As salaamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu, This is my life…this is my world the way “I” see it. It may not be nice and most times it is not pretty. However, it is what it is. This is what I am looking for…to live my life…..and love it……..accept it…..the good the bad……and all the ugly. You heard of love the skin you in…..Well I wanna LOVE the Life Im in…..

Thursday, March 29, 2007

I have been thinking today about how and why I am in the big "P". I remember being married to my husband maybe a month and looking at him and getting so sad I started to cry. He looked and me and asked what was wrong. I told him I know you will want another wife.I feel it. He hugged me and said why are you worrying about something that may never happen.

For some strange reason I knew this was going to be apart of my life. I new early on. At that time we were Islamicly married but not really married. We didn't live together. We were just getting to know each other. I Loved his personality. he was a charmer. He knew how to make me smile and we would laugh so much. He, at that time had been to Egypt and fell in love with it. During our first conversation after we decided we would get married we talked about moving there and spending the rest of our lives learning Arabic, Islam and raising the kids in a Muslim country.
I could not wait. I was so eager to spend the rest of with this man. He was soooooo different that my first husband. With my other husband he was sweet, kind, very predictable. I loved him very much I could depend on him, but I didn't not feel the way I felt for this man. From our first talk I knew I would love him. i knew we would be together.
His wife died and My husband died and we were there to support each other. No romantic stuff, no nothing. Just talks. We got married over the phone without even seeing each other. No picture no nothing; he and I both did not care what we looked like. we connected in a special way and we didn't want to let looks mess that up. so my step dad, who is a imam, married us. we did this so we could get to know each other and not worry about falling into anything not halal. we talked and talked and got to know each other.
There was a however, a part of him I didn't learn about until later. The part of him that LOVED WOMEN. I felt it from the beginning but never let my self KNOW. I Later found out that this weakness was the cause of alot of his problems. His first wife could not deal with it. He had tried the co wife thing with her but it was too hard on her. so he divorced the second wife. However, it did not stop him for seeking out women. Somehow they just seemed to "find ' him lol. Once i knew this about him I knew I would rather him be married then do things behind my back. We talked about this for a long time. I mean this is not a thing that just happened. this has been 4 years coming. we planned to get things together and move overseas then he would look for a wife there.
The thing is I read about this and really THOUGHT i was ready for it until he really started looking. It drove me crazy. I thought i was stronger. I thought it would be no big deal. I was wrong. My heart broke. My mind was cool but my heart just could not do it. The thing was it was not the sex with another woman. sex is sex, he will not do anything to her that he does not do to me. I didn't dwell on that too much. It was the falling in love. love is different for different people. I didn't want him to love her more. Not after I had been through so much to be with him. It was the things that were just for me was not for just me anymore. It was the romance we used to have. He used to make me candle light dinners, go to hotels just because and get the whirlpool tubs. He used to do alot of romantic things. I didn't want him to do those with anyone else. they were special to me.
So last yr when he married It was hard but I went to Jummah that day and all my pain left. I prayed and I swear it was ok in my heart. The thing is that marriage didn't last. I knew it wouldn't. She was a female him. Not anything what he has hope for and He was nothing what she dreamed of. she was bossy and was over 35 but acted like she was 19. This was not going t o work with him. He will not let an Egyptian woman boss him around. I know that may sound crazy but this is his logic. They are raised with the males being the dominate ones in the family. It does not matter who, uncle, father brother, they all are the boss of SOME of these women. They were not raise like people in American so he did not want a wife from Egypt with a bossy attitude. Well the thing was This woman was not raised like that. Yes her brothers and Uncles may have had say in things but Mama ran the show. Her mom bossed her dad. She thought this was the way things worked............NOT!!! so their marriage only lasted a few months. Then he married this one. She knew from day one what he was looking for. He did not make the mistake of thinking all Egyptian women wer the same. She agreed to all his demands. They married 2 weeks later. For some strange reason This marriage hurt. I don't know what it is I am still trying to find that out. But I think maybe it is because i think this will last. I know she will do all the things he asked for. She knew what she was getting. Maybe it is because the things he is looking for her to do I do not do. I will not do. So maybe i feel guilty. I don't know....
what I do know is this. I do love this man. I do want this marriage to work. Being a co wife is hard. Marriage is hard. I know I can do this if I put in the effort...... The thing is I am so tired. I am just wore out. This has been a hard year. I do not know if I have it in me.
I know now still in my head and not my heart. that Our relationship is very different. What he gets from me he does not get from her. What he gets from her he does not get from me. I know that in my HEAD. My my heart still has to catch up. Maybe one day it will.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

