livng life and loving it

Not many women, That I know, are prepared for sharign a husband. Not many men, That I know are Prepared for being a husband of many owmen. So why do we do this?

I know for my husband he tries to explain it to me. He has told me many times that him getting a wife had nothing to do with me as a woman, wife, mother, or person. he has told me it is all him. His weaknesses, his desires, and his selfisheness. I accept this and admire him for going into great detail explaining it to me. I am to the point where I can say I got it I tuely understand him. However, I still and left withthe feeling of Why, why after all of this. After years of us working on being together and finally getting to to the point were it can work do he do this.
I am still asking why did he not wait and do all of this right. I am still wonering if he will live up to this challange and be fair and not be selfish again and again cause alot of pain to me.
My answers to this will take time to come. I know for myself I have a long hard battle ahead of me if we stay together. These next 3 months will determain alot for us. He will be comming here for my time and durign that time we will try to decide what we will do. Alot will depend on his actions, and his additude. I have made up my mind about alot of thing. I have changed my way of thinking and he will see this quickly. He will have to accept these things from me just as I have accepted things from him. This I think is fair. This is know is the only way we can stay married.
We as Muslims need to get our act together. I really mean this. Men need to start being men and doign their jobs. I think if they were good husbands , strongin their deen, taking full responsibility of their families, being loving, caring, and less demanding, Women would not have such a hard time with sharing. It is so hard because when We as women do not get our full 100% when wew are the ONLy wife we end up with less than 1/2 when we have to share.
Men need to wake up and be honest if they want to have wives. Stop getting married behind their wives backs and be a man about it and talk to her and prepare her. I am so sick of hearing we dont have to tell you . The phrophet didnt tell his wives. Well I think there is a HUGE difference . In his time there were not phones. He could not call and say well honey......... and also he didnt keep his marriages a secret from his wives because of fear. These men fear what will happen. They are punks........ that is the big difference. They need to be men and handle their business. They need to spend time with the kids they have and not go out and start a new family. They need to make sure their family is grounded in Islam and ready for this live and preparing for the next. They need to make enough to pay all the bills, not have to make their wives work, not get a check form the government, food stamps or anythign else. They need to be mentally and physically able to care for their wife. Love her without conditions, give her all of his heart and more give of himself. Show her he loves her. Make her feel loved and wanted, needed and desired. Make his children feel loved,proud, empowered, secure, and teach them to be giving. teach them how to be good Muslims. If they did all of this and STILL had time for a new wife by all means go for it.
We women need to stop thinking so much about our husbadns. I know it is hard cause I know I do it toooooo much!! We need to focus on our deen more. Our hubsband alone will not get us to Jennah. We have things we need and have to do ourselves. One of them being making ourself happy and the other being worshiping our lord. If we spent as muct time readign quran and we do feelign sad , angry or whatever the mood of the day is we would not care what our husbands did. we would just let Allah handle it. We forget Allah alone is the best of planner and if this was truly too much for us he would not have let it happen to us. And when we do feel it is Gettign to hard we do have options and we can get out.
If we spent more time with our children we would not have the time to think of how hurt we are. If we talked to our husband s and spent the time with them that we need to really get close to them build a real bond not an imaginary one we would have the relationship we want. It is not all on the men. Yes THEy play I feel the BIGGER part in this but we cannot blame them 100%. For whatever reason Allah made some men women lovers. They love women, cant live without them. So what are we to so. Hide from that fact. NO!! we cant. We have to accept it and make good decisions.
Marry men that do not and will not for any reason marry another woman, OR cheat on you becuase yeah they may not marry but they will fall into relationships.......... hum whats worse???
We can be strong in our deen and prepare ourselves for this event, prepare or daughters for this event.
We can not marry........................NOT!!!!
we can Just go on with our lives pretendign this part of life will never happen to us and end up the way we are.......
Well for me I have decided. I will spend more time on me, my family and mY lord. I will try my best to do all I can because I know first hand LIFE IS SHORT!!! it can be taken away at anytime. SO I will be greatful and love hard and live hard with the time I have left.
If i stay married alhumduillah, if not Allahumduillah. It is all qudar of Allah anyway. But in the end I will not be depressed. I will not be angry I will not be alone.
I will be LOVED. if by no one else my kids. I will be srtong. for my self I have to hold my own head up. I will be Happy. I have to power to make myslef happy. In the end I Will be LIVING LIFE AND LOVING IT!!!!!!