As salaamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu, This is my life…this is my world the way “I” see it. It may not be nice and most times it is not pretty. However, it is what it is. This is what I am looking for…to live my life…..and love it……..accept it…..the good the bad……and all the ugly. You heard of love the skin you in…..Well I wanna LOVE the Life Im in…..

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Ive been tagged

The Rules
1. Write your own six word memoir
2. Post it on your blog and include a visual illustration if you’d like
3. Link to the person that tagged you in your post and to this original post if possible so we can track it as it travels across the blogosphere
4 Tag five more blogs with links
5. And don’t forget to leave a comment on the tagged blogs with an invitation to play!

Most people I know have already been tagged so I'm sorry if I get you again.

I was shot down by Mumina

Here is mine

Living life, living it, and myself !!!! :)

Sunday, March 23, 2008

lets talk about sex baby

I had a conversation with a person this weekend that really made me rethink a lot of things. We talked about cheating spouses and having other wives. Then the conversation changed to if it all boils down to sex, If people are run by their desires; not just sexual but all of them. I think for many people it is yes.
This made me look recent events in the media. I am sure we all know about the governor in New York. This man had a powerful job, a family, a good reputation and he lost it all for some tail. Then the man that replaced him revealed that he had an affair well not just one but several. One of them being with a co worker; they had sex several times during the work day or while on overnight trips they took together for work. This man may not have lost anything but he risked his job and marriage for a fling. He risked being caught and having his business out in the street for the thrill of some extra booty. What about the man in Philly he killed his wife in the bath tub because he wanted and fell in lust with a stripper. He had spent thousands of dollars on this woman and didn't want it stop. He figured he would get the insurance money and keep giving her money..he killed his wife, lost his job, his daughter and went to jail for life all for a lap dance.........
This made me think about men throughout history. It made me think that maybe most men are weak period. For as long as there has been a man they have been weak. Now depending on what faith you are you may believe that Adam sinned because of Eve. This woman enticed Adam with an offer he could not refuse, an apple. Again if you look in the bible you will see other men not just fall because of a woman but for sex. Sampson died because he loved and desired a woman. Lot, a man that was God fearing and pious slept with his daughters because they came to him naked. He was too weak to refuse them even thou he knew it was wrong. David, Solomon, and other all had their issues with lust. This made me think about people and if it is limited to just men.
Nope it’s not. Remember that woman that in South Carolina that killed her kids because she wanted a man and her didn’t want her kids. She drove her kids into a lake and blamed a black man. What drove her to kill her own children?…! How about the woman in I think Michigan. Her boyfriend killed her daughter and she stayed with him. She stayed with a man that killed her child ...she did it for about the long Island girl that tried to kill the boyfriends wife .why would she shoot this woman in the face......because she was having sex with this woman's husband.......while writing this piece I googled women killing and I came up with several articles about women doing crazy things in the name of lust.

So this makes me think maybe this is how we are made. Maybe not ALL of us but alot of us. Maybe this is why a man will risk losing a sure thing for a maybe. I mean they risk losing the love of a good wife for something they don't know.

I think we all have some form of this in us but maybe it is not displayed in sex maybe it is food, or work, or gambling, or drugs. I think we all know someone that has put those things first in their lives. If your thinking no not me I will give you some examples and maybe you will see what I mean.

What about the person that works hard. I don't mean a few extra hours a month I mean the person that works late all the time. the person that can never make it to their kids games because they have to work. I mean the person that never makes it home for dinner . I mean the person that has a spouse and they lead separate lives. No matter how much they complain the person that works still does what they do. Their job is more important than their family. Now I know many of you will say I would rather have a husband that works too much that a man that is chasing every skirt he see. However in the big picture it is all the same. The spouse is unhappy and the marriage is not fulfilling and painful.

How about the person that drinks or does drugs; they will do ANYTHING to get that next drink or hit. We have all heard stories or seen in a movie about some one that has robbed their family blind to get what they want. They say they want to stop and just do it again and again. They may love their family but will steal anything not nailed down to do what they need to do. They will lie cheat and sell their own kids for some money.

I don't know what is worst here a co wife or a man addicted to drugs. Again, it all boils down to a unhappy home.

I look at me and i think of how many diets I have been on, how many times I have wanted to lose weight. I know what I have to do and not do but I would not do it. Until I put it in my head that there was no other choice for me I didn't lose the weight. I would overeat and then cry because I knew better but for some reason I could not stop myself. that urge to eat was stronger than my will power not to eat. I desire to sit and look at TV was stronger than my desire to get off my A$$.

Ok, now I will bring it home, how many times did I suffer for my ex. all the tears and pain for what??? LOVE, Lust, SEX???!!! Many times I wanted to get out of the marriage but I stayed. I put him before everything when I look back on things. I say that because I was not happy I was not living life to the fullest so everything else suffered. My kids didn't have a happy mom. they didn't have a mom that gave them their all. I was giving too much to him. I didn't put in my best at work because my mind was consumed with him and drama. No matter how many times I wanted to leave I was not strong enough to either leave or make him change.

