ITS NOT ABOUT ME ANYMORE
I had to really check myself. I am going over my feelings and I know some things I have a right to be upset about but somethings I have to learn to let go of and get it through my head that some things are not my business. I think, for me, being a first wife and always being a part of everything it is hard to let go of that role. I have worked hard at becomming my husbands friend. This is something that took years. Now our friendship has lessened becuase there are things he can not share with me. the thing is sometimes he forgets I am not only his friend but I am his wife. I love hearing about his day and the things he does. He is so used to telling me he forgets that when he does something special with his wife I dont want to hear it nor do I need to hear it. I get so hurt and upset and then he will get angry and say well i wont tell you anything. Men are such babies.....lol.........Anyway, I guess this is something alot of women have to deal with. I know for me this is a big thing. I have to learn to be greatfull and be happy for what I have with him and HE has to learn not to tell me EVERYTHING.
posted by Livin_life_and loving_it @ 10:29 AM
4 Comments:
At 1:51 PM,
Safa said…
I have this same issue. Whereas before my hubby's life was an open book to me, we shared everything and anything. Now, he's closed. When I ask him, how are you? He doesn't go into some long detail about this and that. He just says..Alhamdulillah. I find myself talking more to cover up his silence. And it hurts me. I share everything and he shares nothing. I don't think it's supposed to be like that, it's just that he doesn't have the ability of knowing just WHAT he can share anymore. It drags on our relationship. I've thought of just not talking anymore and see what he does? I think we'll just listen to each other breathe for 5 mins and then he'll say...okay then, u want anything?
At 11:03 PM,
Anonymous said…
Well sisters I'm not really going through the same thing as you but I'm newly married and I'm trying to build a best friend relationship with my husband but the problem is that he has a wife and I just feel like he can't be that close to me because he has a wife already thats hes been with over 10 years Maasha Allaah. I sometimes wonder how can he be my beat friend and he has a best friend already thats been his friend for years. So I go through things like this every now and then Maasha Allaah. May Allaah make all our situations easy for us, ameen.
At 8:21 AM,
Ashley said…
As Salaamu Alaikum,
Subhanallah, I can really relate! I have told my husband that it is fine to share his feelings with me because we are friends. But I don't want to become like his sister or anything. I want him to continue to treat me like a wife, instead of like a family member. I just feel like I don't want him to forget about my needs while he is wrapped up in the excitement of gaining another wife. So yes, tell me about your life, but don't forget that I am still your wife.
At 11:04 AM,
Livin_life_and loving_it said…
Umm Abdul Hameed, It is a very fine line that gets crossed daily. Yes, I love being his friend but Yes I want him to remember I AM his wife. Sometimes they get so caught up in the moment they forget.
Safa, YOu know I dont even have the words to express to you. I know your situation so well and I know this road you were places on is not easy for you. All I can say is hang in there things will turn in the right direction soon inshaallah. Once the baby is born.
Ms Anoymous, I am sure you have more than one friend. Yes yuor husband will develope a true friendship withyou. It will be YOURS. Theirs may be stronger right now but that is becuase they have a history. It is no different than any new girl friend. it takes time to build that bone and gain trust and love and respect. I have many wonderuful friends. Non take away from the others. They are each different and I get different things from each of them. One if I need a shoulder to cry on she is there with good advice, one may be the one i see when i need a good laugh or to just have fun. another may be my rock .......they are all different but all importan and all my friends.....
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