As salaamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu, This is my life…this is my world the way “I” see it. It may not be nice and most times it is not pretty. However, it is what it is. This is what I am looking for…to live my life…..and love it……..accept it…..the good the bad……and all the ugly. You heard of love the skin you in…..Well I wanna LOVE the Life Im in…..

Thursday, June 28, 2007


Yes safa that is how I feel. I am the old dependable car. The one he is used to the one he can depend on. The one that will get him where he has to go and do what needs to be done.........

She is the land crusier...she has the new car smell and like you said .WOWOW!!!!! but one day the land curiser will become like the mercedes it will lose the new car smell and he wont like "DRIVING " it so much.

In my case the land crusier is about to be traded in. Allahu alim

I do not know why men marry people they do not know. Like all, well most, of my comments said lust does not make a relationship. And this proved it to her anyway...

I spent 4 hours talking to my co the other day. My husband told me he was very unhappy with some things she had done and was thinking of sending her home and divorcing her. I told him to give her time and see what happens. so that night i spent 4 hours talking to her

I mean i talked to her like i would my daughter. I pored my heart out to her.

That night i knew this was the most ungreatful unislamic woman i had ever mmet.

she lied to my face yelling walahi I told her to please do not do that . I asked her if she knew what that word ment. she said yes but still continued to lie using the word.

I asked her why she was so unhappy she told me my husband was too hard on her. I asked her how ? she had no answer. I told her i see him bending over backwards to please you. I said to her to say alhumduiallah, I said we must be greatful for the things we have. She told me yeah yeah, we are suppose to say Alhumduillah and allahu akbar and Supannahallah but sometime it just aint like that........ Why say Alhumduillah when i dont feel it why say it when i want more........

I asked her what more does she want. She said she wants her OWN husband and she doesnt want him to love me anymore and she wants me to divorce him. She said yes i know that sounds bad and i eat your food , sleep in your house and this is your bed he loves me on but now I am having a baby and he should just be with me. he does not need you anymore.

I sat there speechless for about 10 mins. And even after that I tried to explain things to her. I tried to tell her how men are not like women and I know she is hurt and I know it is hard to love someone that loves someone else. I tried my best to make her understand even offered to give her more time with him
Am I crazy or what!!!!!!
I asked her if she needed to be in her own place. She said it is not living in the same house that is not is just that He loves me. She thought that he didnt love me. She thought I would be fat and ugly and she thought he never touched me. SHe thought he was married to me out of obligation. She thought that she would come here and distroy my marriage and go back to egypt the only wife. She thought that she would have sex with him so much he would be to tired to be with me. She thought she would be loud and make me jealouse. I never heard her so she wasted her time with that one. She thought he would just see she is so great in bed he would leave me for that...... talk about young and dumb.......

I have been talking to my friends about this for a few days now I didnt get into all the details but today i just felt the need to let it all out. I mean why hold back. Why spare her image why ........... She came into my home with the intent to ruin my life. I offered her love and frindship. I had nothing but good in my heart........

All i want to know is why.

the thing is my husband wont be smart enough to say ok this is it. I will never marry again......... NOPE!!!
He will do it again. But this time I will have more of a say in this. I never want to deny him his right to have another wife. If he really feels he needs this is his life..... BUT this time there will be rules.

Inshaallah he will take a break and reflect on this huge mistake. Right now I am here as a shoulder to cry on. I am here again to help mend the wounds....Yup I am the old car, dependable, trust worthy, old faithful......but alhumduillah I am still here and even though this hurts me just as much as it is hurting him. I know this is taking me one step closer to Jennah inahaallah. It may be a baby step.........but each step counts

Friday, June 22, 2007

hot vs not

I think when a man has more than one wife they each have a seperate role. I do n t know if one is more important than the other but I KNOW they are different.

Living in the same home I really get to see it so clear. For my husband I am his comfort. When he is having a bad moment he will come to me. When he needs to talk about anything he comes to me. I know this is because I have been his constant He knows no matter what happens I have his back. I may make him suffer a bit but when push comes to shove I am there for him. He knows when he is wrong I am going to tell him and I know when and how to tell him.