Just like with my weight I had to fight my self. I knew things had to change and I had to put forth an effort to make changes. Change is not easy ........Its very hard and even now I still have to fight myself.

This is why I think we are made this way. Allah made some of us weak when it comes to sex, love, emotions and things we love. They will always be tested with these things. This is their fight. They cant just give into desires. That's is the problem. people just give in. The problem is not wanting sex with a different woman the problem is acting on it. There is no problem with wanting to see a stripper..the problem is when the person stripping for you is not your wife. ...and you become obsessed. We need to know what we can handle. Yes, maybe Allah said men can have 4 wives however, not all men should try it. It is not for everyone. They think with their little heads and then things get out of control. They need to learn to fight their desires. they need to know it is a test and want to try and pass it. We may get bored in our marriage but the thing is we don't HAVE to go out and get a new wife or have an affair. We don't have to give into every feeling we have. If I did I would have killed my husband several times. I would have had a fantastic night of passionate love making with my dream man. We all get thoughts and we all have desires , we all get tired of our lives and want more, we all meet people and become attracted to them but we all don't act on those feelings.
This is why we need to trust in Allah, swt. We need to stay prayerful. we need to know ourselves and stay away from things that temp us. Life is not suppose to be easy all the time. We are told we will be tempted. we all know we will have problems at times. We just need to want to pass our tests.

Sunday, March 16, 2008


So today I feel crappy!!!! I do not know if it is becuase it is spring or what but I am just feeling ......lonely and missing (AS)the man I wanted to have. I had his kids over for a sleep over. 2 weeks in a row his family was at my house. Man that was so much fun but hard
I wished we were a family. I wish he was my husband. I know it is a sin for me to even think this way and i know I will stop but I miss his smile, his laugh, his smell, our talks, our ........... I just miss him

I am really thinking about going back to the states. I am sick of being here. I like it but there are times when i just want to be around people that look, think and act more like me. We will see.......... Anyway thats all for now.......

Sunday, March 09, 2008

ok I am offically not a P supporter

I have always wanted to see the good in the BIG P. Today I woke up and just had enough. I am sick of these sorry a** brothers using Islam to make their lust halal. I am sick of the lies and the hurt and the pain this causes. I am sick of reading how these men are tearing up families for a new piece of tail. I am sick of how this disease is running threw our ummah like cancer. I am sick of how we women lie down and take it. I am sick of how the Imams allow this to happen over, and over and over again. I am sick of how a man can get out of jail today already have a wife or two and marry another woman the next day and its ok. I am sick of none of the imams checking these men out. I am sick of everything being the woman's fault. I am just sick.
I am sick of reading about how heartless these men seem to be and its ok int he Muslim world. I am sick of reading over and over again how we women have to put up with it. I am so sick of us hurting. I am so sick of us wanting or needing a man that we forget ourselves. I am so sick of life being so hard for a woman that she feels that she HAS to settle because no one will want her. WHere are the real brothers??? where are the men that should be looking out for us? Islam is suppose to protect the woman but instead it has been twisted and now we need more protecting than ever before. WHERE IS OUR PROTECTION!!! Why are they throwing us to the wolves???? Why is it that we have so many wolves and no one cares?
Why is it a perfect faith we can have so many people not striving to be close to perfect? How can we have fallen so far. How is it that out lust is more important that our souls? How is it that an orgasm is more powerful that ALLAH???????

Whats wrong with being Muslim

I LOVE OBAMA. I really do. I love the way he talks, the way he carries his self, I love just love the ora around him. BUT there is one thing I do not like. I do not like how the word Muslim seems to be a dirty word to him.
Yes, I know being a Muslim is not a popular thing and if he was Muslim he we would not even be having this conversation. I know and fully understand why he has to tell everyone he is Christian. BUT I DO NOT understand why he does not say. No, I am not Muslim but there is nothing wrong with the majority of Muslims. Why does he not say my fathers family is Muslim but I CHOOSE to be Muslim. Why doesn't he say there are good people that are Muslim and I feel sad that I have to deny 1/2 of who I am because of the climate of the country. I was born into a family that was similar. My moms side is Muslim and my dads side is Christian. I NEVER denied one or the other. I did have my moments where I didn't want to practice Islam, I didn't want to cover , but I never just ignored 1/2 of who I was. Now I know I am not a public figure but the point is we should not be ashamed of who we are.
Why doesn't one person in the media ask him how he feels about Muslims in general. I want to know what he thinks about Islam. Every day I make dua for him to win, but today I didn't. Today I thought ........whats wrong with being Muslim.