New Day

I woke up this morning in such a good mood. I have not felt this good in ........Forever. I just felt good about myself my life and my choices I made. Alhumduillah, things are going well. I think for what I could be doing or how I could be feeling and I know this is truely a mercy from Allah.

I have made a decision to spend at least 6 months working on me. I want to lose my weight. I tell you I have had the energy and desire to lose it. I mean I WANT to get on this bike and all the other things that used to be a chore for me to do. I want to read more; I have always loved reading but ............ I want to spend more time studying Islam. I want to memorize some more Surahs. I also want to just enjoy being single.

I do get lonely. I miss my ex-husband at times. Our talks, laughing, just having his leg on mine at night...However, I do not miss him enough to want to have him back in my life. I know, Inshaallah, I will replace him with a better man.......IF I CHOOSE. I am human and I do have desires and needs but I will never settle. I will not just accept anything or anyone ever again.

This is such a special time in my life. I love living. I love my kids..... I am just happy. I feel like I am in love. You knw that high feeling you get when love is new. This is how I feel. The thing is there is no man making me feel this way........ this time it is all about me. I am just loving myslef. WOW!!!!!!!!

HA, You are in my prayers. I read your blog and Loved it.
PM, I wish this feeling for you, Inshaallah one day you will feel this and let the happiness in. Smetimes it is such a hard thing for us to do. Accept and recieve goodness and happiness. Just remember YOU DESERVE IT!!!

MOMMY and ME TIME

MY MOMMY IS HERE!!!!!


I am so happy to see her. My kids and I will be showing her all the sites. We will inshallah have tons of heart to hearts and special moments. I want to just LOVE her while she is here. She is so proud of me. She LOVED my house. When we pulled up. she said YOU LIVE HERE!! her eyes popped out. She said no way... She came in and just hugged me. Told me she is proud of me and thanked me for everything and told me I am the best daughter she could ask for. WEll I am her only child so she cant compare......lol....... But it is so nice to feel loved....right now when the person I loved is not loving me. But I have moved on

well I have wonderful loving friends

ever since I told people about the end of my marriage. i have been gettign so much attention. Men want to met with me when my time is up. This time has flown. I am noot ready for that but it sure helps my heart.

I feel like I can live again. I do have options if I choose. Right now I choose my kids. Men will come later. I know I WILL get married again because I NEED to be married. TOOOOO many hormones jumping off.
BuT I can wait.

My birthday is next week..... Inshaallah I will talk my mom on a trip. Her birthday is the 4 and mine is the 1 of Nvember. I wish It was Ummerah, so sad to have her so close to Saudi and not be able to go. Inshaallah oneday.

My job is going well, I just went to a PD for 3 days. I tell you Every time my job sends us somewhere I gain weight. They feed us soo well and put us in the swankiest hotels, This is what my kids say when we pull up.SWANKIE I just love them. " YES, I take my kids with me. They find things to do and keep busy while I work." Now I am going to have to work this weight off. 2 lbs in 3 days.....wow.....

I am sorry if this offends anyone. I say that becasue i know many people do not listen to music.

However I LOVE IT. That is my one true vice.
anyway, I was listening too a song .......no more drama....oh HOw that hit home.

NO MORE pain
NO MORE PAIN
NO MORE DRAMA IN MY LIFE
NO MORE GAMES MESSIN WITH MY MIND
IT FEELS SO GOOD WHEN YOU LET GO OF ALL THE DRAMA IN YOUR LIFE
NOW I AM FREE FROM ALL THE GAME
FREE FROM ALL THE PAIN
FREE FROM ALL THE STRESS
SO FIND SOME HAPPINESS

I DONT KNOW ONLY GOD KNOWS WHERE THIS STORY ENDS FOR ME
BUT I KNOW WHERE THIS STORY BEGINS
ITS UP FOR US TO CHOOSE WEATHER WE WIN OR LOSE
AND I CHOOSE TO WIN
TO MORE FEARS
IM TIRED OF CRYING EVERYNIGHT
NO MORE TEARS
I REALLY DONT WANT TO FIGHT
NO DRAMA
NO MORE DRAMS IN MY LIFE NO ONES GONNA MAKE ME HURT AGAIN

Maybe I needed to do this to find myself

but I tell u I am loving her and
"PM"
YES, EXHALE
it feels so good
holding it in for so long almost killed me
Let it all go
it feels sssooooo goood

Down but not out

Today i feel alone. Inshaallah this will pass but I do hate this feeling. I hate that I am alone and they have each other. I hate that I have to heal alone while he can roll over and be loved while i have nothing.

