As salaamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu, This is my life…this is my world the way “I” see it. It may not be nice and most times it is not pretty. However, it is what it is. This is what I am looking for…to live my life…..and love it……..accept it…..the good the bad……and all the ugly. You heard of love the skin you in…..Well I wanna LOVE the Life Im in…..

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

A new day the same stuff

I decided I am not allowing her to move here. That will not work. I didnt make this mess. Yes, I could be in Egypt but I think My problems I have with my heart and my anxiety are too much for egypt righ tnow. Liek I said the medical care I recieved there was horrible. I think if I went there the stressw ould be more and I would just have a heartattack or something. I do not want to put my health in jeapardy to be with a man. Nope I am just not going to do it. As much as I love him and Need him I have to love me more.

I posted this message on another site and I tell you some people just do not read well. They skip all over the part where I said I HAVE HEALTH ISSUES and go straight for other things.
I guess i will never post there for help again.

So i am going to stay here. I am going to let him fix this. If he can not Then he has to live with the choice he made. HE knew this before he married. HE knew I was here
He knew i needed him
HE knew I did not want to live seperate
HE knew alot of things but the only thing important to him was finding a wife
and getting married

So I am sure my post will be more emotional because I know in my heart This will end my marriage. I have issues that will not go away. Being seperate does nothing but make them worse.

Why should I have a husband and not feel married?
One thing I have to say to just make me feel better is becuae I cannever say it to himw ith out causeing a huge fight
How could he just do this to me and to us. How could he after all I have done for him hurt me so badly? How .........

when he was sick I was right by hisside
when he has problems I walk him throught it.
I am his shoulder to cry on.
I am his lover when I dont want to be
I am his support when he cannot do it alone
Why is it so hard to get that in return

Monday, February 26, 2007

This is a serious question. I am realy at a loss.

I am struggling with this co wife issue. Not having one. I have dealth with that. I guess. No I dont like having one. However, I dont want to be unmarried. I am a person that NEEDS to be married. I have too many strong urges not to be married. That is one of my big problems now I am seperated from my husband and do not get my needs met when I need them to be met. Not just sexuall but emotional as well.

I know I have mentiond this before but I need to put everything into focus.

we are all thinking about my husband briging his wife here to live with me in my home. One reason is UAE is every expensive. My husband cannot afford to live here. My husband can only afford to live where he lives. The only reason I can afford to live here is because my job gives me a living allowance. The rents here are unbeliebable. Anyway, I cannot move to Egypt becaue right now i am having some medical issues and do not trust the doctors there. I was sick there before and almost died in the hospital. I do not want to go thought that again. Here I have good insurance. If I get very sick I can go home to america and still be covered. I will have nothing in Egypt.
another reason is our house is not ready. Yes i could rent but that would take away from the money we are saving to build the house. When I go to Egypt I will not work and if I do it is all my money to do as I like.
We have an agreement right now that I will work until the place is built. Once the place is built I will have my own place in my name. I think this is a fair trade. I get a home of my own for 2 yrs of working.
oh just for information, No my husband does not work he does have money thoug. it is just not alot, but alhumduillah it is enough for Egypt. He was in an accident at his job, he got squished between a bus and a tow truck, and we live off the settlement.
Also to be honest I am not ready to move to egypt. I like it here and so do my kids. I am not too crazy about Egypt but I am willing to move there for my husband AFTER I get my medical issues under contol and AFTER the house is built.

Ok the thing is if they move here they will live with me. I am not sure if it is worth all of the pain. I know there are many women that live together and like it but there are many more that dont.

I do need my husband to be here with me. It is not just that i would like him here. I NEED him here. I have been having anxiety attackes and when he is here he helps me alot. When here is there I can call him he will get on line and talk me through them the other night he stayed on the net all night with me while I was sick until the meds kicked in. I mean as much as i complain about him he is a good man deep down we just have to work out the kinks and I have to fogive the big mistakes he made in the past.
Another thing is when I get sick I need him here. I was sick in December and he came here 3 days after I was in the hospital. that is along time when yur alone and scared. I do not want to die here alone. I do not want to die and my kids be here ina strange county alone.

ok back to the problem. i also need him here for support it is hard being here alone without a husband. I went through2 weeks of the kids beign sick and it took a toll on me. once everything went back to normal the anxiety attack kicked in. I cannot handle pressure anymore. So ineed him.
and agin me seeing him every 2 to 2 1/2 months is not good for me or his other wife. So being together will solve things.

the thing is what do i expect if she does come here.
Can i really deal with this? can she deal with this. She is young and is just happy to be married but I dont even think she knows what she is getting into. So i am thinking for both of us.

are there things I can do before they come like put rules into place so there are no issues before hand.if so what rules.
I need as much advice as I can get.
can any one please give me advice.

