As salaamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu, This is my life…this is my world the way “I” see it. It may not be nice and most times it is not pretty. However, it is what it is. This is what I am looking for…to live my life…..and love it……..accept it…..the good the bad……and all the ugly. You heard of love the skin you in…..Well I wanna LOVE the Life Im in…..

Tuesday, April 22, 2008


I have had a blog on wordpres for a while now. I think I am just going to stop posting here and use those.

Friday, April 11, 2008


This song My Miss Mary J has been my thing for a min now. I swear it keeps me goign. I have it playing in the hard part of my workouts and when I need a pick me up when I am feeling a bit out of it.

It somethign about it I think it is the combonation of the beat and the lyrics that make me feel like my life is and can go in the direction I want it to go.

I am a huge Music lover, yeah I know many of you will say it is haram and I need to stop listening to it. well you know what we all have battles to fight and right now this is not one of them I am fighting.

I just love Miss Mary J. She has a song for every mood I am in. When I was made at my ex I would listen to No more drama or no gona cry and they helped me keep focused on what I needed to do. When I want to just move and feel it I can listen to Just fine , family Affair, I can love you, be without you or many others. when I am feeling good I can listen to Rainy Days, steal away, seven days, I'm goin down, and countless other song. But Rainy days makes me feel;I dont know what it is about that song but it always makes me feel good after listening to it. this part right here
Sometimes the Rule don't mind the rainIt kinda feels like I'm drownin in the Lords painUntil the sun comes out and shines again Smile, give me reason to keep belivin That everything ain't misleadinAnd I, kiss the clouds on a rainy days And, smile for you when ya skies are grayBabe, cuz imma tear drop away from cryinAnd few shots away from dyin Dear Lord, would you shower my painLet it rain, let it rain on meWhile I cherish the air I breatheI'm an angel, that can't soar, can't flyAnd I, mastered Lord knows why

when I walk I listen to it and it makes me feel. I usually think about my life when I walk I look at the ocean and just take it all in and usually when I just about done I will listen to this song and It makes me feel like I know why I am here.

She is one of my favorite women artists. I didnt really like her when she first came out but I have come to LOVE her. I think as she has grown and so did her Music. I still listen to Alycia, Patty, phylis Hymen, Natilie cloe, Sade, Toni, Missy, and my ole school salt n peppa but right now I am just feeling Mary

so here are the word to the song and these are the feeling that are making me be all I can be these days.

Let it go……Can’t let this thing called love get away from you Feel free right now, going do what you want to doCan’t let nobody take it away, from you, from me, from weNo time for moping around, are you kidding?And no time for negative vibes, cause I’m winningIt’s been a long week, I put in my hardestGonna live my life, feels so good to get it rightSo I like what I see when I’m looking at meWhen I’m walking past the mirrorNo stress through the night, at a time in my lifeAin’t worried about if you feel itGot my head on straight, I got my mind rightI aint gonna let you kill itYou see I wouldn’t change my life, my life’s just…..

Feels so good, when you’re doing all the things that you want to doGet the best out of life, treat yourself to something newKeep your head up highIn yourself, believe in you, believe in meHaving a really good time, I’m not complainingAnd I’m a still wear a smile if it rainingI got to enjoy myself regardlessI appreciate life, I’m so glad I got mineSo I like what I see when I’m looking at meWhen I’m walking past the mirrorAint worried about you and what you gonna doI’m a lady so I must stay classyGot to keep it hot, keep it togetherIf I want to get betterYou see I wouldn’t change my life, my life’s just

I aint gon’ let nothing get in my way(I ain't gone let nobody bring me down, no, no, no)No matter what nobody has to say(No way, no way, no way)I ain’t gon’ let nothing get in my wayNo matter what nobody has to say

New Direction

My life is going in a new direction. Inshaallah it will be a positive one. I will tell more later. This weekend I am spending it with my girls, my 2 daughters and my wish daughter. My son is over my dream mans house for the weekend. We do this every month our kids are best friends and have a bond that is special. I love looking at them and spending time with them. This weekend since I have no 'Y' chromosomes in my home we are doing girly things. We are baking, and doing nails, makeup, and high heels. LOL....... we went to the beach after Fajar and I just enjoyed chillin with them. My kids and I usually go 3-4x a week so I can do my 3 mile walk, yuck but today I chilled with them after I finished. I think I am going to do that more often.

Ok then we get back and miss mama looks in my phone and sees some photos of her dad .......Oh aunt J why do you have these and wait when did you all take this one I dont remember that. Where were we.........OH can you say OUCH. I am like oh honey that was last yr sometime I dont even remember when. How about she said well the date is on the pic..........ok she is 10........The kids do not know anything about what happened or is happening or anything. No one wants to confuse them and if things didnt work out it could have been yucky for them. Later she was tellign me her dad and I am very simular. we do alot of the same things and we both love music. (sigh) I know this we are alike in many ways. SHe goes on to tell me how she thinks I am pretty, she loves my hair and my legs.go figure......both are a mess; and she enjoys comming here and I am so much fun and her dad is so girl is very outgoing and smart as a whip.

I think because it is spring I feel the need to do some spring cleaning in my life. I have made a plan to get the things I want in my life and remove the things I dont. Inshaallah I can stick to it and work on achieving them. My biggest thing is being healthy. I have been working really hard on my weight and eating habits. My biggest thing is sugar. I am addicted and it is so hard to give it up. I did it for a while but as soon as I started back I could not stop. So I just have to get it out my home. My work outs have been going well. I am doing 2-4 hours a day. The weekend I do 4 all other days I do 2-3. I ride my stationary bike 1 hour, with hills, and walk 1 hour and I will do a tape I try 3x a week. Now you would think with all of that I would be skinny. The thing is I am eating sugar like crazy; So it is moving slow. 30 day with out sugar is my first small goal.

my personal life........BIG HUGE changes. Inshaallah. I am taking baby steps with those but when you add those steps up they will be huge. I feel happy about them. Life is too short to wait for things and put things off. If you never go for them they may never happen. So I am putting plans in motions to get the things I want with a goal of having them by my birthday in November. I know that seems like a long time however, I am doing this in baby steps.

It is almost 12noon and the kids are just going to sleep after beign up all night I am going to chill for a bit. We are going to have a full day when they get up inshaallah and tomorrow we will take all the kids dirt bike this will be a full weekend. I need to get all the rest I can.