I know I am the winner in this. If there is a true winner. we are all llosers really. He is no prize so what did she get. A man that will do to her what he did to me. A man that will hurt her and only ran to her after I gave him no ooption........So no he didnt choose her.......I handed him to her on a silver plater. I knew I could not take this kind of life anymore. I did not need nor do I want to life a life where i have to wonder when the next woman will come in. I do want to be loved by my own husband. I want to trust and feel secure......... he was not willing or able to do that for me...... I lost years, tears, and part of myself. I am happy i am able to find her and love her again. So maybe I will never be loved by him again but now maybe........hopefully.........no. definatly I will love myself.

HEY HA WHERE IS MY INVITE!!!!

I went to yur site and found my heart drop. I have been wanting to sit and read all the wonderful stoories and found I now need a membership.


So my question is can a girl get a hook up
:)

FOG

Today I had a doctrs appointment in Dubai. I usually love to drive to Dubai because where I live now I can see some of the nicest mountains. I usually drive and think of how Allah made them and how strong they are. Well today I didnt even see them. There was so much fog i coould not see anything. At first I was scared and wanted to pull over and wait or let things get better. Then i wanted t cry because i was so frustrated I didnt want t miss my appointment and I didnt was to drive. Then I felt helpless,a dn them i just felt like go on just doo it. SO I did and i found a car to follow. They had on their blinkers and i just kept up with them.


Then i thought about this.

this is my recent life
I was in a huge fog

i wanted to see the beauty that my husband haveing 2 wives had. I waned to just admire him as my husband and see his strength.
however all i did was feel unsure
i was scared
i cried
i was frustrated
i was so many emotions.

now, alhumduillah my head is out the cloud

please make dua for me that this is not temporary

i pray that allah keeps my head out of the fog
allow me to see what is right in front of me.
so many things i missed
big signs
huge boulders
maybe it was for the best that he never let me see all the things that could haev hurt me
i think I was hurt enough
but alhumduillah he allowed me to go around the boulders and signs
he was that car that guided my way
may he always do that

as i close this chaptter in my life i look forward too many new trips as long as I am guided.

life is good

Alhumduillah my internet is finally on. It took forever, but now I am here. I am happy to be able to post and express to you all my complete happiness. I moved 3 hours from where I was before. My new home is fantastic. My job is noothing less than stressful but I love it. I do less work, the work I do I love and I get paid for it. WWOOOWWW!

My son is doing ittakaf this year. I tell you this boy is amazing. he is only 10 and to have the desire to stay in the mosque foor 10 days and nights is wondeful. I had to calm my nerves because he is so young. I am happy he wanted to do it but as a mother I wanted him home. I didnt want to squash his desires so I allowed him to do it.

My life has truely been a blessing. I tell you all of this is from ALLAh. I think all the drama I went through was my test. All my pain and hurt taught me alot about myself and about how Allah will be with me as long as I stay the course. I am not saying i was perfect and did everything right, but I did trust him and found comfort in prayer. I am glad I did the things I did the way I did them because i truely believe this is my reward. I have been blessed above and beyond anything I ever dreamed of. I come home everyday and I feel happy. I am at peace. I look at my kids and they are happy. They feel settled and happy. They love their life. I can do things I could not do before. I can buy anything i need and most of what I want. I got a new mini van. I sent my mom $2000. I brought her tickets to visit me this month for 6 weeks. These are things I have wanted to do but could not. I thank ALLAh for all these blessings. I knew if I did what i knew was right and trusted him completely it would all work out for the best no matter what the best was, and alhumduillah , it did.

My life is no longer defined by my husbands wants and needs. They are all about me. I have been freed of all those needy feeling. Yes, I love him, however I found peace with myself. I see myself for what I am worth and my wants and needs are sooooooooo important. this is my life. If he comes along for the ride good for him if not my ship will still sail. I will no longer allow anyone to take from my life. other than my kids. ....kids will drain you dry............lol........

anyway i am happy to be back and I will post again soon. inshaallah