Thursday, February 22, 2007


I had to really check myself. I am going over my feelings and I know some things I have a right to be upset about but somethings I have to learn to let go of and get it through my head that some things are not my business. I think, for me, being a first wife and always being a part of everything it is hard to let go of that role. I have worked hard at becomming my husbands friend. This is something that took years. Now our friendship has lessened becuase there are things he can not share with me. the thing is sometimes he forgets I am not only his friend but I am his wife. I love hearing about his day and the things he does. He is so used to telling me he forgets that when he does something special with his wife I dont want to hear it nor do I need to hear it. I get so hurt and upset and then he will get angry and say well i wont tell you anything. Men are such, I guess this is something alot of women have to deal with. I know for me this is a big thing. I have to learn to be greatfull and be happy for what I have with him and HE has to learn not to tell me EVERYTHING.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007


Today I was at work and had two children get sick. I had to call the parent to come get her child. the mother did not want to pick her up. The child had a fever and was very sick. When she FINALLY did show up 2 hours later she coplained about her being sick and wanted me to giveher extra work to do at home so she didnt have to be bothered withher the next day.Then it hit me.

I am sooo happy to be a mom. I love my kids so much. I am happy to be their mom when they are sick, when they are well, when they are bad, or good. I am just happy that Allah gave them to me.
I am blessed.
Then I started to think if my life.
I have a good job. The pay suckes but tell me one teacher that is rich. I have a nice home. It is better than anything I lived in when I live in the states. I have 4 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms. a huge kitchen. Nice furniture that I didnt have to pay for, Alot of it was given to me by a great friend. That was a blessing.
I am blessed.
I have a GREAT maid. She loves my kids. She takes good care of us. She cleans the house never complains. She wants to do more. When i hired her I told her she didnt have to cook, just clean and babysit. SHe took it upon herself to cook all the meals and fix me a lunch to take to work. she does my daughters hair. she plays with them. She is a blessing.
I am blessed.
i have a good life. I am fairly healthy so are my kids. I am MUSLIM. I have a great mom. I have a good father. I have a wonderful step dad. My husband is ok. No he may not be the husband I want. HE may not be the husband I keep, but he loves me in his own way. SO for that
I Am blessed.

All these things are blessing from Allah. All these things may not make me happy every miniut of every day but they do make me husband. So just like my blog says............ALLAH IS MY HAPPINESS.............ALLAHU AKABAR!!!!!!!!

Monday, February 19, 2007

Speak to me

I have been reading a blog that just moved me. It moved me so much I started another blog that will have a short story I am writting. Here is a preview of the first post. It is not the whole thing.....YOU WILL HAVE TO VISIT THE SITE TO SEE THE REST.......

I woke up that morning to the sounds of the ocean. I sat on the veranda, looking at the ocean. I thought about the beauty of the ocean. Jamaica’s waters always looked good, light blue and clean. It was nothing like the oceans in America. The waves were strong that morning, stronger than the day before. Then I wondered who controlled the ocean. I always thought God did and left it at that. Not this day, though; this day was full of questions.
“Are you okay?” he asked. “What do you think?” I answered with an attitude. He told me he was sorry and never thought this would ever happen. I told him to leave me alone since he was good at leaving anyway. I knew that hurt but at that point I really didn’t care. I was mad. “I yelled, “Why!” He didn’t answer. All I heard was silence.
“I love you, you know that, don’t you?”
“Yes,” I said. “But it doesn’t make this any easier.” I felt a warm breeze cover my body. I took the feeling and embraced it and embraced myself. “Thanks for the hug,” I said with a smile on my face.
“I like your hair. I never saw you look so good.”
I laughed and said, “Well enjoy it. Hopefully I will never have to look this good again.” He told me it was time for him to go and time for me to get ready. “I’ll see you shortly. Soon this will be all over,” he told me. Before I could answer, he was gone.I went in and dressed. I wore a white shirt and a long black skirt. The white represented the pureness of the day. The black stood for the evil of the day. I made sure my shoes were comfortable. I knew this was going to be a long day. The last thing I wanted was to have my feet hurt. I looked in the mirror and smiled. At least he likes how I look, I thought.