Right now for her he is building or trying to build a bond that will allow him to talk to her but so far it is not working. I think part of it is her maturity level and another part is she talks to much. She has not learned to keep secrets. She will tell a perfect stranger all her business. So he does not trust her too much yet. I tell him trust will come in time inshaallah. One day she will learn what he wants it just takes time. Although she may not be the one he tells his thoughts to; she does have her role.

she is the hot one. she is younger, with her new pregnant boobs she is definatly the one he is desiring more. I mean in 21 days her breast trippled in size. Her body is more shaply and right now she is new..... I mean we have done it all nothing new to do. After all these years if it can be done we did it ......but with them she is still a toy he can find new things to do and and play with.

Does this bother me..........YUP..but not too much...... It is not like he is neglecting me. I have my time with him and it is still good. However there are times when I wish I had something new......something that would make us both remember when we started out..... I have to say he does his best not to show it. He does not want me to feel undesirable to him. He tells me I am looking sexier than ever, or makes sure he tells me something looks good if its new. I know they may not be what he really feels but I love that he is putting in the effort. And I am also getting more Romance; I guess that is just as important. However, sometimes I was that passion, That just walk into a room and go at it passion. Candles are nice, so are the body rubs...but sometime I would like to see that look.......YOu know the look you get when he just cant wait to get at you.

The strange thing is a part of me likes that he has her. I mean I am not dumb and I know men LOVE veriety. So I am happy he has it. I know it makes him a happier person and in turn it make him a better husband. I never feel, well let me say almost never feel jealous or sad about him loving sex with her. I did have my moment when I was like oh give it a rest!!..No i didnt hear them ...I was outside and heard her yelling for him to hurry out the shower becasue she has to shower too before salat came in. My husband is not a middle of the day shower type of guy....Anyway......

For me I know this is something that he enjoys and I am happy he has it. I know that may seem crazy and I know I am not explaing it very well. I know this is a part of marriage.... I know this is a big part of why he wanted another wife. I know right now because of her issues she is trying to knock his socks off because she wants to outdo me. The thing is she can and it is ok becuase we will never be equal in all things. So if he has her to drop it like its hot all day everyday......god bless him if he can keep up with it. I know one day it will get old and the newness will wear off. As long as I am happy with him It is ok for me to not be the HOT one.....

He tells me he loves me more than before. I know right now he does because although he is feeling hot for her; he is also finding parts of her personality very undesirable. We talked yesterday and we both like the idea of living together but we do not like the idea of her. THE ISSUES HE HAS WITH HER WILL BE THERE NO MATTER WHAT HOME SHE LIVES IN. so please do not think it is because of us living together. She loves to argue, she is never have to explain everything to her and that drives him crazy, she has a very strong personilty. this is something that causes alot of problems becasue so does they are like oil and water...... I guess when u do not know a person before you marry them you just do not know what u r getting. They have both said to me they wish they didnt get married. They both said if there was no baby they would divorce. I am not sure how true that is on both thier parts, people say many things when they are emotional. I know for a fact they both love each other....I am just not sure if they are right for each other. So I am the one that listens to them both seperatly and together. Man, I am the secret holder...referee.....counslor.... I get it from all sides......I need to get

anyway here I go getting sidetracked.......

My thought is this

Is it hard for a woman to know she is not the hot one in a marriage. If you knew your husband may love you more but not desire you alot how would you feel....

or would you rather have him think you were just the sexiest thing but not feel as in love with you.

Or do you think that if he thinks you are the sexiest and wants you all the time that that will make a woman feel he loves he more too because how could he not love her if he wants her allt he time......hummmmmm

Also what is more importan passion or romance....... maybe they go hand in hand..... I dont know..... I thought they did but now I dont know.

I guess its romance vs passion vs love...... I know we as woman want it all..... I know I wish I did at times but I do not let it bother me. I look at what I DO have and I am happy with it. There are just days i guess when I wish I had more......

