whats on the table now
Well my wali and I talked a few times. First thing he did was tell my husband he is crazy if he thinks he will allow him to treat me that way and not give me my rights. He also told him he needs to make up his mind if he wants to stay married to me or not. because if he wants to stay married he has to come up with a plan that is fair and just for all. He also told him if he tells him that he wants to stay married he wants to see action. becuase lately his mouth is saying he wants to stay married but his actions are saying another thing.
He gave him 3 days to decide what he wants to do.
Then he told me on my part if I want to stay married to my husband I need to go there for a while. He said we need to work on our issues and we cannot do this living seperatly. he also said we cant fix things in spurts so we need to work on them full time to get results. He wants to work with us be our medeator and counslor. he said he has been working with my husband on a few things and I have noticed the difference in him with those things he has helped him with. so now i have to decide if I wan to go to egypt. My fear is my health. I have other fears also but that is my biggest fear. So i will pray on it and see what happens when i go home this summer. I will get a good checkup and see what the doctors say.
so what did my husband do
Well in the three days my husband got a loan to finish the apartments. Now the places will be done very soon. He is making one for me and one for my son. He is also going to make one for him to live in. So I guess he is showing action. Before he was totally against getting a loan because he did not want to owe anyone anything. MY husband told him he wants tobe married to me. He is willing to do whatever it takes to do what he needs to do, other than divorce this other wife, to make our marriage work. I do not expect himto divorce her. That is not the root of our problems. It is HIM not her. It is not her fault he married her before he was ready. Anyway, he said he will do everything my wali told himto do. One thing my wali told him is when i get there I will get all days owed to me. I will get them when I want them. no if ands or buts about it. My husband agreeded.
My wali told me to relax and take things one day at a time. He told me when he comes do not overwhel him with questions lets things flow natrually. He said if I look for things to just be perfect i will be very disapionted. he said look at the things that HAVE changed and just say alhumduillah and we will work togther on the rest.He says my husband has changed and is really workign hard on doing the things I told him were inportant to me. I gave a list of my complaints to my wali when my husband was here last time. He has been working with him on these issuse. he said he doesnt not jump down his throat with them he just throws one thing at a time in normal conversation. if a subject comes up. This he said works best with my husband. He said my husband get very defences when he feels pushed into a corner or overwhlemed, I knew thins but you know My personality is to just go straight for answers and push you until i getthe results I want. So maybe i will try his way for now to see if it works for me.
My fear is for my health.
can I really live this close to a co wife
Can I deal with Egypt.
I was not inlove with the place
What if I give up my job, home, and security to go there and he cuts up
and we divorce.
Then were will I be.
will I be happy just living in egypt next door to a man that is not my husband anymore.
So I have a lot to think about.
Make dua for me
He gave him 3 days to decide what he wants to do.
Then he told me on my part if I want to stay married to my husband I need to go there for a while. He said we need to work on our issues and we cannot do this living seperatly. he also said we cant fix things in spurts so we need to work on them full time to get results. He wants to work with us be our medeator and counslor. he said he has been working with my husband on a few things and I have noticed the difference in him with those things he has helped him with. so now i have to decide if I wan to go to egypt. My fear is my health. I have other fears also but that is my biggest fear. So i will pray on it and see what happens when i go home this summer. I will get a good checkup and see what the doctors say.
so what did my husband do
Well in the three days my husband got a loan to finish the apartments. Now the places will be done very soon. He is making one for me and one for my son. He is also going to make one for him to live in. So I guess he is showing action. Before he was totally against getting a loan because he did not want to owe anyone anything. MY husband told him he wants tobe married to me. He is willing to do whatever it takes to do what he needs to do, other than divorce this other wife, to make our marriage work. I do not expect himto divorce her. That is not the root of our problems. It is HIM not her. It is not her fault he married her before he was ready. Anyway, he said he will do everything my wali told himto do. One thing my wali told him is when i get there I will get all days owed to me. I will get them when I want them. no if ands or buts about it. My husband agreeded.
My wali told me to relax and take things one day at a time. He told me when he comes do not overwhel him with questions lets things flow natrually. He said if I look for things to just be perfect i will be very disapionted. he said look at the things that HAVE changed and just say alhumduillah and we will work togther on the rest.He says my husband has changed and is really workign hard on doing the things I told him were inportant to me. I gave a list of my complaints to my wali when my husband was here last time. He has been working with him on these issuse. he said he doesnt not jump down his throat with them he just throws one thing at a time in normal conversation. if a subject comes up. This he said works best with my husband. He said my husband get very defences when he feels pushed into a corner or overwhlemed, I knew thins but you know My personality is to just go straight for answers and push you until i getthe results I want. So maybe i will try his way for now to see if it works for me.
My fear is for my health.
can I really live this close to a co wife
Can I deal with Egypt.
I was not inlove with the place
What if I give up my job, home, and security to go there and he cuts up
and we divorce.
Then were will I be.
will I be happy just living in egypt next door to a man that is not my husband anymore.
So I have a lot to think about.
Make dua for me
posted by Livin_life_and loving_it @ 10:26 AM
3 Comments:
At 10:44 AM,
Safa said…
Just when we think solutions are at hand....we find more thinking time in order.....Allah is with you!
At 9:12 PM,
Anonymous said…
salams sis. Can you not maybe get a leave of absence or a month's leave? This way you have your job and you give Egypt a try? This way if things dont work out you can come back home and not have to worry about losing your job and benefits.
At 5:31 AM,
Livin_life_and loving_it said…
The thing is one month is not going to tell me anything. It is not that my husband and I do not get along. We get along great. This man truely loves me and trys to show me. It is he is impulsive, and sometimes irrational and does not think things out. This drivesme crazy because all the things he does affects me not just him. So i am the one that ends up being hurt or has to fix the messes he makes. I am too old for this he is not my child he is my husband. I should have have to go behind him and clean up his problems.
Post a Comment
<< Home