take a deep breath

I have been sooooo busy lately. I go from my daughter being sick to my son having an asthma attack!!!!! I have been freaked out all weekend. I mean to look at your child not breath is scary. This Middle East air is dangerous. I think Egypt was better. at least he was breathing..... So i have been up all weekend checking on his breathing and yesterday was the first day i could relax and take a deep breath of my own.
Now my mother and maybe my grandmother are suppose to be visiting us in a few weeks.i think 5 weeks. I will be soooooooo happy to see them. It has been almost year. We wanted to do umerah while they were here, but my job has not finished my visa yet......... So untill then I am stuck. There is alot to do but I really want and need to do some serious worship. I have been looking forward to this since November. Now I feel let down. Oh well I guess this is life.

Husband feelings.
I dont know. I sometimes feel like I dont want to be married anymore. I dont know i feel like maybe nothing he will do will make me happy. I dont have any one thing that I am upset about. I just feel like I am getting a raw deal sometimes. I know my life is good and I should not complain but the parts of my life that are good have NOTHING to do with him. MY life here is good. However he has nothing to do with that. I pay my own bills, I spend alot of time alone.......I have fun with my kids....... I do things alone. What Am I married for. We do not have a real family life. We do not have a life that is in any way shape or form a real marriage. when i struggle with anything I have to do it ALONE my support from him is over the phone or computer. When I need any affection I have to wait months for it. If I want clothes I buy them, I buy my own food, my own everything. I take care of all the bills. I am sooooooooo sick of yahoo messnger I could just scream. I dont know why I am married....Why am I putting myself through all this mental anguish. What Am i getting in return.....SEX everynow an dthen............its good but it aint all that.........someone to talk to ove the internet.......... he is the only one gettign any real benifit here......... Why is that. Why does he get to be the only one havign fun , feeling loved, getting sex when he needs it. not every 2 months like I have to wait. Why is he the only one feeling happy and complete.
well i am done with my griping.....I know deep down why I am with him. it is sad but true.........It is because I dont think I will get another husband. I guess i feel like the old saying a shadow of a husband is better than no husband........I am 40, I have kids, I live in an arab country, I speak little arabic, am overweight, I am black.........Not much chance of me getting married to a man that only wants one wife , loves kids, speaks english , has a good job, has his own kids and does not want anymore, and wants a fat woman..............maybe i sould posta help wanted sighn..........

Thursday, February 15, 2007


I am going to start another BLOG. This one will be for WEIGHT LOSS. Please visit to join. You can send me an email to join our group. Joining will allow you to post messages like it was your own blog. If you do not join you will only have access to the comments section.

I want this to be a Blog that give encouragement and advice to women that struggle with their weight. I know for me it is hard to look at myself and feel good. I would love to finish losing this weight. I have lost over 50 lbs but I still have more to lose. I sometimes give up and feel Like I am alone in my struggle but I know I am not!!!!

If you are sick and tired of being over weight, JOIN THIS BLOG!!! lets help each other lose weight!!!

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

I feel second post for the day

Ok I have a break at school so I tell you what happened while I was talking to my husband on the computer yesterday. I usually have my web cam open and he gets to see me. This time he went and turn on his. He finally found one. Well Instead of me being so happy to see his face I begin to get so sad. I look at him and smiled then I looked around the room and see all the things that used to be in my home. It hit me. He has a whole other life seperate than mine. HE NOW shares things that were for US with someone else. HE has a life that I have NO part of.

