What I have learned

One thing I like doing is thinking about my experiences with different things and seeing if I have grown or learned anything from them. To me life is a huge school. We have things happen to us and we either pass or fail. All of it has to do with our relationship with Allah and other people.

This experience taught me a lot about myself.


I learned that I have more patiencethan I thought.

No way would I have thought I could do the things I did without flipping out. I surprised myself. I had patience with my husband and her. I never once told my husband to get her out of my house until she flipped out mentally. I also tried to allow him to deal with this his self. I tried to stay out of it as much as possible.

I learned I have A LOT of faith in ALLAh.

When I first started feeling differently about this situation I didn't go running to complain to my husband but I prayed and made so many Duas. I thickered and remembered a lot and tried to think of the BIG picture. I tried to think of why I was doing this and that is was not permanent. I tried to not think only about my feeling but how by doing this it made my husband happy and that was pleasing to Allah.

I learned I was not selfish

I really opened my heart and home to her. I didn't want anything less for her than I had for myself. I didn't think about the fact that these are my things and my home etc. I didn't think of her as anything but my sister.

I know can love a person that is married to my husband and not feel jealous

I wanted and I think I did truly love her. I say think because I really didn't KNOW her. the real her was not shown to me until the end of OUR relationship. I do know i didn't have any hatred in my heart or jealousies towards her. That was what I wanted to get out of this. Before she and I started talking on the computer I had so many feelings towards her. I have to say most were not good. I mean I wondered a lot about her, what she was like, why he loved her, why he picked her, Silly things and I didn't like her just because she was married to my husband. All those feelings went away once we talked and when she got her. I only felt good feelings towards her. I only wanted good from this.

I learned that I will NEVER allow a co wife to live in my home.


No, it is not because of what you all may be thinking. The reason is I saw my husband too much. I really did. I mean I love him and enjoy seeing him but just knowing he was in the house all the time was a bit much. I like him being close. When they did move out he was less that 5 kilm away. I got to see him everyday but not all the time. I had time to miss him. I had time to just chill.

Another thing is I am separate from any problems. When they were here when things went wrong I knew about it right away. I do not want to know everything that goes on in his other marriage. I take things to heart too easily. I worried about her and their relationship too much. Living in separate homes will give everyone their space,

I still would like to be friends with a co wife

If my husband chooses to remarry I still would like to be friendly with the co. I would like to do things together and have her over my home. I would like to be a part of any children they may have lives. I also would like them to get along with my kids.

It is sad that I will never get to know this child. I am sure my husband will have very little if any access to him or her.


So all was not lost in this adventure. I learned things about myself and I became more depandant on Allah. Yes, I had some bad moments but in the end I am still happy she came. No, i dont like what happened. But I am happy I got to feel peace even if it was short lived

Taking the kids on Vacation

I am going fishing. I will be taking my family to the beach. I was going to go next week but hubby says I need it now. So I will be gone a few days.


Thanks for all the NICE comments I received. I know deep down I did the right thing.

Also on another good note. I received another great job offer. I will be accepting. I will have to go back to work early so this is another reason I will do this trip now. It is an Administration job with the Ministry of Education here. although I like the thought of going to Tanzania, I really didn't want to move. I want to do so much before I leave the gulf. This will give me at least three years to do them.


See you all in a few days maybe with pics. I cant promis you anything becasue for the life of me I cannot do the things safa does on her blog. I have not figured that out. maybe she will show me one day.


Fe Emanallah

last post with the words MY co wife

sad sad sad!!

I will not post anything on this blog about my co anymore. All of you sorry negative woman can keep your thought to your self.


One thing is this. I did not have to say thing were going bad becuase that is my choice just like having her stay here was MY choice.

When she went into the hospital things went wrong then. I prayed things would get better but they didnt. I asked for yoyour prayer and sadi emotions were powerful....

That is because all these things stem from emotions.

the thing is it is no ones fault.

Yes she chose to do many things and Many of you would LOVE to blame it on my husband....So what!!!

I know the truth. The thing is her lies and deciet have been untangling for 3 weeks not but they just all came to a head so there was no reason to post becasue unil they were known to be true. I could not speak on them.
How could I talk about her with lies or half truths. I had to know the truth......And I called my friends and they knew everythign that was goign on fromt he day they started to happen.

Safa was there for me ont he phone so many time.....Thank you for all your support. YOU have been my friend...the one perosn that knows EVERYTHING. If you all are so silly to think I would post EVERYTHING about my life on here it just shows how you think.
but the thing is this woman wanted my husband all to herself not just from me

she broke up his friendship with his best friend

but i guess my husband told her to do that too.
I guess he told her to lie on his best friend and say he made her cook and clean his home, he made her wake in t he middle of the night to do chores for him and his family when my huabdn was no there
i guess it was my husband that told her to lie and say his son tried to see her naked or that he did not take her to the doctors or feed her. All the while telling my husband everythign was goign great she just loved his friend ...that is until he got back home and she made her move....
a smart move telling him to not say anything because you never want to burn bridges.....just keep it to hisself becasue they were leavign Egypt anyway and never had to talk to him again unless they returned to egypt to stay in the flat they rented from him.

