As salaamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu, This is my life…this is my world the way “I” see it. It may not be nice and most times it is not pretty. However, it is what it is. This is what I am looking for…to live my life…..and love it……..accept it…..the good the bad……and all the ugly. You heard of love the skin you in…..Well I wanna LOVE the Life Im in…..

Wednesday, April 11, 2007


I remember when My husband and I started talking about him getting a wife. I remember that pain I felt in my heart. It has so deep. I wanted to learn how to deal with this pain. I joined a yahoo group. It helped me alot. It showed me the type of polygony relationships what work the best. How to deal with issues and how to become more dependant on Allah. It also made me sad. It showed me how selfish men and can and how mean and heartless that can be. I was so depressed by reading some of the post because they made me cry for days.

Then i started reading a post from a stronger woman. She had so much strength and faith in ALLAH it surprised me. I wanted to be like her. I knew if she could do this I could. Her husband has horrible. He had given her V.D., Married all kinds of women, made her suffer and do without because he wanted to marry, and the list goes on. But with all of that she maintained that her marriage was good and he was doing what was halal. I would sometimes read her and think is she for real.No way!!! Sometimes i would read her and think why don't you just leave him others I would just cry because she was so strong. No matter what I thought her main thought was no matter what he does he will have to answer to Allah for it. So why should she worry about it.
This is what I want for myself. I am not going to allow him to walk over me.......NOT!!! but, I am not goign t o get as upset about things and just let Allah deal with him. I noticed since he has been here That i do not get so sad or upset like I used to. I may feel a tingle but I let things go Very quickly. I like this because i don't have wasted emotions. I am not all in a knot because of something he did or said. My time with him has been good for the most part. I am enjoying him and so are the kids. I just wish I didn't have to work next week.
Another thing i saw was there are two relationship that work best. One where the co - wives are on a give you salams and that is it relationship or good friends working as family. I made up in my mind I wanted a family relationship. I used to tell him from what I see they work the best. I want to be friend with her and let our love for you not over take us because we are wondering whats going on over in the other house. My husband was against it. he would say yes, but do things that let me know he didn't think it was a good idea.
When he got married last yr. i wanted to talk to the woman, but I never did. She was not keen on a relationship with me. She wanted to make fitnah and destroy her marriage and try to mess with mine also. After that I kind of didn't want to be friends with a co. I thought forget it. These women are ruthless and I will just give salams. However, my feelings now have changed.
This woman alhumduillah is like me. She really has a good heart and sweet personality. we talked and this time she talked to the kids. She was so happy just being a part of our family. I see why my husband is happy with her. He says we are so much alike. I see that in some ways but others not so much. One she will take things I wont and cant.....H E likes to feel like he is the boss, i allow him to feel that in some ways but others I have to have my say and I voice my opinion and it is strong. She on the other hand is not like that. she jumps when called and listens to him fussing. She is OK with that and it makes her happy so who am I to complain. She wants us to be a big family and spend time with each other and just act like sisters. She kept telling me she needs to have dh happy with her and she wants me to make him happy. he needs to be happy with us and we have to make him so happy. because he love us and we are lucky. Now in my twisted head I was like Yeah what ever, you are just in the honeymoon stages and you are just happy anyway. Then i thought yeah she is so happy because he saved her from a miserable like. She had it bad. Didn't eat well, barely slept, didn't have a bed of her own, was used by her family as a maid, nanny, and doormat. So any life she has she is happy for.
Then i started to think. We are lucky. Yeah he has his faults, we all do. But deep down he really wants what is good and is striving to become closer to Allah and wants to bring us on the journey with him. HE loves us both dearly. He is happy with with of us. He is someone I can laugh with. HE is someone that I can be myself with. When I allow him he helps me and protects me from myself. He knows me and put up with my mess. I am lucky. Many men are wayyyyyyyyy worse that him. I have been married before and truly loved that man. He was nice, kind and gently. But when I compare the two I have to say in many ways I lucked up because I have two very different men but two good men. However, I would have to say I prefer this one. I have more passion for him. Now i know this is not always a good thing. But he bring things out in me I didn't know I had. After my husband died. I didn't sleep well for a long time. Every time I closed my eyes I heard the sound he made when he was dying. I had to sleep with the t.v. on or some type of loud noise. The day I spoke with my husband I turned my t.v off and when to sleep . He had an immediate calming effect in my like and still has a way of making things seem better. I knew Allah sent him to me. No it has not been easy and it took a long time to do this relationship right. But alhumduillah it is getting there step by step.
So thins young girl has more wisdom that I do. She knows our husband loves us and she knows her duties as his wife. She is happy with what ever he throws at her. She is married and loves it. She sees me not a a threat but as a woman that loves her husband and is happy that we make him happy. she is just happy to be a part of real love. Wow, how blessed am I ...........I have asked and begged Allah for a woman like her, when he gave her to me. I had a heart of stone. I didn't know what I had. Now i see the beauty in her spirit and will Cherish it.
She gave me a gift, a heart, well it was 2 she said it was from their hearts to my heart. because they both love me. ......What a blessing


  • At 10:22 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Awwwwwwww...Maasha Allah how sweet. Alhamdulillah Allah has soften your heart to your co wife. May Allah continue to bless you in your marriage and bless you all to be a family, ameen. This is what we all should strive for in our poloygamus marriage. Seriously it makes things a whole lot better for everyone. Of course it will hurt at first but if you try to put all those emotions aside and remember you are doing this for the sake of Allah, loving for His sake. He will make things easy for you. This is a blessing from Allah because not everyone realise the blessings in pologamy, are blessed with a sweet co wife and their family is fitnah so sister be grateful for the blesssing Allah bestowed upon you. You have a good husband maasha Allah and a good co wife. Alhamdulillah........

  • At 12:14 AM, Blogger Safa said…

    Masha Allah, my best, best buddy. I'm so happy to call you my friend and am glad that you have conquered your nafs. Masha Allah......


Post a Comment

<< Home