As salaamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu, This is my life…this is my world the way “I” see it. It may not be nice and most times it is not pretty. However, it is what it is. This is what I am looking for…to live my life…..and love it……..accept it…..the good the bad……and all the ugly. You heard of love the skin you in…..Well I wanna LOVE the Life Im in…..

Sunday, November 18, 2007

The big rammble

I was reading Safa's Blog. I loved her recent post, but one thing she wrote got me thinking.
Does the first wife ever really agree. Yes, she may say it, she may THINK she fees it; but when it happens usually her heart changes.

I can speak from my own experiences. I THOUGHT it was going to be ok. I read about it. I prayed about it. We talked about it. However when it happened my heart changed. The first time I made it all day with no problems; but the next week was hard. I kept thinking Why, why did he need this, why did he do this, why me, why, why, why. The thing is we don't know how we will react until we are in it.

So then what is the their wife to do. Yes, she had the blessing but then...........things change. She can not do something haram because of something halal meaning, She can not go to her husband and say divorce me because it is too hard on the other wife..The thing is by then he is Her husband too. ..all she wants is to be happy and love her husband.... she cant be truly happy when someone else is hurting......

So this makes me wonder does she have to agree. Yes, it would make it BETTER, but the fact is does make either of the marriages better if it is short lived. If it was never the truth, not meaning she lied but maybe didn't know........
I do not think the prophet went to all his wife and asked their permission before he married.... It is not up to the wife to change.... it is up to the husband. HE must make her KNOW he still loves her, That he still wants her, needs her, comfort her,..he must make her feel secure...Then then pain wont be as bad. yes, there will be pain......but maybe it wont hurt so much..

Being in this type of relationship is NOT easy. Marriage is not easy when it is just 2 people. When you add in the third........WOW!!!

I don't think there are any real sets of rules because we all need so many different things. We all want different things..........

Love is complicated

When I think of my ex. How that man has even affected my life now.
How last week when I knew my blessing was getting close.
My mind went to him
NOT about how much i wanted him or anything
but how I allowed him to treat me
how i handled things
I started to doubt myself
I started to feel like i was not worthy of this man
a good man
a man with good character
with family values
with a Strong foundation in Islam
with his head on straight
with our personalities so similar
with room in his heart and life for me and my family
with an objective to make me happy
not by making someone else unhappy

When i knew he wanted me I wanted to run
I wanted to block my own blessing
I wanted to revert into my old ways

Because I thought I was over him....but the fact is I will never be over the pain I endured. I will never forget......I will have a permanent scare. Yes, it had healed but the mark is there forever.

So today I sit here writing this so happy
Happy because I now know I am worthy of love and happiness
I do not think I have to suffer for Allah
Not for the whims of a man.
Not when the situation is not right

This is a Huge step for me
not just the marriage but taking the chance again with my heart
The thing is he knows my family and has been a good friend of my Uncle for years. I never met him but they have known each other for years and my Uncle says he know he is a good man and I would be lucky to have him.
you never know the plan of Allah. I went around the world to find happiness that was right in my back yard for years. The thing was I was not ready to receive it. I could not have handled it before now.
I could not have seen him before
my eyes where shut
my heart was closed

Only Allah could fix me. but I had to make the first step
once I did that.the flood gates have opened.
I am happy
I have a god job
my family is happy
I am NOT on pills for anxiety
I was blocking my blessing
I'm grateful for them
I will accept all of them
with an open heart and soul
because I know
things will not always be this good
but after hardship


  • At 10:31 AM, Blogger Safa said…

    The first wife should doesn't matter whether or not she agrees.

    About the prophet SAW not asking permission.....he was a prophet! He was guided by wasn't up to any of his wives to say no. U with me?

    And in this day and age, the thought of ur hubby coming home from work and saying casually...."I bought some eggs on the way home"......can you hear his tone? in the same tone, say this...."I got married after work today. She's got great connections in the business world, so I thought it'd be a good marriage."

    WOW! But you know what? It's one of the 4 good reasons for getting married......but how would you feel?

    The first wife has to know. If a man truly fears Allah and NOT his wife.....he'll tell her. And if he still doesn't want to.......I sure wouldn't feel secure in that sort of marriage!


    BLESSING! Masha Allah! You know how I feel about this bit of news. I'm so happy for you! I was walking around all day with this smile on my face cuz of you!

    Now I'm going to open your eyes to something.....Allah is sending you lots of goodness........what are you giving back? Are you a thankful servant of Allah?

    Then give something back......

    Lots of love to you!

  • At 5:35 PM, Blogger Zainab said…

    As salamu alaikum

    This is why I would not want to be in a polygonous marriage,beacause I have my doubts as to if there could ever be real happiness.
    ive heard of some muslimahs being 'happy'in P,but are they really? or are they just numbing themselves of the pain by keeping themselves as preoccupied with things as possible?


Post a Comment

<< Home