As salaamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu, This is my life…this is my world the way “I” see it. It may not be nice and most times it is not pretty. However, it is what it is. This is what I am looking for…to live my life…..and love it……..accept it…..the good the bad……and all the ugly. You heard of love the skin you in…..Well I wanna LOVE the Life Im in…..

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

we had a bump but its all good

Well we had our first blow up yesterday. I went homes yesterday feeling a bit down. it is funny how things do not bother you until others brign things to your attention. well yesterday that is what happened to me. I started feeling slighted. I never once thought that our living situation was unfair until the thought was put in my head but it seems that after that my shayton started messign with me big time. I was to the poin where i started counting hours and seeing how fair and or unfair thing really are.

I went home with a huge chip on my shoulder. I told my husband what I was thinking and asked him to see if things could change because while I deep down dont feel any hard feeling I do not want to start feeling any either.

So we all sat down together and talked. One thing I have to remind myself is she is young and has not life experience so her thoughts are soooo very different than mine. However, yesterday I didnt have patience. I was havign pms so bad I hate it. I mean i get sad for a few day before my cycle it is like clock work. anyway becasue of this my patience was non exsistant. I just told her to for one time in her life to just listen and stop talking so much....... Let me give you all the back ground behind this. For every little thing she needs to ask a millions questions. I mean if you say lets go to the park she has to know where, when , for how long, who is going, what we will do , and so on... it is never just yes or no....Usually this does nt bother me but it drives my husband crazy. He is usuallay the one that leaves me to answer the questions he will say you deal with her........i dotn like all these questions. Well yesterday I beat him to it. I was done....... she felt bad and thought i was mad at her...I wasnt I was just feeling crappy and allowing thoughts of others to affect my mood.....something Inshaallah I will work on..........I guess that is why we have to always remember how powerful words are.

Any way, I felt bad later and we sat down and finished talking and workd everything out.My husband has been wonderful with everything. He is been workign hard to make sure we are all happy and that he be fair to everyone even the kids.
I think this is a postive part of the "HUGE P" if you have a good husband he will value you more once he has remarried. For us this has been the case. I know even before she got here he said he sees my pain and wishes he could take it away and that he can nver repay me for all i have done for him and how much more he loves me. And since they have been here it has been even more for both of us. She is even saying that he has been better to her since he has been here. He is more relaxed and she feels happier.
another thing is your time together means more. I mean when it is just us we take our time for granted when it gets cut down we see how much we need and want that time with them. I know for me when he was here alone after about a week of him being here thigns went back to normal. Now everyday we are both happy to see each other and love the little moments we get together. It is not routine anymore.
Having them be in my home has also taught me patience and to not be selfish. I really feel in my heart this is a good idea FOR US. because of our situation; this is really our only option. I never once, before yesterday walked into my home and didnt feel happy she was there.
My kids see pologamy as being a positive thing. to them now this is just the way life is. They will not grow up expecting a husband to themselves or my son feeling it is a bad thing if he chooses to have more than one wife. It is funny how kids are; they just adapt to thing. I really didnt know what to expect from them but they see her as just antie and yes they know she is his wife but because they have not seen me once act negativly towards her they do not even know this is somethign that is out of the ordinary. yes, they know everyone does not live like this but the two younger ones think this is just how some muslims live. My son only had one question being the very protective son that he is..he said well will he spend one day with you and one dayw ith her..when i told him yes, he said ok.i was just making sure becuase he has to be fair to both of you...he cant love one more than the other..
I have to say that all in all this times together has been positive. My kids really enjoy having her around. She and my youngest daughter play together and she is loving all the extra attention.
We try to have family time and so far that has been wonderful. The kids feel more relaxed now then they did before she arrived. I mean usually when he is here he and I spend alot of time alone because it felt like we were alway playing catch up. Now it i sooo much better. becasue they have him and I have him all the time. She said she is happied livign all together becasue she does not like being alone and if she were in her own home she would be alone at night and during the day .....this way she always has someone to talk to or sleep with becuase my daughter is alway willing to share a bed with ANYONE.......
So all in all we are still surviving....... like I said one small blow up ....and really that was just a mixture of pms and overreacting to the whispers of others.......My hope is inshaallah we will be able to handle all problems fairly and deal with the outcome without feeling slighted.


  • At 1:17 PM, Blogger Safa said…

    "My hope is inshaallah we will be able to handle all problems fairly and deal with the outcome without feeling slighted."

    Ohhh...masha Allah! Masha Allah! That is the EXACT thinking that can make a P marriage work. And you know what? It can work.....with thinking like urs and a husband who is good....not great...but just good.....and fears Allah....u can succeed in this....Masha Allah!!

    As much as I don't like my own P marriage, it doesn't mean that I don't accept Allah's rules. I want the best for you, and by wanting that, I want the best for your entire family...and that INCLUDES your husband. If he's happy, everyone is happy......he has the ability to make sure of that......

    I'm happy for u....

  • At 9:26 PM, Blogger Cairogal said…

    Our of curiosity, how long have you been married?


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