I also guess my husband told her to tell her parents that i beat her and locked her in a bathroom for days. i didnt feed her and had her sleeping on the floor. but all the while telling me how nice i was and how much she loved me.......all that until her lies started to unravel.......
then she had to tell the truth ....that is when she told me the things she said. she owned up to her feelings.

The sad thing is this poor girl has just spent time in a mental hospital here and they said she has a few very serious problems.

but i guess my husband told her to fake it and tell the doctors the things she did

so no i didnt tell people all my business. I waited and gave my sister in islam 100 excuses for her actions.

Heck no i do not want your pitty
i do not even know any of you but safa and ashley.
I do this to write my thoughts and events that happened in my life.
and YEs i leave many of them out.
I guess i needed to tell you all i got my daughter her first traing bra, or that my husband was constipated........ how dumb........

No i do not and will not write all the things that happen when they happen. I may tell you and i may not .......


thanks.to all the peopel that had postive things to say. even those that do not agree with my like PM.

The thing is she said things with class and not ghetto

to the rest of you ............... oh well my life goes on

the fact is
I am ok

No i do not like what has been going on. But I will not allow it to depress me.
I still love this woman and feel so sorry for her.
No i do not trust her
She will never come into my home
But I love her for the sake of Allah.
I will still help he in anyway I can to make sure she gets the help she needs.
May Allah help US ALL!!!

you sorry people that do not even put your names to a post just have sorry lives and misery loves company
when i said things were nice .....2 or 4 comments......once something went wrong.......you vultures came out.
I have so many comment that i didnt post becasue they were so mean and tasteless. I hope you are not muslim.
If so I will let Allah deal with you.

Not all men say bad thing

It is so sad to me that so many people seem to think that the only way this woman had any bad thought about my relationship with my husband had to come from him.

That is very sad.

To think women never have any bad ideas on thier own...
HUMMM... Wrong....
The fact is

As I said before he and I not having sex or not having a relationship did not come from my husband. SHe said to me almost word for word I thought you were over 150 kilo. You just looked so big on the computer. I, REPEAT IIIII thought he would never have sex with you BECAUSE you were so big. When she got here and saw I am not that big no where near that big She was suprised.

So the idea came from her head becaue of her thoughts.
she thought oh this woman is no threat to me. she is fat she is ugly and he definately does nto want to touch her........how could he!!!!


She said to me AGAIN almost word for word. I didnt know you were so pretty. YOu never showed your hair or clothes on the computer YOu were always covered. I thought you were fat.

So this was her first smack with reality.
mind you she said this day one. I never thought anything by it because she looked different also. However I didnt have any mean feelings in my heart to begin with.......... that is the difference.


I am just large on the top...not my fault but that is just the way I am. SO NO he didnt give her that idea. NO he didnt tell her that. Yes, I know he could have said anything..however one thing I know is that her thoughts came from her own mind.........


Its sad to think that many of you dont think a man can tell a woman yes i am married and I love my wife.


Like i said before she always said she knew my husband loved me very much.
she knew this and she would ask me how I can help her make him love her more.... i would always say he loves you. you are very special to him and your relationship with him is different than mine.....you have to find a way to make your own place in his heart......you have to be a good wife and love him.....if you do that you will make him happy.........

so please can we drop this I find it a bit sad

no he is not perfect

FAR FAR FROM IT
YEs he may have lied to her about some things because he can lie to keep peace
HE may have even lied to me. I have been married to him long enought to know he is no saint.
HOWever Her thougths Came from her OWN HEAD

WHY CHANGE THE NATURE OF A MAN

I AM DOING THIS SO MAYBE PEOPLE WILL UNDERSTAND ME A BIT BETTER.


When I say my husband will no doubt try to get married again if and when he divorces this wife I am not saying this out of anything he said directly but more from my own life experiences.

For me I have seen my great grand parents

Get married because of a pregnancy and then divorce as soon as she gave birth. One week later he remarried a woman he was dating while he was married to my great grand mother.

i see my grand parents divorce because my grand father cheated on her so many times she stopped counting. This man is 80 and until recently has a girlfriend my age. He has always had not just a woman but WOMEN.
this is his nature.
now he has decide to practice Islam, Alhumduillah, and remarry my grandmother because he says he sewed all his wild oats. HE knew back then he could have married other women in Islam but he did not want that life style then. While he was Muslim he did not practice. Now he has started and wants to make a mends with his family for tearing them apart and not being there for them when they were children and to give what ever time he has left to my grandmother whom he has always loved and adored but could not change his nature for no matter how hard he tried
this is a man that every birthday he was with her all 40 yrs they have been divorced. this is a man that gave her his last each and every time she was in need. This was a man that would never move to far from her so he could in his own way protect her. He was there for us grand kids and great grand kids. But think of what could have been if they had stayed married. If for whatever reason she could have accepted being a co wife or he didn't feel like it was wrong to have 2 wives but ok to have 2,3,4 girlfriends...... the logic here is screwed up. My grand mother spent 40 yrs loving this man from afar wanting to be his wife ......if only.......if only he could just love only her....... so she spent yrs depressed, unhappy and alone...........
this is not the life i want.

then my own parents........
well my dad is a DOG with capital letters.

my mother caught him cheating the week they got married and by the time i was 2 she was so fed up she threw him out a window. He spent several years excuse my language but Whore hopping from woman to woman until he married my first step mom and then he only cheated every now and then. my second step mom was into husband sharing but not as a wife only as a one time thing. she would allow him to go out and as she said "do his business" a few times a year no questions asked. I am sorry...ewwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!