I just wanted him to turn off the cam. I closed it and acted like it didnt work on my side. I could not tell him what was really bothering me. He would not understad. HE does not know how hard this is for me. Even though I UNDERSTAND this and ACCEPT this. IT HURTS SO MUCH. Dumb things hurt, little things that to me are so stupid.........but they rip me apart. I dont know why. When he tells mewhat he ate for dinner> i think wow, you never eat that with me. OR wow she must be a good cook. Our lifes are sooooooooo different. I was not raised to be a wife mother and homemaker. She was. She was raised to be a great wife and mother. She cooks cleans, and tends to his every need with out a second thought. I on the other hand am the comlete opposite. I was raise to go to school and be a normal american. Cooking was the last thing on my mothers mind. Cleaning was not even part of my day or life until i got older. If he ask sme to do somethign IF I do not feel liek it he knows. I dont hide my feelings. I will do it mos ttimes but There are times when I say No or later or can u do it yourself. I have to admit I am a HORRIBLE HOMEMAKER. I am GREAT with my kids. Mashaallah, I have such wonerdful kids.....and that is not me saying this. Everyone says they are good sweet kids. NO they are not perfect. But good kids Alhumdulliah
anyway, I just want to stop hurting over crazy stuff. I want to look at my husband and just be happy to see him. i was to hear what he ate for dinner and be so happy he has food to eat....not be jealous. Not feel bad for the things I dont have. I want to be a happy person. I want to be positive, but it seems that with every step I take forward I talk 1 1/2 back. Will I ever just move on.............HE did.

more and more and more......what to do what to do???

I am wore out!!!!!!! When my youngest daughter get sick, SHR GETS SICK! she never get just a runny nose or a cough. NOOOOO not her she has to get full blown everything. I have been up withher all night. She spiked a fever and could not stop shaking. She could not keep her meds down so I had to take her to the hospital. NOW mind you i dont live in the city of Abu Dhabi. I live in a small town with the nationals. It is cleaper and I thought it would be more Islamic. HOwever, I didnt think about times like this when I need to find something at night and NO ONE SPEAKS ENGLISH!!!!!!!!!!! so needless to say I had an adventure. It too me forever to do anything. But we did finally find the doctors office. My baby greeted them nicly. The lady asked her what was wrong with her. My lovely daughter opened her mouth and everything came out!!!! I guess the nurse kind of fingure out what was wrong with her. lol....... Al humduillah she is doing better the meds are working. She is sleeping and I HAVE TO GO TO WORK. I really hate this. As much as I love having the extras I think I might stop working next year. By then our house in Egypt should be done . Well my side anyway. So I could go and just relax. I have to give this one to my husband. HE does not forceme to go to Egypt. Working and Living seperate has been my choice and and him think about comming here with her was only because I refused to go to egypt. He is allowing me to do my own thing so I can be happy and have time to get used to all the newness in our lives. HE is allowing me to be my own person. I LOVE him for that. I really want to be with him. I do I REALLY do . The thing is, Will that make me crazy. I mean I do not know i fI am ready to go to Egypt. I do not know if I am ready to surrender all my freedom to him just yet. I dont know if I would like not calling my own shots in alot of things. I woul dhave to stay home.........Cook, clean, be a house wife......dont get me wrong!!! I have nothing against beign a house wife. I did it for years!!! But this man is let me just say..........high matainance. He wants all of my time and attention. Then i will have 3 kids wanting all my time.........I think I will be crazy..not only will I have to live on his money only......... so will my kids.....they will have to change their lifestyle and I dont know if that is fair.
We do not do much or spend alot of me i am cheap. But we do little things like go to the park to roller blade..........well if anyone has been to or lived in egypt .u know that is not going to happen.........Here everything is nice an dkids friendly.......If i were there.first I would not have been able to buy the roller blades ever though they were only $10 a piece. I would be on a strict budget and couldnot afford them. Second NO real parks there........and forget the can barely walk in them so you really cant rollerblade in them......
we go to the mall and just walk. we may buy a doughnut or an ice cream coneand they love it. My kids do not need alot to be happy. But they do not like staying in the house all the time being miserable. There will be NO t.v. in egypty. Hubby is very strict on that in HIS home. I have been able to talk him into free satailte but to look at Islamic shows only. MY kids love discovery and animal planet. Once a week I allow them to look at cartoons. Even my oldest daughter do not look at anything other than these things.......Every now an dthen she may ask to looka t a movie but they r very tame.........But to haev NOTHING might be a big deal.......who know Allah knows best, I could be makign a big deal out of nothing. I might go there and love it..........NOT!!!! All I know is I do not want to work. I am sick of it. I would liek to spend more time with my kids..........mind you not all day but more time...........and I would like to spend more time with my husband.............Just not all day everyday.........Trust me if I was there I would see him everyday. Either durign the day or at night. ... HE loves attentiona nd this would make him so happy..........jumping from house to house .........getting attention all day everyday..........
So whats a girl to do.

well off to work, will post later :(

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Why did this get me sad????