more questions

I see why you stopped blogging :)!!!!

But I will not let a few people bother me. I think it is funny that they only leave comments on things that may get a debate going. Anyway, I think I may choose to reject some comments now because SOME people seem to like to keep things going or start things.
This was not what the post was all about I allowed her to change the direction of MY BLOG!! nope not going to hapen again. I asked several question, she answered none. So I guess you lives and you learn. If you cannot comment on the topic then your comment will not get posted. If you want to start a debate then get your own blogg. Do not use mine.
Yes, I may have my ups and down, I may have moments when I want to kill, divorce, or hit my husband. But I felt that way in my 1 marriage also and I was the only wife so it has nothing to do with that. It os just the ways things go in marriages.
If you do not like the idea of people being co-wives then stay off those bloggs. You seem to LOVE them. I wonder why???

Anyway back to ME!!

Still been working with the Wali. Like I said, he is great. He has a way of showing you your faults whithout making you feel bad or making you feel like he is judging you. I love that. He has done that on both sides. So I know he is being fair. I still have alot of mixed feelings about many things. Part of me still wants to say you know what forget it. I am just to tired and too old for all this at this time in my life. and then the other part of me still wants to hang int here.
The thing is deep down I understand all of this and have no real problem with pologamy. NONE at all. In my heart i know that woman cannot do anything to my marriage that is not qudar of allah. I know our marriages are seperate. I know my husband loves me deeply. I know no matter the problem he is behind me, he supports me and has shown me that many times. He sometimes needs to test boundaried , like a child, and see how far I will allow him to go. I have to show him now that the bounderies and set and he is not moving them. I think after this last thing he knows that. He changed his tune and actions very quickly. He did it because he knows I was serious and he know my wali. They are best friends. I know many of you will think oh well he is on his side then. But I tell you he is just on the side of who is right. I tell you this man fights for my rights and lets my husband have it. He tells me when i am wrong also. He tells me you know, this is just your emotions and shaytone talkign to you. let it go. So my problems are not about HER persay.I do have a problem with my husband. How he did this and somethings in our past. These things my wali said as hard as it is I have to let them go. Yeah, I know this but it aint easy. How do you just forget things that hurt you? I think these things will alwasy be apart of me. I guess i just have to stop allowing them to RUN me. I have to put them in my back pocket or in a safe somewhere and take it out only when needed. Not evertime I get angry. My problem is I do tend to throw things up in his face if I am mad. But i gess we will never move forward if I am making us live in the past.
So my new question is this:

Can a person just let go of the past?


Will you always keep pain and hurt with you forever?

my next question is this:

if a person tells you they are sorry and promises to change do you just forgive them and let it be the past?

Or do you forgive them but never forget it and still hold on to it?
If you hold on to it how do you get over it and move on?

Monday, March 26, 2007

New thought

You know I had a thought today. I know most people think it is so much harder for the first wife to accept sharign her husband. But what abotut he second wife> I am sure it is very hard on them after they get a reality check. I know some come in thinking they are preferred because if the other marriage was so great why did he get when she sees the truth and sees what she really has sometimes I'm sure it is hard on her. I mean you have to feel like you are constantly catching up. They may feel like they will never have what the first wife has......TIME. the first wife had time alone..time to build a bond.time to really know him.all about him. so i wonder if it is truly harder for the second wife.
I think my co is going through this now. I think it has alot to do with the fact that hubby is suppose to be comming her soon. She is feeling sad and the reality of him not only being with her it getting to her. I hear from the wali she is having a hard time not feeling loved...well not that he does not love her but her question is why did he marry her because (she thinks) he loves me so much............why did he even need her...

what do you all think?

