt. He is allowing me to do my own thing so I can be happy and have time to get used to all the newness in our lives. HE is allowing me to be my own person. I LOVE him for that. I really want to be with him. I do I REALLY do . The thing is, Will that make me crazy. I mean I do not know i fI am ready to go to Egypt. I do not know if I am ready to surrender all my freedom to him just yet. I dont know if I would like not calling my own shots in alot of things. I woul dhave to stay home.........Cook, clean, be a house wife......dont get me wrong!!! I have nothing against beign a house wife. I did it for years!!! But this man is let me just say..........high matainance. He wants all of my time and attention. Then i will have 3 kids wanting all my time.........I think I will be crazy..not only will I have to live on his money only......... so will my kids.....they will have to change their lifestyle and I dont know if that is fair.
We do not do much or spend alot of money...trust me i am cheap. But we do little things like go to the park to roller blade..........well if anyone has been to or lived in egypt .u know that is not going to happen.........Here everything is nice an dkids friendly.......If i were there.first I would not have been able to buy the roller blades ever though they were only $10 a piece. I would be on a strict budget and couldnot afford them. Second NO real parks there........and forget the streets..........OMG....you can barely walk in them so you really cant rollerblade in them......
we go to the mall and just walk. we may buy a doughnut or an ice cream coneand they love it. My kids do not need alot to be happy. But they do not like staying in the house all the time being miserable. There will be NO t.v. in egypty. Hubby is very strict on that in HIS home. I have been able to talk him into free satailte but to look at Islamic shows only. MY kids love discovery and animal planet. Once a week I allow them to look at cartoons. Even my oldest daughter do not look at anything other than these things.......Every now an dthen she may ask to looka t a movie but they r very tame.........But to haev NOTHING might be a big deal.......who know Allah knows best, I could be makign a big deal out of nothing. I might go there and love it..........NOT!!!! All I know is I do not want to work. I am sick of it. I would liek to spend more time with my kids..........mind you not all day but more time...........and I would like to spend more time with my husband.............Just not all day everyday.........Trust me if I was there I would see him everyday. Either durign the day or at night. ... HE loves attentiona nd this would make him so happy..........jumping from house to house .........getting attention all day everyday..........
So whats a girl to do.

well off to work, will post later :(

Why did this get me sad????

2007-02-13T05:38:00.000+04:00

Last night I got a call from my husband. We were talking about his day and he mention tha the had to meet is wife somewhere. When he said HIS WIFE my heart fell and I became so sad. I have not been able to shake that feeling ever since. I WONDER WHY!!!! I mean I know he is married and I know he has a wife. I think maybe hearing the words out of him mouth may have done it. I dont really know. All I know is not I feel so depressed and sad.

To Jennah

2007-02-12T14:52:00.000+04:00

You wrote:
why would husbands who are in a stable steady family want 2nd wives that they haven't even met yet? I mean I have heard alot about men stumbling in 2nd marriages but that happens after they work with this 2nd woman and ekhtelat happens... and instead of doing sth haram, he marries her and she becomes his 2nd wife.But just wanting a 2nd wife is what I can't understand. My dad's friend, a sheikh, white hair, white beard, almost 60, has been looking for a 2nd wife for 5 months now. His wife is 50, so she isn't that old. She us looking for this other wife FOR him... which is also something very confusing to me. I'm thinking maybe she's sick of his sharp nervous nature, and this is her chance to have her free time? I can't figure out any other explanation!

The thing you have to understand is this. MEN are SOOOOOOOOO different than we are. Another thing is this is my husband just happened to Stumble into a marriage I would divorce him!!!!!
The reason is This is not Islam. We sometimes forget since we live in a world were many people date and have relationships with people before marriage that we as Muslims are not suppose to do this. My husband told people that he was looking for a wife. people at the Mosque he attended told him about single sister. He arranged mettings with the families and things went from there. THIS is how it should be done. Im my opinion men that stumbel into a mariage are weak and have no business leading a family becuase they can not lead themselves. I know we all fall short in many things but right now in my life there are just some things I wont deal with and having a unislamic relationship with a woman is one of them i would leave my husband for.

Now you ask why would they do it. There are soooooooo many reasons a man may remarry. One of them could be sex. He may have a high sex drive and one woman can not deal with it. Another could be he just wants a veriety of women. One day he may want a snicker bar another day a twix.........who knows. Another could be like my husband he is lacking something in hisself. He was not shown love as a child and becuse of this he messed up alot of relationships. He did not know how to express love, give love, or recieve love. NOW at this time in his life he wants to be surrounded by love and shown how to love. I know this may seem strange but it is what it is.
Another thing is in Islam men do not need a reason to want to remarry. they can just do it... This is somethign as Muslim women we have to accept.......... when we do not it make it very hard on us that are in these types of relationships.
As for your friend. I think she is doing the best thing. She will pick the perosn that comes into her family vs him doing it. If he did it no telling what he may bring home. He may pick a woman that starts trouble.......she may feel he will love only her because many women thing if the man is looking for a wife there must be something wrong with the first wife...........WELL THIS IS SOOOOOOOOOO FALSE. with her picking the woman she can tell the woman up front how things are and what the deal is. She will know if the new wife is in it to start trouble or in it becuase she just want a husband to love nad maybe have children with..........
Not to have free time!!!!! Even though that is an advantage at times lol

At my job and man didnot know i was married. HE asked a sister to ask me if he could have the number of my Wali so he can have a meeting with me. He said he has seen me everyday for over a month and I am always smiling and seem so nice. He thought I would be a wonderful woman to come home to. I thought that was so sweet. But do you see how he did not try to approach me. HE did it the Islamic way. I thought that was so cute.

should I do it

2007-02-11T16:06:00.000+04:00

As salaamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu,

Today at work I thought about how much I miss my husband. He left 2 weeks ago and he will be back in 6 weeks. While he was here I was so sick of him by tthe last week but NOW I am so lonely for him. I feel jiped because he never is lonely. HE always has someone. Yes I know he misses whoever he is not with at the time but for him he is never lonely. I dont think that is fair. I mean we have to go 2 months at a time with out him. NO lovin, no companionship, no snuggling, no NOTHING; all I get is instant messenger messages. A little yellow smiley face blowing me a kiss does not do it for me when i want the real thing. So now we are talkign about him possible bringing her here to stay with me. HUMMMMMM???????