Monday, June 18, 2007

Allah Protect me from myself

Alhumduillah my co is out of the hospital. My feelings are so intense now I cant even write them. I feel overwhelmed by so much going on. One thing I know is the heart and emotions are powerful. Make dua for my family please if for no one else make them for my co. She need to know she is loved and she needs to learn how put her turst in Allah.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Please make dua for my cowife

Please make dua for my family. We had a very hard weekend and my co is in the hospital. She needs lots of prayer and guidance right now. May Allah heal her mind, body, and soul.......

Thursday, June 14, 2007

What is happiness in a marriage

I read a blog this morning. This person had not had anything new posted in a while so I was very happy to see something new there. When I read her post I was feeling happy for her and proud of her accomplishments. I had read some of her old post and she had been through alot. Now it seems like she is managing things to the best of her ability.
Then I read her replies.........MAN!!!!

I think sometimes we forget most people who are in polygny are already having a hard time and then we come along and say things to make them feel worse. Why is that?? I know most times we THINK we are showing them something they do not see. Or maybe we are slapping them into reality; but are we. Do we think the person writing the post knows thier own pain more than we do as readers We are not there livign their life. We are only getting a SMALL part of what it is to be in her shoes. Knowing this, knowing we do not have the full picture, knowing that no matter how much we want to help that person in reality we hurt them more....why do we judge, critisize, or question the authors actions. Why cant we just support them and encourage them. Yes there are times when we need to say wake up. but there is a right way and a wrong way to do that.

To me her post was very positive. She talked about what she wanted for her children and her life. How she wanted to not have her children programed to think having to share a husband is horrible.she wants them to think of it as normal. She wanted them to know this is a possibility. What is wrong with that?

I for one think If I had even thought about the possibilty of having to be a co wife as a child i MAY have been better prepared for my life today. If I had seen any positive examples of co exisiting as co wives Maybe when my husband remarried it would not have hurt me so much. Yes, it still would have hurt but maybe not as much, maybe it would not have hurt for so long, maybe i would have accepted it quicker. Maybe I would have seen the good polygny can have. Not think of what I lost, not think of what they are getting, not think of all the things I should not bother myself with thinking about anyway.......Maybe if I had not seen my aunt divorce her husband as soon as she found out he wanted a wife I would not have grown up thinking the big P was such a horrible, nasty thing that distroys families.
Maybe I would have seen how it can bring a family closer together........who knows .... but I still think we should not be so hard to think we know what a person is feeling or how they are living.....

That brings me to my real point....what is happiness in a marriage anyway.....isnt it different for each person. Dont we all go into a marriage with different expectations. we can all experience the same thing and it have a different affect on us. we could be married to the same man and have a totally different relationship with him and both be happy. becasue it is so very different for each and every one of us.