Last night I got a call from my husband. We were talking about his day and he mention tha the had to meet is wife somewhere. When he said HIS WIFE my heart fell and I became so sad. I have not been able to shake that feeling ever since. I WONDER WHY!!!! I mean I know he is married and I know he has a wife. I think maybe hearing the words out of him mouth may have done it. I dont really know. All I know is not I feel so depressed and sad.

Monday, February 12, 2007

To Jennah

You wrote:
why would husbands who are in a stable steady family want 2nd wives that they haven't even met yet? I mean I have heard alot about men stumbling in 2nd marriages but that happens after they work with this 2nd woman and ekhtelat happens... and instead of doing sth haram, he marries her and she becomes his 2nd wife.But just wanting a 2nd wife is what I can't understand. My dad's friend, a sheikh, white hair, white beard, almost 60, has been looking for a 2nd wife for 5 months now. His wife is 50, so she isn't that old. She us looking for this other wife FOR him... which is also something very confusing to me. I'm thinking maybe she's sick of his sharp nervous nature, and this is her chance to have her free time? I can't figure out any other explanation!

The thing you have to understand is this. MEN are SOOOOOOOOO different than we are. Another thing is this is my husband just happened to Stumble into a marriage I would divorce him!!!!!
The reason is This is not Islam. We sometimes forget since we live in a world were many people date and have relationships with people before marriage that we as Muslims are not suppose to do this. My husband told people that he was looking for a wife. people at the Mosque he attended told him about single sister. He arranged mettings with the families and things went from there. THIS is how it should be done. Im my opinion men that stumbel into a mariage are weak and have no business leading a family becuase they can not lead themselves. I know we all fall short in many things but right now in my life there are just some things I wont deal with and having a unislamic relationship with a woman is one of them i would leave my husband for.

Now you ask why would they do it. There are soooooooo many reasons a man may remarry. One of them could be sex. He may have a high sex drive and one woman can not deal with it. Another could be he just wants a veriety of women. One day he may want a snicker bar another day a twix.........who knows. Another could be like my husband he is lacking something in hisself. He was not shown love as a child and becuse of this he messed up alot of relationships. He did not know how to express love, give love, or recieve love. NOW at this time in his life he wants to be surrounded by love and shown how to love. I know this may seem strange but it is what it is.
Another thing is in Islam men do not need a reason to want to remarry. they can just do it... This is somethign as Muslim women we have to accept.......... when we do not it make it very hard on us that are in these types of relationships.
As for your friend. I think she is doing the best thing. She will pick the perosn that comes into her family vs him doing it. If he did it no telling what he may bring home. He may pick a woman that starts trouble.......she may feel he will love only her because many women thing if the man is looking for a wife there must be something wrong with the first wife...........WELL THIS IS SOOOOOOOOOO FALSE. with her picking the woman she can tell the woman up front how things are and what the deal is. She will know if the new wife is in it to start trouble or in it becuase she just want a husband to love nad maybe have children with..........
Not to have free time!!!!! Even though that is an advantage at times lol

At my job and man didnot know i was married. HE asked a sister to ask me if he could have the number of my Wali so he can have a meeting with me. He said he has seen me everyday for over a month and I am always smiling and seem so nice. He thought I would be a wonderful woman to come home to. I thought that was so sweet. But do you see how he did not try to approach me. HE did it the Islamic way. I thought that was so cute.

Sunday, February 11, 2007

should I do it

As salaamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu,

Today at work I thought about how much I miss my husband. He left 2 weeks ago and he will be back in 6 weeks. While he was here I was so sick of him by tthe last week but NOW I am so lonely for him. I feel jiped because he never is lonely. HE always has someone. Yes I know he misses whoever he is not with at the time but for him he is never lonely. I dont think that is fair. I mean we have to go 2 months at a time with out him. NO lovin, no companionship, no snuggling, no NOTHING; all I get is instant messenger messages. A little yellow smiley face blowing me a kiss does not do it for me when i want the real thing. So now we are talkign about him possible bringing her here to stay with me. HUMMMMMM???????