My mother spent her life alone, unhappy , depressed, and a single mom. She did not remarry until late in life. She suffered a great deal because she longed for companionship from a man but didn't get many offers. She was "used goods with a child" she did the best she could but as she got older she said to me maybe being able to accept my dad with another woman would have been better than the life she and I had. She loved him very much and even though he was only Muslim to marry my mom, if he had chosen to marry again instead of cheat things would have been better for us.

my uncles are also dogs...MUSLIM DOGS

one had a girlfriend kill herself because of his cheating.....
the other had a baby outside of his marriage...
then I have aunts.......on both sides non Muslim

man please they run threw men like underwear....most times because they cheated on them.....i cannot count the times i heard them say that no go good so and so he was with.that B****.

My aunt that is on my moms side that is Muslim her husband remarried and she divorced him. She THOUGHT she could not handle it. She never even tried. She never even gave it a chance. Her children grew up with him she was left alone. How sad is that. She later regretted her choice and they did remarry; but look at the time she lost.

My friends that are not Muslim please they have divorced because of cheating. Not all my friends but alot of them.

I know I am not the only woman in the world that knows of people that have been cheated on, lied to, and whatever else men do.

so not I am not looking for a person to agree with me and say oh poor baby....
what I want is for people to understand and say oh this is why.......

she ain't crazy
she just sees that a man if it is in his nature will have more than one woman.....i am not saying all men are like that......but for the ones that are...if you are lucky or unlucky enough to marry one of them you have to think and think hard......you have to either b e willing to accept what they are and not kid your self into thinking it is a phase....cause my grand dad is 80 like i said.....or know that you cant deal and remove yourself from it.

for me I would rather accept it because deep down i know what i have. Yes he gets on my last nerve
yes he is sick alot of times
no he does not work but he lives off money he won from the law suit for being smashed between ad bus a tow truck and his monthly disability. so like i said he makes more than some that have jobs.
yes he acts like a boy wanting to be a man at times
yes his wants are bigger than his needs
yes he should wait on Allah
Yes he should do many things

but the fact is
he LOVEs Allah
He prayes each and every day.sunnah, and everything else
he pays zakat
gives suddakah
does dawah work
he is good to me most times
he tries to guide me in Islam giving me advice
classes
information
making sure my kids learn arabic and Quran
making sure my son learn what he needs to learn as a young boy, and young man
teaches him duas
teaches him how to pray correctly
teaches him how to behave in a Mosque
teaches him how to do many thing
he shows my daughters he loves them
spoiled my baby rotten
takes them out
gives them flowers
takes them out for daddy daughter time

these are things that are important to me and i do not see why i should give them up because he has this on flaw, grant it is a big huge flaw but its a Halal one none the less.

No i did not have to allow her to live in my home, but i am still glad i did. Even with all the drama I know in my heart what i did was good for me. I believe she was just the wrong person. no matter if she was in my home or her own.
It allowed me to see how strong i really am
it allowed me to love harder than i ever have
it allowed me to depend on Allah more than i ever have
and more than that my kids didnt know anything was wrong......they didnt even know how hurt i was. So to them they still think good of the big "P".

so for me i would rather accept that this man i have si the way he is. I will not try to change him. I will accept him. love him and support him and whoever he decides to marry if he does remarry....... maybe he wont.....but i will not be the one trying to talk him out of it.
yup i scream I am done cause i am human i do have feelings and at times i feel like i just cannot do it or why should i do it.

then i think and i know why I do
this life is short
why sweat the small stuff
after having my husband die in my arms i know life is too short to waste on things you cannot change.
love hard while you can
let people know u love them
give while you can
pray while you can
cause once your gone it is too late

now i do have a few positive men

my mothers husband
Allah should have bottled him. He would NEVER think of marring anyone. she is the kindest man and puts my mother first. HE has from day one. Her needs come before his.
but not all of us are that lucky.
not all of us will ever come close.

my mothers best friend have been a co wife for over 17 yrs
my mothers friend was the 1 wife and she opened her home and heart to the other woman.
yes she said it was an adjustment but it all worked out well and they love each other and are best friends.
they live in the same home an Love it.
they have a bond and they dint let petty things get in their way
this man loves and adores them both
he treats them well
and they in return are happy

this is what i want to achieve.