Most people could not live my life and be remotly happy. I think most people would be sad every day. They would wake up feeling jealous, angry, used, neglected, whatever.......but for me I wake up happy. I wake up happy no matter where my husband is in the morning. I do this because i am at peace. No matter where he sleeps he is close by. I find comfort in that. I do not worry myself with what he might have done the night before or what they are doing. I dont bother myself with worry about the fact that Am I at work and she is home. I dont worry myslf with thinking about all the things i dont have because she is here. I instead TRY to think of all the good thing and live in the moment. And at the moment I am happy. NO, I am not jumping up and down with joy. No I am not excited to see her every day. No, I am not saying at times I dont wish I had more alone time with my husband. I am not and I do. But even before her.....even before there was a thought of her or any other woman my married life was not perfect. I was not jumping up and down with happiness then either. I was not overly excited to see my husband everyday.........I did not value my time with him. I didnt think about time at all. But was i happy....yes....I think sometimes we forget that.I think sometime we make ourselves believe our lives was perfect before the other woman came along.we forget we complained about our husbands, they got on our nerves, he was the same man before he remarried but now we see his imperfection more...that intensify because our emotions are stronger, they are raging, they are intense.....and if we are the other woman maybe we come into the marriage with rose colored glasses on and hope and make ourselves believe that you will be happier than she is or you will make him happier, give him better sex, cook better, clean better or what ever.....but is that reality.......sometime we see what we want to see, and after doing it for so long we foget what was the real reality....
for me I was happy with what I had becasue that was the life i had grown accustom to. when i look back on that now I think wow I didnt really have that much. Please dont read more into that statement then what is said........what i mean by that is there was not love making everynight, there was not candle lit dinners everyday, we didnt life like leave it to beaver and have perfect kids doing perfect things, we didnt spend our days gazing into eachothers eyes or spend tons of quality time why should it bother me if I dont have that now...Yes, I didnt have to share........yes, he was with me each and every night.......NO he was not in love with another woman.......but when i really look at those three things. the three things that really deep down bother us as woman........I do not think today they matter at all. with those thing in being a part of my life or with out them I am still happiness just changed becasue my lifestyle and goal, my perspective has changed. But am i still happy...I would say even happier because this has taught to value my husband and this has shown me how much he loves me. I do spend MORE quality time with him. I do spend more time gazing into his eyes, Now we make time to do special things like candle lit dinner or he may have a bath ready for me when i come home with candles. I think now he even wants to make love more because he dost want anyone to feel like one is getting more than the other. so in most respect things balance out.

I have come to accept that him not just loving her but being in love with her does not make him love me less...the fact that he makes love to her does not make him desire me less....... the fact that he shares a huge part of his self with her didnt take him away from me. This is what I had to come to KNOw..not just think because for years I THOUGHT this before he got married I thought things would not change but that was only in my head...cause my heart didnt KNOW it my heart had doubts....I had to live this life to see Yes, it is ok Yes, there is live after the big i wont sugar coat it and say things are so sweet and wonderful.....heck no they arnt.....but there are bearable, there are livable, there are happy times.....

ok back to being happy man i tell you i get side tracked....

anyway this is my happiness...right now the thought of living without my husband would make me unhappy, depressed, and utterly alone.......many peopel would chose being alone over livng how i live..i can sit and think to myself is a woman that is alone really she happy having to come home to an empty house day after day night after night she happy not having a full time dad for her children if she has she happy hoping one day she will get a she really happy wanting a husband but not having one... is the looking for a husband better than actually having one..... some may say thier happiness is so very different than mine.becuase i HATE comeing home to a empty home. I HATE sleeping in a bed alone or with my kids night after night..I hated when my husband died and I didnt have a father for my kids.and the thought of them not having my husbad as a father figure is unexceptable to me. I could not imagine having to look for a husband again, or wait for a man to show intrest in me. I would not want to have to search the internet, if this is the way you choose to look for a husband, day after day hoping to get a reply .or the right reply........I would not want to tell family memebers I am once again single and in need of a husband....My friends would tire of me becasue I know I would become consumed with needing a man.and yes, I am not ashamed to say I would need a man...... I need companionship, I need structure, I need intamacy, I need to laugh with a man, I need the guidance that a man gives, I need a man to help me raise my kids, I need a man to sometimes tell me you know what YOu are wrong and you cant do that.... I need a man to help me with my Islam, to remind me when i am slacking, To encourage me when I feel weak....I need a man...........Yes yes, I do....... and the thought of being without one makes me unhappy.....but if a person told me i am single and i love it....I would believe them because hppiness is different to all of us. My question to all of you is how can we and why do we judge others happiness. This is something I really want to know.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

that is not what u said yesterday

this is my last post to you. After this I am finished.

