ALLAH IS MY HAPPINESS

As salaamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu, This is my life…this is my world the way “I” see it. It may not be nice and most times it is not pretty. However, it is what it is. This is what I am looking for…to live my life…..and love it……..accept it…..the good the bad……and all the ugly. You heard of love the skin you in…..Well I wanna LOVE the Life Im in…..

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

I feel lost..my second post for the day

Ok I have a break at school so I tell you what happened while I was talking to my husband on the computer yesterday. I usually have my web cam open and he gets to see me. This time he went and turn on his. He finally found one. Well Instead of me being so happy to see his face I begin to get so sad. I look at him and smiled then I looked around the room and see all the things that used to be in my home. It hit me. He has a whole other life seperate than mine. HE NOW shares things that were for US with someone else. HE has a life that I have NO part of.

I just wanted him to turn off the cam. I closed it and acted like it didnt work on my side. I could not tell him what was really bothering me. He would not understad. HE does not know how hard this is for me. Even though I UNDERSTAND this and ACCEPT this. IT HURTS SO MUCH. Dumb things hurt, little things that to me are so stupid.........but they rip me apart. I dont know why. When he tells mewhat he ate for dinner> i think wow, you never eat that with me. OR wow she must be a good cook. Our lifes are sooooooooo different. I was not raised to be a wife mother and homemaker. She was. She was raised to be a great wife and mother. She cooks cleans, and tends to his every need with out a second thought. I on the other hand am the comlete opposite. I was raise to go to school and be a normal american. Cooking was the last thing on my mothers mind. Cleaning was not even part of my day or life until i got older. If he ask sme to do somethign IF I do not feel liek it he knows. I dont hide my feelings. I will do it mos ttimes but There are times when I say No or later or can u do it yourself. I have to admit I am a HORRIBLE HOMEMAKER. I am GREAT with my kids. Mashaallah, I have such wonerdful kids.....and that is not me saying this. Everyone says they are good sweet kids. NO they are not perfect. But good kids Alhumdulliah
anyway, I just want to stop hurting over crazy stuff. I want to look at my husband and just be happy to see him. i was to hear what he ate for dinner and be so happy he has food to eat....not be jealous. Not feel bad for the things I dont have. I want to be a happy person. I want to be positive, but it seems that with every step I take forward I talk 1 1/2 back. Will I ever just move on.............HE did.

2 Comments:

  • At 7:16 PM, Blogger Umm Abdul Hameed said…

    Salaams again!

    Just because your co-wife can do those things doesn't mean that you are a bad wife. I have accepted that me and my co-wife are going to be different. Like what you explain here, me, I'm the housewife, the mother. She will be the one that works, doesn't cook, or clean. Just because she is different from you, doesn't mean that she is better than you. Try to accept that you two will have your differences. But that doesn't mean that you are the worst wife. He loves you for who you are. Try not to get so down about, I know easier said than done.

     
  • At 11:01 PM, Blogger Safa said…

    As long as you make your husband happy and felt taken care of....who cares who washes the dishes? Who's cleaning ur house? I think that u seeing the stuff in the background was a little dose of reality.....do you really want co wife coming to live with u?

     

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