Is it harder for the first or second wife?

2, Is it really hard on the men having to deal with all these different emotions for different women?

3 Do men come to love the first wife more after he remarries?

4, Does insecurities ever go away or do they just change??

5, Do men really need more than one wife or is it just something they want??

Sunday, March 25, 2007

livng life and loving it

Not many women, That I know, are prepared for sharign a husband. Not many men, That I know are Prepared for being a husband of many owmen. So why do we do this?

I know for my husband he tries to explain it to me. He has told me many times that him getting a wife had nothing to do with me as a woman, wife, mother, or person. he has told me it is all him. His weaknesses, his desires, and his selfisheness. I accept this and admire him for going into great detail explaining it to me. I am to the point where I can say I got it I tuely understand him. However, I still and left withthe feeling of Why, why after all of this. After years of us working on being together and finally getting to to the point were it can work do he do this.
I am still asking why did he not wait and do all of this right. I am still wonering if he will live up to this challange and be fair and not be selfish again and again cause alot of pain to me.
My answers to this will take time to come. I know for myself I have a long hard battle ahead of me if we stay together. These next 3 months will determain alot for us. He will be comming here for my time and durign that time we will try to decide what we will do. Alot will depend on his actions, and his additude. I have made up my mind about alot of thing. I have changed my way of thinking and he will see this quickly. He will have to accept these things from me just as I have accepted things from him. This I think is fair. This is know is the only way we can stay married.
We as Muslims need to get our act together. I really mean this. Men need to start being men and doign their jobs. I think if they were good husbands , strongin their deen, taking full responsibility of their families, being loving, caring, and less demanding, Women would not have such a hard time with sharing. It is so hard because when We as women do not get our full 100% when wew are the ONLy wife we end up with less than 1/2 when we have to share.
Men need to wake up and be honest if they want to have wives. Stop getting married behind their wives backs and be a man about it and talk to her and prepare her. I am so sick of hearing we dont have to tell you . The phrophet didnt tell his wives. Well I think there is a HUGE difference . In his time there were not phones. He could not call and say well honey......... and also he didnt keep his marriages a secret from his wives because of fear. These men fear what will happen. They are punks........ that is the big difference. They need to be men and handle their business. They need to spend time with the kids they have and not go out and start a new family. They need to make sure their family is grounded in Islam and ready for this live and preparing for the next. They need to make enough to pay all the bills, not have to make their wives work, not get a check form the government, food stamps or anythign else. They need to be mentally and physically able to care for their wife. Love her without conditions, give her all of his heart and more give of himself. Show her he loves her. Make her feel loved and wanted, needed and desired. Make his children feel loved,proud, empowered, secure, and teach them to be giving. teach them how to be good Muslims. If they did all of this and STILL had time for a new wife by all means go for it.
We women need to stop thinking so much about our husbadns. I know it is hard cause I know I do it toooooo much!! We need to focus on our deen more. Our hubsband alone will not get us to Jennah. We have things we need and have to do ourselves. One of them being making ourself happy and the other being worshiping our lord. If we spent as muct time readign quran and we do feelign sad , angry or whatever the mood of the day is we would not care what our husbands did. we would just let Allah handle it. We forget Allah alone is the best of planner and if this was truly too much for us he would not have let it happen to us. And when we do feel it is Gettign to hard we do have options and we can get out.
If we spent more time with our children we would not have the time to think of how hurt we are. If we talked to our husband s and spent the time with them that we need to really get close to them build a real bond not an imaginary one we would have the relationship we want. It is not all on the men. Yes THEy play I feel the BIGGER part in this but we cannot blame them 100%. For whatever reason Allah made some men women lovers. They love women, cant live without them. So what are we to so. Hide from that fact. NO!! we cant. We have to accept it and make good decisions.
Marry men that do not and will not for any reason marry another woman, OR cheat on you becuase yeah they may not marry but they will fall into relationships.......... hum whats worse???
We can be strong in our deen and prepare ourselves for this event, prepare or daughters for this event.
We can not marry........................NOT!!!!
we can Just go on with our lives pretendign this part of life will never happen to us and end up the way we are.......
Well for me I have decided. I will spend more time on me, my family and mY lord. I will try my best to do all I can because I know first hand LIFE IS SHORT!!! it can be taken away at anytime. SO I will be greatful and love hard and live hard with the time I have left.
If i stay married alhumduillah, if not Allahumduillah. It is all qudar of Allah anyway. But in the end I will not be depressed. I will not be angry I will not be alone.
I will be LOVED. if by no one else my kids. I will be srtong. for my self I have to hold my own head up. I will be Happy. I have to power to make myslef happy. In the end I Will be LIVING LIFE AND LOVING IT!!!!!!