In your comment you did not what u said in this last comment maybe if you had i would not have been so upset. You need to question your self before you make statements because your words have an affect on others. becasue of you my feelings were in a an uproar. i was an emotional wreck because you said things that to me where out of line and uncalled for to have the never to campare me a MUSLIM to a prostitue i think is a bit much....and since you have trouble with remembering exactly what you said i will remind you said and I quote

A call girl or prostitute receives payment for her time with men either in terms of housing, food, or money so that she can provide for herself. Astaghfirullah, I hate to use this example, but really, I think it is shockingly necessary. You have a grown man and his pregnant wife living in your home with you and your children while you work. Some time is extremely wrong. You're a Muslima and you have more honor than that.

so like i said you had issue with me allowing my husband and his wife, oh no you had to make th epoin that it is his pregnant wife life with i said yesterday that fact that she is pregnant has no bearing on the situation. The fact was yesterday and still is that this is OUR choice and who are you to voice such a strong opinion about things you knew little about.

then you said

I also worry about the children in such cases? Are they learning that the Muslima is the bread winner, the maintainer, AND protector? That the Muslima relinquishes the rights Allaah has bestowed upon her for the sake of the love of men and companionship?

The fact is my children know my husband is disabled.they see him on days when he cannot walk, they see him when he crys becasue he can not make sujood during salat, they know he is in so much pain at times that he cannot move. So my children do not think a woman is the bread winner of the home because they know even though they are not his kids...he ALWAYS provides for them......he buy their clothes.i buy the extras, he buys the foods..i buy the extras.the candy, the chip, the juices, the things we do not need but want.....they know this.....they do not see me as a bread winner they see my has his helper. i help him do things he can not do. i assist him in ALL things. not only things that pertain to me....No i do not have to allow him to have his wife live with me.....but sister if this is what OUR family want who are you to say it is wrong. if I allow him to live with me for extra time and campanionship then is me... and the fact is if i am happy he is happy and she is happy then where is the sin....where is the problem.......

then u had the nerve to say.......

But sister, let your husband be a man and a husband to the both of you because Allah requires it. Because even if you condone his getting over on you or not, Allah is still going to question and give him his due regarding it. Don't you want Allah to love your husband and grant you all hasanat? If so, know that marriage isn't just about love and receiving sex. It's about helping another Muslim by being there to enjoy the good and forbid the evil.

My husabnd is a man........100% for him to not only move overseas living int he condition his lives in shows me he is a man.......and like i said yes i work...I buy all the extras like the maid, the extra clothes, food, and satilight but I get them because i want them not becasue i NEEd the things i need he provides for me and MY children that are not his very well... in that respect i do nto complain..he does the best he can with what he has. Yes, allah requires him to give me my rights but allah being all knowing like he is and not you knows that there are times when men, good men cannt do all they may want to do for thier families and he allows women to use what they earn if they choose to help. he also allows a woman to forgo any or all of her rights. this is quran and sunnah.this is not me..your word came from your and you lack of knoweldge of my situation...and your eagerniess to yes allah will ask him did he provied my family with food........the answer will be yes, didshe provide housing....yes becuase he is building not just one home but 2 for me and my son. did he clothes us, yes he he kind to us........I can say since they have moved in he is become kinder, gentlier, more compassionate, taken or more qualities that i love. are we a family that is helping one another by enjoy the good and forbid the evil. then the answer to that would be another yes, we make sure each other pray. she has shown my kids different duas, I have helped her learn english, we go over quran and hadith every night. my husband goes over a story about the phrophet before we go to bed. I have taught her a few hadiths she didnt know. We pray together, remend each other to make sunnahs, get up in the middle of the night to neither of our marriage is based on love and sex we haev a strogn dose of islam each and every day.this again is somethign we didnt get before we lived together so this is a huge improvement for all.

so please like i said yesterday, next time ask questions before you assume. And if you cant do that then do not say anything.....

we had a bump but its all good

Well we had our first blow up yesterday. I went homes yesterday feeling a bit down. it is funny how things do not bother you until others brign things to your attention. well yesterday that is what happened to me. I started feeling slighted. I never once thought that our living situation was unfair until the thought was put in my head but it seems that after that my shayton started messign with me big time. I was to the poin where i started counting hours and seeing how fair and or unfair thing really are.

I went home with a huge chip on my shoulder. I told my husband what I was thinking and asked him to see if things could change because while I deep down dont feel any hard feeling I do not want to start feeling any either.

