As salaamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu, This is my life…this is my world the way “I” see it. It may not be nice and most times it is not pretty. However, it is what it is. This is what I am looking for…to live my life…..and love it……..accept it…..the good the bad……and all the ugly. You heard of love the skin you in…..Well I wanna LOVE the Life Im in…..

Sunday, August 12, 2007


well I have been moved to a new city by my job. I picked out my villa and it is very nice. HUGE more to clean yuck!!!!

The kids love it and Inshaallah I will enjoy this small little town. We are 2 blks from the beach and park. the kids have a lot of room to ride bikes and run around.

I will be back once my net is up and running

Saturday, August 04, 2007

what more can I ask for

As I look into his face I see

A glimps of the boy he used to be
Where is he
Now stands this tall boy in front of me
Long arms
Long leg replace the short one I used to wash
his feet are the size of a small man
His eyes are as bright as crystal
His thoughts and ideas are just as bright
His smile will light a room
Just like his dad
His smile showes his feelings
When he is really happy HE makes me happy just to see him
He uses his arms to comfort me
"Mom" he says, I will love you forever.
What more can I ask for I think to myself
I will always love you more I always say back
HE smiles and kisses me.
what more can I ask for
he uses his strong legs to walk to the mosque to pray alone
I am almost 10. I have to be a man now
Allah said at ten I have to pray all the time
these are his thoughts
what more can I ask for
He helps his sister learn her Arabic
She hates it he loves it
he tells her she has to learn it for Allah
What more can I ask for
He lets his sister fall asleep in his lap he brushes her hair with his hands
he loves her so much
what more can I ask for
I want to be a chef is his dream for this year
He makes such a mess and he fixes and mixes the food that one day
he says will make him rich
with his money he will buy me a house right next to his
that way he will always have me close
always have me near
this is the love of a child
my child
my son
true love
what more can I ask for

I love you AJ

I will love you forever
i am so sorry for any pain I caused you
As a mom it has been hard
as I look at you now
i wish I could go back and do this again
I would change so much
but never you
I would always pick you
you as my son
I love you so mch
always stay strong
keep you faith in Allah
with him as your guide you will never go wrong
Live life to the fullest keep believing in yourself
you can do ANYTHING even be a chef
you will one day be the man you wish you were now
dont rush
take you time
learn all you can
I will be here to guide you as much as I can
with my arms to prtect you and shield you from harm
and my prayes to Allah to keep us anchored in storms
my eyes are full of tears I can not write anymore
just know I am with you in my thought, my prayers, my heart

I love you today as I do everyday
what more can I ask for in a son.........

Thursday, August 02, 2007

summer is almost over for me

Well I will go back to work soon. I have stayed away from this blog because I really could not deal withthe comments.

I took the kids on a few trips. They had such a nice time. We will go on one more before I go back to work and after we move. Inshaallah.
My job is moving me to some remote place. I am soooo upset then on top of that my right hand, my maid , quit. She wants to go home to her mom. I do not balme her. It has been 3 yrs since she has seen her mom. SHE is a great young woman. I know I can never replace her. Yes, get another maid but she will NEVEr be replaced. She is a daughter to me. I love her dearly.

My hubby and I are slowly getting back to normal. This eventfull summer whiped us out. We have been very distant but now, alhumduillah, things are gettign better. I know for me I was just fed up and tired. I think after she left I got to just exhale and when I did the wind blew. I let it all out things I didnt know i thought or felt. So we have been talking and thinking and we will see what comes from it. Like I said this broke our bond and we are not close. I do not feel him like i did before. I used to enjoy him just being around. Now .............. I used to love to feel his leg on me at night.........not now
I used to just like to sit and more. So things have changed. SOme for the better. Some for the worse.

I have 2 weeks before I have to start work. Until that time I will be packing, moving, and taking my kids on one more short trip. Sunday is my mans 10 birthday. I call him my man because he so wants to be all grown up. HE said he is a alpha male in training. OH boy!!!!! I do love him. If i had to pick a favorite i would say it is him. I guess it is the mother son things. Do not get me wrong. I LOVE my girls. they are special and sweet and loving. However, my son ...I think it is becuae he is so much like his dad. I mean for him to not really know him since he died before he was 2; he acts so much like him. he walks like him and sits like him . His body is shaped like his. HE is very soft spoken and his personality is like his. For whatever reason HE is my heart. I am so happy to see him reach 10. This yr has been rough on him. HE was sick so much and just was not himself. He wants to have pizza. Last yr he had his first meal from Mcdonalds that was not a kids meal. HE picked a big mac. HE was sooooo stuffed he could not walk home. this yr he is taking his friend to pizza hut. We do not go out to eat often so this is a real treat for them. I try to do something special on all my kids birthdays. I write them all a note tellign them about the yr. I tell them anything crazy they di dand how much i love them. I put them in a box i have for each of them. When they are older and have kids or when I die they will get them. I think this will be special inshaallah. they will get to remember things that i am sure they will have forgotten.

well that is it for me. Inshaallah I will post once I move. That is if my internet is hooked up by then. We will see; this place is soooooo slow.