As salaamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu, This is my life…this is my world the way “I” see it. It may not be nice and most times it is not pretty. However, it is what it is. This is what I am looking for…to live my life…..and love it……..accept it…..the good the bad……and all the ugly. You heard of love the skin you in…..Well I wanna LOVE the Life Im in…..

Monday, December 10, 2007

Why are we so selfish

I have been reading a few blogs lately. Most of them have some anti polygamy entry on them. My question to this is WHY. I know I can not be the only pro "p' person that is not a man. I see to many good things that can come out of it. I don't know maybe it is me, but I think we are being a little too selfish.
Now before you all jump down my throat. Let me say I feel men are selfish also in this equation. They, more times than not, go into this the wrong way. Many times have the wrong intentions; and what ends up happening is the whole this ends up being a disaster.
A Man that marry without telling his wife. Man this is a HUGE mistake. Mistake is not even the right word it is not even a strong enough word. But I will use it now. The thing is, one lie will lead to another lie, and then you end up with a wife that will no longer trust you. No longer look at you the same way; never feel at home in her own body. She will forever, or at least for a long time, not trust her own judgment, thougths feelings are desires. These emotions will always be erratic because of YOUR actions. She will think how did this happen without me knowing. If you loved her trusted her and respected her as a woman, wife, mother why couldn't you just tell her. Open your heart and mind to her.
The thing is NO, you do not HAVE to tell your wife. but why not. I am so sick of hearing this lame excuse. It is like your wife coming home and saying "I know we have been married 15 yrs and I never told you this but I had over a million dollars in the bank and never told you. yeah i know we have been living off your small salary and yeah I could have helped you out, when you had to work 2 jobs just to pay bills, or just did it to be helpful; but it was my money and I didn't have to cause it is my right. Oh and by the way I just spent it. yeah on this wardrobe. arnt my dresses lovely. I know these dresses will in no way help you or benefit you and i am sure it is not what you want but it is my right to spend my money."wouldn't that make you feel sick. would that make you wonder what her intention where this whole time? Why she lied to you? Why after all you have done for her, fed her clothed her, worked hard for could she betray you like that? How could she be so sneaky? You would never look at her the same way. Well why do you think it will be any different for her? Why start off a marriage with a lie? Why hurt he woman you love/ Why
Marriage is about more than sex. We have to respect and love our spouses. There is no respect when you just marry and never even mention it to your wife.I am not saying she has to agree to it. NOpe not at all. It would be nice but I don't think in my opinion she has to agree. But i think if you at least told her, and not the day before. Things would be better. You would at least have her respect and she would not be so wounded.
then you have the men that get into it for all the wrong reasons. They do it just cause they can. They do not think it all out before they get into it. Then after they find out....oh this is too hard...or this really messed up my other marriage....or whatever... Men need to think with the heads on their neck and not the smaller ones below. A wife gives you more than sex, and if that is all you marry for you wont get much out of that marriage. All sex even good sex only last so long.........but a marriage ..
Marriage is inshaallah a lifetime commitment. we can not rush into these things without thought or disregard others feelings.
please think about important things like
can you afford more than one family?
can you physically handle more than one may THINK you can but the object is not to leave anyone hanging......all wives should be left feeling satisfied and fulfilled.
can you deal with all the emotions?
can you comfort and help all your wives deal with the adjustment ...
will you be there for them when they are both not liking you
will you be man enough to step up and be a man when you don't get your way?
will you stay prayed up?
will you make extra prayers?
ask yourself is it worth losing your family?
Can you give them their rights?
oh, I can go on
but as you can see it is alot to think about
and this is from a woman that likes the big "p".
so before you jump into this.........are you doing the right thing.......or are you being selfish????

women, your next


  • At 5:14 AM, Blogger Safiyyah said…

    As Salaamu Alaikum Sis:

    Safa found this blog below and the sister seems to be happy in a p marriage:

    The problem is that people put crazy remarks on p blogs.

  • At 1:48 PM, Blogger Safa said…

    Funny how no one has commented on this post? Sigh....

    Well, I just wanted to say....that I like this line you are taking....thinking once, and then twice.....searching.......

  • At 8:21 AM, Blogger Tru3Woman said…

    Salaam Alaikum Sis

    I couldnt agree with you more on your points. There are so many questions one must ask before jumping into a p-marriage. My heart bleeds for those sisters who are pretty much forced into it (first wives unaware of their husbands polygynous endeavors and second wives oblivious of their new husbands marital status)... it is despicable the lack of loyalty displayed by the men in our community. Have they forgotten that Allah (swa) and the Prophet (saw) stressed the importance of being kind to their wives???

  • At 6:26 AM, Blogger Mumina said…

    Salaam sis.

    Kind of late replying - just found your blog today. Well, your message basically outlined why many women hate polygyny. And then there are the obvious reasons - loss of romance, feeling of wasted years, feeling unappreciated. All of those things are real in polygyny. Some people try to be fake and act like love and respect still exist from the man, but it doesn't. Maybe some level of care, but not the special bond that once was in monogamy. Maybe it is better for the people who enter into it knowingly. Those sisters don't expect a loving relationship. But being forced to go from something special to just something of duty - it sux. But I guess since men are made to excel the women and spend of their property for us, does it really matter what a sister feels?


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