As salaamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu, This is my life…this is my world the way “I” see it. It may not be nice and most times it is not pretty. However, it is what it is. This is what I am looking for…to live my life…..and love it……..accept it…..the good the bad……and all the ugly. You heard of love the skin you in…..Well I wanna LOVE the Life Im in…..

Friday, April 06, 2007

I shock myself

Well he made it. we had a nice talk last night. Nothing special but it was nice to talk face to face and not on a computer or phone. It is so important for me to have this always. I know this is the cause of so much of our problems. I need him with me. I need to comfort that I can only get when he is with me. When he is talking to me and touches me I know no problem is too big.

I felt peace and loved and happiness last night. My nightmare turned into a commercial. It is not constant and it is much smaller. No, I am not happy she is pregnant. However, I am happy for them. I loved being pregnant . I loved everything about it. I remember when i had all of my children each one. I remember how happy i was to find out and how much i enjoyed each moment of each day having a new life grow inside of me. I know now how it feels to be a mother and the Love i have for my kids and receive from them.
Who am I to not want that for her. How selfish can I be to make me the center of this. How selfish am I to not allow them the full happiness they can have with expecting their first child. Nope I will not be sad. Nope I will not cry. Nope I will not feel like my world has ended.
My husband loves me. He wants me as his wife. He want me with him....none of that changed because she is pregnant. The only thing that has changed is the size of our family inshaallah.
From this day on she is my sister in just in Islam but inshaallah in my heart my true sister. their child will be my family. I will be auntie.
Yeah i will have my moments but I will overcome them. I will more forward and feel blessed that my husband married a wonderful woman.



  • At 9:52 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    As Salaamu Alaikum,

    Masha'Allah it's so mature of you to think this way. It's very obvious that you still are moving ahead. Allah just throws us all curve balls sometimes.

    Love you for the sake of Allah sis.


  • At 1:35 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    As Salaamu Alaikum Sister. I am so glad for you. See after hardship comes ease. Just take it one day at a time seeking the pleasure of your Lord and things will get better for you all Insha Allah. Alhamdulillah your gonna be a auntie.That's beautiful more muslims to increase the ummah of the Prophet Sallahu allayhe was salaam. Also girl good, you talked to your co wife, that's beautiful. it has helped me alot knowing that my co wife and I at least has a relationship and we aren't going through drama. Alhamdulillah rabil Alamin.....
    Oh I also wanted to tell you that Maasha Allah you have helped me a lot with my situations that I have every now and then and I would love to commmunicate with you outside of this blog. Maybe we can exchange email address or something so I can keep in touch with you so we can Insha Allah becomes buddies and help one another when times get rough Insha Allah. I'm making dua for you and your family. May Allah reward you with khair in this life as well as your hereafter, Ameen.

  • At 4:55 AM, Blogger Livin_life_and loving_it said…

    anon #2 Thank you!!!! I feel good knowing someone relates and understands me. I would love to talk to u . Send me a comment with ur email I will not post it. I will erase but i will send u an email se we can talk ,
    thansk so much!!!!!

  • At 3:25 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Asalamalaykom LL&LI,

    Loved the ending! Yep: it's YOU!

    And this is how you feel now. Remember that as situations change, so will your feelings. You haven't arrived at your final emotional destination. Be prepared to feel more later on as more happens.

  • At 11:49 PM, Blogger Safa said…

    You know what? This is an excellent, positive post that REALLY speaks about your true character. This is the woman that talked me thru my pain a year ago. This is the same strength that you had back then. The same firmness, the same sort of outright humour. I love it. And I love you for it. I need some of this.....

  • At 5:11 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    My dear sis in Islam.My heart goes out to you, I know it cannot be easy but you are trying so hard to come to terms with it. That is very admirable, mashallah. I pray that Allah makes it easier on you.ameen!

    As one other sister suggested, try so hard not to invest your heart into a person becoz sooner or later they may let you down. It may not be intentional. I know thats a fact becoz we are all human beings and we have flaws. I too came to this realisation, that I have this unhealthy habit. I have been trying hard and alhamdulillah, so far so good to wean myself. My happiness and total reliance is on my God.

    I have realised that my own husband has his flaws and o do I and to make myself happy by being the best muslim I can be is my best solution. Total reliance on my God and striving for what I want and how I want to be treated is key. I remind myself that even if he was to walk out that door tomorrow, I will be fine because, many women before me have gone through this and noone died of this. They picked themselves up and went on and along the way, found something good or even better than before.So get to this place too, it wont be easy, but its healthy. It wont mean that you wont care or love your hubby anymore, it will make you at peace with whatever comes your way inshallah. Hang in there, you are taking a good attitude. Turn to Allah and make your duas about any situation or issue> make istikhara. Nothing is too small for Him. Have your own outlet, your own hobbies and your own goals separate from ones you have with him that will keep you occupied.


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