As salaamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu, This is my life…this is my world the way “I” see it. It may not be nice and most times it is not pretty. However, it is what it is. This is what I am looking for…to live my life…..and love it……..accept it…..the good the bad……and all the ugly. You heard of love the skin you in…..Well I wanna LOVE the Life Im in…..

Monday, February 19, 2007

take a deep breath

I have been sooooo busy lately. I go from my daughter being sick to my son having an asthma attack!!!!! I have been freaked out all weekend. I mean to look at your child not breath is scary. This Middle East air is dangerous. I think Egypt was better. at least he was breathing..... So i have been up all weekend checking on his breathing and yesterday was the first day i could relax and take a deep breath of my own.
Now my mother and maybe my grandmother are suppose to be visiting us in a few weeks.i think 5 weeks. I will be soooooooo happy to see them. It has been almost year. We wanted to do umerah while they were here, but my job has not finished my visa yet......... So untill then I am stuck. There is alot to do but I really want and need to do some serious worship. I have been looking forward to this since November. Now I feel let down. Oh well I guess this is life.

Husband feelings.
I dont know. I sometimes feel like I dont want to be married anymore. I dont know i feel like maybe nothing he will do will make me happy. I dont have any one thing that I am upset about. I just feel like I am getting a raw deal sometimes. I know my life is good and I should not complain but the parts of my life that are good have NOTHING to do with him. MY life here is good. However he has nothing to do with that. I pay my own bills, I spend alot of time alone.......I have fun with my kids....... I do things alone. What Am I married for. We do not have a real family life. We do not have a life that is in any way shape or form a real marriage. when i struggle with anything I have to do it ALONE my support from him is over the phone or computer. When I need any affection I have to wait months for it. If I want clothes I buy them, I buy my own food, my own everything. I take care of all the bills. I am sooooooooo sick of yahoo messnger I could just scream. I dont know why I am married....Why am I putting myself through all this mental anguish. What Am i getting in return.....SEX everynow an dthen............its good but it aint all that.........someone to talk to ove the internet.......... he is the only one gettign any real benifit here......... Why is that. Why does he get to be the only one havign fun , feeling loved, getting sex when he needs it. not every 2 months like I have to wait. Why is he the only one feeling happy and complete.
well i am done with my griping.....I know deep down why I am with him. it is sad but true.........It is because I dont think I will get another husband. I guess i feel like the old saying a shadow of a husband is better than no husband........I am 40, I have kids, I live in an arab country, I speak little arabic, am overweight, I am black.........Not much chance of me getting married to a man that only wants one wife , loves kids, speaks english , has a good job, has his own kids and does not want anymore, and wants a fat woman..............maybe i sould posta help wanted sighn..........


  • At 12:11 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    As Salaamu Alaikum Sister.... Girl I can understand where you are coming from but maybe you should be alil more patient. Maybe its time for you and the children to pack up and move closer to your husband because your speaking about a divorce, end your whole marriage... GIRL NO!! Inshaa Allaah I will keep you in my duas sister. Take Care

  • At 10:50 AM, Blogger Musleema said…

    You know you need to change you outlook on yourself. Wallah, only you can do that. Only you can value you. If your marriage is not providing you with the happiness that you deserve, change it. If you cannot change it, than change IT. Patience is excellent and it brings about good when we put efforts to it. Waiting and doing nothing is not Islamic. Suffering and doing nothing is not Islamic.

    I think your reasons for your marriage are not good. Speak to your husband about it.

    I'm in the middle east too. I've seen all types of women; short, fat, not so attractive with good men. Mostly in monagamous marriages. Alhamdulilah, for polygyny. It is a blessing for those who need it and can do it right. It may not be the best option for you, seeing how its not fullfiling even 1/4 of your needs.

    Make changes dear sister. Everything is possible if you rely on Allah and make effort.


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