As salaamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu, This is my life…this is my world the way “I” see it. It may not be nice and most times it is not pretty. However, it is what it is. This is what I am looking for…to live my life…..and love it……..accept it…..the good the bad……and all the ugly. You heard of love the skin you in…..Well I wanna LOVE the Life Im in…..

Saturday, March 10, 2007

is this sunnah..........

well today I talked to my husband . we had a good talk I told him many things One of them being I do not feel good about myself anymore. I feel like he told me yes I love you but it is not enough and that hurts. It hurts too much. I said alot to him that I have been holding in for a long time. I told him i feel like he brought home an elaphant and put it under the bed and want me to pretened like it is not there. I feel like you put this huge burden on me and expect me to do as I always did before. You want be to be the same and love the same and behave the same but carry around a ton. That is impossible. he said he was sorry but all that did was make me confused. The thing is I know He loves me. But is love enough. Can love alone make a woman happy. NO!! so what do I do. Deep down he is a good man. BUT i cannot live feeling hurt all the time.
I told him I need to be free. I told him I need happiness with or without him.
I made all my points very clear. I do not have a problem persay with polgamy. However, I think it has to be done right and ONLY some men can handle this responsiblity. I do believe each woman is entitled to getmarried. I do believe every woman that wants to be have children should have the oppertunity. I know there are many women that are older and need husbands. I have met so many women in Egypt in their late 30 , 40 and even 50's that have never been married. They want a husband ANY husband. However have never gotten the chance.
The thing is where do we draw the line where do we say we have had enough. Why are we asked to suffer to make others happy. Or is it our own selfishness that make us unhappy. Is it our own insecurities that make us miserable. Is it our own ways we handle things at the root of our problems. I think maybe it is a little of both. I think yes, we are selfish, I know I am. I think yes, I am jealous. I know want to have things my way. However I think the real root of the problem is HOW OUR HUSBANDS TREAT US. I think if they are doing what Islam called for them to do. treat us fair, give us fair and equal time, showed us love and compassion, gave us good islamic guidence, ect.. We would carry our burrdens. They would not feel like elaphants, maybe only cats or dogs. They weight around our hearts would not feel like it is choaking us and we can not breath. The life would not get drained from us. We would Live life and feel free.

I am so sick of everyone making excuses for these men. Yes, I know the have a RIGHT to have other wives. But the quran also says ONE IS BETTER. YEs, we can not they can not haev a wife but just because something is halal does not mean it is good for every person. Just because some people think it was sunnah does not mean evey man has to practice it.
I dotn even really believe it is something that is recommended for men to do.

Many people say oh we need keep a sunnah of the phropht alive we are doign a good thing.but this is my own opinion but how can somethign that distroys so many lives be a good thing and where do people get that this is sunnah. EVERYTHINg the phrophet did is not sunnah.

To be sunnah you have to get a reward for doing it. Sunnah includes any act performed by the Prophet. it also includes what he has stated or instructed. Sunnah are actions related to prayer and religious duties, and actions which relate to normal day-to-day activities of ordinary life. some are strongly recommended and their importance is emphasized in Hadith while others are not Hadith but we learn them from the Prophet's own actions. Even Sunnahs that are not mentioned in hadiths earns us a reward, if we perform it under the conditions and requirements any individual with the sincere intention of following the example of the Prophet. In his normal daily life, the Prophet may have done certain actions in a particular way. That does not mean that they constitute a Sunnah, unless he has backed these with a verbal recommendation or instruction.
Eating pumpkin seeds were one of the Phrophets favorite things to eat. I dont see many people screaming that men should eat pumpkin seeds. Is it a Sunnah to eat them? What if a person does not like their taste? Is he at fault? The answer is that it is not a Sunnah to eat pumpkins and a person who goes through life without tasting pumpkins misses no reward and will not be asked about this by Allah.

We have no Hadith or statement by the Prophet to suggest that marrying more than one woman is recommended. No companion of the Prophet tells us that the Prophet questioned himabout having only one wife or suggested to him that he should marry again. That always came from the man himself. Prophet did not persuade any of his companions to marry a second time. In FACT he advised against it. remember when Ali wanted to take another wife. The phrophet was against it. Do you think that because he was married to his daughter was the only reason. NO, because he did not show favortism. He would not say well All the Other women in the world can suffer great pain but not my daughter. HE told Ali when you hurt her you husr me, or somethign to that affect. Now does this mean that her pain is greater than ours. No it means he knew that this lifestyle creats deep and lasting pain for the woman. HE did not want his daughter to suffer. However there are many things in Islam that we do that can cause us pain, But we DO get rewards for it. Like fasting, staying up all night praying, Changing our faith to become muslim. Many times we lose our families oour friends, our children, But we are not suppose to let that pain stand in our way because the reward is much greater than the pain. if this was a part of Islam that gave us rewards for doing it he would not have stopped Ali. Many time the Phrophet told us we will suffer and we would have hard times. HE encouraged us to go throught hem because the reward was so much greater. Do you honestly think he would tell a person, not just any person but ALI, his cousin, not to get a reward from Allah...NO!!

we can say that this is a question left to theindividual; he may marry two or three or four women, but it is open to him to limit his marriage to one woman.

The Prophet lived with his first wife for 25 years without marrying a second woman. Ten of these 25years were after he became a Prophet. It is only in the last tenyears or so of his life that he was married to more than one wife.Which one of the two situations is a Sunnah? they cant both be sunnah. An dif they are then Why must we suppot polgamy. Meaning if a mongmous marriage will get a person just as many rewards.



  • At 10:34 PM, Blogger Safa said…



    You've said it straight and right to the point.....and I love u for it!

  • At 7:02 AM, Blogger mommamu said…

    I think people tend to forget that sunnah is not just what the prophet did. It is what the prophet did DIFFERENTLY from his peers at the time. It is what sets him apart as a prophet among men. Staying married to a singular wife for that length of time and the whole circumstances surrounding his marriage with Khadijah were not the norm. Him having more than one wife was quite commonplace at the time...his REASONS behind it were what distinguished it as sunnah. Also, everyone always forgets the second half of the ayah that states "One is BEST if only ye knew"!!!!!

  • At 12:45 PM, Blogger Livin_life_and loving_it said…


    I dont think they forget that part of the ayah. The choose to IGNORE it. I mean it is common sense if Allah WARNS YOU something is very hard, and NO one will be able to do it correctly. And he also tells you it is a great sin to not do it correctly and he tells you the punishment.....having your body hanging on one side, WHY DO IT!!!!

    The reason is MOst men thing withtheir lettle heads and nottheir big ones. They allow their desires to control them and not their faith. If they had a strong Eman and have a good wife. And fear the hell fire or draging bodies they would not take on 2, 3, or 4 wives........


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