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

whats on the table now

Well my wali and I talked a few times. First thing he did was tell my husband he is crazy if he thinks he will allow him to treat me that way and not give me my rights. He also told him he needs to make up his mind if he wants to stay married to me or not. because if he wants to stay married he has to come up with a plan that is fair and just for all. He also told him if he tells him that he wants to stay married he wants to see action. becuase lately his mouth is saying he wants to stay married but his actions are saying another thing.
He gave him 3 days to decide what he wants to do.

Then he told me on my part if I want to stay married to my husband I need to go there for a while. He said we need to work on our issues and we cannot do this living seperatly. he also said we cant fix things in spurts so we need to work on them full time to get results. He wants to work with us be our medeator and counslor. he said he has been working with my husband on a few things and I have noticed the difference in him with those things he has helped him with. so now i have to decide if I wan to go to egypt. My fear is my health. I have other fears also but that is my biggest fear. So i will pray on it and see what happens when i go home this summer. I will get a good checkup and see what the doctors say.

so what did my husband do
Well in the three days my husband got a loan to finish the apartments. Now the places will be done very soon. He is making one for me and one for my son. He is also going to make one for him to live in. So I guess he is showing action. Before he was totally against getting a loan because he did not want to owe anyone anything. MY husband told him he wants tobe married to me. He is willing to do whatever it takes to do what he needs to do, other than divorce this other wife, to make our marriage work. I do not expect himto divorce her. That is not the root of our problems. It is HIM not her. It is not her fault he married her before he was ready. Anyway, he said he will do everything my wali told himto do. One thing my wali told him is when i get there I will get all days owed to me. I will get them when I want them. no if ands or buts about it. My husband agreeded.

My wali told me to relax and take things one day at a time. He told me when he comes do not overwhel him with questions lets things flow natrually. He said if I look for things to just be perfect i will be very disapionted. he said look at the things that HAVE changed and just say alhumduillah and we will work togther on the rest.He says my husband has changed and is really workign hard on doing the things I told him were inportant to me. I gave a list of my complaints to my wali when my husband was here last time. He has been working with him on these issuse. he said he doesnt not jump down his throat with them he just throws one thing at a time in normal conversation. if a subject comes up. This he said works best with my husband. He said my husband get very defences when he feels pushed into a corner or overwhlemed, I knew thins but you know My personality is to just go straight for answers and push you until i getthe results I want. So maybe i will try his way for now to see if it works for me.

My fear is for my health.
can I really live this close to a co wife
Can I deal with Egypt.
I was not inlove with the place
What if I give up my job, home, and security to go there and he cuts up
and we divorce.
Then were will I be.
will I be happy just living in egypt next door to a man that is not my husband anymore.
So I have a lot to think about.

Make dua for me

Sunday, March 18, 2007

My Wali is great!!!!

As salaamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu,

This is a short post I just want to say I have a great wali. I told him about my problem and he is on my side and making great progress on my behalf. I tell you if you do not have a wali GET ONE. My dad was mine but he did not have what it took to deal with my husband. He allowed many things to happen and things got out of control. So a few months ago I got a new one. If any one is in Egypt an dneeds a good wali that is stong in his deen, has knoweldge and is very fair let me know . He is always helping others and willgo out of his way to do things for anyone.