So we all sat down together and talked. One thing I have to remind myself is she is young and has not life experience so her thoughts are soooo very different than mine. However, yesterday I didnt have patience. I was havign pms so bad I hate it. I mean i get sad for a few day before my cycle it is like clock work. anyway becasue of this my patience was non exsistant. I just told her to for one time in her life to just listen and stop talking so much....... Let me give you all the back ground behind this. For every little thing she needs to ask a millions questions. I mean if you say lets go to the park she has to know where, when , for how long, who is going, what we will do , and so on... it is never just yes or no....Usually this does nt bother me but it drives my husband crazy. He is usuallay the one that leaves me to answer the questions he will say you deal with her........i dotn like all these questions. Well yesterday I beat him to it. I was done....... she felt bad and thought i was mad at her...I wasnt I was just feeling crappy and allowing thoughts of others to affect my mood.....something Inshaallah I will work on..........I guess that is why we have to always remember how powerful words are.

Any way, I felt bad later and we sat down and finished talking and workd everything out.My husband has been wonderful with everything. He is been workign hard to make sure we are all happy and that he be fair to everyone even the kids.
I think this is a postive part of the "HUGE P" if you have a good husband he will value you more once he has remarried. For us this has been the case. I know even before she got here he said he sees my pain and wishes he could take it away and that he can nver repay me for all i have done for him and how much more he loves me. And since they have been here it has been even more for both of us. She is even saying that he has been better to her since he has been here. He is more relaxed and she feels happier.
another thing is your time together means more. I mean when it is just us we take our time for granted when it gets cut down we see how much we need and want that time with them. I know for me when he was here alone after about a week of him being here thigns went back to normal. Now everyday we are both happy to see each other and love the little moments we get together. It is not routine anymore.
Having them be in my home has also taught me patience and to not be selfish. I really feel in my heart this is a good idea FOR US. because of our situation; this is really our only option. I never once, before yesterday walked into my home and didnt feel happy she was there.
My kids see pologamy as being a positive thing. to them now this is just the way life is. They will not grow up expecting a husband to themselves or my son feeling it is a bad thing if he chooses to have more than one wife. It is funny how kids are; they just adapt to thing. I really didnt know what to expect from them but they see her as just antie and yes they know she is his wife but because they have not seen me once act negativly towards her they do not even know this is somethign that is out of the ordinary. yes, they know everyone does not live like this but the two younger ones think this is just how some muslims live. My son only had one question being the very protective son that he is..he said well will he spend one day with you and one dayw ith her..when i told him yes, he said ok.i was just making sure becuase he has to be fair to both of you...he cant love one more than the other..
I have to say that all in all this times together has been positive. My kids really enjoy having her around. She and my youngest daughter play together and she is loving all the extra attention.
We try to have family time and so far that has been wonderful. The kids feel more relaxed now then they did before she arrived. I mean usually when he is here he and I spend alot of time alone because it felt like we were alway playing catch up. Now it i sooo much better. becasue they have him and I have him all the time. She said she is happied livign all together becasue she does not like being alone and if she were in her own home she would be alone at night and during the day .....this way she always has someone to talk to or sleep with becuase my daughter is alway willing to share a bed with ANYONE.......
So all in all we are still surviving....... like I said one small blow up ....and really that was just a mixture of pms and overreacting to the whispers of others.......My hope is inshaallah we will be able to handle all problems fairly and deal with the outcome without feeling slighted.

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Job offer

I haev a job offer to be the head of a primary school. The job is in Tanzania. I am thinking seriously about taking it. I think it may be a good change. Please make dua for me. Inshaallah I will make the right decision for my family.

Monday, June 04, 2007

building bonds

I have been thinking about my last post. I know many people think it is not a good idea to have a relationship with a co wife, many believe that it is best just to keep it civil; and living in the same home is a big no no. I believe all of these situations can be true. I am not an advocate for living with a co wife. I have read many blogs and email from groups that talk about how horrible having a co wife can be. I know many women that dislike their co wife, and a few that are civil to them because they have to, and i know only a handful that get along very well and less than that that live in the same home.