There are some advantages and many disadvantages. While we will have seperate rooms and hers will not be connected to the house so we will not be hear any hanky panky. The fact is she will still be here in my home. I will have to look at her and see him look at her........YUCK!!! they are newly weds and I can only imagine what kind of in love looks they give each other. Am I strong enough to deal with this. I DO NOT KNOW.
I would love to have my husband closer to me, right now he is in Egypt. I would love to see him more often. I would love to be able to get at him when i need to. Make love to him on a regular basis. But is all of that worth the pain I know I will feel if I allow her to move into my home.
I do not know how she feels about moving here and I have no idea what dhe thinks about anythign really. I wonder why she married him sometimes. I dontthink when i was her age I would have even considered being someone second wife. I guess it is all what you are used to and what you can deal with. I think she is stronger than I am. I think being in a marriage where she has to share her husband does not bother her as much as it does me. My wali told me she was not very attractive and if my husband didnt marry her no one would have. I know that sounds horrible and i know he should not have said that but I have to admit it made me feel alot better. I dont know why misery loves company and why people sometimes get pleasure out of others pain. I try to raise above this but I had to be honest.
Anyway back to my problem! I am honestly at a lost. I do not know what to do. One thing I do know is this; If she comes here she has to work. NO WAY is she goignt o stay home and be suzzzzzy house wife while i work hard all day. NO WAY is she going to sit at home and enjoy the company of our husband while i am at work. NO WAY at all!!! I love my life here. I have a live in maid. I have a car, I have a nice Villa, My kids are doing well here, we have beautiful parks. I have a job I like most times. I do not know if I want to share any of that. I mean I know want for your sister what you want for yourself. BUT WHY!!! I worked for this and she just comes in and get it for free............SORRY!!!!!!! I DONT THINK SO!!!!! She will have to work at least part time. I think that will be fair. In Egypt she has to cook and clean, wash clothes with a crappy machine and do alot of things that I dont do. Why should she get to take it easy on my expense.
Am I being selfish!!!!!!!!!! If so please let me know. I do not want to be some cold hearted woman But i do not want to be used either.

YES

2007-02-10T07:49:00.000+04:00

YES!!!! to sitting and reading Quran
YES !!!to remembering Allah
YES!!! to asking for forgiveness
YES!!! to a beautiful smile that sends a message of warmth to others.
YES!!!! TO FRIENDSHIPS WITH GOOD WOMEN THAT FEAR ALLAH
NO to wasting time in trival pursuits of love of revenge and argurments
NO to seeking out others faults
NO to thinking of past mistakes and dwelling on them
NO to forgetting the hearafter
NO falling short on acts of worship

A new start

2007-02-10T06:56:00.000+04:00

As salaamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu,

I have been thinking about starting a new blog for about 6 months now. So here it is. I have been reading many blogs and I am so sorry to say most of us women sound so sad. We complain, moan, and do nothing. We stay in our mess and and do nothing to fix it. I was one of thoese people. NO MORE!!!! Life is too short and too valuable to let it be wasted becuase things do not go my way. SO what our husbands have other wives. Does that mean he does not love us. NO! does that mean we are not GREAT women! NO! Does that make you less of a woman, wife, mother, person!!!! NO, STOP FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF! embrace it or change it. So what!!!! So what he may not be the best husband. We have a choice. DIVORCE! If you chose to stay with him then dont stay in the same situation, FIX IT.
I was like this. Last year my husband got a new wife. I was so depressed. I just thought he was going to change and my life was over. I even left himI was so miserable. YOu know what. HE did change, for the better and you know what That wife is gone. And I am still here. Yes he remarried, however that has not changed what WE have. I did all the stuff all of us do. I went throught the emotions all of us go through. I still do. I still feel sad at times. I still wonder why I cannotbe the only wife. But now I dont let it control me. That is the difference. I will NOT allow him to change me. He does not have that control anymore. I gave that all up to Allah.

The thing is I had to see there is one thing I can not change my husband. He will always want women. That is in him. HE will alwasy have 2 wives and if he could afford it 4. I had to accept this. Men think, feel, and just are different than us. They need to feel the power, the control and the excitment. We just look for the love. We need to feel secure. So I am making him change his actions towards me. I am retraing him, lol.... Why should he be th eonly one gettign his needs met. Why should he get to go from house to house and just feel like king of the world and I get sucked dry!! Is that fair??? NOOOOOOOOOOOOO, so I am telling him my needs and tellign him what I need from him to make ME happy. I told him Ok, YOu need wives, I need a GOOD, STRONG, ISLAMICLY SOUND, husband. If we chosse to be married then this si what I need for this to work. So far he is changing. Yes, he slips and I want to knowck him inthe head or i will cry. but now i dont let it overtake me. I dont run and just want a divorce. I go back and try again. I remeber he is only human.

Well this is my first of insha'Allah many posts.