I will let you all know about the progress when everything is done.
Please make Duah for me so I do the right thing and say the right thing and that my wali does things that we all can live with. Either seperate in peace or change this mess he made.

Friday, March 16, 2007

Stick a fork in me I AM DONE!!!!!!

For some strange reason I am not feeling excited about this visit coming up. I have wanted him to come and now that the time is close Honestly I wish I could tell him to stay there. I want to see him but then again I feel overwhelmed and sick of pologny. I think I feel this way because I know when he comes here nothing will change. yeah he will be here for his 72 day but then what.......Nothing things will go back to the way they are now. he will be in Egypt and I will be left here complaining.
I am sick of this type of life. I need to figure something out. I talked to him about my feelings and he is being very understanding in words but honestly I don't think there will be much action. He said the nicest words. I always said he was a charmer. But those words don't work on me like they used to. They do not have any affect. Maybe i am becoming hard or numb. But the same words i used to love to hear mean nothing to me now. They are just words and empty promises. Yes, he believes them when he says them but he fails int he follow through. I am sick of being disappointed.
That is it!! I know this whole trip will be a huge disappointment. So why go through all the emotions to only be let down in the end. No, we wont argue. We will have fun, but nothing will change. Int he end he will go back to Egypt and go back to his wife. and I will be here again ALONE. I know yeah she will be alone while he is here. But I am sorry she chose this life.I didn't . He chose it for me. He made these decisions not matter what i said or did. Life is too short o be this unhappy.

well now here is the kicker. I just finished talking to him before i got to finish this entry and this is the latest.

Now he wants to come here and then go to america to work or a few months to save up money for this house. then after he finishes he will go to egypt and not come here for maybe 4-6 months while the house is being what am i looking at maybe 9 months without seeing him. OH YEAH RIGHT i told him t o take that idea and shove it. I am done take your idea and stay in egypt and leave me alone. I am soooooooooo finished. then he says ok he wont go to the states but he wont come here for 4-6 months so he can save the airfare...... I just turned off the computer and my phone i do not want to talk to him I am finished. he should have thought this crap out b4 he got married.

why you get a wife u cant afford. why you get a wife when you dont even have a home yet. why ......... and who ends up >..will I get that time back........NO!!!! will i get anything out of this deal other than an apartment in an area i dont want to live in anyway.....No
so again I ask myself why and I married. I will tell u what As of today I wont be. I am done.

Saturday, March 10, 2007

is this sunnah..........

well today I talked to my husband . we had a good talk I told him many things One of them being I do not feel good about myself anymore. I feel like he told me yes I love you but it is not enough and that hurts. It hurts too much. I said alot to him that I have been holding in for a long time. I told him i feel like he brought home an elaphant and put it under the bed and want me to pretened like it is not there. I feel like you put this huge burden on me and expect me to do as I always did before. You want be to be the same and love the same and behave the same but carry around a ton. That is impossible. he said he was sorry but all that did was make me confused. The thing is I know He loves me. But is love enough. Can love alone make a woman happy. NO!! so what do I do. Deep down he is a good man. BUT i cannot live feeling hurt all the time.
I told him I need to be free. I told him I need happiness with or without him.
I made all my points very clear. I do not have a problem persay with polgamy. However, I think it has to be done right and ONLY some men can handle this responsiblity. I do believe each woman is entitled to getmarried. I do believe every woman that wants to be have children should have the oppertunity. I know there are many women that are older and need husbands. I have met so many women in Egypt in their late 30 , 40 and even 50's that have never been married. They want a husband ANY husband. However have never gotten the chance.
The thing is where do we draw the line where do we say we have had enough. Why are we asked to suffer to make others happy. Or is it our own selfishness that make us unhappy. Is it our own insecurities that make us miserable. Is it our own ways we handle things at the root of our problems. I think maybe it is a little of both. I think yes, we are selfish, I know I am. I think yes, I am jealous. I know want to have things my way. However I think the real root of the problem is HOW OUR HUSBANDS TREAT US. I think if they are doing what Islam called for them to do. treat us fair, give us fair and equal time, showed us love and compassion, gave us good islamic guidence, ect.. We would carry our burrdens. They would not feel like elaphants, maybe only cats or dogs. They weight around our hearts would not feel like it is choaking us and we can not breath. The life would not get drained from us. We would Live life and feel free.

