more questions
I see why you stopped blogging :)!!!!
But I will not let a few people bother me. I think it is funny that they only leave comments on things that may get a debate going. Anyway, I think I may choose to reject some comments now because SOME people seem to like to keep things going or start things.
This was not what the post was all about I allowed her to change the direction of MY BLOG!! nope not going to hapen again. I asked several question, she answered none. So I guess you lives and you learn. If you cannot comment on the topic then your comment will not get posted. If you want to start a debate then get your own blogg. Do not use mine.
Yes, I may have my ups and down, I may have moments when I want to kill, divorce, or hit my husband. But I felt that way in my 1 marriage also and I was the only wife so it has nothing to do with that. It os just the ways things go in marriages.
If you do not like the idea of people being co-wives then stay off those bloggs. You seem to LOVE them. I wonder why???
Anyway back to ME!!
Still been working with the Wali. Like I said, he is great. He has a way of showing you your faults whithout making you feel bad or making you feel like he is judging you. I love that. He has done that on both sides. So I know he is being fair. I still have alot of mixed feelings about many things. Part of me still wants to say you know what forget it. I am just to tired and too old for all this at this time in my life. and then the other part of me still wants to hang int here.
The thing is deep down I understand all of this and have no real problem with pologamy. NONE at all. In my heart i know that woman cannot do anything to my marriage that is not qudar of allah. I know our marriages are seperate. I know my husband loves me deeply. I know no matter the problem he is behind me, he supports me and has shown me that many times. He sometimes needs to test boundaried , like a child, and see how far I will allow him to go. I have to show him now that the bounderies and set and he is not moving them. I think after this last thing he knows that. He changed his tune and actions very quickly. He did it because he knows I was serious and he know my wali. They are best friends. I know many of you will think oh well he is on his side then. But I tell you he is just on the side of who is right. I tell you this man fights for my rights and lets my husband have it. He tells me when i am wrong also. He tells me you know, this is just your emotions and shaytone talkign to you. let it go. So my problems are not about HER persay.I do have a problem with my husband. How he did this and somethings in our past. These things my wali said as hard as it is I have to let them go. Yeah, I know this but it aint easy. How do you just forget things that hurt you? I think these things will alwasy be apart of me. I guess i just have to stop allowing them to RUN me. I have to put them in my back pocket or in a safe somewhere and take it out only when needed. Not evertime I get angry. My problem is I do tend to throw things up in his face if I am mad. But i gess we will never move forward if I am making us live in the past.
So my new question is this:
Can a person just let go of the past?
OR
Will you always keep pain and hurt with you forever?
my next question is this:
if a person tells you they are sorry and promises to change do you just forgive them and let it be the past?
Or do you forgive them but never forget it and still hold on to it?
If you hold on to it how do you get over it and move on?
But I will not let a few people bother me. I think it is funny that they only leave comments on things that may get a debate going. Anyway, I think I may choose to reject some comments now because SOME people seem to like to keep things going or start things.
This was not what the post was all about I allowed her to change the direction of MY BLOG!! nope not going to hapen again. I asked several question, she answered none. So I guess you lives and you learn. If you cannot comment on the topic then your comment will not get posted. If you want to start a debate then get your own blogg. Do not use mine.
Yes, I may have my ups and down, I may have moments when I want to kill, divorce, or hit my husband. But I felt that way in my 1 marriage also and I was the only wife so it has nothing to do with that. It os just the ways things go in marriages.
If you do not like the idea of people being co-wives then stay off those bloggs. You seem to LOVE them. I wonder why???
Anyway back to ME!!
Still been working with the Wali. Like I said, he is great. He has a way of showing you your faults whithout making you feel bad or making you feel like he is judging you. I love that. He has done that on both sides. So I know he is being fair. I still have alot of mixed feelings about many things. Part of me still wants to say you know what forget it. I am just to tired and too old for all this at this time in my life. and then the other part of me still wants to hang int here.