I can say for ME the reason it is working is that we liked each other from our first conversation. I mean we just clicked. If we had met for any other reason we may have been friends anyway. Once we talked on the computer we both felt good about each other. So we had a good start. Things happened to mess things up. we had a person that was very jealous of what my husband had and tried to start problems for our family. He almost suceeded, however, we got pass all the lies and things got better.

When she arrived I was nervous becasue I didnt know how things would be. Most people will say when we fear the unknown it can make us very uneasy. That what it was like for me. I didnt have any answeres. I was allowing this woman to come into my home and I didnt know what to really expect. Many women think when a man marries again it is because he is not happy with the first wife and the second wife feels superior. Then you have a second wife that feels like she is inferior becuase the first wife has spent so much time with him and they already have a bond. So there was fear on both sides. I didnt know what she REALLY thought I only know what she told me.

Once we talked we both knew it was about our love for our husband. We both love him very much and even with our own insecurities we know he loves us. It was also about that fact that we both did not like spending months at a time without him. we wanted to spend time with him everyday. Yes, we could do that living next door. No we dont have to live int he same home. but the thing is it works for us. I am not saying it is a good thing for every relationship. I am not even saing it is a good thing period. What I am saying is for whatever reason we get along. We both said this is the happiest we have been in a long time or ever. She says she finally feels married and happy with him because he is more peaceful and relaxed. he is not worried and she knows I do not hate or dislike her.
Trust me we have had our monents but they have been silly things that didnt take but a few seconds to resolve. For the most part we are just developing our boundaries and building our friendship. My husband is also working very hard on being fair to both of us and showing us that he loves us both. HE sent us out together to get henna and we had a nice time. This is helping us build a friendship and have our own relationship seperate from him.

When we talked about him remarring I wanted someone I would like. I wanted to be friends with the person. I mean this woman will spend time with my kids. she will be a huge part of my life no matter what. I mean in reality she is the closes person to me. we share a husband. how much closer can you get. We share his love, his thoughts, his dreams, his body, his money or lack there of. who else in this world can i say that about. SO why not have this person and a friend. Why not have this person not be you enemy. why not have this person as be a woman you love.

If i spent the rest of my life being jealous of her, resenting her, disliking her, or always looking to find fault with her; what kind of life would I have. when I had hardness in my heart for her I was miserable. I felt like i was competing. I felt sad, depressed. and helpless. Once I got rid of those feelings I felt free. I fell relaxed. I fell happy. My life is peaceful.

I guess what I am saying is look at it like this. Polagamy can be beautiful. It requires work and it requires a person to swollow thier pride and humble themselves. It takes patience. It takes Allah.

Trust me with out much Dua this would not be happening.

Saturday, June 02, 2007


How can all your fear get erased by a look. How can your heart be calmed by a hug? How can all the doubt vanish with just one word? Only with help from Allah, swt.
Truly this morning as I write this I can say AFTER HARDDSHIP comes EASE!!! I can say Allah IS great and merciful. I can say When you trust in what you know is right and do what you know is right even when it causes great pain. You will get the reward from it and the pain will go away.

I have just had one of the happiest day of my life. I spent the day with my wonderful co wife, my sister, my friend. I can say I love this woman. I feel no hardness in my heart for her, about her, because of her...... I just love her.

Now trust me when we met it was very awakward for everyone. We were both scared of the same thing and both feeling like why are we doing this. But my husband got us all in one room and the ice melted slowly. We began to open up more and more. we ate together and laughed together. It was very nice.

Later we took the kids to the park and then went to walk on the beach. You should have seen the stares from men looking at my husband walking in the middle of his two wives holding them both. You should have seen the happiness in my husbands face knowing all eyes were on him. He loved it.

The thing is it is not that any thing big happened. We didnt say anything huge or do anything big to make eachother feel good or happy. It just happened. We just let down our guards and enjoyed eachother.