I am so sick of everyone making excuses for these men. Yes, I know the have a RIGHT to have other wives. But the quran also says ONE IS BETTER. YEs, we can not they can not haev a wife but just because something is halal does not mean it is good for every person. Just because some people think it was sunnah does not mean evey man has to practice it.
I dotn even really believe it is something that is recommended for men to do.

Many people say oh we need keep a sunnah of the phropht alive we are doign a good thing.but this is my own opinion but how can somethign that distroys so many lives be a good thing and where do people get that this is sunnah. EVERYTHINg the phrophet did is not sunnah.

To be sunnah you have to get a reward for doing it. Sunnah includes any act performed by the Prophet. it also includes what he has stated or instructed. Sunnah are actions related to prayer and religious duties, and actions which relate to normal day-to-day activities of ordinary life. some are strongly recommended and their importance is emphasized in Hadith while others are not Hadith but we learn them from the Prophet's own actions. Even Sunnahs that are not mentioned in hadiths earns us a reward, if we perform it under the conditions and requirements any individual with the sincere intention of following the example of the Prophet. In his normal daily life, the Prophet may have done certain actions in a particular way. That does not mean that they constitute a Sunnah, unless he has backed these with a verbal recommendation or instruction.
Eating pumpkin seeds were one of the Phrophets favorite things to eat. I dont see many people screaming that men should eat pumpkin seeds. Is it a Sunnah to eat them? What if a person does not like their taste? Is he at fault? The answer is that it is not a Sunnah to eat pumpkins and a person who goes through life without tasting pumpkins misses no reward and will not be asked about this by Allah.

We have no Hadith or statement by the Prophet to suggest that marrying more than one woman is recommended. No companion of the Prophet tells us that the Prophet questioned himabout having only one wife or suggested to him that he should marry again. That always came from the man himself. Prophet did not persuade any of his companions to marry a second time. In FACT he advised against it. remember when Ali wanted to take another wife. The phrophet was against it. Do you think that because he was married to his daughter was the only reason. NO, because he did not show favortism. He would not say well All the Other women in the world can suffer great pain but not my daughter. HE told Ali when you hurt her you husr me, or somethign to that affect. Now does this mean that her pain is greater than ours. No it means he knew that this lifestyle creats deep and lasting pain for the woman. HE did not want his daughter to suffer. However there are many things in Islam that we do that can cause us pain, But we DO get rewards for it. Like fasting, staying up all night praying, Changing our faith to become muslim. Many times we lose our families oour friends, our children, But we are not suppose to let that pain stand in our way because the reward is much greater than the pain. if this was a part of Islam that gave us rewards for doing it he would not have stopped Ali. Many time the Phrophet told us we will suffer and we would have hard times. HE encouraged us to go throught hem because the reward was so much greater. Do you honestly think he would tell a person, not just any person but ALI, his cousin, not to get a reward from Allah...NO!!

we can say that this is a question left to theindividual; he may marry two or three or four women, but it is open to him to limit his marriage to one woman.

The Prophet lived with his first wife for 25 years without marrying a second woman. Ten of these 25years were after he became a Prophet. It is only in the last tenyears or so of his life that he was married to more than one wife.Which one of the two situations is a Sunnah? they cant both be sunnah. An dif they are then Why must we suppot polgamy. Meaning if a mongmous marriage will get a person just as many rewards.


Wednesday, March 07, 2007

I want to fall in love

Do you remember the feeling you had when you first got married. How you were so happy and everything your husband did was cute. How you both went out of your way to make each other happy. I remember my husband used to watch me sleep. He used to hold me all night or rub my arms. we would talk late at night adn laugh about everything.

