As salaamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu, This is my life…this is my world the way “I” see it. It may not be nice and most times it is not pretty. However, it is what it is. This is what I am looking for…to live my life…..and love it……..accept it…..the good the bad……and all the ugly. You heard of love the skin you in…..Well I wanna LOVE the Life Im in…..

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

What I have learned

One thing I like doing is thinking about my experiences with different things and seeing if I have grown or learned anything from them. To me life is a huge school. We have things happen to us and we either pass or fail. All of it has to do with our relationship with Allah and other people.

This experience taught me a lot about myself.

I learned that I have more patiencethan I thought.

No way would I have thought I could do the things I did without flipping out. I surprised myself. I had patience with my husband and her. I never once told my husband to get her out of my house until she flipped out mentally. I also tried to allow him to deal with this his self. I tried to stay out of it as much as possible.

I learned I have A LOT of faith in ALLAh.

When I first started feeling differently about this situation I didn't go running to complain to my husband but I prayed and made so many Duas. I thickered and remembered a lot and tried to think of the BIG picture. I tried to think of why I was doing this and that is was not permanent. I tried to not think only about my feeling but how by doing this it made my husband happy and that was pleasing to Allah.

I learned I was not selfish

I really opened my heart and home to her. I didn't want anything less for her than I had for myself. I didn't think about the fact that these are my things and my home etc. I didn't think of her as anything but my sister.

I know can love a person that is married to my husband and not feel jealous

I wanted and I think I did truly love her. I say think because I really didn't KNOW her. the real her was not shown to me until the end of OUR relationship. I do know i didn't have any hatred in my heart or jealousies towards her. That was what I wanted to get out of this. Before she and I started talking on the computer I had so many feelings towards her. I have to say most were not good. I mean I wondered a lot about her, what she was like, why he loved her, why he picked her, Silly things and I didn't like her just because she was married to my husband. All those feelings went away once we talked and when she got her. I only felt good feelings towards her. I only wanted good from this.

I learned that I will NEVER allow a co wife to live in my home.

No, it is not because of what you all may be thinking. The reason is I saw my husband too much. I really did. I mean I love him and enjoy seeing him but just knowing he was in the house all the time was a bit much. I like him being close. When they did move out he was less that 5 kilm away. I got to see him everyday but not all the time. I had time to miss him. I had time to just chill.

Another thing is I am separate from any problems. When they were here when things went wrong I knew about it right away. I do not want to know everything that goes on in his other marriage. I take things to heart too easily. I worried about her and their relationship too much. Living in separate homes will give everyone their space,

I still would like to be friends with a co wife

If my husband chooses to remarry I still would like to be friendly with the co. I would like to do things together and have her over my home. I would like to be a part of any children they may have lives. I also would like them to get along with my kids.

It is sad that I will never get to know this child. I am sure my husband will have very little if any access to him or her.

So all was not lost in this adventure. I learned things about myself and I became more depandant on Allah. Yes, I had some bad moments but in the end I am still happy she came. No, i dont like what happened. But I am happy I got to feel peace even if it was short lived


  • At 11:37 PM, Blogger PM said…

    Salaam Alaikum.

    I think it's a good idea to do a sort of mental tally about the experience you have been through. It sounds like that has given you a chance to assess how things might work out better if your husband stays married to this one or marries another. Maybe more importantly, it has allowed you to grow in positive new ways and that is a blessing.

  • At 12:06 AM, Blogger Honorary Arab said…


    It is really too early to truly know all the lessons yet. Give yourself time and space to keep learning what you were shown.

    Love to you and yours.

  • At 12:10 AM, Blogger Shabana said…

    Alhamdulillah. Everything works out for the best. I am just confused, is your husband still married to her? Or has he moved her into her own home?

  • At 4:15 PM, Blogger Safa said…


    This is a blog post from my girl! Strong,confident,reflective.....oh ya!!

    Looks like the vacation did you some good.....I love reading you like this!!!

  • At 8:05 PM, Blogger Nur said…


    wondering where you are????? getting worried.......


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