There are some advantages and many disadvantages. While we will have seperate rooms and hers will not be connected to the house so we will not be hear any hanky panky. The fact is she will still be here in my home. I will have to look at her and see him look at her........YUCK!!! they are newly weds and I can only imagine what kind of in love looks they give each other. Am I strong enough to deal with this. I DO NOT KNOW.
I would love to have my husband closer to me, right now he is in Egypt. I would love to see him more often. I would love to be able to get at him when i need to. Make love to him on a regular basis. But is all of that worth the pain I know I will feel if I allow her to move into my home.
I do not know how she feels about moving here and I have no idea what dhe thinks about anythign really. I wonder why she married him sometimes. I dontthink when i was her age I would have even considered being someone second wife. I guess it is all what you are used to and what you can deal with. I think she is stronger than I am. I think being in a marriage where she has to share her husband does not bother her as much as it does me. My wali told me she was not very attractive and if my husband didnt marry her no one would have. I know that sounds horrible and i know he should not have said that but I have to admit it made me feel alot better. I dont know why misery loves company and why people sometimes get pleasure out of others pain. I try to raise above this but I had to be honest.
Anyway back to my problem! I am honestly at a lost. I do not know what to do. One thing I do know is this; If she comes here she has to work. NO WAY is she goignt o stay home and be suzzzzzy house wife while i work hard all day. NO WAY is she going to sit at home and enjoy the company of our husband while i am at work. NO WAY at all!!! I love my life here. I have a live in maid. I have a car, I have a nice Villa, My kids are doing well here, we have beautiful parks. I have a job I like most times. I do not know if I want to share any of that. I mean I know want for your sister what you want for yourself. BUT WHY!!! I worked for this and she just comes in and get it for free............SORRY!!!!!!! I DONT THINK SO!!!!! She will have to work at least part time. I think that will be fair. In Egypt she has to cook and clean, wash clothes with a crappy machine and do alot of things that I dont do. Why should she get to take it easy on my expense.
Am I being selfish!!!!!!!!!! If so please let me know. I do not want to be some cold hearted woman But i do not want to be used either.

Saturday, February 10, 2007


YES!!!! to sitting and reading Quran
YES !!!to remembering Allah
YES!!! to asking for forgiveness
YES!!! to a beautiful smile that sends a message of warmth to others.
NO to wasting time in trival pursuits of love of revenge and argurments
NO to seeking out others faults
NO to thinking of past mistakes and dwelling on them
NO to forgetting the hearafter
NO falling short on acts of worship

A new start

As salaamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu,

I have been thinking about starting a new blog for about 6 months now. So here it is. I have been reading many blogs and I am so sorry to say most of us women sound so sad. We complain, moan, and do nothing. We stay in our mess and and do nothing to fix it. I was one of thoese people. NO MORE!!!! Life is too short and too valuable to let it be wasted becuase things do not go my way. SO what our husbands have other wives. Does that mean he does not love us. NO! does that mean we are not GREAT women! NO! Does that make you less of a woman, wife, mother, person!!!! NO, STOP FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF! embrace it or change it. So what!!!! So what he may not be the best husband. We have a choice. DIVORCE! If you chose to stay with him then dont stay in the same situation, FIX IT.
I was like this. Last year my husband got a new wife. I was so depressed. I just thought he was going to change and my life was over. I even left himI was so miserable. YOu know what. HE did change, for the better and you know what That wife is gone. And I am still here. Yes he remarried, however that has not changed what WE have. I did all the stuff all of us do. I went throught the emotions all of us go through. I still do. I still feel sad at times. I still wonder why I cannotbe the only wife. But now I dont let it control me. That is the difference. I will NOT allow him to change me. He does not have that control anymore. I gave that all up to Allah.

The thing is I had to see there is one thing I can not change my husband. He will always want women. That is in him. HE will alwasy have 2 wives and if he could afford it 4. I had to accept this. Men think, feel, and just are different than us. They need to feel the power, the control and the excitment. We just look for the love. We need to feel secure. So I am making him change his actions towards me. I am retraing him, lol.... Why should he be th eonly one gettign his needs met. Why should he get to go from house to house and just feel like king of the world and I get sucked dry!! Is that fair??? NOOOOOOOOOOOOO, so I am telling him my needs and tellign him what I need from him to make ME happy. I told him Ok, YOu need wives, I need a GOOD, STRONG, ISLAMICLY SOUND, husband. If we chosse to be married then this si what I need for this to work. So far he is changing. Yes, he slips and I want to knowck him inthe head or i will cry. but now i dont let it overtake me. I dont run and just want a divorce. I go back and try again. I remeber he is only human.

Well this is my first of insha'Allah many posts.