I want that feeling again. I want to feel like I am special. I want to have something new and exciting. I want to want flowers just because. I want to hear the words I love you and feel butterflies. I want my husband to look at me lik ehe used to. I want to look at him like I used to.
I want to feel the newness. I want to be touched and have it feel like it used to . Not know each and every touch, kiss and move.
I want something new.

Why does he get this again and not us. Dont we get bored.
dont they get old too. dont we have desires. I know I do. I know every woman is not the same a dsome may not feel the same way I do but for those of us that do. When do we get to feel the way we used to feel.
When do we get to fall in love again.

Sunday, March 04, 2007



we talked yesterday and we decided that is would be better if she did not come here to live, at least for now. We decided that after he comes hee in April and stays his 72 days he will go back to Egypt And we will have our visits ever 30 days. That way it will be a bit more barable. I am happy for this. Although Idid want my husband here with me I REALLY did not want to live with a co-wife.
I am so looking forward to his visit now. My mind feels
free from much anxiety now. I was worring myself to death about all of this. Now i can think of some other things.
I will be going to an Arabic class starting Friday. This will make me feel alot better. I moved here hoping to learn Arabic but it is veryhard to do it. There are not may classes for women. Honestly, there are not many classes for anything. I had more oppertunities to learn Islam in the states.
I have to really say My talk with my husband went well. He said he finally sees that everything is not about him and his needs and what he does affects other people. He apoligises to me and my kids for everything he has done and the bad choices he made that hurt all of us.
They were so happy. They talked about things they can do to fix problem they are having and way they can become closer. This I feel is a good start if he can follow up on all of this when he gets here.
He really feels bad now for not thinking all this through. HE said he should have talked to me more and we should have planned this new marriage and not just him jummping into it like he did.
The fact is it is done. However, I kind of feel like she may get tired of the arrangement soon. I do not think she thought about what she was getting herself into marrying a man that was already married.
I do not think she thought she was going to have to share him
This is what happened last time and that is why the marriage did not work. For some reason they just think I will go
The first one was happy until it was my time. She had a fit and moved out of the house while he was with me. Then asked him why did he marry her if he was goign to stay with me. He asked her why she married him knowing he had another wife. I was like what did she think i was just a wife in name only i did not matter to him. i was like he got married to you because of one simple fact.......HELLO BECAUSE HE WANTED 2 WIVES!! they do not see that. I think they just see that they are getting a husband. Not that they have to share a husband. After the oh i am married wears off they see that he is not just married to another woman but he loves them and they are not going anywhere.
My husband get 3 hours on the net a day. Somethims we do not get that because of things we have to do. When he comes here he will get 10 hours to talk to her however he wants. during the week he cannot talk to her while I am home. On the weekend he can talk to her anytime he wants but it has to be the way I do it. In less it is important I do not talk to him after Ishaa. That is her time. I know it is after mahgrib but their mahgrib is my Ishaa so it is really Mahgrib for him. I hope she will do the same. Last time she was calling in the middle of the night and early in the morning. It drove me crazy. He said he will talk to her and make set times for them to talk.
I am thinking about spending some time in egypt this summer. My job gives us air fare back home for summer break. I do not want to go home so I may go there. I am also thinking of maye using the money to take a trip somewhere. I dont know any one have any ideas.........

Thursday, March 01, 2007


I am starting a new way of looking at things. I dont know how long it will last but I will try this out for a while.

I will not bother with things that do not concern me.
meaning I will not allow my husband to talk about his wife wiht me. No talkign about bringing her here, no talks about what he ate for dinner, no talks about going anywhere nothing about his life there.

When he is here I will focus on only us. I will not allow him to talk to her while i am at home. I work 10 hrs a day that is enought time for him to talk to her ont he phone, computer or whatever they want to do. My time is for me.

I will not compare what he does with her vs what he does with me. We have seperate lives and very different lives.
Deep down i love my life. I do not want to trade anything except my co i will be greatful for what i have
i will be happy with what i have and do ot have.
I will think good thoughts
not things that will hurt me

like i said this may only last a day but who knows it may just work. if it doesnot at least i tried.