As salaamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu, This is my life…this is my world the way “I” see it. It may not be nice and most times it is not pretty. However, it is what it is. This is what I am looking for…to live my life…..and love it……..accept it…..the good the bad……and all the ugly. You heard of love the skin you in…..Well I wanna LOVE the Life Im in…..

Monday, February 12, 2007

To Jennah

You wrote:
why would husbands who are in a stable steady family want 2nd wives that they haven't even met yet? I mean I have heard alot about men stumbling in 2nd marriages but that happens after they work with this 2nd woman and ekhtelat happens... and instead of doing sth haram, he marries her and she becomes his 2nd wife.But just wanting a 2nd wife is what I can't understand. My dad's friend, a sheikh, white hair, white beard, almost 60, has been looking for a 2nd wife for 5 months now. His wife is 50, so she isn't that old. She us looking for this other wife FOR him... which is also something very confusing to me. I'm thinking maybe she's sick of his sharp nervous nature, and this is her chance to have her free time? I can't figure out any other explanation!

The thing you have to understand is this. MEN are SOOOOOOOOO different than we are. Another thing is this is my husband just happened to Stumble into a marriage I would divorce him!!!!!
The reason is This is not Islam. We sometimes forget since we live in a world were many people date and have relationships with people before marriage that we as Muslims are not suppose to do this. My husband told people that he was looking for a wife. people at the Mosque he attended told him about single sister. He arranged mettings with the families and things went from there. THIS is how it should be done. Im my opinion men that stumbel into a mariage are weak and have no business leading a family becuase they can not lead themselves. I know we all fall short in many things but right now in my life there are just some things I wont deal with and having a unislamic relationship with a woman is one of them i would leave my husband for.

Now you ask why would they do it. There are soooooooo many reasons a man may remarry. One of them could be sex. He may have a high sex drive and one woman can not deal with it. Another could be he just wants a veriety of women. One day he may want a snicker bar another day a twix.........who knows. Another could be like my husband he is lacking something in hisself. He was not shown love as a child and becuse of this he messed up alot of relationships. He did not know how to express love, give love, or recieve love. NOW at this time in his life he wants to be surrounded by love and shown how to love. I know this may seem strange but it is what it is.
Another thing is in Islam men do not need a reason to want to remarry. they can just do it... This is somethign as Muslim women we have to accept.......... when we do not it make it very hard on us that are in these types of relationships.
As for your friend. I think she is doing the best thing. She will pick the perosn that comes into her family vs him doing it. If he did it no telling what he may bring home. He may pick a woman that starts trouble.......she may feel he will love only her because many women thing if the man is looking for a wife there must be something wrong with the first wife...........WELL THIS IS SOOOOOOOOOO FALSE. with her picking the woman she can tell the woman up front how things are and what the deal is. She will know if the new wife is in it to start trouble or in it becuase she just want a husband to love nad maybe have children with..........
Not to have free time!!!!! Even though that is an advantage at times lol

At my job and man didnot know i was married. HE asked a sister to ask me if he could have the number of my Wali so he can have a meeting with me. He said he has seen me everyday for over a month and I am always smiling and seem so nice. He thought I would be a wonderful woman to come home to. I thought that was so sweet. But do you see how he did not try to approach me. HE did it the Islamic way. I thought that was so cute.


  • At 5:34 PM, Blogger Jannah said…

    Dear LL & LI,

    Jazaki Allah khayran for your explanation... it helped alot!!! This matter was really confusing to me, but since you showed me the sides of men's nature that I don't know, then it's clearer now.

    In Egypt, my country, married men getting involved in a haram relationship then getting a 2nd wife is very common, and that's why polygamy in THIS country is never accepted. Men rarely do it right, islamically I mean. The government has put out a new law to help force men to tell their 1st wives that they are remarrying, the law is that any ma'zoon who lets a married man get remarried WITHOUT making sure that the 1st wife knows will be put in Jail. So now it is very rare to find a sheikh who will break this law.

    The men however are still having their own way of remarrying in secret by doing the "'ORFY marriage", which is just a paper, one copy with each partner, they sign that they are married, and 2 friends sign as well, then when they want a divorce, the paper is torn into pieces and noone knows about it. there is no Iddah, no rights for the woman, no proof that the children have this father or his name... may Allah protect us all from this aweful sin... Amen.

  • At 5:53 PM, Blogger Livin_life_and loving_it said…

    that is so strange to me because my husband is in Egypt and he has had NO problem findign women that want to be second wives.I mean really he met with may families. I mean women of all ages, young, old, and in between. Some have many question sas to why he wants another wife. Some change their minds when they find out not only is he married but is in love withhis wife and plans to have an equal marriage, meanign that she will not have him full tile all to her self while I am sitting somewhere only seeing him once a year...... But for the most part he is the one turning down families.
    I think it depemds on how religious the families are
    He has only met with women that are 1/2 way religious and know that this is part of the deen.

  • At 12:59 AM, Blogger Safa said…

    I also heard that when the man gets married and records it in the ministry, that they send a letter to the first wife.

    Since I've been victim of this not once but twice my hubby married with conveniently "forgetting" to tell me....I think this is a great law!


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