Subannah allah when I saw her I was so nervous. I mean my heart stopped beating. I was angry because she was holing on to my husband. The first thing i thought was why is she doign this. then i thought the woman is scared and it is her husband. She has just been on a plane for the first time in her life. she had just left her family. She is in a strange place scared, unhappy, and lord know what else. SO why an I tripping. We walked to the car, and had a long, quiet drive home.

Once we got settled in she came out her room and I swear; I just thought I am not jealouse of her. I mean it just came that quickly. It didnt last but that was the first feeling of security for me came. then as time passed i again felt I am not jealous. I looked at her I mean really looked at her. Not at her features to see how pretty or ugly she is but just looked at her. I saw this woman that was a waman just like me.
She had everything I have nothing more or less.
She was no longer a threat.
There was no more wondering.
There was no more what if
Does she
IS she
how does
will it
will they
are they

All that was gone. with one good look all my questions went away.

I cant describe the feeling. It is like i remember all the pain I felt. I know i NEVER want to feel it again but the pain is gone and it is only a small memory.
Like when we have a baby. we know it hurt, we remember the pain we were in but some how Allah allows us to forget the exact degree of the pain becasue if we held on that pain and remember the true feeling of what it is like feeling your insides being ripped up and torn and having nothing you can do to stop it. We would never do it again. We would never have another child and never experience the joy that comes after.

This was what is was like for me. I remember all the things i felt. I know i was angry, hurt, and depressed. I know i felt like my heart had been ripped into many pieces. I know i felt that my world was ending and i had no way of stopping it. I know I felt that i was in so much pain and all i wanted to do was find a way to make it stop.
But now.I can say i remeber i felt that way but i dont remember the pain. I dont remember the exact feeling i felt. I know it hurt. But i cant feel it anymore.
and now all the pain and suffereng I went through was worth is.
I know in my heart, in my head, and in my sprit that I am happy. for the first time in a long time I am at peace.
Yes, I have had happy times in the past year but never have i had peace with it. and when you have both of those together ......... there are no words to describ it.

Anyway we prayed together and then went to the park. She played with the kids and we just sat and talked. My husband was happy for the first time happy. He was nervous and wanting to make both of us happy but this is the first time I have seen him at peace. His eyes and sprit had a different feel to it. HE was no longer havign to tear hisself in two. he was with both of us lovign us together. He was able to just sit and feel love from all directions. I mean the kids were lovign him, I was lovign him and so was she. This is what the big P is all about. Feeling loved, being cared for, having security, and knowing your place. we had all of that.

We were all loved and lovign each other.
we were all caring for and about each other.
we all had security. we knew and know that neither of us are going to take him away from us.
and we know our place.
he is OUR husband
We are HIS wives
They are the kids and it felt good.

Now i understand what my husband has been tellign me all this time. HE said the big P allows himt o love more, feel better about his self, allows himto get all the love he needs. Makes him feel better about his self.
Now i see it
He does love more. With us beign together he is not just loving one of us at a time .he loves us both at the same time. he can go in anyroom and see us. there are no more 3 hour plane ride and missing one and not feeling complete. The big P allows him to feel loved. because he is getting love all the time. He can just sit and get loved. he has two wives that love him dearly. what man would not want that. he is the man i feel inlove with again. HE is the man I thought I lost and would never see again. Now i see what he meant. it is not that I was not what he wanted becuse I was and I am. he just needed more, more than i could give, more of what i give, just more..and it is ok.......... becuase I needed more too....and now i have it. I have a sister, an auntie for my kids, a friend to talk to, a helper, a person that will understand me when i am mad cause what he does to me..he does to her........I have another person in my life that loves me......

Now i know this may make some of you say well it will change, you will get mad.and yes i will she will and he will......... but who cares..right now is all that matters...

right now...
i am loved
i am in love
i am happy
i am peaceful
i am loving myself
her and my kids
i feel good
girls I tell you LIFE IS GOOD