The thing is deep down I understand all of this and have no real problem with pologamy. NONE at all. In my heart i know that woman cannot do anything to my marriage that is not qudar of allah. I know our marriages are seperate. I know my husband loves me deeply. I know no matter the problem he is behind me, he supports me and has shown me that many times. He sometimes needs to test boundaried , like a child, and see how far I will allow him to go. I have to show him now that the bounderies and set and he is not moving them. I think after this last thing he knows that. He changed his tune and actions very quickly. He did it because he knows I was serious and he know my wali. They are best friends. I know many of you will think oh well he is on his side then. But I tell you he is just on the side of who is right. I tell you this man fights for my rights and lets my husband have it. He tells me when i am wrong also. He tells me you know, this is just your emotions and shaytone talkign to you. let it go. So my problems are not about HER persay.I do have a problem with my husband. How he did this and somethings in our past. These things my wali said as hard as it is I have to let them go. Yeah, I know this but it aint easy. How do you just forget things that hurt you? I think these things will alwasy be apart of me. I guess i just have to stop allowing them to RUN me. I have to put them in my back pocket or in a safe somewhere and take it out only when needed. Not evertime I get angry. My problem is I do tend to throw things up in his face if I am mad. But i gess we will never move forward if I am making us live in the past.
So my new question is this:
Can a person just let go of the past?
OR
Will you always keep pain and hurt with you forever?
my next question is this:
if a person tells you they are sorry and promises to change do you just forgive them and let it be the past?
Or do you forgive them but never forget it and still hold on to it?
If you hold on to it how do you get over it and move on?
posted by Livin_life_and loving_it @ 5:03 AM
3 Comments:
At 7:54 AM,
Ashley said…
Salaams
It's really hard not to let comments piss you off. I just wonder what someone's true motive is............
So the past, it's not really easy to let go. In my marriage, each of us have things that we can throw in one another's face from the past. But I have realized it's not going to get us anywhere. It's like you learn from your mistakes and you move on, and you try not to make those same mistakes again. Now it may hurt, knowing what has happened in the past, but Insha'Allah the future holds something better. So it's better to move on with life. It's like the "skeleton's in the closet". Put them back in the closet and try to move on.
As far as promising to change, I say "feed those people with a long handle spoon." Once you actually start seeing the change, thats when you can be for certain that it's the real thing. If not they are just words. Actions speak louder than words.
But try not to hold on to the past because it creates a barrier where you won't allow yourself to feel and accept the good that's coming your way. It creates anger when whats done has already been done, and nothing can change that. So either you allow yourself to move on and open back up to accept the goodness to come, or you just hold on to the past being angry and resentful. Which sounds better?
At 11:38 AM,
Safa said…
Can a person let go of the past? Yes, I think they can to a degree....but the hurt and pain will exist....it will just not be at the surface......
If a person tells you they are sorry and promises to change....yeah, you forgive them....the first time...second time....but at one point....you reach ur limit....with ur own child, you wouldn't take the same mistake over and over....the first time is not like the 300th time.....so that's when you may start forgiving....but you'll be waiting for it to happen again...in fact, you'll even be prepared for it.
At 3:41 PM,
Anonymous said…
Asalamalaykom,
Ya, you get the deal, right? I'm not really back to blogging about my life...not a lot of juicy details. I'm just putting thoughts onto the screen. But, when someone hijacks your blog--MAN! Makes you want to grab their box cutter and use it against them!
OK, back to you...
The past. Think of your hand holding on to a photograph. You could actually do this, for real. Just hold a photograph of a happy time. Look at it. Love it. Cry over it. Now, keep it in your hand and go about your life. Make breakfast. Try to eat. Photo still in your hand? Keep it there as you do dishes. How's that working for you?
See? You can't. You can't really hold on to the past and live. You can do either/or but not both.
Make a choice. One is gone. One is here. The present is all you really have. Forgive the past for what it was and live.
God forgives us more than we ever forgive another. Ar-Rahman! Ar-Raheem!
And if you withhold, that holding on to the past (the bad parts now...like an ugly photo of someone)only hurts you. It's not going to hurt the other person! They can still function! It's YOU who needs to let go and let God.
But, at the same time, in the present, you can make the choice not to continue with a person with whom you are currently unhappy. Being done with someone who hasn't earned your trust isn't the same as not forgiving them. Forgive...don't forget. To stay in the analogy: don't keep the photo in your hand, just put it in an album. :)
Love to you!
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